Suicidal thoughts common among roiders?

[FrancisK]

I have them a lot. Had them today. Times are rough lately for most everyone. I’m extremely sensitive which makes things hard at times. Just trying my best from day to day.

What’s been up JJ? Tell us youre okay brother, I miss seeing your big donkey ass around here.

Bro when covid started I thought that was it for me. I was already barely scraping by with my business and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why business had suddenly turned so bad for the 18 months prior, there was no real reason for it and i tried everything to turn it around with no change whatsoever if anything it was getting worse. I felt like I was totally cursed, no matter what I did it turned out bad every single time. I was already trying to sell it cheap just to get out of debt and actually did have a deal in place before covid. Well covid ended the deal obviously and I thought that was the final nail in the coffin. Even before all that it was hard just getting out bed and dealing with it all knowing that I had a successful business in place that made great money but because of some bad business decisions and some shitty partners all I was doing was working my ass off to make minimum payments on debt and keep from being out on my ass completely. It sucked and it got worse when covid first started, there was nowhere I could go to for help it was just a shit sandwich all around and it was completely on my shoulders. I was in a bad place, really bad.

Well turned out the payments on my debt we’re going to be put on hold, okay that was good I could save up some money that way for a few months and be in a little better shape temporarily. Then it turned out there were grants and loans available, also good but not going to turn my business around.

Business was dead I had nothing but time, I used that time to optimize some things and fix any minor little issue I could find with the business that I didn’t have time for before covid.

Money is one thing, sure it sucks to see something you spent all your young and adult years building up to completely turn to shit and see your future waste away slowly but that wasn’t all of it. I was going to let down my family and disappoint them, that part killed me. I take care of my parents I pay all their bills and I knew the day was coming, coming very soon, where I had to tell my dad I couldn’t afford to pay them anymore and I didn’t have a dollar to my name, mind you my father was doing radiation treatment at this time. My father is not the type to give me a hug and say “it’s okay son”, not at all. I would be a complete failure and that would hurt him more than anything especially now that he was feeling like he was in his twilight years and I would be letting down my mom and sisters who look up to me. My father is not a bad person at all that’s just how it was and that day was coming fast, that’s all kinda difficult to explain in words but that was what was eating me alive every day. I probably wouldn’t have been able to hold out another month I was fucken selling watches and liquidating inventory that I shouldn’t liquidate just to make the bills the month prior and that was only the bills I HAD to make I was months late on other ones.

Well a couple weeks later it happened, business absolutely exploded. Overnight it went from the worst I’ve ever done to the best I’ve ever done and it has stayed that way for months now. Other than some minor covid related things I still don’t know exactly what triggered it and it hasn’t tapered off at all it’s actually getting better. 3 months later I’m completely out of debt, I paid back every penny I ever borrowed, I’m back to paying all my parents bills with a smile on my face, I’m reinvesting in my business to increase revenue without worrying about the bills at all and the future is looking bright and rosy. In fact I have interested buyers again in my business but this time at triple the price. I’ve been working 7 days a week getting my dick kicked in but I’ll fucken take it any day of the week over where I was a few months ago. I thought life was over I ruined my future and I had to start from nothing as a grown man on my own, never been so low in my life.


JJ my brother my point is that it’s not over, the sun is still shining and whatever the fuck it is that is holding you down one day you’re going to wake up and it’s not going to be something youre thinking about any more. It may not be tomorrow it may not even be soon but it will happen.

Be well my friend, trust me.

 

[USMuscle9403]

What’s been up JJ? Tell us youre okay brother, I miss seeing your big donkey ass around here.

Bro when covid started I thought that was it for me. I was already barely scraping by with my business and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why business had suddenly turned so bad for the 18 months prior, there was no real reason for it and i tried everything to turn it around with no change whatsoever if anything it was getting worse. I felt like I was totally cursed, no matter what I did it turned out bad every single time. I was already trying to sell it cheap just to get out of debt and actually did have a deal in place before covid. Well covid ended the deal obviously and I thought that was the final nail in the coffin. Even before all that it was hard just getting out bed and dealing with it all knowing that I had a successful business in place that made great money but because of some bad business decisions and some shitty partners all I was doing was working my ass off to make minimum payments on debt and keep from being out on my ass completely. It sucked and it got worse when covid first started, there was nowhere I could go to for help it was just a shit sandwich all around and it was completely on my shoulders. I was in a bad place, really bad.

