Acceptance.
Having the introspection to know that you do not have “what it takes”
to look like what you would like to look like. Or to be as strong as you
would like to be, or envision yourself being.
That to me was the hardest part. Accepting. And I dare say, it still is.
I some strange way I still, occasionally, believe, mistakenly, that that
by sheer will, force, consistency, along with the right exercise, sets
and reps, that I will somehow, thirty odd years later, meaningfully alter
how I look, morph myself into this idealized vision I have long held.
Intellectually I know better, emotionally it’s a crap shoot sometimes.
But the sad, or not so sad realization is that no matter how long I live,
or how long I train, I am what I am and nothing I do will alter my God
given genetics; my metabolism, how and where I store fat, the shape
of my muscles, my height, etc., etc. . . . Knowing that is very valuable,
but better yet, believing it is priceless.
Does that mean I should stop training? Hell no. I train because it is,
after all these years, a part of me and who I am. I love lifting weights
and I suppose I always will. I enjoy having a modicum of control over
my vanity, and a larger control over my health and well-being. But I
must approach it rationally, and that can be difficult in bodybuilding,
because bodybuilding it is rarely driven by rational thoughts, mostly
driven by ego, vanity, and self-doubt. All of which I sometimes feel I
hold the corner of the market on . . .
My dead Dad told me when I started “bodybuilding” that I was reaching
in the wrong direction. He said “. . . look at me, look at your Mom, look
at others in our family, right or wrong, that is your destiny . . .” “Make
the most of what you have and be happy with it.” Those words were not
intended to be discouraging, they were intended be inject a bit of reality
into my present state of being. He saw the guzzling the p rotein drinks,
the handfuls of vitamins, the force feedings, the endless reading of body-
building books and magazines, the too heavy weights that were literally
breaking me instead building me, the aches and pains; all of which I
thought to be the road to success, and in some small way they were as
they brought me back to where I am today, and I am more than happy
with that, thank you very much.
I have said here many times that I have the ideal lifestyle for bodybuilding:
the dieting, the cardio, the lifting, the motivation, the outside interests,
the money . . . all of which I have never lacked for but what I did not have
for the too many years in my youth (which untold hours of wish full thinking
were squandered in retrospect) was the introspection and the acceptance
that I would never look how I wanted to look. I thought I came close when
I was younger, and I have been chasing that glimpse ever sense in one
way or another. (The avatar is of me a few years ago, in my mid-fifties.)
Like somebody once said “. . . the older I get the better I was.”
So . . . no sour grapes here. Just the sound realization that weight training,
bodybuilding, call it what you like, has given me more than it has taken from
me and for that I am grateful.
It’s too bad that s teroids did not make the “What's the most difficult part
of bodybuilding?” list because in my simple mind, that would easily be the
most difficult part of the current bodybuilding scene such as it is. For reasons
of morality, availability, cost, health issues, legality, and authenticity which
contributes to more then it’s fair share of problems as has got to be the most
difficult part given the availability and their wide spread use and acceptance.
They (s teroids) have the ability to do more in regards to transforming your
physique than everything else on the list put together. Yes, they work that
well . . . up to a point. Then all those other things come into play and play
an ever increasing role of importance, with all being equally important, no
one being more or less important than the other but all of which ignore what
I think most often overlook or ignored, and that is once again acceptance.
Acceptance of the cards that you have been dealt and not trying to be some-
thing you will never be regardless of what you get, how much you lift or what
you “take”. It does not take thirty odd years to find this out. We all intuitively
know this, and know it quickly, but most of us (myself included) refuse to
believe it, chose to ignore the obvious, think we are somehow different, allow
ourselves to be swayed by ego, jealousy, hatred, pride, and the commercial
interests that prey on these human qualities and the one-in-a-million success
stories that you could be part of. Sure.
And one thing I am glad I did not try when I was younger is s teroids as I surely
would have abused them, would now be one of the many hundreds of people
here that are dealing in one way or another with the adverse side effects.
And if you think otherwise, a brief perusal of the boards main topics, most
have to with s teroid problems . . . not solutions. At the time when they would
have done me any “good” I was too afraid, too cheap, and did not know
the right people. I had zero moral issues with then then, just as I have no
moral issues with them now. Too each their own; just don’t make your
problems my problems.
I have said more than I wanted to say, but once I turn on the faucet it’s
hard to turn off so my apologies for taking the long way in saying . . .
acceptance was the hard part for me . . . making the most with what you
have and be happy with it . . . while doing no harm in the meantime.