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Couples Counseling?

eleanormiles

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Jan 10, 2024
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Has anyone here actually gone through it? And did it help your relationship? My husband and I have been together a little over 5 years, married for 3. We have 2 children close in age (14 month gap). I’m almost 4 months postpartum. We’ve been on waitlists for over a year to get into counseling and finally received a call today letting us know it’s our turn.


I’m nervous. There was some brief emotional cheating on my husband’s end and he admitted that in the moment he wanted to take it further physically. I was only 3 months postpartum from our first baby when this happened. Second baby was a huge surprise (struggled with infertility for years & first baby was conceived with medical intervention). The timing was just really not great but we’ve been “surviving.”


I want to forgive and move on but I’m struggling. I’m honest with him about it. He doesn’t get upset when I bring it up. He knows I’m not over it and that I’m struggling to trust him. He isn’t doing anything to make it harder to rebuild trust, but I also don’t really know if he’s doing anything to make it easier. It almost feels like he’s done nothing at all to help the situation. I don’t know if it’s laziness or if he’s a huge idiot and doesn’t realize how much he’s damaged our relationship.


I’m also struggling to know if/when my expectations are too high. I’m scared we’ll start therapy and I’ll be told from an unbiased third party that I just expect way too much (this is in reference to other things, not cheating).
 
Has anyone here actually gone through it? And did it help your relationship? My husband and I have been together a little over 5 years, married for 3. We have 2 children close in age (14 month gap). I’m almost 4 months postpartum. We’ve been on waitlists for over a year to get into counseling and finally received a call today letting us know it’s our turn.


I’m nervous. There was some brief emotional cheating on my husband’s end and he admitted that in the moment he wanted to take it further physically. I was only 3 months postpartum from our first baby when this happened. Second baby was a huge surprise (struggled with infertility for years & first baby was conceived with medical intervention). The timing was just really not great but we’ve been “surviving.”


I want to forgive and move on but I’m struggling. I’m honest with him about it. He doesn’t get upset when I bring it up. He knows I’m not over it and that I’m struggling to trust him. He isn’t doing anything to make it harder to rebuild trust, but I also don’t really know if he’s doing anything to make it easier. It almost feels like he’s done nothing at all to help the situation. I don’t know if it’s laziness or if he’s a huge idiot and doesn’t realize how much he’s damaged our relationship.


I’m also struggling to know if/when my expectations are too high. I’m scared we’ll start therapy and I’ll be told from an unbiased third party that I just expect way too much intensive couples therapy(this is in reference to other things, not cheating).
I’m just really scared. And hoping anyone here has anything positive to say about their experiences with couples counseling.
 
Has anyone here actually gone through it? And did it help your relationship? My husband and I have been together a little over 5 years, married for 3. We have 2 children close in age (14 month gap). I’m almost 4 months postpartum. We’ve been on waitlists for over a year to get into counseling and finally received a call today letting us know it’s our turn.


I’m nervous. There was some brief emotional cheating on my husband’s end and he admitted that in the moment he wanted to take it further physically. I was only 3 months postpartum from our first baby when this happened. Second baby was a huge surprise (struggled with infertility for years & first baby was conceived with medical intervention). The timing was just really not great but we’ve been “surviving.”


I want to forgive and move on but I’m struggling. I’m honest with him about it. He doesn’t get upset when I bring it up. He knows I’m not over it and that I’m struggling to trust him. He isn’t doing anything to make it harder to rebuild trust, but I also don’t really know if he’s doing anything to make it easier. It almost feels like he’s done nothing at all to help the situation. I don’t know if it’s laziness or if he’s a huge idiot and doesn’t realize how much he’s damaged our relationship.


I’m also struggling to know if/when my expectations are too high. I’m scared we’ll start therapy and I’ll be told from an unbiased third party that I just expect way too much (this is in reference to other things, not cheating).

So your worried the therapist will say something you don’t like and you might have to change the way you think to make your relationship survive? What’s your other option? Don’t go, and not be told your expectations are too high….move on and expect to much of the next guy?
 
My ex wife went to therapy once with me. She never went back. “I’m not
Gonna sit there and listen to things I need to change, YOUR the problem!!!”

I am happily divorced now.

But my current fiance go together when life gets harder. (We are both in school and work full time)

It’s scary AND really hard. BUT it’s super rewarding when a good counselor finally helps turn on the lightbulb of the person who isn’t hearing the partner.

Effective communication is extremely hard. I bet your partner just hasn’t really heard you and/or doesn’t know HOW to implement a change.

Betterhelp online. It’s only as good as your therapist. Don’t be scared to try different ones. We went through 2 of them, landed on the 3rd and the guy has been awesome.

Good luck
 
Yes and no...

My earlier career we utilized performance psychologists heavily to maximize output and minimize long term detrimental affects of non traditional employment. This was an utter god send.

The group I am with now just partnered with a traditional mental health provider, when in town I have actually been going in once per week. I had a bit of a weird childhood and it has sincerely helped me to both understand and evaluate my behavior and make positive changes. My wife has gone with me a few times and seems to legitimately enjoy the sessions as well.

If the quality of the healthcare professional is great - you'll get a great product/result. Highly recommend any type of introspective work/continued personal development. Too often are men's emotional needs left completely unattended for.
 

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