Dude please go to Walmart to the self--care section. By the pharmacy where the deodorant, toothpaste, shaving cream stuff is. Get the Walmart brand flushable baby wipes. I haven't used toilet paper in years. I will even carry them with me on trips. That isn't a permanent fix but will help a lot. An ex-girlfriend turned me on to them. Never looked back. Feels SOOO much better. You're cleaner and won't get raw. Trust me. And why should you be around? Because your life has as much value and worth as any other human being on this planet. No matter how famous or rich or whatever they are. You are a completely unique person. One of a kind. That's how God made us. My belief not everyone's though. The other guy you see may not have bleeding hemorrhoids but he has some other cross to bear in life. We all do. God knows I have some issues. Deal with them, head up high and roll on. Life is waiting for you to live it. Carpe diem.