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religion vs self awareness

lyndonlawrence

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Oct 4, 2013
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please don't attack each other for personal beliefs in this thread. sate your side, your beliefs and what works for you.
I am looking for help. not arguments.
a few of you all may have read months ago that I am rededicating my self to my wife and trying to be trustworthy after a long battle with my past.
I had a religious customer in my shop this week who helped me with my anguish that I cannot let my shame and guilt go from my own bad decisions and those of a crappy childhood where my ,mother would preach to me and send me to church regularly but bring several men home and married a few. I was on my own at 12 even though I lived in the house. I have never been faitful to my dear wife who still loves me and now I am trying to love her. I don't trust anyone never have due to the past.
He told me to cast the past in the sea of forgetfulness because satan uses it against me to lead me into bad habits. the I went to church this morning and the sermon was on Cast off your burdens and follow Jesus , his yoke is light and burdens few. talk about kismet!!! Then, after church, I had a long drive to make for work and asked God , why I have had so many revelations and de ja vu this week? No sooner did I ask that I was passing a car with a license plate with my wife's name on it. "Trina's" how freaky is that?
so I can hear a good message, plan to implement it, want to implement it bt when I wake or hours go by, I feel horrible again and want to pursue bad behavior. I may be mentally deficient or ill but would like to reach out here to see what works for you.
I have had a road to Damascus in my life but it was such a "high" it lasted a week and got me out of the navy on a psyche discharge a year early and in time to meet my wife of thirty years in a town I hadn't lived in since I was 6. im scared to "buy" into religion again.
Thanks brothers
 
sorry for the typos

I didn't proof read at all. please try between the lines a little or ask for clarity. I don't have edit options
 
I don't believe in accidents or coincidences. It appears to me that you asked and received. :) And your sadness will not up and leave on its own. It will take work and time if you're willing to invest. Good luck, brother and I hope that you find the happiness and peace that you're seeking.
 
I don't believe in accidents or coincidences. It appears to me that you asked and received. :) And your sadness will not up and leave on its own. It will take work and time if you're willing to invest. Good luck, brother and I hope that you find the happiness and peace that you're seeking.

Ironic,
I sat in the pew long after the service crying. my wife asked if I want to go down front? I thought, I am not ready for that kind of work. I am sorry. I guess but I don't really like the church we are in and didn't want to be with some of those people. is that bad?
 
Of course not! I find churches to be a bit... off-putting. LOL! Baby steps, pal. Being there is good enough.
 
Start with what is written in the New Testament. Organized religion seems to be such a mess these days that I don't even go. I have such a hardened heart from some bad advice given by a trusted pastor over 21 years ago, that I still won't step into church for anything besides weddings and funerals. Still though - I believe in God, I believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and I believe in what the Bible says. I may not always 'live it', but it is in my heart. According to the Bible, we are supposed to go to church and fellowship with other believers, but for me, I just don't trust 'man' (pastors, preachers, whatever). Believe in God, believe in forgiveness, and then see where you are guided after that.

That's just my past and my experience, so far, so do with it what you may. I'm still looking for where my convictions are going to take me next since my wife and son started going to church with my mom recently.
 
whats funny

is I have started to attend church as a way of showing my love and dedication for her since she teaches a sunday school class there and its me that's being bombarded with signals!! you never know ice.
 
I always thought it was a pain to get up and go to church on Sundays. So, I took my wife this morning after not sleeping to good last night. I feel asleep and my wife punch me in the ribs in church. I was right about my intuitions. :D
 
is I have started to attend church as a way of showing my love and dedication for her since she teaches a sunday school class there and its me that's being bombarded with signals!! you never know ice.

If you feel it's a sign, then don't just follow it - run to it! Obviously the woman loves you to no end, and it really sounds like your own personal convictions are telling you to pursue it hard... just like you've been doing with your body for quite some time now. ;) Need I say more?
 
I always thought it was a pain to get up and go to church on Sundays. So, I took my wife this morning after not sleeping to good last night. I feel asleep and my wife punch me in the ribs in church. I was right about my intuitions. :D

I used to nod off a bit too. :eek: I like that lady of yours though! :D
 
I have battled with this myself. Brought up going to church but dislike it from a young age. I decided when I was 13 that I wanted to get baptized. (I was when I was born but I didn't make that choice). When the pastor pulled me back up from being submerged, the feeling was indescribable. I asked my parents to continue to take me to church for a while and then stopped a couple of months later. I am 26 now and have just recently started to read the bible and truly believe. I have always felt something was there, a higher power if you must, but I wouldn't call it god/Jesus for a while. Now as I sit back and really look back at the times I had no faith I can see that god was with me the whole time, through drug addiction, to deployments. Things I haven't should have come out off. But like most have said I don't go to church either. I have a bible app on my phone so I can read, when I don't feel like reading I have an audible version of the bible and an app that sends me a daily verse at 9am. Baby steps I think is the best way to go for you OP. Read the bible when you start to feel weak. Ask for strength and ask for forgiveness. He will give you that and soon you won't have those feelings anymore. Your on the right track. Hope you the best. And I will keep you in my prayers.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
I'd say, listen to or see what you're being shown and act on it.

Whether it's God, or just that you are finally aware enough to see the "signs" that you love your wife...it doesn't matter what you name it. Awareness, Enlightenment, God, luck, etc. Fact is, it's there for you to see and choose to act on.

Those people at church? You don't need their approval or their judgement, so don't let them determine how you act. You are there for you, for your wife. Not anyone else, or their opinion of your situation. It's in your hands alone to choose how to move forward and what to believe. As long as whatever it is, supports your efforts to be the man you want to be, then I'd say keep on doing/believing it.
 
