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Girlfriend Eating Disorder + Depression

  • Thread starter Deleted member 106824
  • Start date
D

Deleted member 106824

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Hoping someone here might have some insight here.

The girl I'm dating has always been one of the nicest "best" people I've ever met, and I've always known her to be a very happy and optimistic person.

About a year ago I found out she was previously bulimic, and I guess it's never really something that completely goes away (in terms of the urge always being there to some degree to binge). She has a very nice body compared to most women, but her low back is a trouble spot that, along with her slightly wider than normal waist structure makes her self conscious, and this is made worse by a general predisposition to gain fat easily (despite currently having abs).

She was going to try to do a bikini comp, and she was recomping fantastically....stayed at 125lb for 3 months while going from a 5x135 squat to a 5x185 squat, with other significant progress as well. But she recenty told me she has been back to her old binging and purge cycle for a few months now, feels very guilty, feels generally poor about her self and her self-worth, etc. I have told her to forget any competition and she agreed but it is still an issue. Her sex drive is low in my opinion (we're in our 20's and she would be fine with 1-2x per week and never initiating) which I think stems from not being happy with her body.

I've told her many times how great she looks, but I certainly understand how hard it is to be objective, and I do see her trouble areas (from a competitor standpoint, her lower back holds much more fat than the rest of her).

Any advice? I don't want to have to jump to antidepressants for her. I'm reading a book now on the brain (Change Your Brain, Change Your Life) and it recommends SAMe and Fish Oil, which I could see helping a little but she seems to be in a pretty bad place with all of this so any help is appreciated. She hasn't been as consistent with diet or training lately which I'm sure is hurting things so we'll get that back in order but I think it will take more than that as she has always been very self conscious.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
boy I really wish I knew what to tell you..


based on my experience, trying to get girls to STOP doing harmful things to themselves is one of the most difficult things a guy can undertake.


this becomes exponentially more difficult once in a committed relationship

and after marriage? impossible.



maybe steal a doctor's prescription pad and get her antiemetics?


it's something that she has to WANT to stop
 
maybe steal a doctor's prescription pad and get her antiemetics?
Gonna go out on a limb and say this is a bad idea lol :p

All you can really do is be supportive of her struggle. Something like bulimia is deeply ingrained and personal in an individual, and I say this as someone who's had binging issues since my very fat childhood. Ultimately she needs to want to change herself, but if part of the incentive of her changing herself is you being there at the end having helped her through it, that's about the most you can do my friend.
 
lol @ drugs ALWAYS being the answer... wtf... lol

wow.
anyway
well theres many flavors of crazy... maybe pick a different one.. youre young anyways.

crazy stays forever

might manifest different, may manage it, but not gona cure it.
changing behaviors is possible but very individual.
essentially you are dealing with impulse control, or rather lack there of...
 
She needs to get into some sort of therapy to get through it. Nothing you can do except be supportive. And if you can't, which no one blames you for, have to let her go. She has to want to get better.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
crazy stays forever

might manifest different, may manage it, but not gona cure it.

I agree... depression is unfortunately something you can never really get rid of. You might learn to deal with it and somehow manage to live in peace with yourself on some occasions, giving the impression to others you're feeling better while you're actually not, but it will always come back, no matter how helpful other people try to be.

:eek:
 
Pumped340, all you can do if you're truly in love, is to show her she's not alone... she might not manifest it publicly, but deep inside she'll feel infinitely grateful. :)
 
I feel your pain man.

My girl has some depression type stuff as well and its very hard to deal with.
Especially coming from a normal healthy psyche—trying to "understand" depression and mental problems is veryyyyy tough.

Have you at least talked to your girl about seeing someone?
If you haven't, you should. 50% of people will give the "I don't need to see anyone!" response and try to deal with it themselves...when it reality, they can't.

The best thing you can do is to try to be understanding, listen to her and make suggestions that she should talk to someone. A buddy of mine's girl has severe mood swings, bipolar like. And as a way to convince her to see someone, he scheduled his own visit. She would go at 630 and he would go at 7. Making it a couples thing where she sees that you're there to help her could swing her your way.

