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- Mar 26, 2008
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So lately, Ive been really enjoying writing words…and so here in this thread I will “teach” you how to manipulate water and how to look YOUR best on beach day or pool party or WHATEVER event you may need to attend in which it is acceptable to have on very little clothing.
So lets just say… youre chillin at your boy Mike’s on a nice Sunday night and you hear of a pool party at your homie Joe’s crib next Saturday afternoon…and youre currently bloated to all fucking hell because of all the beer you been chuggin’ and all the Doritos you’ve been piling down the hatchet…
So in lesser words…you look like god awful shit and you need to “tighten dat ass up” in 6 fucking days…
So what do you do? Well to begin with, what you must first understand…is the power of water. Water is extremely powerful. I will tell you how to manipulate it. Read very closely ;-)
The more water you drink, the more water you EXPEL from your own body.
That’s right….
If you drink 1 gallon of water, you will expel “X”.
If you drink 1.5 gallons of water, you will expel “Y”
If you drink 2 gallons of water, you will expel “Z”
The effect also has compounding effects the longer and longer you drink whatever amount of water for X amount of days. What do I mean by that? If you drink 1.5 gallons of water for 4 days straight, you will expel and keep off “Y” and you will never reach Z, unless you drank 2 gallons for 4 days straight.
Also, Sodium has a direct effect on the expelling of water from your body. Sodium is OUR kryptonite. It must be consumed in very small amounts during this entire process. Understand?
Now that you understand, you must now pick your level of power.
Pick X, Y, or Z.
Depending on which level of water power you choose, the BETTER you will look on Saturday at Joe’s pool party, but it is mandatory that you stick to your power for the entire first 5 days…so choose wisely!
So lets proceed !
So…you go to sleep Sunday night. You wake up Monday morning and jesus christ…you resemble the Michelin Man… So then youre like…what do I eat for breakfast, Im starving… LMAO!
Youre a bloated fuck and youre starving? Hilarious !
You don’t eat. You don’t eat for the entire day. Start chugging hella diet green tea or brewed sugar free tea and you finish X, Y, or Z before the day is over. Right before you go to bed, you take 3 grams Vitamin C.
Tuesday, viola, you will look much more improved…but you still look like shit.
So for breakfast, you have yourself 3 eggs and a side of asparagus or spinach, or both (Asparagus and Spinach both have awesome diuretic effects)
Oh and a nice strong ass cup of coffee, like….dark as fuck with either splenda or stevia, no regular sugar
Lunch? 8oz of any Lean meat (lean steak, boiled chicken, tilapia, turkey) and Asparagus or Spinach.
Now its almost evening, and youre getting the itch to work out…what do you work out? No muscles.
Grab yourself a low calorie Gatorade, and a single banana. Eat the banana and go to the gym.
Pick your favorite low-intensity cardio machine and bang out 40 minutes, while you drink your Gatorade.
Get home. Have the same thing you had for lunch, but instead eat MORE asparagus or spinach.
Make sure you finish your power level of tea and take your 3 grams of Vitamin C and go to sleep.
Do the same thing for Wednesday and Thursday, EXACTLY to the tee as you did on Tuesday.
Friday…Friday is much more special
Water on Friday is CUT OFF at 5pm! NO MORE WATER AFTER 5PM! You chew on ice or gum if you are thirsty! This is mandatory!
On Friday, your breakfast is your favorite clean carbohydrate. This carbohydrate must have the following properties…If it does not have the following properties, you CANNOT choose such carbohydrate!
-Almost zero Fat. For every 40 grams of carb, it CANNOT contain more than 5 grams of fat. So for every 100 grams, it cannot have more than 15 grams of fat!
-Almost zero protein. Applies in the same manner as fat!
-Must NOT bloat you! This must be a carb that clears right thru you without bloat or gas! This is extremely important!
Now that you have chosen your carb…..
Breakfast = 100 grams
Lunch = 150 grams
Now this time, when you go to the gym, you are gonna LIFT!
Go into the gym on Friday night and you DESTROY chest, back, and abs!
Don’t even touch your arms as they will get hit secondarily.
Super set 15-20 sets of chest with 15-20 sets of back and you finish it off with 100 reps of your favorite ab work. This is it!
Now you go home and have 250 grams of your chosen carb.
Do not take Vitamin C on Friday night, just take your ass to bed!
What will occur on Saturday morning you ask?
Your muscles have been so flat during the week from low carbing and cardio, and then on Friday you tore the tissue. Then you proceeded to load your entire body with clean glycogen.
Since you made tiny microtears in your tissue, while you sleep…the body will load all of that tissue with clean glycogen and all of your body’s CURRENT water (which is not much, since you cut it off at 5pm).
When you wake up, you will look wayyyyy leaner, rounder, and more cut the fuck up than you did on Sunday night. I promise you.
One more tip!