Start with what is written in the New Testament. Organized religion seems to be such a mess these days that I don't even go. I have such a hardened heart from some bad advice given by a trusted pastor over 21 years ago, that I still won't step into church for anything besides weddings and funerals. Still though - I believe in God, I believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and I believe in what the Bible says. I may not always 'live it', but it is in my heart. According to the Bible, we are supposed to go to church and fellowship with other believers, but for me, I just don't trust 'man' (pastors, preachers, whatever). Believe in God, believe in forgiveness, and then see where you are guided after that.

That's just my past and my experience, so far, so do with it what you may. I'm still looking for where my convictions are going to take me next since my wife and son started going to church with my mom recently.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I myself am between churches right now from similar experiences with people that run them. But you have to remember as a follower of Christ you're called to be salt for the earth and light for the darkness. A church should be a hospital for sinners, not a reunion for saints so you have to remind yourself that we are all human, we are all flawed and sometimes being the light in a dark place means going to church to be an example for others :) And yes, I also need to take my own advice, haha.
 
wow

I totally understand where you're coming from. I myself am between churches right now from similar experiences with people that run them. But you have to remember as a follower of Christ you're called to be salt for the earth and light for the darkness. A church should be a hospital for sinners, not a reunion for saints so you have to remind yourself that we are all human, we are all flawed and sometimes being the light in a dark place means going to church to be an example for others :) And yes, I also need to take my own advice, haha.
thats the nail right under the hammer!!!
this church is so inbred it seems. it has a lot of relatives so i dont wanna be the prodigal son but youre right, they know i havent attended regular over our 30 years in the church we were wed in. im not hiding anything . they must know i dont necessarily live in the light. i will continue to follow this course. i feel like i will get laughed at and scorned but hey, what have i put my wife through these years with many knowing what ive done and looking at her. i must be made to feel as bad as what ive done to her. you guys ought to meet her. she is one of the gentlest kindest wisest people i have ever known.
i appreciate every one of you guys. you all have meant so much to me in this discussion and opened up the path that seems to be where my feet need to lead. I have "bought in" to the secularist views for so long as i watched people make fun of christians and have joined them in their beliefs. but alas it has led me to where i am now. mean, angry frustrated and spiritually dead. I am going the other way now.
 
thats the nail right under the hammer!!!
this church is so inbred it seems. it has a lot of relatives so i dont wanna be the prodigal son but youre right, they know i havent attended regular over our 30 years in the church we were wed in. im not hiding anything . they must know i dont necessarily live in the light. i will continue to follow this course. i feel like i will get laughed at and scorned but hey, what have i put my wife through these years with many knowing what ive done and looking at her. i must be made to feel as bad as what ive done to her. you guys ought to meet her. she is one of the gentlest kindest wisest people i have ever known.
i appreciate every one of you guys. you all have meant so much to me in this discussion and opened up the path that seems to be where my feet need to lead. I have "bought in" to the secularist views for so long as i watched people make fun of christians and have joined them in their beliefs. but alas it has led me to where i am now. mean, angry frustrated and spiritually dead. I am going the other way now.

Lyndon, I was going to sit back and watch this but wanted to share. Don't put your faith in the pastor, the deacons, the congregation or anybody in the church, put your faith, everything in Christ alone. That is one of the biggest misconceptions that people in the secular world have, they want to judge Christianity on people who play church. I must warn you brother, DO NOT play church. All in or none! Be either hot or cold my man. The hardest part of giving your life to Christ is the letting go of.....you. When Paul said "I die daily", he meant that he died to his selfish desires everyday to serve Christ and do what He wanted. You ARE doing the right things brother, progressive sanctification! When you truly give your life to Christ, when you are born again of Spirit, the Holy Spirit dwells within you and begins an amazing work. The instant you give it to Him, and accept Him as your savior who died for your sins and rose after 3 days, you are sanctified. The rest of your life is progressive sanctification brother, daily growth towards becoming like HIM. For many of us, it is a long arduous and sometimes painful process. The people who will be the most reluctant to your life change is........family and close friends. They know the OLD YOU, so it's harder to accept the NEW YOU. That's ok, you don't need their acceptance as you've been accepted by the creator of the universe! I don't know if you like to read, I HATE IT!!! BUT, I strongly recommend reading: Point Man by Steve Farrar
That book is absolutely amazing. It's short so it won't take too long. It was a tremendous help as I was going into marriage, clearly defining how a man of God should lead his family, kids and spouse and everything else.
Brother, I am adding you to my prayer list!
 
my testimony

has already helped those around me. I have proclaimed it to them naturally. sharing the self awareness and grace I am experiencing and they themselves ( 2 dear friends) have admitted that they also need to forgive themselves and feel better. its amazing what casual conversation can do without preaching to people.
 
ooops thanks richiec

a simple "like" button on your comment isn't sufficient when someone feels like you do to help others. thankyou.
 
has already helped those around me. I have proclaimed it to them naturally. sharing the self awareness and grace I am experiencing and they themselves ( 2 dear friends) have admitted that they also need to forgive themselves and feel better. its amazing what casual conversation can do without preaching to people.

a simple "like" button on your comment isn't sufficient when someone feels like you do to help others. thankyou.

Lyndon, thank you for sharing your story with us. Brother, "preaching" gets us no where fast. I commend you or sharing your faith, especially with friends. Casual conversation leads us to what people need and what's hurting, we can then share with them the greatest news of all. Much love to everyone who posted in here, keep living the faith brother!!!!!

Romans 1:16
 
I haven't darkened a church step in a few years. I've seen to much Churchianity and not Christianity. You've been given the path to follow. This can ruin new faith.

Except the invitation, love God, love others.
 

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