For those of you who are newer guys to the board you probably don't know me or my history on the board. For that purpose I will tell my story as a way to list my credentials if you will in order to assist and participate in this great thread.
I was married for 17 years with 3 children to a women who was a PM featured member and figure competitor. We shared a lot of how we lived our life with the board. On the surface we encompassed all that was right about the Bodybuilding lifestyle. Good looking couple, good looking kids, well above average income, nice house....etc. We did a lot of things together and were generally seen as the model, happily married couple.
I was aware that we had some problems and under the surface all was not as well as it seemed but in my worst nightmare I had no idea the nightmare that was awaiting me. Through the years I had gotten so involved in my own issues and selfishness that I had no idea how unhappy my wife was. I never fixed stuff with myself or my marriage. I don't really think I cared enough about it to even realize there were problems. All the signs were there but man I was so far gone and off the deepened that I was just not seeing it. Long story short one day in late May of 2010 after a brutal fight were many boundaries were trampled she broke down and cried one last time. She asked me to leave the room so she could compose herself. A few minutes later she called me and said this is the last time, she has ceased all feelings for me, she no longer loved me, and she wanted a divorce. After a few days of more arguing and me trying to get her to see things my way I finally said to heck with it and packed my bags and moved to Jacksonville. I was pretty sure after 18 years together that within a few days she would miss me and I would be back. Well it never happened she moved on and I was stuck with the utter reality of where my life was and where it was going.
I rented a small apartment at the beach (The Beach Pad) and I pretty much slipped into a deep depression. Though there were some okay times the reality set in that I had lost my wife, kids, house, and general way of life. I was now living in a small beach pad in a shady area at best. With the constant influx of creepy people walking around at all hours of the night my beloved German Shepherd Dogs were miserable and nervous all the time. Not to mention the next door neighbor had 2 large male Pit bulls. We had to share the backyard and coordinate a schedule. I wasn’t having much luck financially either. I wasn’t making much money, my expenses in Jacksonville and sending money to Orlando to pay the expenses was destroying my savings, I was sinking fast and finding it harder and harder to get out of bed every day. I sometimes would spend days in the apartment without showering, brushing my teeth, and never coming out. I barely talked to the kids or my estranged wife.
Around this time one day walking on the beach I met a beautiful, young girl named Martina. She was very persistent to talk to me though I tried to keep walking. She was asking me questions about my dogs, about diet, training, and then eventually she asked me if I wanted to go to church with her. At that point in my life I was like why not. I attended the service and it was like no other I had ever been to. There were young and old of every walk of life. The music was really good and the sermon was very informative. I was really surprised about how cool and normal everything was. After the service she introduced me to her friends they invited me to come to a devotional bible study the following Saturday. At that point in my life I couldn’t imagine anything more boring than a Bible study but for whatever reason I couldn’t say no. The following Saturday I met up with the group at Panera Bread. Once again not knowing what to expect I was very surprised at not only how interesting it was but also how supportive. I really felt the bond with the group especially one guy in particular (Estavon). When he told his tale I could really feel his pain. Later that night I got a call from Martina. It was a three way call with her and Estavon. He said “Hey I know you and I know your wife.” “My ex-wife is your ex-wife’s cousin.” That was very strange indeed and I did remember meeting him. As a matter of fact I knew his ex-wife since she was a little kid; she played “Here Comes the Bride” at my wedding when she was like 14. I started spending time with Martina walking down the beach and discussing Christianity and my plight. That same group would sometimes meet on Monday nights for a spaghetti dinner. I started spending more and more time with them. Martina also started suggesting I start volunteering and donating my time to charitable events. It got to the point where I wouldn’t even ask, she would just pick me up and we would go somewhere and work. I started to realize the power of doing for others and living your life on earth as the Bible says to live it. I decided to become a born again Christian.
Around November of 2010 I reconnected with Jason (Iabadman) we would talk for hours on the phone. One night in particular we talked for 4 hours. I was really starting to see things with a much clearer perspective at this point. I realized it was not any one thing, my ex-wife, etc… that had plunged me to rock bottom. One night I wrote down every mistake I felt I made in the last 10 years. I was headed in the right direction but by no means was I cured. I had better days but I still had bad days. The disconnect with my children had left me very sad and I spent many nights crying in my apartment. Being able to speak with Jason on regular basis during these times as well as interacting with Martina and the gang really helped to get me through. The holidays were the toughest. I didn’t see the kids for Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, or Christmas. I really didn’t want to see anyone for Thanksgiving. Martina kept inviting me and I kept ignoring her. Finally she said if I didn’t come over she was going to come over and get me. She also explained to me that being sad and miserable was what Satan would want for me to be. (I understand and respect that we are all not Christians here). It made sense to me so I accepted her invite as well as 2 others that were before and after her time allotted. Though I missed my kids terribly being around friends and later talking to Jason helped me get through the holidays.
