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- Joined
- Mar 21, 2009
- Messages
- 2,644
Hi guys,
Been going to therapy a lot and thought maybe other people have some advice or experiences to share.
My back story long story short grew up poor, divorced parents, lived with mother on welfare, food stamps, section 8 housing.
Fast forward I feel like I broke out of that mold. I remember in college a professor said to me you tend to stay in the social class you were raised in. That stuck to my bones. But that’s not me.
My wife is in the military two kids 1 boy=19, other 11=girl.
The biggest problem my therapist says I have is I compare my life, my experience, my thought process to everyone else’s. She drills in my head. Nobody is you but you. Growing up on the east coast poor with no means to do extracurricular activities, all I did was play outside, ride bikes with neighborhood kids, play pickup football, baseball etc. I wanted to do stuff really badly just had no way to. Wanted to learn chemistry couldn’t afford chemistry set. One point dirt bike couldn’t afford that. So gym was the thing I could afford so I clung to that. The gym saved my life in many ways.
Fast forward I try to get the kids into anything they want. We live in San Diego. I tell them whatever you want to do let me know we can try it sports, extreme sports, beach stuff ANYTHING.
They both have no drive, no want, no nothing. The 19 year old is a great kid meaning respectful, polite, genuinely has a good heart but just lazy. Plays video games all day. The 11 year old tablet, tick tock. She’s not allowed a phone yet.
My wife and I use to fight about this. My biggest problem is the 19 year old. I tell him dude please work as much as you can. I’m not asking you for a dime. Bank money now while you have no bills. In a couple years you’ll have good money saved you can invest it, travel, real estate I mean fuck buy yourself a dream car but fucking take advantage.
They don’t want to do anything. I gave up with them. I’m nice to them I love them but I no longer wish to invest effort in trying to get them to want to do anything. The fights with my wife were getting bad and we never use to fight.
At this point I just said your life you want to waste it and waste opportunities fine.
What really sticks in my head is my child hood memories. What are these kids going to look back on and remember?
Hey remember that viral video on tick tock.
I mean even in the gym everyone films themselves.
I’m scared because the things that are going on seem outrageous.
My wife in the military they are having discussion on how to address the command because some people want to be called they them plurals. My blood boils.
I say how can this be acceptable. This is the military. You think China gives two fucks about what you identify as. If war breaks out these are the people defending our country. They show up late don’t follow rules.
I think I just needed to rant but I’m out of ideas and exhausted of leaving my house because the shit I see everyday is stupid.
I say maybe it’s California and people are soft. Maybe I need to move back to the east coast. I don’t know anymore.
For people with step children how do you engage or do you just let them be?
Been going to therapy a lot and thought maybe other people have some advice or experiences to share.
My back story long story short grew up poor, divorced parents, lived with mother on welfare, food stamps, section 8 housing.
Fast forward I feel like I broke out of that mold. I remember in college a professor said to me you tend to stay in the social class you were raised in. That stuck to my bones. But that’s not me.
My wife is in the military two kids 1 boy=19, other 11=girl.
The biggest problem my therapist says I have is I compare my life, my experience, my thought process to everyone else’s. She drills in my head. Nobody is you but you. Growing up on the east coast poor with no means to do extracurricular activities, all I did was play outside, ride bikes with neighborhood kids, play pickup football, baseball etc. I wanted to do stuff really badly just had no way to. Wanted to learn chemistry couldn’t afford chemistry set. One point dirt bike couldn’t afford that. So gym was the thing I could afford so I clung to that. The gym saved my life in many ways.
Fast forward I try to get the kids into anything they want. We live in San Diego. I tell them whatever you want to do let me know we can try it sports, extreme sports, beach stuff ANYTHING.
They both have no drive, no want, no nothing. The 19 year old is a great kid meaning respectful, polite, genuinely has a good heart but just lazy. Plays video games all day. The 11 year old tablet, tick tock. She’s not allowed a phone yet.
My wife and I use to fight about this. My biggest problem is the 19 year old. I tell him dude please work as much as you can. I’m not asking you for a dime. Bank money now while you have no bills. In a couple years you’ll have good money saved you can invest it, travel, real estate I mean fuck buy yourself a dream car but fucking take advantage.
They don’t want to do anything. I gave up with them. I’m nice to them I love them but I no longer wish to invest effort in trying to get them to want to do anything. The fights with my wife were getting bad and we never use to fight.
At this point I just said your life you want to waste it and waste opportunities fine.
What really sticks in my head is my child hood memories. What are these kids going to look back on and remember?
Hey remember that viral video on tick tock.
I mean even in the gym everyone films themselves.
I’m scared because the things that are going on seem outrageous.
My wife in the military they are having discussion on how to address the command because some people want to be called they them plurals. My blood boils.
I say how can this be acceptable. This is the military. You think China gives two fucks about what you identify as. If war breaks out these are the people defending our country. They show up late don’t follow rules.
I think I just needed to rant but I’m out of ideas and exhausted of leaving my house because the shit I see everyday is stupid.
I say maybe it’s California and people are soft. Maybe I need to move back to the east coast. I don’t know anymore.
For people with step children how do you engage or do you just let them be?
