- Joined
- Oct 4, 2013
- Messages
- 132
wondering if my 30 year marriage was going to ,make it. many of you all prayed with me and for me as well supported me.
Thankyou.
it was the start of what i call mid life crisis. im 54 this year and heading out of a terrible malaise if not suicidal 3 year problem..
my kids, who i have been very hands on with as children are grown and gainfully employed and need less of us. i felt worthless, insignificant and hopeless.
my mother passed 3 weeks ago and it was the best blessing of my life. i hated her last year after i realized the work it took to make a succesful family and i was emotionally abandoned very early and endured several abusive step fathers and a childhood trauma of neglect or made to be insignificant, SHAME. i studied that the other day. how crippling it has been for me. down deep worthless shame that kept me from really loving my children in hopes they would never see the shame.
i laid in bed for my moms last 3-4 weeks and i worked on my past. seperated the shit that happened to me from what bad mistakes i made as an adult until i was able to forgive my mom. she lived 2 weeks long enough for me to come to her bed and kiss her face and reach my arms around that small frail body riddled with cancer and give her good strudy hugs. i have never been this well built and she started calling me mr muscles.
i am now with a great counselor who is teaching me how to love myself. im so proud of the work ive done to get healthy. i lauged with my wife the other day as i never told her but i pee along the sides of the bowl as to not bother my mom on days she laid in bed for hours and reaked havoc if she was woke. crazy.
but thanks people here and truly i mean i hope good blessings find you/
Jay
Thankyou.
it was the start of what i call mid life crisis. im 54 this year and heading out of a terrible malaise if not suicidal 3 year problem..
my kids, who i have been very hands on with as children are grown and gainfully employed and need less of us. i felt worthless, insignificant and hopeless.
my mother passed 3 weeks ago and it was the best blessing of my life. i hated her last year after i realized the work it took to make a succesful family and i was emotionally abandoned very early and endured several abusive step fathers and a childhood trauma of neglect or made to be insignificant, SHAME. i studied that the other day. how crippling it has been for me. down deep worthless shame that kept me from really loving my children in hopes they would never see the shame.
i laid in bed for my moms last 3-4 weeks and i worked on my past. seperated the shit that happened to me from what bad mistakes i made as an adult until i was able to forgive my mom. she lived 2 weeks long enough for me to come to her bed and kiss her face and reach my arms around that small frail body riddled with cancer and give her good strudy hugs. i have never been this well built and she started calling me mr muscles.
i am now with a great counselor who is teaching me how to love myself. im so proud of the work ive done to get healthy. i lauged with my wife the other day as i never told her but i pee along the sides of the bowl as to not bother my mom on days she laid in bed for hours and reaked havoc if she was woke. crazy.
but thanks people here and truly i mean i hope good blessings find you/
Jay