Well turned out the payments on my debt we’re going to be put on hold, okay that was good I could save up some money that way for a few months and be in a little better shape temporarily. Then it turned out there were grants and loans available, also good but not going to turn my business around.

Business was dead I had nothing but time, I used that time to optimize some things and fix any minor little issue I could find with the business that I didn’t have time for before covid.

Money is one thing, sure it sucks to see something you spent all your young and adult years building up to completely turn to shit and see your future waste away slowly but that wasn’t all of it. I was going to let down my family and disappoint them, that part killed me. I take care of my parents I pay all their bills and I knew the day was coming, coming very soon, where I had to tell my dad I couldn’t afford to pay them anymore and I didn’t have a dollar to my name, mind you my father was doing radiation treatment at this time. My father is not the type to give me a hug and say “it’s okay son”, not at all. I would be a complete failure and that would hurt him more than anything especially now that he was feeling like he was in his twilight years and I would be letting down my mom and sisters who look up to me. My father is not a bad person at all that’s just how it was and that day was coming fast, that’s all kinda difficult to explain in words but that was what was eating me alive every day. I probably wouldn’t have been able to hold out another month I was fucken selling watches and liquidating inventory that I shouldn’t liquidate just to make the bills the month prior and that was only the bills I HAD to make I was months late on other ones.

Well a couple weeks later it happened, business absolutely exploded. Overnight it went from the worst I’ve ever done to the best I’ve ever done and it has stayed that way for months now. Other than some minor covid related things I still don’t know exactly what triggered it and it hasn’t tapered off at all it’s actually getting better. 3 months later I’m completely out of debt, I paid back every penny I ever borrowed, I’m back to paying all my parents bills with a smile on my face, I’m reinvesting in my business to increase revenue without worrying about the bills at all and the future is looking bright and rosy. In fact I have interested buyers again in my business but this time at triple the price. I’ve been working 7 days a week getting my dick kicked in but I’ll fucken take it any day of the week over where I was a few months ago. I thought life was over I ruined my future and I had to start from nothing as a grown man on my own, never been so low in my life.


JJ my brother my point is that it’s not over, the sun is still shining and whatever the fuck it is that is holding you down one day you’re going to wake up and it’s not going to be something youre thinking about any more. It may not be tomorrow it may not even be soon but it will happen.

Be well my friend, trust me.

Good post.

As for me, yes, I look at suicide as a possibility. Always have. I've changed my mind towards it and don't feel it's as taboo as it has been in the past. Man creates his own life and should have the right to take it, as well.

I'm bipolar 2 and my manic phases are becoming more manic and depressive phases more depressive. I'm still in an especially bad phase now. I will not take any more pills for it, I'd rather be a little fuckin crazy; that shit is fun.

 

[hawkmoon]

I have always been fairly ahedonic, which some might call depression.
Haven't actively thought seriously of suicide, but at the same time if I knew I would not wake up tomorrow it would not bother me at all.
I feel we all put our heads down each night and our consciousness "dies", it's just the experience of knowing we will awake that makes us unafraid of the void.

I'd say it anything my moderate AAS use keeps me in a better frame of mind.
I've never experienced a worsened mental state from any anabolics.

 

[USMuscle9403]

I have always been fairly ahedonic, which some might call depression.
Haven't actively thought seriously of suicide, but at the same time if I knew I would not wake up tomorrow it would not bother me at all.
I feel we all put our heads down each night and our consciousness "dies", it's just the experience of knowing we will awake that makes us unafraid of the void.

I'd say it anything my moderate AAS use keeps me in a better frame of mind.
I've never experienced a worsened mental state from any anabolics.

That's very interesting coming from you, I wouldn't expect you to be one who doesn't feel much pleasure despite being generous and helpful on here. Have you always been like that? Does something interrupt dopamine being released?

 

[hawkmoon]

That's very interesting coming from you, I wouldn't expect you to be one who doesn't feel much pleasure despite being generous and helpful on here. Have you always been like that? Does something interrupt dopamine being released?

That's kind of you to say.
I am always the guy laughing and smiling and I do enjoy some people sometimes.

My baseline is pretty flat though.
Being kind and helpful makes me feel the most fulfilled.

I do believe I have a dopamine issue.
I have experimented with lots of vectors to improve this, but have never seen a change.

 

[Swifto]

Dont ever let money and/or women get you down. Life is worth more than that.

