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Antidepressants/SSRIs Experiences And Sexual Side Effects

pimpman

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Eh, your mother sounds like mine. Just a toxic sociopath. Sorry to hear that, I know how it is
Yea my mom was like that with me too but she passed away about a year ago. I tell you if you are not mentally strong that will mess you up in the head for life.

She was treated bad by her mom too (my grandmother) so she grew up with that hatred in her and I guess she was the same

I made the decision to be the one to cut that chain and not continue like that. And pass it on to my kids and they pass it on to theirs and so on. I tell my kids I love them every time I leave the house or speak on the phone with them. I give them everything they ask for. Not in a spoiled way.just in a loving way.they will always be able to say my dad always told me he loved me and there wasn't one time I ask for something that he would figure a way to get it for me
 

pimpman

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what kind of sides do you get with mirtazapine? are they bad i ned a good depression drug
Bro that drug to me was horrible. I get so angry inside for no reason. Like really really angry. So bad I can't even explain it.on day 2 I quit them
 

OuchThatHurts

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The positive feedback on mirtazapine in this thread made me curious. Remeron is an old drug. I never suggested anyone ask for it simply b/c we have so much better tools to fight depression/ADHD/bipolor/OCD etc today. While I don't fight anxiety/depression, I do take Zofran for nausea and a beta-blocker for hypertension. Both are extremely effective but I also have some degree of parasomnias (sleep walking, waking up hourly, talking in my sleep, et al).

So this afternoon, I had my old biz partner send a mirtazapine script for 15mg (lowest dose) just to see if it helps me get some sleep. I tried this 'Lights Out' herbal formula which includes melatonin, valerian extract, chamomile, etc all in one capsule. It's worthless.

So we'll Guinea Pig up on this Remeron and compare notes over time.

OTH
 

OuchThatHurts

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Update on the mirtazapine: I don't have depression/anxiety so it was just nothing for me there (it may be effective for those that do) I got 90 15mg tabs but I took them for 3 days and honestly? I think I gained 5 pounds. Swear to God. I never been so hungry. I love the deep sleep though! My summer fun...I'll be a beached whale. I'm worried it'll cut into my fuck-a-palooza. I've started taking chromium which is helping though.

I'll stay the course... for now. 😉
 

Sides

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The positive feedback on mirtazapine in this thread made me curious. Remeron is an old drug. I never suggested anyone ask for it simply b/c we have so much better tools to fight depression/ADHD/bipolor/OCD etc today. While I don't fight anxiety/depression, I do take Zofran for nausea and a beta-blocker for hypertension. Both are extremely effective but I also have some degree of parasomnias (sleep walking, waking up hourly, talking in my sleep, et al).

So this afternoon, I had my old biz partner send a mirtazapine script for 15mg (lowest dose) just to see if it helps me get some sleep. I tried this 'Lights Out' herbal formula which includes melatonin, valerian extract, chamomile, etc all in one capsule. It's worthless.

So we'll Guinea Pig up on this Remeron and compare notes over time.

OTH

Please continue to let us know your experience on the Mirtazapine and how it works for you. I am cautiously optimistic based on feedback from you and others in this thread.

Coincidentally, I was just prescribed 15mg Mirtazapine (up to 1 and 1/2 per night) by my psychiatrist.

I am a lifelong insomniac, and I have been using Valium to get to sleep for the past 5-6 years. But my anxiety and OCD have been steadily increasing over the last couple of years, so I believe that the Valium has lost its effectiveness for me. It takes more Valium for me to get to sleep, but then I am lethargic the next day because of the long half-life, and need stimulants like Dexedrine to stay awake, which of course can make the anxiety and OCD worse.

It's a vicious circle, so I am trying to slowly withdraw from the Valium. I can handle the anxiety and OCD during the day, but I still need something to get to sleep at night.