Before you arrive at the pool party, take a HUGE shot of your most favorite clear liquor and within 5 minutes your veins will pop out like a mother!
Thank me later bros!
So lets just say… youre chillin at your boy Mike’s on a nice Sunday night and you hear of a pool party at your homie Joe’s crib next Saturday afternoon…and youre currently bloated to all fucking hell because of all the beer you been chuggin’ and all the Doritos you’ve been piling down the hatchet…
So in lesser words…you look like god awful shit and you need to “tighten dat ass up” in 6 fucking days…
So what do you do? Well to begin with, what you must first understand…is the power of water. Water is extremely powerful. I will tell you how to manipulate it. Read very closely ;-)
The more water you drink, the more water you EXPEL from your own body.
That’s right….
If you drink 1 gallon of water, you will expel “X”.
If you drink 1.5 gallons of water, you will expel “Y”
If you drink 2 gallons of water, you will expel “Z”
The effect also has compounding effects the longer and longer you drink whatever amount of water for X amount of days. What do I mean by that? If you drink 1.5 gallons of water for 4 days straight, you will expel and keep off “Y” and you will never reach Z, unless you drank 2 gallons for 4 days straight.
Also, Sodium has a direct effect on the expelling of water from your body. Sodium is OUR kryptonite. It must be consumed in very small amounts during this entire process. Understand?
Now that you understand, you must now pick your level of power.
Pick X, Y, or Z.
Depending on which level of water power you choose, the BETTER you will look on Saturday at Joe’s pool party, but it is mandatory that you stick to your power for the entire first 5 days…so choose wisely!
So lets proceed !
So…you go to sleep Sunday night. You wake up Monday morning and jesus christ…you resemble the Michelin Man… So then youre like…what do I eat for breakfast, Im starving… LMAO!
Youre a bloated fuck and youre starving? Hilarious !
You don’t eat. You don’t eat for the entire day. Start chugging hella diet green tea or brewed sugar free tea and you finish X, Y, or Z before the day is over. Right before you go to bed, you take 3 grams Vitamin C.
Tuesday, viola, you will look much more improved…but you still look like shit.
So for breakfast, you have yourself 3 eggs and a side of asparagus or spinach, or both (Asparagus and Spinach both have awesome diuretic effects)
Oh and a nice strong ass cup of coffee, like….dark as fuck with either splenda or stevia, no regular sugar
Lunch? 8oz of any Lean meat (lean steak, boiled chicken, tilapia, turkey) and Asparagus or Spinach.
Now its almost evening, and youre getting the itch to work out…what do you work out? No muscles.
Grab yourself a low calorie Gatorade, and a single banana. Eat the banana and go to the gym.
Pick your favorite low-intensity cardio machine and bang out 40 minutes, while you drink your Gatorade.
Get home. Have the same thing you had for lunch, but instead eat MORE asparagus or spinach.
Make sure you finish your power level of tea and take your 3 grams of Vitamin C and go to sleep.
Do the same thing for Wednesday and Thursday, EXACTLY to the tee as you did on Tuesday.
Friday…Friday is much more special
Water on Friday is CUT OFF at 5pm! NO MORE WATER AFTER 5PM! You chew on ice or gum if you are thirsty! This is mandatory!
On Friday, your breakfast is your favorite clean carbohydrate. This carbohydrate must have the following properties…If it does not have the following properties, you CANNOT choose such carbohydrate!
-Almost zero Fat. For every 40 grams of carb, it CANNOT contain more than 5 grams of fat. So for every 100 grams, it cannot have more than 15 grams of fat!
-Almost zero protein. Applies in the same manner as fat!
-Must NOT bloat you! This must be a carb that clears right thru you without bloat or gas! This is extremely important!
Now that you have chosen your carb…..
Breakfast = 100 grams
Lunch = 150 grams
Now this time, when you go to the gym, you are gonna LIFT!
Go into the gym on Friday night and you DESTROY chest, back, and abs!
Don’t even touch your arms as they will get hit secondarily.
Super set 15-20 sets of chest with 15-20 sets of back and you finish it off with 100 reps of your favorite ab work. This is it!
Now you go home and have 250 grams of your chosen carb.
Do not take Vitamin C on Friday night, just take your ass to bed!
What will occur on Saturday morning you ask?
Your muscles have been so flat during the week from low carbing and cardio, and then on Friday you tore the tissue. Then you proceeded to load your entire body with clean glycogen.
Since you made tiny microtears in your tissue, while you sleep…the body will load all of that tissue with clean glycogen and all of your body’s CURRENT water (which is not much, since you cut it off at 5pm).
When you wake up, you will look wayyyyy leaner, rounder, and more cut the fuck up than you did on Sunday night. I promise you.
One more tip!
Before you arrive at the pool party, take a HUGE shot of your most favorite clear liquor and within 5 minutes your veins will pop out like a mother!
Thank me later bros!