It doesn't matter what situation you find yourself in. You can get out of it and I bet there will be a time in your life later down the line that you were glad it happened because of what you have and where you are now.

If you are having some troubling thoughts, read The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama. You must learn to appreciate what you have now as many others wont have it and will actually be a lot worse off.

 

[Samson250]

Dont ever let money and/or women get you down. Life is worth more than that.

It doesn't matter what situation you find yourself in. You can get out of it and I bet there will be a time in your life later down the line that you were glad it happened because of what you have and where you are now.

If you are having some troubling thoughts, read The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama. You must learn to appreciate what you have now as many others wont have it and will actually be a lot worse off.

Your right and that’s good advice but don’t forget sometimes it’s chemical. You might ask me what’s wrong and I say it’s my woman or 15 an hour job and you offer to listen and give me great advice because you want me to feel better and you bang your head against the wall trying to help..but my illness is deeper! It’s chemical imbalance. The woman and money are the trigger but the bullets already out of the gun and nothing you or I do can change it all in an instant. Can’t just talk it out now.

I bet most of you have tried to help a friend or relative or sig other feel better and snap back to themselves! Your good bro’s! Sometimes that’s all it takes. Sometimes it’s a deeper issue. It can be really frustrating for you trying to help and for them because they can’t snap out of it like you want them to. It’s an imbalance. It’s going to take lots of time lots of understanding lots of patience. The depressed person still needs your help! Please! You can’t give up on them but know that it’s going to take a lot of time and investment not just a bro chat in the gym locker room.

 

[pheenix]

It's impossible to make generalizations about "every roider", just like it would be impossible to make generalizations about every user of any other class of drug, or every athlete in a sport, or every member of a certain profession.

However, as others have said, people driven to the extremes are often driven to the extremes in many things, and abuse many things. And people with their own personal demons are often driven by those demons, either for better or for worse.

When I'm in the gym or down in my basement lifting weights, I'm not just working out to be "in shape" or "tone up." I am killing demons, the demons in my own past and in my own head that drove me from being an abused, bullied, sickly little kid to being a big jacked bodybuilder competing on stage at 235 lbs, deadlifting 600 lbs, bouncing in strip clubs, and eventually going to prison for selling the same steroids that helped me get so big and strong.

I can't do anything halfway, or to a normal and healthy happy medium. I have to be the best, biggest, strongest because there are always the demons in my head telling me that I'm nothing, that I'm worthless, that all the people who abused me when I was young were really right about me all the time.

I've thought seriously about suicide since I was in the 5th grade, and it will always be there as an option, and probably as my inevitable end. Because when I can't get better anymore, that means I am only getting worse. And mentally, I just can't handle getting worse unless I have the hope of getting better somewhere down the line.

Dr Harrison Pope has done the most psychological research on this, "body dysmorphia" and all that, guys and women who are obsessed with being big and strong to the detriment of their personal lives. I used to laugh at what his research says, and I still don't believe in all of it. But the older I get, the more I can see there is a lot of truth in it, at least to me and to others like me.

I'm a 52-year-old man who still has a cabinet full of Tren, Trest, Test, Mast, Deca, Anavar, HGH, MT2, etc. I need stimulants to get up in the morning, Valium to go to sleep at night, and ED drugs to fuck my wife. I still judge my self-worth far too much on how much I can bench and deadlift, and how I look on the beach. It's all vanity and silly bullshit, of course, but it's the silly bullshit that helps me to fight off the demons in my head telling me how worthless I am.

And when I can't fight off those demons anymore, then I think it will have to be time to go, hopefully in a time and place of my own choosing.

As the saying goes, suicide is an affirmation. You are affirming that all the negative things people said about you all those years are really true. Every day I try to fight off those negative voices, by trying to be better, in the gym and in my personal life.

But maybe there comes a time when, as Kurt Cobain wrote, you have to admit to those negative voices "You Know You're Right". And when you admit that and submit to those negative voices, then it's time to go.

It's not that time for me yet, not today. But I can see that time coming, and it's been shadowing me my whole life, like a pale horse on the horizon, waiting in the corners of my mind when times are good, just waiting for times to go bad. When I can't get better any more, then I know I am only getting worse. And I can't handle getting worse.

Just one man's anecdotal experience in this drug-driven life we have all chosen. But as we said, people driven to the extremes are often driven to the extremes in many things. And I believe there are probably many other people like me out there, especially in our way of life, this thing of ours.