I tried Trazodone at first, but that made me constipated and very hungover the next day. Now my psychiatrist has prescribed me Mirtazapine, so I'll be giving that a try. I haven't started it yet; I've just been waiting for an opportunity when I don't have so many responsibilities with child care the next day, just in case it really makes me hungover in the morning. I'm looking for something to relax me and help me to sleep, not to make me dead to the world LOL. And I need to be there for my children in the morning.

I'm hoping that Mirtazapine will help me out with the sleep, anxiety, and OCD issues. I guess the only way to know for sure is to give it a try. I've heard people say that it was the best thing they ever took, and the worst thing they ever took, so as always it just depends on the individual. The real problem will no doubt be the benzo withdrawal, but if Mirtazapine can be a tool to help me out with that, it will be a huge relief to me.

Thanks for your feedback, and please continue to let us know if it is working out for you.

Sides
 

OuchThatHurts

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Please continue to let us know your experience on the Mirtazapine and how it works for you. I am cautiously optimistic based on feedback from you and others in this thread.

Coincidentally, I was just prescribed 15mg Mirtazapine (up to 1 and 1/2 per night) by my psychiatrist.

I am a lifelong insomniac, and I have been using Valium to get to sleep for the past 5-6 years. But my anxiety and OCD have been steadily increasing over the last couple of years, so I believe that the Valium has lost its effectiveness for me. It takes more Valium for me to get to sleep, but then I am lethargic the next day because of the long half-life, and need stimulants like Dexedrine to stay awake, which of course can make the anxiety and OCD worse.

It's a vicious circle, so I am trying to slowly withdraw from the Valium. I can handle the anxiety and OCD during the day, but I still need something to get to sleep at night.

I tried Trazodone at first, but that made me constipated and very hungover the next day. Now my psychiatrist has prescribed me Mirtazapine, so I'll be giving that a try. I haven't started it yet; I've just been waiting for an opportunity when I don't have so many responsibilities with child care the next day, just in case it really makes me hungover in the morning. I'm looking for something to relax me and help me to sleep, not to make me dead to the world LOL. And I need to be there for my children in the morning.

I'm hoping that Mirtazapine will help me out with the sleep, anxiety, and OCD issues. I guess the only way to know for sure is to give it a try. I've heard people say that it was the best thing they ever took, and the worst thing they ever took, so as always it just depends on the individual. The real problem will no doubt be the benzo withdrawal, but if Mirtazapine can be a tool to help me out with that, it will be a huge relief to me.

Thanks for your feedback, and please continue to let us know if it is working out for you.

Sides
Do exactly as your psy says. But start with just one tab at night (if he/she feels that's okay). I've been sleeping really sound on it. Plus dreams which I hardly ever have. No talking in my sleep or walking to the kitchen, pouring a bowl of shredded wheat and finding it the next morning. The kitchen is 24 steps and 13 stairs away from my bed. I could do it blindfolded (or in this case, asleep). I've been OCD all my life. It's fixable. If it's not interfering with your normal activity, you're fine. If it is, CBT and a few meds are extremely effective.

I've learned to control it through grade school than college. I really only notice it now when I'm thrown way outside my comfort zones which is rare. It kicks in and I have laser focus on everything. Pattern recognition goes nuclear.
 

Sides

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Do exactly as your psy says. But start with just one tab at night (if he/she feels that's okay). I've been sleeping really sound on it. Plus dreams which I hardly ever have. No talking in my sleep or walking to the kitchen, pouring a bowl of shredded wheat and finding it the next morning. The kitchen is 24 steps and 13 stairs away from my bed. I could do it blindfolded (or in this case, asleep). I've been OCD all my life. It's fixable. If it's not interfering with your normal activity, you're fine. If it is, CBT and a few meds are extremely effective.

I've learned to control it through grade school than college. I really only notice it now when I'm thrown way outside my comfort zones which is rare. It kicks in and I have laser focus on everything. Pattern recognition goes nuclear.

I've been OCD and had anxiety issues all my life, but it was under control and doing well for years. I used to be one of those guys who said that the only anti-depressants I'll ever need are lifting weights and testosterone. I had to check the locks a few times at night, but nothing too bad.

