feelings & manhood

[thebrute]

recently i've made some good friends with whom i can connect with. but i also feel that as far as mental strength goes, they are a helluva lot stronger than i am and in a way that makes me feel "below them" or to put it bluntly "weak". i'm constantly reminded of things mentally i need to work on so much so that i rarely able to see how i'm progressing. my own mental strength is what stopping me from being a "complete" man and i know that i'm missin intensity and confidence in life...but not in the gym. in the gym i'm a different person...just tryin to combine the two confuses me at times and other times leaves me unsure. at lot of it comes from my upbringing of being sheltered and lack of life experience which i come to find out now and it sucks. it makes me feel that i haven't gone anywhere in life and achieved nothing. for one, when i have a problem, i can't get over it quickly and move on..i have a big problem there. my parents guilt-tripped me a lot when i was growing up...which is why i have problem gettin over fuck-up...they possess me for days and i try too hard at gettin over them. i also don't think before i act and sometimes don't think at all. not sure how to go about that one...

i just get confused on how to act and feel during most situations and a lot of times when i react to them, they end up being the wrong reaction. i also get confused on what a "man" should act or be like. but i see my friends as such and its because of the life experiences they have...does that mean that because i don't have life experience...i'm not a man? i see that being a man is about being confident and knowing your place and mission in the world and i can't seem to find my place or my mission in life...can anyone give insight into this...

 

[tattoojr]

O.K. I can tell you that being a man is taking responsibily for your actions, period. Being a man doesn't make you always right or even knowing what to do, its living with the choices you make and not whining about what happens when you are wrong. As far as confidence and " mental strength" confidence comes with experience and knowledge and not caring what others think about what you do. " Mental strength" is something new to me, if you are talking about problem solving or things to do with intellect then those are things that you can work on and if you improve on you problem solving your will gain confidence.If you feel below someone you will find it harder to reach their level, if they are belittling you to make you feel that way then I would find new freinds. This is just an opinion and use it as you will. J.R.

 

[wostok]

im not an expert on this... but try not to think so much, dont worry about little things... just try to have a good time and be yourself...

i often feel the same, i havent accomplised anything, im getting older and older and what have i done with my life... etc...

when i think about that shit i usually remind myself the only real assignment that every living creature on planet earth has... that is: EAT AND SHIT SO NEW LIFE CAN GROW... we are all just mother earths farmers... we eat lifeforms and then we shit them out and new life forms grows up from our shit, and they in their turn eat other lifeforms and shit them out and it goes on and on and on... thats how the planet is living... bringing up new life forms that can eat and shit so new stuff grows up, even if you havent accomplished anything by human standards you still have taken a shit every day and done your part for mother earth just like you supposed too... and now... just try to have fun inbetween food and toilet visits and everything will feel much better... for some it may sound stupid and bla bla... but its the simple truth. accept it and live happy! or get paranoid thinking about the meanling of life, feel miserable because you havent accomplished anything etc etc...

 

[knucklehed]

doesn't really apply here but...

your post reminded me of my past self. I am a very different person now and I know exactly what and how I changed:
When my son was born 7 years ago, he became the highest priority in my life, while at the same time I realized that I was the most imprtant person in his life.

It created an interesting dynamic; I needed to become the best person I could, because he was my highest priority. I was no longer caught up in my own petty selfish life. Weakness selfishness etc no longer optional for me.
That 1 pound 14 oz. premature baby change everything for me. I thank god regularly for that experience.
life has a strange way
KH

 

[JETHRO TULL]

I have experienced something like what you are thinking about...

I am not married and have no kids....combine that with a happy go lucky personality and ....people always refer to you as a 'kid'. I guess that's because of the lack of responsibiltity. I pretty much go to work, lift weights, go to movies, fish, take naps, float the river..shit like that. Most people don't think of me as a responsible adult. I guess that's not the worst thing that could happen!

The thing is.....I too sort of feel like..."when am I gonna feel like a man?" When am I going to feel like I am one of those "men" that is an upstanding member of the community? Maybe it's all a game? Maybe even old guys feel like kids inside? I wouldn't worry about things too much if you are kind to others, humble, and holding steady employment! hahahah...you are probably not alone in this.

