So today I am at work and administrative calls me and says " hey we are a bit heavy on staffing.. you want to take comp time and go home early"? We that's a pretty stupid question as it's a 12 hour shift and my A.D.D kicks in about 30 minutes into it.. so I thought I'll go home and do some arm work.. I skipped all arm work last week so I figured I'd just make it a arm day..
So I get home and do a short bicep workout .. 5 sets and move to triceps.. all is right in my world.. I have Alter Bridge playing at levels Helen Keller could hear.. my elbows feel good for a change .. and my my wife is inside cooking one of my favorite meals for tonight..
I set up my pulley stand .. its a Nautilus pulley system with a slide height pulley system.. two pulleys on each side of the slide post.. so I bring the 2 cables together and attach a clamp to them to attach a pushdown bar.. the pulley is set to about head height to make it easier to get into position for push downs.
Now dear reader.. I usually wear a baseball cap.. but today the lions mane was looking quite attractive.. a bit feather.. wind swept.. I hate to use the word " stunning" but Websters has no other word to truly encompass this gift from nature.. I catch a couple glances of this follicular orgy on my dome and know that if this were 1986 again women would be sliding off their chairs..
I get two warm up sets in and all is going as planned.. I move the pin down and get ready for my first heavy set. I bring the bar down and proceed to do a picture perfect 9 reps.. thought the set I swear I'm hearing angels sing.. I fail at 10 then let the bar up to the pulley.. in a millisecond a hear a ripping or popping sound sound and then a pain equivalent to child birth searing in my scalp. I yell " FUCK" and instinctively grab my head and spin around.. it was at this time my friends my worst thought came to mind. I had to acknowledge that somehow this involved my hair.. possibly my scalp. . The few seconds felt like a eternity.
At that moment.. my wife.. hearing the commotion runs into the gym. She asks " What's wrong.. ? I heard you yell... did you tear something" ? ( Tear something? I could only hope.. this involves my hair woman..) I'm still holding my head.. I turn slowly to look at the pulley... as my eyes adjust to the new lighting I notice something deathly wrong... what coukd only be described as a squirrels tail is entangled in the pulley and bar.. I then realize it's not a squirrels tail.. its my beautiful locks .. entangled in plastic and metal. I yell " what the fuck " !! And point at the carnage .. my wife, who's eyes are wide and hand over her mouth silently says " oh my god.. is that your hair"? To which I answer her question with a question and yell " IS THAT MY FUCKING HAIR"?? .. she refuses to answer ..
Her motherly instincts kick in and she moves slowly towards me with outstretched hands as if to my my hands from my scalp.. " let me see what happened ".. what happened? We know what happened.. ive been scalped quicker than a Pawnee could.. she moves my hands and then says " it doesn't appear to be too bad "... now my math is bad.. but even I know the amount in the pulley being pulled out my scalp can not equal " not too bad".. I look at my hands to see if maybe there is blood.. nope.. but to add to my horror my hand appears to look like a Wolfman with hair in my palm and fingers.. i then shake my head and more and more of my golden locks are floating to the ground.. im still in a state of horror and I ask my wife again, because I don't have the guts to look into the mirror, ' is it bad'? She looks me in the face and says " well.. I mean.. id diffinitely wear your baseball cap to work for a while"...
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