But for some reason, the OCD and anxiety has gotten much worse over the last two years. My belief is that it is tied to my use of Valium to get to sleep at night.

I started using Valium back in 2015 or 2016, when I was taking care of my mother, who was dying from ALS, and I just couldn't get to sleep at night. I had the Valium on hand, and 10mg put me right to sleep, and I could still get up in the morning. Problem solved. I liked Valium so much that I used it every single night. Part of the problem with being OCD is that we are ritual-driven people, and do the same things over and over again. Valium to sleep at night, and caffeine/ephedrine/yohimbine to wake up in the morning, every night and day. Worked like a charm. Everything was good for a few years.

But the last couple of years, everything has gone to hell, and the anxiety and OCD are much worse. The 10mg of Valium wasn't enough to put me to sleep at night, so I took more, and I required stronger stimulants to wake up in the morning and stay alert during the day.

Now the OCD and anxiety have gotten much worse, and I am constantly checking locks or making sure cabinets are closed, or scrubbing myself raw in the shower, that kind of thing. Perhaps it's all tied to sleep deprivation, since the Valium doesn't work for me as well anymore, and I have an 18-month-old daughter who wakes me up during the night and early in the morning, and I stay up way too late at night.

In any event, taking more Valium is not the answer, because I've tried that, with detrimental effects. So I'm trying to slowly taper off the Valium, but I need something to help me sleep at night. So I am hoping that Mirtazapine will do the trick, while not aggravating the OCD, or making me too hungover in the morning, or gaining too much weight.

I have the bottle sitting here in front of me, so I guess I will have to try it to find out. But at least your feedback makes me hopeful that Mirtazapine could make things better instead of worse. I'll have to be optimistic and give it a cautious try.
 

OuchThatHurts

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I've been OCD and had anxiety issues all my life, but it was under control and doing well for years. I used to be one of those guys who said that the only anti-depressants I'll ever need are lifting weights and testosterone. I had to check the locks a few times at night, but nothing too bad.

But for some reason, the OCD and anxiety has gotten much worse over the last two years. My belief is that it is tied to my use of Valium to get to sleep at night.

I started using Valium back in 2015 or 2016, when I was taking care of my mother, who was dying from ALS, and I just couldn't get to sleep at night. I had the Valium on hand, and 10mg put me right to sleep, and I could still get up in the morning. Problem solved. I liked Valium so much that I used it every single night. Part of the problem with being OCD is that we are ritual-driven people, and do the same things over and over again. Valium to sleep at night, and caffeine/ephedrine/yohimbine to wake up in the morning, every night and day. Worked like a charm. Everything was good for a few years.

But the last couple of years, everything has gone to hell, and the anxiety and OCD are much worse. The 10mg of Valium wasn't enough to put me to sleep at night, so I took more, and I required stronger stimulants to wake up in the morning and stay alert during the day.

Now the OCD and anxiety have gotten much worse, and I am constantly checking locks or making sure cabinets are closed, or scrubbing myself raw in the shower, that kind of thing. Perhaps it's all tied to sleep deprivation, since the Valium doesn't work for me as well anymore, and I have an 18-month-old daughter who wakes me up during the night and early in the morning, and I stay up way too late at night.

In any event, taking more Valium is not the answer, because I've tried that, with detrimental effects. So I'm trying to slowly taper off the Valium, but I need something to help me sleep at night. So I am hoping that Mirtazapine will do the trick, while not aggravating the OCD, or making me too hungover in the morning, or gaining too much weight.

I have the bottle sitting here in front of me, so I guess I will have to try it to find out. But at least your feedback makes me hopeful that Mirtazapine could make things better instead of worse. I'll have to be optimistic and give it a cautious try.
Normally I don't like to talk about psychotropic medications here but does your specialist know about the diazepam? Diazepam is in a drug class known as benzodiazepines. You may know that. Be very cautious coming off a benzodiazepine and do it under a doctor's supervision. Both benzo and alcohol withdrawal appear to be pretty horrible but here's the important part; it can be deadly with chance of seizures.

