was i wrong?

[gridlock]

right i've been approached by another company to take over the running of their office. over the last few weeks i've been in talks with them negotiating my package etc.

Yesterday I was telling my other half about the money and company car i'll get as i was quite excited. I then mentioned later on that I was bringing over a girl that works for me. She's only been working with me for 3 months but she's been really good and has worked her arse off.

So then my mrs gets the hump with me saying that i should have told her ages ago that i was bringing her over. Its now a real heated argument as she believe i'm in the wrong. I said do i have to consult you about who i take on etc? she said no but if you're bringing her over you must like her. She wont seem to listen to the fact that the girl generates money for the company and is very very good.

was i wrong to not tell her this in the first place? I honestly didnt think it was a big thing and being the director of a company i dont view her as a girl more as an employee that simply gets on with her work and earns money.

 

[michelin]

you weren't wrong in not telling her in the first place, you did what you did, you cant be second guessing people.

But for now, listen to your Mrs and ask her to explain exactly what the issue is. Could this be deeper than shes peed off with you not keeping her in the picture? Is this other girl hot?

Reassure your Mrs if you have to. Look at things from her point of view, it usually works to give you the answer.

Good luck with the new job

 

[pesty4077]

you weren't wrong in not telling her in the first place, you did what you did, you cant be second guessing people.

But for now, listen to your Mrs and ask her to explain exactly what the issue is. Could this be deeper than shes peed off with you not keeping her in the picture? Is this other girl hot?

Reassure your Mrs if you have to. Look at things from her point of view, it usually works to give you the answer.

Good luck with the new job

Good solid advice.

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

Obviously since you told her you were not trying to hide anything from her. SO that's a major plus right there. Sticking up for good employees is the key to a good business relationship. You should be commended and not
critisized(?) for wanting to better your own home life by bringing over this girl and securing your future a little while longer with the company. KUDOS to you brother! If your better half can't or won't understand this, then say no more about the matter. As long as you know what you're doing that's all that counts! Arguing over something so meaningless is not worth upseting the home over brother. Let it go.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

This could be a very complicated situation. Many things play into this like:

Have you done your part to show your better half that it is just platonic?
Have you been unfaithful in the past?
Are you (and be honest now) attracted to this co-worker in any way (even a friendly attraction)?
Does your girlfriend come from a business/corporate environment?
Has your girlfriend become close or had relationships with co-workers in the past?
Do either of you have problems with personal insecurities?
Does she have friends, hobbies, jobs of her own?

Too many questions to even think of. Brother, I don't think the question is in whether you were wrong or right. I think she feels the way she does for a reason and it's all in how you approach her feelings as to how well this will or will not go over. I think your girlfriend is all too aware of the fact that you will be realistically spending more time with this co-worker than with her. Will you be alone? Will it be in an office environment?

These are the things you need to ask yourself and then do your best to comfort your girlfriend and her feelings because only you can (or another guy but I'm sure you would want that guy to be you).

You can take the approach, "Hey this is my future and she'll just have to deal with it" but I think you'd feel much better with keeping your girlfriend and your co-worker right?

Just some food for thought as you get through this...

I say food because that's all I can think about right now.

 

[VanR__]

It's a fresh start. Why bring baggage from a previous company and piss off your wife? This girl have been working for you for 3 months or less. She can be a lazy serial back-stabber for all you know. Everyone works their tail off the first few months of a new job.
I would have not done this.

 

[cpesloco]

good employees are hard to find and if you sense she is good then you made a good business decision. I have gone to bat with my wife over my good employees before and bottom line is "good employees are hard to find" if your wife has security issues it's gonna be more difficult.
good luck.

 

[gridlock]

This could be a very complicated situation. Many things play into this like:

Have you done your part to show your better half that it is just platonic?
Have you been unfaithful in the past?
Are you (and be honest now) attracted to this co-worker in any way (even a friendly attraction)?
Does your girlfriend come from a business/corporate environment?
Has your girlfriend become close or had relationships with co-workers in the past?
Do either of you have problems with personal insecurities?
Does she have friends, hobbies, jobs of her own?

Too many questions to even think of. Brother, I don't think the question is in whether you were wrong or right. I think she feels the way she does for a reason and it's all in how you approach her feelings as to how well this will or will not go over. I think your girlfriend is all too aware of the fact that you will be realistically spending more time with this co-worker than with her. Will you be alone? Will it be in an office environment?

These are the things you need to ask yourself and then do your best to comfort your girlfriend and her feelings because only you can (or another guy but I'm sure you would want that guy to be you).