Just my 2 cents.
 
boy I really wish I knew what to tell you..


based on my experience, trying to get girls to STOP doing harmful things to themselves is one of the most difficult things a guy can undertake.


this becomes exponentially more difficult once in a committed relationship

and after marriage? impossible.

maybe steal a doctor's prescription pad and get her antiemetics?


it's something that she has to WANT to stop

Yes, it is hard. And it's very difficult for me to see because this girl is really just an amazing person and it's very unfortunate to see her feel so bad about herself.

She wants to stop, that is why she feels so guilty about it afterwards, but I guess some stressors in her life just trigger it. She wants to feel better about herself both for herself and me, I just want to find the best and healthiest way for her to make that happen.


Gonna go out on a limb and say this is a bad idea lol :p

All you can really do is be supportive of her struggle. Something like bulimia is deeply ingrained and personal in an individual, and I say this as someone who's had binging issues since my very fat childhood. Ultimately she needs to want to change herself, but if part of the incentive of her changing herself is you being there at the end having helped her through it, that's about the most you can do my friend.

I have a small history of binge/purge cycles, mostly from extreme diets, but it's been years since I have ever made myself throw up and the few times I did it was because I was so uncomfortable from eating so much, not because I felt I needed to or felt bad about myself. So I understand her struggle to some degree, and certainly the body image issues, but I can't relate completely.
 
lol @ drugs ALWAYS being the answer... wtf... lol

wow.
anyway
well theres many flavors of crazy... maybe pick a different one.. youre young anyways.

crazy stays forever

might manifest different, may manage it, but not gona cure it.
changing behaviors is possible but very individual.
essentially you are dealing with impulse control, or rather lack there of...

She's not crazy. She's having trouble dealing with her body image issues and desires to binge.

She needs to get into some sort of therapy to get through it. Nothing you can do except be supportive. And if you can't, which no one blames you for, have to let her go. She has to want to get better.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I agree... depression is unfortunately something you can never really get rid of. You might learn to deal with it and somehow manage to live in peace with yourself on some occasions, giving the impression to others you're feeling better while you're actually not, but it will always come back, no matter how helpful other people try to be.

:eek:

Pumped340, all you can do if you're truly in love, is to show her she's not alone... she might not manifest it publicly, but deep inside she'll feel infinitely grateful. :)

Ugh, man just reading the suggestion of breaking up with her over this makes my stomach twist. One, because I want to be with her and two, because I can't even imagine how much worse she would feel. It would be so awful I don't even want to think about how low she would get (and that is not me trying to overstate my worth to her, I am just going off her often telling me how I am her best friend, someone she is very in love with, wants to marry and have kids with, etc.)

It's also all just very surprising when I was so used to previously seeing her so happy all of the time. Or at least appearing that way for essentially 2 years. I really didn't know she felt this low until the last few months when the bulimia started again. She's always been self conscious but feeling this low was not always the case.

I feel your pain man.

My girl has some depression type stuff as well and its very hard to deal with.
Especially coming from a normal healthy psyche—trying to "understand" depression and mental problems is veryyyyy tough.

Have you at least talked to your girl about seeing someone?
If you haven't, you should. 50% of people will give the "I don't need to see anyone!" response and try to deal with it themselves...when it reality, they can't.

The best thing you can do is to try to be understanding, listen to her and make suggestions that she should talk to someone. A buddy of mine's girl has severe mood swings, bipolar like. And as a way to convince her to see someone, he scheduled his own visit. She would go at 630 and he would go at 7. Making it a couples thing where she sees that you're there to help her could swing her your way.

Just my 2 cents.

I have been with some very moody girls in my past, and most of the time they were just dramatic with ridiculous reasoning, possibly bipolar, just all over the place.

Thankfully, my girl is not really one to have mood swings in the typical PMS sort of way of being "bitchy" or seeming almost bipolar. She seems to just be feeling low/depressed.

I am happy to go to counseling with her, but this is all assuming it will help. It seems some here and elsewhere don't believe there is any realistic way to change it which is certainly disheartening.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
So most of you suggest talking to a therapist it seems, should I look for any type of therapist/psychologist in general? Obviously one who works with people with eating disorders but I want to make sure I'm not missing anything.