Benzodiazepines are something people like myself wish they could un-invent. But you can get off them safely with a very, very, high degree of success. You could ask your doctor about Seroquel, Pristiq, or Lamictal. Just say a friend told you to ask about them. But the Remeron may help you taper off diazepam also due to it's sedative qualities. But it's not a GABA receptor agonist. Look at GABA in your brain as your brain's automobile brakes i.e. the very opposite of a neural stimulant (e.g. epinephrine, cocaine, amphetamine, etc). Without those brakes, your brain becomes like a out of control, runaway vehicle.

Luckily it's diazepam and not a more powerful benzo-hypno like lorazepam, clonazepam, etc which are mg per mg far more potent with a much higher degree of dependence.

You need to reach down and find your ability to calm yourself down without reaching for a quick pill, though. A pill is an easy fix but it's also easy to be tricked, become dependent, than you're locked in. Call your doctor immediately if you feel shaky hands, insomnia, anxiety/panic, tinnitus, visual or olfactory hallucinations, etc. These are withdrawal symptoms. You need to see a clinical psychologist that specializes in, or has a strong focus on CBT.

Best wishes for continued success, Sides.

OTH
 

Sides

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Normally I don't like to talk about psychotropic medications here but does your specialist know about the diazepam? Diazepam is in a drug class known as benzodiazepines. You may know that. Be very cautious coming off a benzodiazepine and do it under a doctor's supervision. Both benzo and alcohol withdrawal appear to be pretty horrible but here's the important part; it can be deadly with chance of seizures.

Benzodiazepines are something people like myself wish they could un-invent. But you can get off them safely with a very, very, high degree of success. You could ask your doctor about Seroquel, Pristiq, or Lamictal. Just say a friend told you to ask about them. But the Remeron may help you taper off diazepam also due to it's sedative qualities. But it's not a GABA receptor agonist. Look at GABA in your brain as your brain's automobile brakes i.e. the very opposite of a neural stimulant (e.g. epinephrine, cocaine, amphetamine, etc). Without those brakes, your brain becomes like a out of control, runaway vehicle.

Luckily it's diazepam and not a more powerful benzo-hypno like lorazepam, clonazepam, etc which are mg per mg far more potent with a much higher degree of dependence.

You need to reach down and find your ability to calm yourself down without reaching for a quick pill, though. A pill is an easy fix but it's also easy to be tricked, become dependent, than you're locked in. Call your doctor immediately if you feel shaky hands, insomnia, anxiety/panic, tinnitus, visual or olfactory hallucinations, etc. These are withdrawal symptoms. You need to see a clinical psychologist that specializes in, or has a strong focus on CBT.

Best wishes for continued success, Sides.

OTH

Thanks for the advice and the kind wishes.

Yes, my psychiatrist knows about and prescribes me the diazepam, Dexedrine, Trazodone, Mirtazapine, and Bupropion. He's an old-school dinosaur, graduated from medical school a year after I was born, and has fifty years of practice under his belt. He's a nice guy, but I know he has a very old-school approach to the meds, and sees no problem with being on benzodiazepines long-term. He also doesn't seem to understand the difficulties of withdrawing from medication after long-term use. He has told me before that if don't like the Valium or other meds, just stop taking them, and that the risks of withdrawal are overstated. He wanted me to take Seroquel, and told me that I could get off the Valium in a week if I started taking the Seroquel, which I find highly unlikely given the very long half-life. Everything I have read online advocates a very slow withdrawal from benzodiazepines.

My psychiatrist is also a big advocate of the SSRI's, and says that the risk of sexual dysfunction is very low at 3-4%, when everything I have read puts the risk much higher. He is good for writing me scripts for pretty much anything I ask for, but is not big on the therapy side of things.

