Experience Dating Older Girls?

scrapper13 · Aug 15, 2011

I'm 27 years old and for almost five months now have been dating a girl who will turn 34 in oct. She owns her own place, makes like 4 times the amount of money as me, and seems like she has everything together. We recently had a discussion and she explained to me that her reasoning for taking things slow was that her fiance of 3 years(been broken up for over a year now) was the same age as me and that she wants to make sure that she doesnt make some of the same mistakes dating a younger guy. I kinda feel like I'm walking on eggshells and being compared all the time. Any guys have any experience with this? She also made it clear that we are not bf/gf although she could see it going there.

TheAssistant · Aug 15, 2011

I mean at 27 you should have your life preety straightened out, and 27 and 34 seems like no biggie go for it dude.

BOOMSHAKER · Aug 15, 2011

Just take your time and let things develope slowly. As you can tell she already has her life togther, and doesn't want to crew it up over a young buck. But if she really wants to go slow and make it last, then ride it out and see how far it goes. Only time will tell if this is true or a fantasy.

big c · Aug 15, 2011

27 to 34 not really a big diff. I dont know about the walking on eggshells and being compared to her ex, doesnt sound like a good way to go about it. I hate that feeling you should be comfortable in a relationship and able to be yourself not spend your whole time worrying about ruining it.

Goody · Aug 15, 2011

27 and 34 isnt much of a big deal now but it will be when shes say 40 and your 33...just my experience...

triathloncoach · Aug 15, 2011

Dont let her prior bad experience allow her to comletely control your relationship. Suggest she dates a fat 40 year old divorced dad paying child support and sharing custody of his 2 kids with an ex wife who hates him.

And FYI, Im 48, and I think you are a complete idiot for going out with a 34 year old with issues when you should be going out with a 22 year old with a more positive outlook on relationships. She is damaged, or maybe she just aint that into you and is giving you the "its not you, its me" line. Someday you will recognize the wisdom of my cynical, but practical advice.

wrought · Aug 15, 2011

triathloncoach said:
Dont let her prior bad experience allow her to comletely control your relationship. Suggest she dates a fat 40 year old divorced dad paying child support and sharing custody of his 2 kids with an ex wife who hates him.

And FYI, Im 48, and I think you are a complete idiot for going out with a 34 year old with issues when you should be going out with a 22 year old with a more positive outlook on relationships. She is damaged, or maybe she just aint that into you and is giving you the "its not you, its me" line. Someday you will recognize the wisdom of my cynical, but practical advice.

This......reread it a couple of times and let it sink in. Have fun dealing with her issues because after its over you'll have a whole bunch of your own to deal with.

lol, k, so it might not be that bad and I'm all about keeping a positive outlook but honestly when walking into a situation like that you need to be awake to the baggage your partner is bringing into the relationship with them. In a case like this its not about you, its about her.

thebrick · Aug 16, 2011

5 months?

Taking it slow is double speak for "I have one eye open in case someone a little better comes along. But you are kinda fun to hang with for now". Sorry.

S2N · Aug 20, 2011

thebrick said:
Taking it slow is double speak for "I have one eye open in case someone a little better comes along. But you are kinda fun to hang with for now". Sorry.

Yup used it many times myself

Ehren · Aug 20, 2011

triathloncoach said:
Dont let her prior bad experience allow her to comletely control your relationship. Suggest she dates a fat 40 year old divorced dad paying child support and sharing custody of his 2 kids with an ex wife who hates him.

Aaaannd Triathaloncoch bangs it outta the park...advice is on point. So, she had a bad last relationship and now YOU have to make up for lost time? Yeaaaaah...no. Pretty common with women in that situation. It's hard for them, but not your fault.

Enjoy it as long as it suits you, remembering that relationships dont HAVE to be so hard. And that if it ends, it will be a lot harder for her to recover than for you. Just enjoy for now, be yourself and don't let it shape you too much.

On her side, she's 34, and TBH it's a lot more important for her to get things straight at 34 than for you at 27. It sucks, but she's in a world where her marketability as a woman is nearing its end. Middle aged for men is prime time, solid health, higher earning power etc. For women, it's harder. Most guys in their 40's, with things dialed in and who've sacrificed for their jobs etc. are now gonna settle in with some younger, also accomplished woman if they haven't already.

