I can't think of a better day to update this old thread. Today is my 12 year anniversary of sobriety. It's also the day my daughter Stormy Marie, saved my life when she was born 10/18/2011. But she is only one of my many blessings.
You guys may remember that this thread was started in a time of great worry and uncertainty when my wife and children were just beginning our battle against my wife's newly diagnosed stage IV NETs cancer. Shortly thereafter, I kind of disappeared for a while. It was a dramatic shift in life and things once thought to be priorities were set aside as new things took their place. We spent much of this time hopping from one surgery or treatment to the next. I spent much of this time grieving over things previously taken for granted. I committed myself to doing whatever I had to do to take care of my wife and kids while trying to some how repair or make up for all of my past mistakes....and while it was completely worth it, it came with a cost.
I pretty much quit working out. I mean, I would get to the gym, but only here and there and only enough to help manage my stress. I didn't care though because my heartache, guilt and pain was starting to diminish because I became deathly focused on making every day count for my wife, children, and our future. Over the next 5 1/2 years, we would see challenge after challenge and setback after setback. My wife was dealing with every up and down that came her way and thankfully was still willing to allow me to show her I was making the changes she needed from me and the changes the kids needed from me to be the husband and father they should have always had. Lord knows she could have left a thousand times...after all...dealing with me sober was really tough for her. It was enlightening for me though....I saw how shitty I actually was. Every flaw was glaringly obvious and self-medicating was not an option. The only other option was focusing on bettering myself for them.
I was going to do this no matter what. My father raised me to keep my word and be the way a man needs to be no matter how long it takes. Always finish what you start...and do it right. Even if you fuck it up a thousand times. So...with daily introspection and my best attribute...stubborn persistence I spent time tending to my wife, my kids, and my education. By August 2019, I managed to graduate with a 4.0 gpa and obtain my Masters of Science for Addiction Counseling. I then set my sights on getting my Registered Nurses license reinstated (which I had lost because of my addiction). This past March, the Texas Board of Nursing granted me my license to practice as an RN again. It came with a lot of stipulations...including a) being monitored for 2 years, b) may only hold one nursing job for the first year, c) may not work night shift, d) may not work overtime, e) must make place of employment aware of board order, f) much check in daily for random urine drug screens (weekly x 3mo, biweekly x 9mo, monthly x 12 mo), g) may not pass narcotics to patients for first year, h) must be directly supervised by someone of RN level i) must report to the BON quarterly x 2 years...and so on. Imagine getting a damn job with all that nonsense....ITS NOT EASY. Some how though, the very same day my license became officially active, I landed a Psych RN job...on top of that...the director of nursing who hired me...WENT THROUGH THE EXACT SAME SITUATION AS I A DECADE EARLIER. She is now my mentor.
My wife is still dealing with her cancer...some days are better than others...some are God aweful. She will live many years with her type of cancer...its is very insidious...mostly affecting her through her hormones. Eventually the hormone dumping will scar her heart enough and she will likely succumb to congestive heart failure...but NO TIME SOON. Its really not bad now. She is doing well. My children are thriving. I am killing it in my career...and am about to begin school to become an advanced practice RN...or Nurse Practicioner for short. Today we count our blessings. We take nothing for granted. We don't stop. We don't quit. We take time to smell the roses. Its so odd how things have a way of working out just as they should.
Thank you all for your prayers. This brotherhood is something special. Thanks for everything!
BN