I know, I need a new psychiatrist more up to date on CBT and other modern therapies.

I have looked for GABA receptor agonists online, but most of them also seem to come with a high risk of unpleasant side effects. Pick your poison, I guess.

I've had insomnia and anxiety for years, now I have the shaky hands and tinnitus as well. Even if I stay on the Valium, I get these symptoms, so I know the Valium is just not working for me anymore. And when I go to a higher dosage, that negatively effects my sleep apnea, makes me unbearably lethargic during the day, and has raised my white blood cell count and neutrophils to high levels, which came back down to normal levels when I reduced the dose of Valium.

So I believe that the only way to go is a long, slow withdrawal from the diazepam. Now I'm just looking for other compounds to make the unpleasant process a little more bearable. I can deal with the anxiety during the day, but getting to sleep at night without the Valium will be the biggest hurdle for me.

Again, thanks very much for your helpful advice.
 

OuchThatHurts

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Thanks for the advice and the kind wishes.

Yes, my psychiatrist knows about and prescribes me the diazepam, Dexedrine, Trazodone, Mirtazapine, and Bupropion. He's an old-school dinosaur, graduated from medical school a year after I was born, and has fifty years of practice under his belt. He's a nice guy, but I know he has a very old-school approach to the meds, and sees no problem with being on benzodiazepines long-term. He also doesn't seem to understand the difficulties of withdrawing from medication after long-term use. He has told me before that if don't like the Valium or other meds, just stop taking them, and that the risks of withdrawal are overstated. He wanted me to take Seroquel, and told me that I could get off the Valium in a week if I started taking the Seroquel, which I find highly unlikely given the very long half-life. Everything I have read online advocates a very slow withdrawal from benzodiazepines.

My psychiatrist is also a big advocate of the SSRI's, and says that the risk of sexual dysfunction is very low at 3-4%, when everything I have read puts the risk much higher. He is good for writing me scripts for pretty much anything I ask for, but is not big on the therapy side of things.

I know, I need a new psychiatrist more up to date on CBT and other modern therapies.

I have looked for GABA receptor agonists online, but most of them also seem to come with a high risk of unpleasant side effects. Pick your poison, I guess.

I've had insomnia and anxiety for years, now I have the shaky hands and tinnitus as well. Even if I stay on the Valium, I get these symptoms, so I know the Valium is just not working for me anymore. And when I go to a higher dosage, that negatively effects my sleep apnea, makes me unbearably lethargic during the day, and has raised my white blood cell count and neutrophils to high levels, which came back down to normal levels when I reduced the dose of Valium.

So I believe that the only way to go is a long, slow withdrawal from the diazepam. Now I'm just looking for other compounds to make the unpleasant process a little more bearable. I can deal with the anxiety during the day, but getting to sleep at night without the Valium will be the biggest hurdle for me.

Again, thanks very much for your helpful advice.
Wait, dextroamphetamine -and- diazepam?!? That's not good. Not good at all. Normally, I'd just recommend inpatient detox immediately. You're reaching for a bottle to stay up, then another to come down, another to go to sleep. Your brain is going 5 different directions at once. No wonder you feel like a zombie. Do the Seroquel for few months and get the hell off the benzos and amphetamines but consider inpatient. I'm not trying to scare you. But no wonder you're having problems. A doctor that will give you everything you want may be the last thing you need right now. You're practically self-medicating.You need to detox, my friend. Wipe the slate clean and start fresh with psychotherapy and a complete medicinal reevaluation. As always, discuss all with your doctors first before listening to me. But an addict trying to fix themselves is bad practice. I like the concept of patient involvement but not without direction. It's 2021, we have treatments and therapies for this that are practical and much safer, and most importantly, completely effective. You need to target your condition(s) with crosshairs, not a shotgun approach.

As always, very best wishes for continued success.

OTH

p.s. You don't need me to tell you what you need to do. Just do it. Okay?
 