Suicide is an affirmation. Just say no to drugs, kids LOL.

I can relate to alot of what you stated but your never out of the fight.. never go the route of self check out.. I have known a few buddies who have and ive seen the destruction, hurt and pain it leaves behind. JMO brother. May God bless you.

 

[Cv215]

We're all pretty fucked up and if you think you're not then keep lieing to yourself. On the level of seriously considering killing yourself, that's definitely mental illness and one needs to try and reevaluate everything at that point. Get off hormones and get some help.

 

[Sides]

I have always been fairly ahedonic, which some might call depression.
Haven't actively thought seriously of suicide, but at the same time if I knew I would not wake up tomorrow it would not bother me at all.
I feel we all put our heads down each night and our consciousness "dies", it's just the experience of knowing we will awake that makes us unafraid of the void.

I'd say it anything my moderate AAS use keeps me in a better frame of mind.
I've never experienced a worsened mental state from any anabolics.

I used to be a hedonist and took great pleasure in life, but I always have my anhedonic nature crawling in the back of my mind, nagging at me, reminding me even when I'm happy that "This too shall pass." If you are happy, just wait a while and eventually something will come along to make you sad. Yet if you are sad, just keep holding on and if you wait long enough, hopefully something will come along to make you happy. That hope gives me just enough strength to keep going in my dark moments.

I am similar yet different to you. If I knew when I went to bed last night, that I wouldn't wake up today, that would have made me very happy, because I would never have to worry about anything ever again. No financial worries, no more work or personal or family worries, no more changing the baby's diaper, no more wondering or worrying about what or how much AAS to take, no more worries about anything at all.

It's the fact that I know that I WILL wake up in the morning that depresses me, because then I know that I have to get up and make all these decisions again, and fulfill my obligations to my family and the people in my life, and keep my finances on an even keel, and worry that I am getting all these things right. And it's that worry that is getting to be more and more of a burden on me every day.

If I could just go to sleep and never have to wake up and worry about anything ever again, that would be bliss.

But I did wake up this morning, and so I had to shower and eat breakfast and change the baby, and try to put everything together for my family so that everything works out alright in the end for my wife and kids. And I still have hope that everything will be OK, which keeps me going for now. But I worry that everything won't be OK, which is always hovering in the back of my mind, keeping me down.

 

[maldorf]

What’s been up JJ? Tell us youre okay brother, I miss seeing your big donkey ass around here.

Bro when covid started I thought that was it for me. I was already barely scraping by with my business and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why business had suddenly turned so bad for the 18 months prior, there was no real reason for it and i tried everything to turn it around with no change whatsoever if anything it was getting worse. I felt like I was totally cursed, no matter what I did it turned out bad every single time. I was already trying to sell it cheap just to get out of debt and actually did have a deal in place before covid. Well covid ended the deal obviously and I thought that was the final nail in the coffin. Even before all that it was hard just getting out bed and dealing with it all knowing that I had a successful business in place that made great money but because of some bad business decisions and some shitty partners all I was doing was working my ass off to make minimum payments on debt and keep from being out on my ass completely. It sucked and it got worse when covid first started, there was nowhere I could go to for help it was just a shit sandwich all around and it was completely on my shoulders. I was in a bad place, really bad.

Well turned out the payments on my debt we’re going to be put on hold, okay that was good I could save up some money that way for a few months and be in a little better shape temporarily. Then it turned out there were grants and loans available, also good but not going to turn my business around.

Business was dead I had nothing but time, I used that time to optimize some things and fix any minor little issue I could find with the business that I didn’t have time for before covid.

Money is one thing, sure it sucks to see something you spent all your young and adult years building up to completely turn to shit and see your future waste away slowly but that wasn’t all of it. I was going to let down my family and disappoint them, that part killed me. I take care of my parents I pay all their bills and I knew the day was coming, coming very soon, where I had to tell my dad I couldn’t afford to pay them anymore and I didn’t have a dollar to my name, mind you my father was doing radiation treatment at this time. My father is not the type to give me a hug and say “it’s okay son”, not at all. I would be a complete failure and that would hurt him more than anything especially now that he was feeling like he was in his twilight years and I would be letting down my mom and sisters who look up to me. My father is not a bad person at all that’s just how it was and that day was coming fast, that’s all kinda difficult to explain in words but that was what was eating me alive every day. I probably wouldn’t have been able to hold out another month I was fucken selling watches and liquidating inventory that I shouldn’t liquidate just to make the bills the month prior and that was only the bills I HAD to make I was months late on other ones.