And any recommendations as far as supplements and the like? The book I am reading has a test of 15 questions for limbic system issues (high limbic system activity correlates with low sex drive and depression / negative feelings). I scored very low on the test and she scored very high (indicating issues) so for that he suggests SAMe and fish oil, and then goes into medications as a further line of defense, and also has a generally holistic approach, stating that studies show exercise is as effective as anti-depressants. Just want to attack this from as many angles as possible.
 
I have some, I'll look into it for her, thanks.

Will post a bit tomorrow. I have dealt with anorexia with intermittent purging when I was growing up for a year and a half. It was pretty severe. Your girls doesn't seem too bad.

Personally I felt no therapist helped. They tell u what u allready know. Using all the herbal bullshit etc is like putting out a fire with a water pale.

Ur girl seems cogniscent of the fact that she has a problem and she sounds motivated to fix it. It's good of you to care to help her.

If u can teach her to be in a bad ass shape without throwing up, she won't need to throw up again. And she will gain cofidence.

SSRi s help a lot too with bulimia if u want to do the "Med" route. Skip the herbal crap.but obviously have sides.
 
Brother, I have no advice to offer that hasn't already been given, however reading your post and seeing how much you care and love this girl unconditionally is very refreshing. Glad your trying to be that rock every man should strive to be.
 
Brother, I have no advice to offer that hasn't already been given, however reading your post and seeing how much you care and love this girl unconditionally is very refreshing. Glad your trying to be that rock every man should strive to be.

Agreed, I felt the love too. Hope u can keep it up.
 
Thanks guys

Will post a bit tomorrow. I have dealt with anorexia with intermittent purging when I was growing up for a year and a half. It was pretty severe. Your girls doesn't seem too bad.

Personally I felt no therapist helped. They tell u what u allready know. Using all the herbal bullshit etc is like putting out a fire with a water pale.

Ur girl seems cogniscent of the fact that she has a problem and she sounds motivated to fix it. It's good of you to care to help her.

If u can teach her to be in a bad ass shape without throwing up, she won't need to throw up again. And she will gain cofidence.

SSRi s help a lot too with bulimia if u want to do the "Med" route. Skip the herbal crap.but obviously have sides.

Hers has varied, apparently ranging from once per week to even 1-2x per day at it's worst. She hasn't been actively bulimic for most of our relationship, and hasn't been for the last month, but it started again a few months ago.

Honestly her bulimia isn't what keeps her in shape. When she was in the best shape I've seen her she wasn't binging and purging. I think it's more of a stress coping thing rather than a method to stay more fit.

We would consider the SSRI. Someone else recently mentioned Zoloft to me.

Anything else you have to post is greatly appreciated :)
 
Sounds like it's a learned response to stress as you have mentioned. Not easy but try and find a way for her to notice this and when she does get those triggers replace it with something else
 
Thanks guys



Hers has varied, apparently ranging from once per week to even 1-2x per day at it's worst. She hasn't been actively bulimic for most of our relationship, and hasn't been for the last month, but it started again a few months ago.

Honestly her bulimia isn't what keeps her in shape. When she was in the best shape I've seen her she wasn't binging and purging. I think it's more of a stress coping thing rather than a method to stay more fit.

We would consider the SSRI. Someone else recently mentioned Zoloft to me.

Anything else you have to post is greatly appreciated :)


I dont have much more to add, just dont leave her like some people on this thread are suggesting. Being bulimic does not make you all that crazy. I have seen girls far crazier than that. LOL.

SSRIs really break that obsessive compulsive pattern that comes with binging and purging. Obviously if something can be acheieved without medications it is the best, cause all meds have side effects.
 
I would definitely recommend going to a counselor. Definitely want to treat the root issue whether it is a dramatic life event that shaped her current issues, or find out why her issues are being manifested. I think medication would only be a band-aid and an easy way to fix things. I have done counseling and it has worked wonders for me. My mom had eating disorders, among other issues, and they tossed meds at her. It did absolutely nothing but create more issues for her, and her original issue was only being masked..
 

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