Sides

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Wait, dextroamphetamine -and- diazepam?!? That's not good. Not good at all. Normally, I'd just recommend inpatient detox immediately. You're reaching for a bottle to stay up, then another to come down, another to go to sleep. Your brain is going 5 different directions at once. No wonder you feel like a zombie. Do the Seroquel for few months and get the hell off the benzos and amphetamines but consider inpatient. I'm not trying to scare you. But no wonder you're having problems. A doctor that will give you everything you want may be the last thing you need right now. You're practically self-medicating.You need to detox, my friend. Wipe the slate clean and start fresh with psychotherapy and a complete medicinal reevaluation. As always, discuss all with your doctors first before listening to me. But an addict trying to fix themselves is bad practice. I like the concept of patient involvement but not without direction. It's 2021, we have treatments and therapies for this that are practical and much safer, and most importantly, completely effective. You need to target your condition(s) with crosshairs, not a shotgun approach.

As always, very best wishes for continued success.

OTH

p.s. You don't need me to tell you what you need to do. Just do it. Okay?

I appreciate the good advice, my friend.

I am self-medicating, but then I suppose I've been self-medicating with at least testosterone and other steroids and stimulants for the past 29 years, ever since I did my first cycle back in 1992. Isn't self-medication why we have a sponsor forum on this board? Detoxing and wiping the slate clean sounds like a good idea, but then being natural isn't all it's cracked up to be, or none of us would have started on this long road of using various substances in the first place. On the other hand, self-medication has got me into the state I am in today, so admittedly I am in need of big changes.

I do regret ever starting the Valium, more than I can say. Biggest mistake of my life. The steroids and stimulants are one thing, but innocuous in comparison to the long-term effects of the benzodiazepines, if that is what's causing my increased OCD and anxiety. I suppose it's not just one thing, but multi-factorial in nature. Still, I see the Valium as the biggest culprit in my untimely demise, so I'm trying to do my best to slowly withdraw from the diazepam.

Sadly, an inpatient detox is out of the question. Who would take care of my baby daughter, my children, my wife, the house? And I'm sure the detox wouldn't agree to me using 400-600mg of testosterone per week, which I've been using for most of the last 29 years and is the only thing holding me together right now. When I have tried in the past to go down to normal human TRT doses of 100-200mg per week, my OCD and anxiety and depression really go crazy. Testosterone of course increases dopamine, is an agonist at the same GABA-A receptors targeted by the benzodiazepines, and exerts some of it's effects through the opioid receptors, which is probably all part of why high levels of test make me feel better. But on lower levels of test I unquestionably feel much, much worse.

I'm admittedly a mess and an addict, but I'm a somewhat high functioning addict at this time, and at least I have an important role to play in taking care of my baby daughter and my family. They need me. So I can't just drop everything and go to an inpatient detox program, even if I wanted to.

Best I can do is try to slowly taper off things like the Valium and Dexedrine, and try to make better choices. I'll try the Mirtazapine and see how it goes, and then try the Seroquel if necessary. And I will try to find a psychiatrist who is competent at CBT and other therapies, instead of just being a pill-pusher. One thing at a time, and one day at a time, I suppose. That's all I can do.

I do really appreciate your helpful advice and taking the time to comment. Believe me, I know you're right, it's just a matter of practicality and trying to make sure I can fulfill my responsibilities to my children and wife and family right now.
 

OuchThatHurts

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I appreciate the good advice, my friend.

I am self-medicating, but then I suppose I've been self-medicating with at least testosterone and other steroids and stimulants for the past 29 years, ever since I did my first cycle back in 1992. Isn't self-medication why we have a sponsor forum on this board? Detoxing and wiping the slate clean sounds like a good idea, but then being natural isn't all it's cracked up to be, or none of us would have started on this long road of using various substances in the first place. On the other hand, self-medication has got me into the state I am in today, so admittedly I am in need of big changes.

