.gif "IP Gear")
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2002
- Messages
- 8,897
many people have e mailed me asking about phil and our relationship.. it has been painful to dig up these memories but, maybe it will be benefical putting this behind me.. as some of you may know.. phil and i were tag team wrestlers in the early 90's..we went by the tag team name GOLD DUST 5..his wrestling name was SPANK-JOB MALONE and i went by the name PUDDIN'.. we were very hot in the underground wrestling world in URAGUAY and HONDURUS.. GOLD DUST 5 dominated the SOUTH AMERICAN underground scene for years.. we then decided to take it up a notch since there was no more teams left to beat in south america.. we made our way to the southern tip of texas and wrestled the underground there.. we wrestled the BARTON BROTHERS in their own backyard with a standing room only crowd of 23 people.. it was riveting.. if the backyard of their trailer could have held more we would have had at least 27 people.. talk about pumped!!.. 13 minutes into the match i was taking a beating from the BARTON BROTHER they call MONKEY CLAW.. he almost had me pinned and i was running out of steam.. i reached for phil to make a tag but was out of reach.. MONKEY CLAW had me in the claw and i thought it was lights out.. just then i saw phil reach into his tights and pull out his penis pump.. the ref had his head turned.. distracted by the mother of the BARTON BROTHERS who was showing her no-no's..i reached for the pump and felt it in my hand.. slippery..a little acidic.. but, it would have to do..i nailed the BARTON BROTHER up side the head with the pump.. i noticed a lot of debris coming out of the pump upon impact.. much of it going into the eyes of the BARTON BROTHER..i went in for the pin.. it was magic..(side note: later i found out the the BARTON BROTHER was blinded by the dried semen in the pump..he never regained his eyesight. apparently phil's semen is very acidic.. who knew?.. MONKEY CLAW'S career as a underground wrestler was over.. he sells trinkets and candy at a small roadside stand on I90)
the tension between phil and i started to grow..he wanted to look into other careers we could do together and try to capitalize on our cult status.. i wanted to go all the way with the underground wrestling..yeah, that's right..DUST GULCH, MONTANA.. he wanted to pursue his dance career as a stand in extra in the musical GREASE .. he would play olivia newton-john's part.. I HAVE TO ADMIT.. HE NAILED THE PART.. although a bit masculine, he did put out a certain sexual heat that had a certain newton -john-ish appeal.. i would have to find another partner until he was finished with the play.. it ran for two weeks outside MUD FLATS ARIZONA behind ED'S AUTOBODY on a outdoor stage..
i found my second partner.. you know him as JETHRO TULL.. he auditioned for me at a local park taking down two second graders on their way home from church camp.. it was brutal as the second graders did not go down without a fight and it appeared that JETHRO would lose until he threw sand in the face of one of them then kicked him in his raisan sack.. the second one devastated JETHRO with a book bag to the temple.. he recovered nicely and threw a figure 4 leg lock on him.. he screamed uncle and JETHRO PROVED HIS WORTH.. it took him 37 minutes to bring them down but, he did it.. as yo may know.. persona is everything in wrestling.. your name can make you or break you..it took me days to come up with my name..PUDDIN'.. i needed a good name..no.. dare i say.. a great name for JETHRO.. i paced the floor for hours throwing out names as they came to me.. but none stood out.. then .. as if from a angel on high i heard a name.. it was as if it was given to me by the MAKER HIMSELF.. we would call him......MIKE.. we were now set...
our first match was outside BEAVER SNATCH, IA. it was held in TIMMY BAKER'S backyard..it was a warmup match for jethro and i as we had not wrestled together as a tag team.. we would take on the SKIN FLUTES.. we heard of their rep.. they were formidable foes.. the crowd was ready..13 of the most intense, rabid fans i have ever seen.. as i gazed out into the crowd..i saw phil.. our eyes locked.. all the memories came rushing back.. after all.. he was SPANK-JOB MALONE.. the second half to my PUDDIN'.. JETHRO noticed our gaze.. he said " IT'S ALRIGHT..ill step aside.. after all.. you guys are GOLD DUST 5" I SAID "NO... YOU HAVE TRAINED SO HARD FOR THIS" JETHRO just patted me on the shoulder and said "go..be with him..win the title for me..you want the truth?.. i just liked to be pinned".. what a trooper.. just then, phil got off his huffy dirtbike and approached the ring.. WE WRESTLED THAT NIGHT.. WRESTLED HARD..phil was out of step after his lay and twisted his testical.. he screamed like a bitch and went down.. the leader of the SKIN FLUTES pinned him..