 

[AsylumBitch]

Yeah. I have to agree that my kids were the ticket for me as well. Ofcourse not all of us are gonna run out and have a few rugrats to make our lives complete, and for some of us, that doesn't do the trick anyhow.

I think life is full of highs and lows...the neverending rollercoaster. How we deal with these highs and lows defines us. Some days we feel like super heroes, and other days we feel like "where the hell did my life go?"

Some of my highs....my kids, my marriage, my strength, my tenacity, my confidence, my kindness, my compassion.

Some of my lows...my kids, my marriage, my weaknesses, my depressions, my stuborness, my anger, my hatred.

At the risk of sounding gay, I think you need to be able to take a good look in the mirror and like who you see. If you don't, you need to figure out what you need to do to change that. This is when you become a complete man or woman. When you start taking charge of your own life and emotions.

Life will deal you blows. Your childhood may leave emotional scars, your kids may do things that make you nuts, your spouse may cheat on you or beat you...it's how you rise from these things that defines you.

I recently hit rock bottom in my life, and went through a long depression, which led to my marriage suffering and my self esteem plummeting to ultimate lows. I knew what I had to do to get past it, I'm smart enough....just didn't have the will. But it eventually kicked in....just stand the hell back. I am so much stronger from it that I envy myself. I feel better at this moment in my life than I have for a few years now. I'm definitely on the top of the rollercoaster.

Hope you find your way to the top as well.

 

[di8kids]

I'm not a man, but

recently i've made some good friends with whom i can connect with. but i also feel that as far as mental strength goes, they are a helluva lot stronger than i am and in a way that makes me feel "below them" or to put it bluntly "weak". i'm constantly reminded of things mentally i need to work on so much so that i rarely able to see how i'm progressing. my own mental strength is what stopping me from being a "complete" man and i know that i'm missin intensity and confidence in life...but not in the gym. in the gym i'm a different person...just tryin to combine the two confuses me at times and other times leaves me unsure. at lot of it comes from my upbringing of being sheltered and lack of life experience which i come to find out now and it sucks. it makes me feel that i haven't gone anywhere in life and achieved nothing. for one, when i have a problem, i can't get over it quickly and move on..i have a big problem there. my parents guilt-tripped me a lot when i was growing up...which is why i have problem gettin over fuck-up...they possess me for days and i try too hard at gettin over them. i also don't think before i act and sometimes don't think at all. not sure how to go about that one...

i just get confused on how to act and feel during most situations and a lot of times when i react to them, they end up being the wrong reaction. i also get confused on what a "man" should act or be like. but i see my friends as such and its because of the life experiences they have...does that mean that because i don't have life experience...i'm not a man? i see that being a man is about being confident and knowing your place and mission in the world and i can't seem to find my place or my mission in life...can anyone give insight into this...

I get guidance from my heavenly Father, God. There are situations that I am not sure how to react. But I talk to my heavenly Father, God, to help and guide me.

Without God in my life I do feel incomplete. I feel like there is something missing. I feel weak.

I believe that God put us here on earth for a purpose. His main purpose is for us to glorify Him and to honor Him. How He wants you to honor Him is between you and God. Ask Him. He is not there with a stick to beat you, but with loving arms to help you.

We all mess up from time to time. But we are the ones that beat ourselves over it (sometimes other people don't help.)

Just be the best you can be at whatever God places on your heart and you will do great.

Love in Christ,
Sincerely,
Di

 

[PHIL HERNON]

I used to feel that way

I get guidance from my heavenly Father, God. There are situations that I am not sure how to react. But I talk to my heavenly Father, God, to help and guide me.

Without God in my life I do feel incomplete. I feel like there is something missing. I feel weak.

I believe that God put us here on earth for a purpose. His main purpose is for us to glorify Him and to honor Him. How He wants you to honor Him is between you and God. Ask Him. He is not there with a stick to beat you, but with loving arms to help you.