I'm 38 and I don't date women my age anymore for this reason. The first date with them consists of two main vibes...1) "So where is this going? I got plans and I need to know". And 2) "You're decent looking, not an idiot, good job...so WTF is wrong with you that you're not married yet?"

Fu*k that.

supertrucker212 · Aug 20, 2011

I don't see the age difference as a big factor. However, if you are constantly being compared to her ex that is a red flag. To me that is an indicator that she is not over him. You are you, not him. Also, 5 months is a long time to date someone without actually becoming b/f & g/f. If you want to keep hanging out her that is fine and your choice, but I would definately keep your options open! I would not get too hung up on her and put all of your eggs in one basket to speak

duce · Aug 20, 2011

Been there. Dont walk on eggshells. do whatever you want to do. If she doesnt like it than end it. Ive found in my younger years that older women like younger guys because it is easier for them to manupliate them. Dont give in. Make your intentions known and if shes not cool with that move on. There is too much good ass out there.

BillHilton · Aug 22, 2011

I too am older at 48. So, been there and done that regarding several aspects of the op.

I totally agree with Triathlon and will not be redundant there. But the other thing is, you said she makes 4 times as much as you. Realizing that there are exceptions, this is a problem. She is already controlling you with the comparisons. The day WILL come when the money is brought up. Do you want to be an emasculated cuckolded little boy?

Not a pretty picture, I hope. What are your hopes for a family? Does a girl your age or younger fit better than one older?

Bottom line it has to be right for you, or it is doomed to a fubar.

method2madness · Aug 23, 2011

Regardless of her reasons or intentions, being manipulated and compared (weather intentionally or not) is a bad way to begin a relationship. I say talk to her about that and guage her responses. Proceed from there.
Good luck my young friend,
Peace
M2M

h8tr3d · Aug 23, 2011

You can be manipulated by a woman of any age bro. they are all scandalous, IMO. Im 29 and I dated a 46 yr old for 4 years. Yeah the manipulation is there... but so is the loyalty. when I date younger woman, my age and younger, I realize I have NOTHING in common with them. IMO they are good to look at, and thats about it.

On a side note, older woman are easy to manipulate as well... especially if your a decent looking younger guy

maldorf · Aug 23, 2011

h8tr3d said:
You can be manipulated by a woman of any age bro. they are all scandalous, IMO. Im 29 and I dated a 46 yr old for 4 years. Yeah the manipulation is there... but so is the loyalty. when I date younger woman, my age and younger, I realize I have NOTHING in common with them. IMO they are good to look at, and thats about it.

On a side note, older woman are easy to manipulate as well... especially if your a decent looking younger guy

Yeah, I can agree about the manipulating going both ways. Back when I was just 24 yrs old I dated a 42 year old woman. She was always doing all kinds of favors for me :having me over and cooking fancy steak dinners, taking me out for nice dinners, and buying me clothes. It was pretty flattering. She was hot too. I ended the relationship when I realized it wasnt going anywhere.
I think you should continue to date her if youre happy with the way things are now, if youre unhappy now there is no reason to continue it. She really does sound like she has some "baggage" and it would be a lot easier to date someone without that.

rumbletumble · Aug 24, 2011

Older Women!

When I was 27 I was with a an attractive 40yr. old, who by the way was a preachers daughter. She would do anything for me, and I mean anything. I later broke it off because of the age issue, but it was fun while it lasted. After I broke it off, I married the the next girl, who was a year younger than I was. We were married 3 years and then it ended for good, but I do have a beautiful daughter from my marriage, that's the only positive that I got out of being married. Now I'm in my late 30's and I wouldn't date an older woman, only my age or younger now. rt...

scrapper13 · Aug 25, 2011

Thank you for all the advice fellas. Ive kinda taken a step back, she's been a bit distance so I'm saying F it, whatever happens happens. Regardless I know I played things perfectly in this instance, so any issues are on her. She told me outright that it's nothing I'm doing or not doing and that it is her. Anyways if it doesn't work then on to the next.