oh well.. we were back and ready to take the titles.. but, as many of you know.. phil got into trouble and went away for awhile.. but, not for what you think.. phil actually was arrested outside FRESNO for stealing huggies diapers..HE HAD A FETISH OF SNIFFING THEM DURING SELF PLEASURING HIMSELF..he did this for years but, i choose to ignore it.. by the time he got out we were both too old and too heavy to pursue the underground wrestling.. i went on to teach masturbation techniques at a local community college and phil sells his gentital warts to science.. one day we will find some middle ground and pursue our goals together.. we have been kicking around the idea of infant mud wrestling.. but, in this day of political correctness we are having a hard time selling it.. phil recently took a side job selling dildos door to door.. he is having some success but, there are only so many latex penises you can sell in marblehead illinois.. i hope this post has cleared up any questions about phil and my past.. but, please feel free to ask..
the tension between phil and i started to grow..he wanted to look into other careers we could do together and try to capitalize on our cult status.. i wanted to go all the way with the underground wrestling..yeah, that's right..DUST GULCH, MONTANA.. he wanted to pursue his dance career as a stand in extra in the musical GREASE .. he would play olivia newton-john's part.. I HAVE TO ADMIT.. HE NAILED THE PART.. although a bit masculine, he did put out a certain sexual heat that had a certain newton -john-ish appeal.. i would have to find another partner until he was finished with the play.. it ran for two weeks outside MUD FLATS ARIZONA behind ED'S AUTOBODY on a outdoor stage..
i found my second partner.. you know him as JETHRO TULL.. he auditioned for me at a local park taking down two second graders on their way home from church camp.. it was brutal as the second graders did not go down without a fight and it appeared that JETHRO would lose until he threw sand in the face of one of them then kicked him in his raisan sack.. the second one devastated JETHRO with a book bag to the temple.. he recovered nicely and threw a figure 4 leg lock on him.. he screamed uncle and JETHRO PROVED HIS WORTH.. it took him 37 minutes to bring them down but, he did it.. as yo may know.. persona is everything in wrestling.. your name can make you or break you..it took me days to come up with my name..PUDDIN'.. i needed a good name..no.. dare i say.. a great name for JETHRO.. i paced the floor for hours throwing out names as they came to me.. but none stood out.. then .. as if from a angel on high i heard a name.. it was as if it was given to me by the MAKER HIMSELF.. we would call him......MIKE.. we were now set...
our first match was outside BEAVER SNATCH, IA. it was held in TIMMY BAKER'S backyard..it was a warmup match for jethro and i as we had not wrestled together as a tag team.. we would take on the SKIN FLUTES.. we heard of their rep.. they were formidable foes.. the crowd was ready..13 of the most intense, rabid fans i have ever seen.. as i gazed out into the crowd..i saw phil.. our eyes locked.. all the memories came rushing back.. after all.. he was SPANK-JOB MALONE.. the second half to my PUDDIN'.. JETHRO noticed our gaze.. he said " IT'S ALRIGHT..ill step aside.. after all.. you guys are GOLD DUST 5" I SAID "NO... YOU HAVE TRAINED SO HARD FOR THIS" JETHRO just patted me on the shoulder and said "go..be with him..win the title for me..you want the truth?.. i just liked to be pinned".. what a trooper.. just then, phil got off his huffy dirtbike and approached the ring.. WE WRESTLED THAT NIGHT.. WRESTLED HARD..phil was out of step after his lay and twisted his testical.. he screamed like a bitch and went down.. the leader of the SKIN FLUTES pinned him..
oh well.. we were back and ready to take the titles.. but, as many of you know.. phil got into trouble and went away for awhile.. but, not for what you think.. phil actually was arrested outside FRESNO for stealing huggies diapers..HE HAD A FETISH OF SNIFFING THEM DURING SELF PLEASURING HIMSELF..he did this for years but, i choose to ignore it.. by the time he got out we were both too old and too heavy to pursue the underground wrestling.. i went on to teach masturbation techniques at a local community college and phil sells his gentital warts to science.. one day we will find some middle ground and pursue our goals together.. we have been kicking around the idea of infant mud wrestling.. but, in this day of political correctness we are having a hard time selling it.. phil recently took a side job selling dildos door to door.. he is having some success but, there are only so many latex penises you can sell in marblehead illinois.. i hope this post has cleared up any questions about phil and my past.. but, please feel free to ask..