You can take the approach, "Hey this is my future and she'll just have to deal with it" but I think you'd feel much better with keeping your girlfriend and your co-worker right?

Just some food for thought as you get through this...

I say food because that's all I can think about right now.

a lot of this made sense and when i went over it a lot came to light about her and how she acts.

i've actually split up with her since as you'll see in another post. she didnt like the fact i was spending more time with the employee than her (despite the fact its a large office environment with other females and a lot more males in there.

i dont find the girl attractive, she's a lovely girl dont get me wrong but she wouldnt fall under my radar of girls i'd chase.

my ex didn't have any corporate background having just gone through uni/college and didnt understand why its hard to keep hold of someone thats good at their job. The thing that pissed me off was when i would try to explain she'd just say yeah whatever i dont care shutup. so i couldnt actually get a word in anyway.

I've never been unfaithful but in past relationships she has and i think she was worried that if it was easy for her to do then it would be easy for anyone to do.

its a shame cos she was a nice girl but as you'll see in the other post, she had a lot of demons, and at my stage in my life i want to be looking for the one that is going to be with me pretty much from now on. not the one that wants to have a fight over nothing and then carry on as normal straight after. makes your brain kinda fry that way.

in response to VanR_

I'm in I.T. recruitment and good people are hard to come by. the first 3-6 months are sink or swim so seeing people with natural aptitude to the role is something that doesnt come along often. in her first three months as a trainee, she invoiced 22kGBP for us. a fully blown consultant with a year behind them is meant to be doing 12k a month. She had no previous training or anything. We keep them on by getting them to the point where they are earning such an amount of money that if they were to leave, it would be near on impossible for them to build up their client base/pipeline for 5 months and they couldnt approach our clients for a year (contractual obligations) so they want to stay just because of the money that keeps coming in.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

a lot of this made sense and when i went over it a lot came to light about her and how she acts.

i've actually split up with her since as you'll see in another post. she didnt like the fact i was spending more time with the employee than her (despite the fact its a large office environment with other females and a lot more males in there.

i dont find the girl attractive, she's a lovely girl dont get me wrong but she wouldnt fall under my radar of girls i'd chase.

my ex didn't have any corporate background having just gone through uni/college and didnt understand why its hard to keep hold of someone thats good at their job. The thing that pissed me off was when i would try to explain she'd just say yeah whatever i dont care shutup. so i couldnt actually get a word in anyway.

I've never been unfaithful but in past relationships she has and i think she was worried that if it was easy for her to do then it would be easy for anyone to do.

its a shame cos she was a nice girl but as you'll see in the other post, she had a lot of demons, and at my stage in my life i want to be looking for the one that is going to be with me pretty much from now on. not the one that wants to have a fight over nothing and then carry on as normal straight after. makes your brain kinda fry that way.

People always stress over things and in the end, for better or worse, they work out one way or another and life goes on. In your case, seems like your life moved on and you're getting ready to start a new chapter. Well that's good!

I'm sure everyone here wishes you well. I'm glad the forum was able to give you some things to think about and thanks for sharing.

Keep us updated.

 

[gridlock]

People always stress over things and in the end, for better or worse, they work out one way or another and life goes on. In your case, seems like your life moved on and you're getting ready to start a new chapter. Well that's good!

I'm sure everyone here wishes you well. I'm glad the forum was able to give you some things to think about and thanks for sharing.

Keep us updated.

Just wanted to say thanks for everything mate.

things are a lot better now.

I am on good speaking terms with her and both agree it simply wasnt meant to be

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Just wanted to say thanks for everything mate.

things are a lot better now.

I am on good speaking terms with her and both agree it simply wasnt meant to be

So the world just kept right on turning? Who'd have thought?!? Glad to hear. That's great news.

Okay, so now that you have that stress off of you, you better be putting up some serious numbers in the gym. I'm talking the kind of numbers that make people say, "He's probably taking that Twinlab Gainers Fuel" HA!

 

[gridlock]

i'm on course to hit 273lbs by august.

I'll keep you posted bro

 

[mad_max_de]

was i wrong to not tell her this in the first place? I honestly didnt think it was a big thing and being the director of a company i dont view her as a girl more as an employee that simply gets on with her work and earns money.

My experience with women is that it's never what you tell them it HOW you tell them.

 

[Kaiser]

Business is business. I do what I need to do and do not consult my wife as she has zero business sense in the first place. As long as she reaps the benefits of what I bring home, how I make money is off limits to her questioning.