I do regret ever starting the Valium, more than I can say. Biggest mistake of my life. The steroids and stimulants are one thing, but innocuous in comparison to the long-term effects of the benzodiazepines, if that is what's causing my increased OCD and anxiety. I suppose it's not just one thing, but multi-factorial in nature. Still, I see the Valium as the biggest culprit in my untimely demise, so I'm trying to do my best to slowly withdraw from the diazepam.

Sadly, an inpatient detox is out of the question. Who would take care of my baby daughter, my children, my wife, the house? And I'm sure the detox wouldn't agree to me using 400-600mg of testosterone per week, which I've been using for most of the last 29 years and is the only thing holding me together right now. When I have tried in the past to go down to normal human TRT doses of 100-200mg per week, my OCD and anxiety and depression really go crazy. Testosterone of course increases dopamine, is an agonist at the same GABA-A receptors targeted by the benzodiazepines, and exerts some of it's effects through the opioid receptors, which is probably all part of why high levels of test make me feel better. But on lower levels of test I unquestionably feel much, much worse.

I'm admittedly a mess and an addict, but I'm a somewhat high functioning addict at this time, and at least I have an important role to play in taking care of my baby daughter and my family. They need me. So I can't just drop everything and go to an inpatient detox program, even if I wanted to.

Best I can do is try to slowly taper off things like the Valium and Dexedrine, and try to make better choices. I'll try the Mirtazapine and see how it goes, and then try the Seroquel if necessary. And I will try to find a psychiatrist who is competent at CBT and other therapies, instead of just being a pill-pusher. One thing at a time, and one day at a time, I suppose. That's all I can do.

I do really appreciate your helpful advice and taking the time to comment. Believe me, I know you're right, it's just a matter of practicality and trying to make sure I can fulfill my responsibilities to my children and wife and family right now.
I'm also a family man. That's good. Nothing more beautiful. You wouldn't see a psychiatrist for CBT. Psychiatrists are doctors that prescribe medications only and may REFER you to a clinical psychologist for therapy and evaluation to compliment your treatment towards success. That is what you need in my opinion. I'm only suggesting as a friend. You're not my patient. I don't deal directly with patients as I'm retired although I still sit on a few boards for the purposes of diagnostics. I was fortunate that my partners purchased my 72% share in my PC. But this isn't about me or what everyone else may or may not be doing. This is about you owning this now and doing what you need to do for you and your family. Okay?

If I had a problem, perhaps it would be you talking to me, right? Such that it is, I'm talking to you. If it makes you feel better, I haven't done a bit of juice in 3 years. Nothing. If and when I start a stack, I will make that choice. But the key word there is 'choice'. But you are not in this sandbox by choice. You just explained in exquisite detail why you must take all these drugs. When I see someone do that, do you know what that tells me?

You could be Elon Musk and it still wouldn't matter how well you're functioning. I'm talking about you and what measures you could take to make you function better. You think you're the first person I've talked to about this? You know better. I made my recommendations. You can choose to accept those recommendations or reject them out of hand if you wish. I just think you need some help. That's all I'm saying. You're not going to research your way through this.

Explain, obfuscate, project, justify, excuse all you like but the fact remains that you are using amphetamines, benzos, antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, a hefty dose of steroids, I don't know what else. You want me to tell you that's okay? Because others are doing it? A walking pharmacy of psychotropic substances is okay? I think you deserve better than that. Your family deserves better than that. I can tell you're a good person with a big heart. Use it.

You need detox of some sort or method under supervision. Outpatient if it has to be but you have to fix this. It's not open to debate. If you don't commit now to redirect your efforts to proper channels, this doesn't end well. You know that. Sobriety isn't a place you reach, it's a state of mind; a lifestyle.

I wish you the very, very best. You deserve the best. Just get it done. You have the desire. Now cross that finish line.

I'll leave this open for you to update. The next thing I want to here is something positive. Okay?

Best wishes on your continuing progress. And you have made progress. 1) Attenuating your diazepam and 2) realizing you have a problem. That's huge progress. Great work! Now get to it.

OTH
 

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