At the time I was married to a controlling and very opinionated man. We had been trying to have a baby for four years, and after having surgery it was down to IV (embryo transplant) which meant I would have to go through another surgery before we could do IV. I was an emotional mess, and I was watching my marriage fall apart. After all the disappointing years of trying to have baby which eats away at your self-esteem, and 8 years of a very critical husband there was not much left of my self confidence.
My first step was going to a counselor for help to over come my depression. I was still working out, and had been for 12 years. It was the gym and working out that was keeping me going. It was always "my time". I was working out one day and some asked if I was getting ready for a competition. I answered him, "who, me? No." I picked up my weight to do a set, and looked in the mirror and thought "why not, me!" I was 34 years old and thought it was probably too late for me to start competing. With encouragement from friends and trainers at the gym, six months later I did my first competition.
I was scared to death. I hate being in front of people, and I thought this would be a great way to over come those fears. I'm in marketing & advertising, and it's not uncommon for me to have to do presentations in front of people like sales or even V.P and CEO's of a company. I was so excited because I have always admired women who competed in bodybuilding and fitness. To be up on the stage was an amazing experience for me, and I was hooked.
What gave me the balls to get up on stage? The fact that I was 34 years old and in the best shape I'd ever been in, and I looked better than most teenagers do these days. The other things was I NEEDED this.
As the days leading up to my competition came near, it was becoming more clear to me that my marriage wasn't working. My husband started sleeping in the other bedroom, and he didn't want me any more. I guess I thought if I got in better shape he would still want me, but that wasn't the case.
I regained my self-esteem and confidence after my first competition. I realized that the problems with our marriage weren't all mine... they were his problems too. 7 months after my competition I finally had the courage to walk away from a sexless... loveless marriage and start over. Two months after our divorce he got engaged and 6 months later he remarried... turned out he had been having an affair with her while we were married. I'm not sure how long it had been going on. Working out and competing gave me something to focus on during one of my darkest time of my life.
Phoenix, good luck! You'll be great!
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