Right before Christmas my dogs got into a fight with the neighbor’s Pitt Bulls. It was on a Sunday; I was watching football and planning on attending church in the evening. The neighbor was drinking with some buddies and watching football. He then left but unbeknown to me he left his dogs in the backyard. Before I left for Church I let the dogs out to use the bathroom and then bring them in when I left. Off course when my 2 GSD came upon the 2 Pits the fight was on. With no neighbor or anyone else for that matter to help it was me and 4 dogs in the backyard. I tried my best to grab my dogs and get them in the house but they were too elusive for me. I managed to get one in the house but with my back turned one of the Pits blasted me from behind. He severely bit the back of my left leg. The impact and soft sand twisted my knee and knocked me down. Know on my back the Pit started to pounce only to be intercepted by my one dog that crashed through the back door. When I got to my feet I was able to grab a large stick, restore order, and get my dogs in the house. My dog that saved me was so upset she started throwing up all over the apartment. For those of us that hit rock bottom there is always that point when one knows they have hit the bottom. At that point if someone would have handed me a gun at that point I can’t say I wouldn’t have blown my head off. Bleeding and broken I dropped to my knees and began to sob and cry. How did I get from where I was to living in a place where I was bitten by a Pit Bull. I was angry, sad, broken, and ready to thrown in the towel. I tried to call my ex-wife to rant and rave at her that this was her fault and how could she of done this to me. Thankfully she didn’t pick up the phone. I for sure wasn’t going to go to church. I had briefly forgotten about all the work I had done on myself, my faith, talking with Jason. I called down enough to attend church for whatever reason. All the while questioning how did I end up in this awful place? The Holidays everything….. The service at the church that night was being in the wrong place at the wrong time and though one thinks they are in the wrong place at the wrong time God may have put you in the right place at the right time. The rest of the sermon could have been directed at me from that point on. As crazy as it seemed I knew something good was going to happen. I remember calling Jason later that night and tell him all about the day’s events.
Unbeknownst to me, my ex-wife wanted to move out of the house for to be fair will just say for greener pastures. I am sure she was in a rock and a hard place at that time, how do you call up your ex-husband and kids father and tell them that. When she found out about the dog bite I think this gave her a reason. She called me and said “Why don’t you get out of there, I will move out and you can move in with the kids.” At first I didn’t think I heard her right. Then when I did I got back to Orlando as soon as I could. For a buffer and getting used to period they came and stayed with me for the New Year. Then right after the first I moved back in.
When my kids were first told of the news they were a little skeptical. The boys missed me but they hadn’t seen me in a while and their last memories weren’t the best to say the least. My daughter cried and openly objected. She said her and I were never that close and she didn’t really want to live with me. I took it in stride though; I knew it was going to be a challenge. I had barely spoken to them in 8 months and as my daughter said her and I had grown further apart through the years. During that buffer time I talked to each of them. I told them that I had no idea what my return to Orlando was going to be where I was going to work, etc…. All I knew was that I missed them terribly, I loved them deeply, and I just wanted to be their dad.
Flash forward to today. My daughter and I are closer then we have ever been. We have a great bond. We discuss everything and she is the lady of the house helping me get through. My sons and I though always close are closer now. My relationship with kids is better now than it ever was. I am a better father now than I ever was. Our family is tighter now than maybe ever. We do everything together every Saturday Night we have Pizza night. I give each of them equal time in things that they are interested in. I sign their papers, get them off to school in the AM, I cook their dinner, pack their lunches, and make their breakfast. I do this while working 6 days a week, still train in the gym, and walk my dogs 4 miles every morning…….. And I absolutely love it, am grateful, and thank God for it each day. I will never complain or take it for granted again because I was on the other side.
Professionally I started with sub-contractor to the local cable company. It was the bottom level job but I didn’t compare I would of taken anything. They had just gotten the contract and were in a little bit of disarray. After about a week on the job I approached them. I told them I had an engineering background and I had written many programs. I said I think I could help them get a little more organized. They told me to come in Monday at 7:00AM and they were willing to listen. Within days I had a lot of the procedures and routing engineered much tighter. They were pretty happy with everything and seemed to like me so they promoted me to Supervisor. I then wrote some programs for them that greatly increased productivity. As of now that want to now use this office and my programs and procedures as the model for their offices throughout the country. They have really taken great care of me as well. They let me be a Supervisor half of the time and the other half I work at home on engineering stuff.
Romantically I have been seeing a girl that I have really fallen for. She is totally different than any women I have known. I have no idea what she looks like to the rest of the world I only know that I am so attracted to what is on the inside of her that I find her to be absolutely beautiful on the outside. She doesn’t have fake boobs, doesn’t compete in figure or fitness, she is not a model, she doesn’t even go to the gym and I could care less. I am crazy about her. Maybe one day I will post a picture but it wouldn’t be to impress anyone with look how hot the chick is I am dating it would just to let you know who I am talking about.
So my life right now is really good. I thank God for that every day. I take nothing for granted, I give thanks, and I try to serve others and put everyone first ahead of me. I long for nothing material could care less about money and I am content with what only I need. I love Jason deeply and consider him a brother. He was with me for many of these highs and lows. I think this thread is an excellent idea and resource. I would be honored to contribute to it. I think I can relate to many of you in many ways and if you have specific questions for me by all means ask them on here and I will do my best to answer them. I also will constantly check this thread, read the posts and contribute when I think I could help.
Much love to you all and God Bless you
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