Well a couple weeks later it happened, business absolutely exploded. Overnight it went from the worst I’ve ever done to the best I’ve ever done and it has stayed that way for months now. Other than some minor covid related things I still don’t know exactly what triggered it and it hasn’t tapered off at all it’s actually getting better. 3 months later I’m completely out of debt, I paid back every penny I ever borrowed, I’m back to paying all my parents bills with a smile on my face, I’m reinvesting in my business to increase revenue without worrying about the bills at all and the future is looking bright and rosy. In fact I have interested buyers again in my business but this time at triple the price. I’ve been working 7 days a week getting my dick kicked in but I’ll fucken take it any day of the week over where I was a few months ago. I thought life was over I ruined my future and I had to start from nothing as a grown man on my own, never been so low in my life.


JJ my brother my point is that it’s not over, the sun is still shining and whatever the fuck it is that is holding you down one day you’re going to wake up and it’s not going to be something youre thinking about any more. It may not be tomorrow it may not even be soon but it will happen.

Be well my friend, trust me.

That's amazing, almost like a miracle. You have no idea why it happened? That gives me faith that my wife's work will pick back up again. Prior to this outbreak her performance at work was an all time best and things were going great. Its scary how fast the rug can get ripped out from under you.

I'm thrilled you're doing great again and can support your lived ones without fear.

 

[maldorf]

Haven't actively thought seriously of suicide, but at the same time if I knew I would not wake up tomorrow it would not bother me at all.
I feel we all put our heads down each night and our consciousness "dies", it's just the experience of knowing we will awake that makes us unafraid of the void.

You are spot on with this. After my heart attack and my rhythm problems I became scared to fall asleep at night. When it was at its worst I had been awakened twice around 6 am with my defibrillator firing off. Worst feeling in the world. Fast asleep and then BAM! First time I actually thought we had a home invader and that he had come in to our bedroom and hit me in the back of the head with a baseball bat. I was terrified both me and my wife were going to die.

After that I was subconsciously fearful of going to sleep. Id lay in bed trying to sleep but could only stare at the ceiling. Doimg squats and lifting in general now elicits similar feelings.

When you think you may not wake up in the morning, it is not a good feeling!

 

[Cv215]

Good post.

As for me, yes, I look at suicide as a possibility. Always have. I've changed my mind towards it and don't feel it's as taboo as it has been in the past. Man creates his own life and should have the right to take it, as well.

I'm bipolar 2 and my manic phases are becoming more manic and depressive phases more depressive. I'm still in an especially bad phase now. I will not take any more pills for it, I'd rather be a little fuckin crazy; that shit is fun.

I don't really think that we should have the right to take our own lives. I believe in reincarnation and basically achieving true enlightment for our souls over the course of many different lifetimes.

Life can be so brutally hard, and i believe thats kind of the point. I kind of look at mortal life on this planet like an ongoing boot camp for our souls.

I don't think anyone is punished afterwards, per se, for taking their own life, however, i think when they cross over they immediately regret it and know they made a big mistake.

Basically what im trying to say is that being part of this human experience and putting up with the absolute worst of it all goes towards strengthing your eternal spirit.

There probably are some very extreme circumstance in which punching out on the time card of life might be acceptable.

I feel like I've had it pretty rough at times and sure ive basically day dreamed about checking out on a number of occasions, but i think i acquired these beliefs simply because they help me cope with the harshness of this existence.

Everyone has their own belief systems though.

 

[maldorf]

I like living too much. I will fight like hell to stay alive! Even though things are tough at times, the good times make up for it. To me anything is better than the alternative of being dead. Id like to think there are some people on this earth that would hate to see me go,lol. My family helps me keep motivated.

 

[buck]

Before AS I had thoughts of wanting life to be over. But over came that about the time I started bodybuilding and never used AS for another 15 years. And have had no serious thoughts on dying since using AS. But I can see where some people that are unhappy in life and take up the sport hoping that how they look will change who they actually are. Could end up suicidal with a massive intake of hormones. But I would think the underling problem was there first. Being superman doesn't last forever and the issues will need to be dealt with at some point.