We all mess up from time to time. But we are the ones that beat ourselves over it (sometimes other people don't help.)

Just be the best you can be at whatever God places on your heart and you will do great.

Love in Christ,
Sincerely,
Di

Until I found that "God" is each and every one of us. Treat each other with love, kindness, etc...that brought me closer to what is called "God". I feel that as far as my perspective and opinion, "God" is not something.....OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. It is right here, in us. God is love. Love is God. When you see how simple it is, you can carry on.

 

[Crowler]

Brute,

By any chance was your dad not around when you were growing up? Or maybe an alcoholic and you didn't really have anyone for you to see how a man should act?

Just a shot in the dark from my past experiences.



CROWLER

 

[di8kids]

I agree with one point, Phil

I believe that God breathed the spirit of life into each one of us. He is not "out there somewhere." He is right there to lead and guide.

I know we disagree on many aspects, but that is ok. We learn from each other.

Sincerely,
Di

 

[Sigmund Roid]

If you get a chance, Brute please read the thinking of Erikson.

You might have heard of the various life stages we all go through from childhood to the end of our adult lives. For example: the oral stage, the phallic stage, these introduced by Freud. Freud figured we were about done at a young age and pretty much who we were going to be as adults.

Erikson added to Freud's theories. One of the final 'stages' of adult life is GENERATIVITY VS. DESPAIR. The basic idea is that as an adult you've got to find activities and thoughts that keep you growing as a person and member of society. The opposite of that is despair in which you sit around at home knowing that your life is over and all you have left to do is die. Along the way we must find things to look back on a life well lived. What did I do to help others? What did I do to make the world a better place? You don't want to be an old person with a ton of regrets.

Have you noticed stars like Angelina Jolie doing things like adopting a child from a poverty stricken country? This is just one example.

If you get time do a search and read through Erikson's stages of life. You'll see that many others share your feelings. Let me know what you think.

Good luck in your quest, Brute.

 

[MikeS]

JETHRO-

You are a laid back guy who has fun. That doesnt mean you have no worth, especially to others. You have been a teacher. A school psycholigist. Now you are doing some Personal Training. Man, talk about stuff that helps people!

To anyone, your vision and impression of yourself is only created by the things you say to yourself during self talk. Others input can help but its up to each of us, especially those who strugle with self esteem and negative self worth, to say good things to ourself. This takes work. You can use visualization. You can force youself to discard negative thoughts. It takes practice, but most good things take work. Some lucky people are born with healthy self esteem. Others have to work at it. Change your self talk!

 

[thebrute]

thanx guys...sorry it took me so long to get back with u all. my father was around when i was growing up but did do a whole lot for me in support for the things i wanted to do.
HCB

 

[Phidias]

Accomplishing yourself is probably the most difficult thing in life. Some - the vast majority- set themselves realistic (read very attainable) goals and can die happy once those ones reached. For most people it just means paying the bills, having two kids and a nice dog.

Others, ambitious, consider they are successful when they have done GREAT things. It's the typical businessman with a "more and more" mentality. Never satisfied because he is always thinking about the next step. Even if he has already done what your average joe isn't even able to dream about. But he doesn't care, that's his way to look for happiness.

So what? Just shows that whatever your dreams are you have to try. Failing isn't the worst thing. Living with regrets and feeling inferior because some people have done what you are not strong enough to tempt is.

 

[thebrute]

Accomplishing yourself is probably the most difficult thing in life. Some - the vast majority- set themselves realistic (read very attainable) goals and can die happy once those ones reached. For most people it just means paying the bills, having two kids and a nice dog.

Others, ambitious, consider they are successful when they have done GREAT things. It's the typical businessman with a "more and more" mentality. Never satisfied because he is always thinking about the next step. Even if he has already done what your average joe isn't even able to dream about. But he doesn't care, that's his way to look for happiness.

So what? Just shows that whatever your dreams are you have to try. Failing isn't the worst thing. Living with regrets and feeling inferior because some people have done what you are not strong enough to tempt is.

your right!! that much is true!
HCB