sooooooooooooooo???

[EVERLAST]

why do we love who we love?
why are we attracted to certain people and just not others?
for a long time I was choosing ....badly.
I would put so much of myself into a deal with these chicks and put one through school (twice...) bought another one boobs and a nose job you couldn't even tell had been done (that one cost me big money...) then one that did even worse and stole all that was left of my faith in women in general, and made me the heartless bastard I was born to be...

I try to understand why and it's all fuzzy...
sometimes it's not that they are all bad people...
Some are just wrong for us.
Some people are just wired wrong
some are just plain wrong
maybe we all have these hidden agendas or character flaws
and it's random luck of the draw.
you get lucky
or you don't...and I didn't.
So women were a constant source of pleasure and pain.
Most of the time it is a pleasure that I can't resist.
Sometimes it's like trying to kick heroin.
The darkest days I've ever seen were after my divorce. just pick one there all bad...
I tend to obsess and thats good for concentrating and tuning stuff out and staying on task and also for brooding about shit you should just let go.
If I couldn't run and lift and hit my heavybag and work the speed bags and eat clean and try to stay sober...

Bodybuilders are a funny bunch.
we eat funny. we lift weights and look funny. we walk funny.
we are so concerned about the funniest things.
sometimes all of this shit just isnt funny anymore....

 

[JETHRO TULL]

Everlast, you are doing okay right now though, right?

I hope you and your gal are okay and this was a past situation that you are referring to...

As far as bodybuilders walking funny etc....I agree...sometimes its not even funny anymore. It just gets old. lol.

 

[EVERLAST]

JT...............

Talkin to bigDM on his thread got me to thinking.
Past lives...
past loves...
sometimes that toxin gets "encapsulated"
like a splinter, or shrapnel
little shards of kryptonite that work their way to the surface.

 

[notsobig32]

Everlast,

I am with you. Personally i always thought that i chose the wrong person but then i came to realize that the problem wasn't really the other people but rather a lot of it was things wrong with me. My wife and i were separated and had both started dating other people and i honestly saw myself heading down the same self-destructive path as always in my new realtionships. I decided there and then that rather than keep jumping from person to person that i was going to fix myself and for once in my life stick with a relationship rather than walking away.

So far, it has taken a huge amount of hard work and a huge amount of time and money BUT i have to say that reconciling with my wife is probably the best thing that i have EVER done. Every single day reveals a new facet of our relationship and i find something new out about her almost every day. I know it sounds way cliche, but i think relationship counseling is a huge help for couples.

As for why i love her, it is because she makes me feel like its ok to be me, she is a great mother, beautiful(inside and out), and pretty damn sexxy if i do say so=-) She is a great woman and i really appreciate the fact that i have her and my stepsons in my life on a daily basis.

You are 100% right though, i have a lot of regrets concerning stupid shit that i did in previous relationships.

 

[EVERLAST]

just to be clear.................

Sassy is the light in my life.
we are fine and still making all payments.
Maintaining an even strain...so fine..
(except for the empending end of the economic world as we have known it)


and like I said I get to brooding
about shit that I should just let go of
(a long time ago)
stuf that doesnt matter now...
but like I said it is like metal shards,
or like tiny bits of broken glass.
it works its way to the surface
to get out...


usually during my cardio.
cardio is my therapy now.
2 things at once, inside and out.
Isnt that nice.

 

[Sassy]

Our past is part of us...

It something that we carry with us no matter how hard we tried to put it behind us. Maybe some people are better at either putting behind them or burying deep inside.

We may have married the wrong person, but we have found each other and that's what important now. Our future... together.

I Love you, hon!

 

[Sassy]

Just dragging butt lately...

I hope you and your gal are okay and this was a past situation that you are referring to...

As far as bodybuilders walking funny etc....I agree...sometimes its not even funny anymore. It just gets old. lol.

I'm basically working 3 jobs lately, so I haven had much time off. I've also been under so much stress for so long that my body is run down. I've been sick a lot lately. Sometime it seems that the only light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.

 

[EVERLAST]

recurring dreams...

I have this dream pretty often...
I'm in a dark tunnel...and this snake comes by rolling a donut...

seriously baby...
I love you sooooo much...

 

[JETHRO TULL]

THAT'S A LOT OF WORK, SASSY!

I'm basically working 3 jobs lately, so I haven had much time off. I've also been under so much stress for so long that my body is run down. I've been sick a lot lately. Sometime it seems that the only light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.

Don't burn yourself out! Geez.....

 

[pesty4077]

I know this is a cliche, but God is always in control. I believe he brought you two together. Everlast, we all been there, through the rough times. Realize one thing, things will get better over time, if we channel our energy into postive thinking. Sassy, you take care of yourself and don't burn your self out. Everlast, if times are slow at work, a good extra income would be Home Inspections. Part time work, that can generate a few thousand per month. My wishes are the best for you two!

 

[Sassy]

I decided it would be a good time to use some of my vacation days, so I've put in for a week off in April. I think this will be good for me. Thankfully this new company that bought the company I work for gives us more vacation time. I've got 12 more days off this year.