 

[thethinker48]

Before AS I had thoughts of wanting life to be over. But over came that about the time I started bodybuilding and never used AS for another 15 years. And have had no serious thoughts on dying since using AS. But I can see where some people that are unhappy in life and take up the sport hoping that how they look will change who they actually are. Could end up suicidal with a massive intake of hormones. But I would think the underling problem was there first. Being superman doesn't last forever and the issues will need to be dealt with at some point.

Being superman also isn't the answer for many people

If who you are as a person is tied to the amount of muscle you have, or what bodyfat percentage you sit at; that's a bridge made of straws. That person is one injury, one instance of not being able to gain access to hormones away from internal destruction

It's hard especially if that suit of armor was built to keep the demons away, or to protect oneself. And it's hard not to feel that way when you've been reaffirmed that by the people around you from a young age.

 

[Sides]

Being superman also isn't the answer for many people

If who you are as a person is tied to the amount of muscle you have, or what bodyfat percentage you sit at; that's a bridge made of straws. That person is one injury, one instance of not being able to gain access to hormones away from internal destruction

It's hard especially if that suit of armor was built to keep the demons away, or to protect oneself. And it's hard not to feel that way when you've been reaffirmed that by the people around you from a young age.

All too true. If I've been "that bodybuilder guy" all my adult life, to my friends and family and acquaintances, who am I if I can't be that guy anymore?

The hardest times for me were when I was injured, like when I tore the biceps tendon off at the elbow, and it physically made it very difficult for me to train. Even with my arm in a cast and a Bledsoe Brace, I was doing planks, leg presses, bodyweight squats, one-armed presses and rows, and anything else I could do to stave off atrophy and keep on training. It made me obsess about it even more, just to see myself wasting away like that.

When your mental self worth is tied to your physical appearance and strength, then disaster is always lurking down the road for you. Because we all get injured or get old someday. And if you can't deal with it or do it gracefully, mentally that is a very fragile state in which to be.

 

[USMuscle9403]

Great posts in here, guys. My fights with my brain don't have much to do with my physique, mostly, but I've found myself letting it define me a bit much. To any and everyone, I'm the jacked, healthy guy. I'm nothing special, yall have seen me, but it's to the point where pretty much anyone I meet is going to comment favorably right away. Strangers come up to me all the time asking what I do and how they can look like that (got the wide shoulders and traps that stick out going for me), it becomes an almost uneasy subject of conversation a little too often if I'm hanging out with folks because honestly I don't feel like talking about it, but they do. After starting gear, this multiplied about ten fold lol. It's actually kinda annoying and ironically, I don't like drawing attention to myself, but it's pretty inevitable. I'm pretty vascular, too, and vascularity draws attention. I can't even imagine what it's like for, say, a pro bodybuilder, or a fuckin boss like @thethinker48.

When not only your private life, but the way people treat you revolves around your physique, I think it may start becoming a little more important to us than it really is. It becomes it's own complex, whether we like it or not. It becomes more complicated than it seems from the outset, notwithstanding the reasons you started to begin with (fat, skinny, insecure, etc).

Sorry, I'm just rambling

 

[Tendon Snapper]

The honesty in this thread is refreshing. After reading the the first few posts I was amazed that there was no one who had considered suicide, like I have. It's such a taboo subject to many, and to those that can't understand how it can be a consideration: good for you! I'm envious, I really am. It sucks being sad. It sucks wanting the pain and anguish to go away so badly that you'd think about killing yourself.

A narcissistic ex of mine had a bold statement one time when I was discussing how, at various times, I had considered suicide. Her 'profound' statement to me? " You're not strong enough to commit suicide!".

 

[maldorf]

All too true. If I've been "that bodybuilder guy" all my adult life, to my friends and family and acquaintances, who am I if I can't be that guy anymore?

The hardest times for me were when I was injured, like when I tore the biceps tendon off at the elbow, and it physically made it very difficult for me to train. Even with my arm in a cast and a Bledsoe Brace, I was doing planks, leg presses, bodyweight squats, one-armed presses and rows, and anything else I could do to stave off atrophy and keep on training. It made me obsess about it even more, just to see myself wasting away like that.

When your mental self worth is tied to your physical appearance and strength, then disaster is always lurking down the road for you. Because we all get injured or get old someday. And if you can't deal with it or do it gracefully, mentally that is a very fragile state in which to be.

It was tough on me when I had my heart attack. There isn't much you can do with a weak heart, just do your best but the muscle is going. No more steroids too.