Would this experience traumatize you?

[Zarati]

I was dating a 35 years old woman with two kid who got out of a 10 year marriage, dated her for 3 months, things were fucking amazing!! Until i found out she was doing onlyfans with right before i met her with a fuckbuddy. She did it for 6 weeks. She did stop doing it and started deleting the content right when we started dating because she knew I wouldn't like it. The accounts don't disappear overnight because ppl subscribe. I found out about it and I also watched a couple of videos of her and the guy doing stuff. I was traumatized, sick to my stomach. She was a good woman honestly and I know she just made a mistake, getting out of a long term marriage probably messed her up But I just couldn't handle it knowing she did sexual acts for a bunch of losers to jerk off. I loved her and I fought to get over it but I really couldn't, so broke it off. We were both in love honestly

 

[Luv2test]

You probably saved yourself from looking like an asshole down the road. Mistakes have consequences. She made the choice, so don’t feel bad about sticking to your values.

 

[D2]

i will be as traumatized as u.... and can nvr ever get over it! so better to end this short relation asap and move on.

 

[Hermogenes]

If you are not in love you should laugh at it not be traumatized.
Also, personally I would never watch the videos. I know that it would be a point of no return.
I am in a 20+years stable loving relationship right in the beginning I was very clear: "We all have a past, it is gone and I am not interested in knowing about your intimate life before we met"

 

[OuchThatHurts]

I was dating a 35 years old woman with two kid who got out of a 10 year marriage, dated her for 3 months, things were fucking amazing!! Until i found out she was doing onlyfans with right before i met her with a fuckbuddy. She did it for 6 weeks. She did stop doing it and started deleting the content right when we started dating because she knew I wouldn't like it. The accounts don't disappear overnight because ppl subscribe. I found out about it and I also watched a couple of videos of her and the guy doing stuff. I was traumatized, sick to my stomach. She was a good woman honestly and I know she just made a mistake, getting out of a long term marriage probably messed her up But I just couldn't handle it knowing she did sexual acts for a bunch of losers to jerk off. I loved her and I fought to get over it but I really couldn't, so broke it off. We were both in love honestly

I'm traumatized just reading this. Your mistake was viewing those damn pictures/videos. But I can see how that could poison the well. Sorry to hear. That must have been tough.

 

[maldorf]

How did she react when you broke it off? Is she really upset and still pursuing you, or did she move on fast? That would be very telling IMO.

 

[Zarati]

How did she react when you broke it off? Is she really upset and still pursuing you, or did she move on fast? That would be very telling IMO.

Upset and pursuing, the problem isn't her or her loyalty. The problem is me not being able to remove those pictures and videos from my head. Not understanding why a woman at that age would do such a thing for validation and not even money... None of these just make sense to me. Masturbating one on one for a bunch of desperate losers on cam

 

[maldorf]

Upset and pursuing, the problem isn't her or her loyalty. The problem is me not being able to remove those pictures and videos from my head. Not understanding why a woman at that age would do such a thing for validation and not even money... None of these just make sense to me. Masturbating one on one for a bunch of desperate losers on cam

I don't know how I would deal with it, never been in that situation. If she really cared about me, I'd probably try to forget about what she did. After all, it was before you were with her.

I caught my ex wife cheating on me. That was unforgivable, but even that I attempted to move on from. If you really care about her, I think you may regret not at least giving it a try.

 

[Skins]

I'm traumatized just reading this. Your mistake was viewing those damn pictures/videos. But I can see how that could poison the well. Sorry to hear. That must have been tough.

...yeah, I was thinking the same thing. This was hurtful to read. To the OP: I can understand how you felt. I can only imagine the inner turmoil as you try to decide whether or not to click the "play" button.
Knowing that she was trying to delete the videos is helpful (in my eyes)... I think, if that was true, I would probably not click "play" and allow her to have moral standing. Corrective behavior says alot, IMHO.

But... yeah. I'm sorry my friend.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

...yeah, I was thinking the same thing. This was hurtful to read. To the OP: I can understand how you felt. I can only imagine the inner turmoil as you try to decide whether or not to click the "play" button.
Knowing that she was trying to delete the videos is helpful (in my eyes)... I think, if that was true, I would probably not click "play" and allow her to have moral standing. Corrective behavior says alot, IMHO.

But... yeah. I'm sorry my friend.

Maybe it's just a generational thing, but I can understand him being skittish. Myself, I had to look up "onlyfans" to see what it was. I'm never going to be surprised about internet content again. Honest to god. It's sites like that which are destroying any hopes for our kids to have happy healthy relationships. It's a perversion of intimacy and a bad example of what healthy sex lives look like. It almost sounded amateur pornish/illegal. I'm just going by the wiki explanation but it sounded pretty risque. To most guys, this would be a clear dealbreaker and I more than understand.

EDIT: I'm not suggesting that good relationships can't arise out of these situations. The numbers show it's possible. In my experience, albeit limited, couples finding loving relationships on dating sites is exceptional and not the general result. I have never considered a computer a marital aid (or text messaging, phone sex, sexting, et al) but after speaking with a few members here in DMs, maybe this deserves more thought. Do I wish that all people be patient, get involved in healthy social activities, and meat a flesh-and-blood person to love? Yes. But in 2021, that hasn't turned out all that well either, has it? I have no solution other than to learn how to be a good and faithful partner. Get involved in relationships because of what you have to offer and not what someone else can offer you. Communicate, be kind, generous, etc. You get the idea. I have a strong hunch that learning these things will help your relationship no matter where or how you meet. But a word of caution: technology can supplement your relationship but never let a machine come BETWEEN you and your mate. A hug, a kiss, a hand on the shoulder will never be replaced by emoji's and smileys.

The fact that she was in the process of deleting the content though, like you I feel should score her some points. It really is an unfortunate situation. She should never have told him about it at all and deleted and cleaned everything up beforehand but...

As sappy as it sounds, love conquers all. If it's meant to be, it will be. On the other hand, if he never wanted to see her again, I could see it. And there is certainly no shortage of single women, that's for certain.

Me personally, I could probably roll right through this. But I don't get emotionally invested as much as many men do.

 

[Zarati]

...yeah, I was thinking the same thing. This was hurtful to read. To the OP: I can understand how you felt. I can only imagine the inner turmoil as you try to decide whether or not to click the "play" button.
Knowing that she was trying to delete the videos is helpful (in my eyes)... I think, if that was true, I would probably not click "play" and allow her to have moral standing. Corrective behavior says alot, IMHO.

But... yeah. I'm sorry my friend.

Maybe it's just a generational thing, but I can understand him being skittish. Myself, I had to look up "onlyfans" to see what it was. I'm never going to be surprised about internet content again. Honest to god. It's sites like that which are destroying any hopes for our kids to have happy healthy relationships. It's a perversion of intimacy and a bad example of what healthy sex lives look like. It almost sounded amateur pornish/illegal. I'm just going by the wiki explanation but it sounded pretty risque. To most guys, this would be a clear dealbreaker and I more than understand.

The fact that she was in the process of deleting the content though, like you I feel should score her some points. It really is an unfortunate situation. She should never have told him about it at all and deleted and cleaned everything up beforehand but...

As sappy as it sounds, love conquers all. If it's meant to be, it will be. On the other hand, if he never wanted to see her again, I could see it. And there is certainly no shortage of single women, that's for certain.

Me personally, I could probably roll right through this. But I don't get emotionally invested as much as many men do.

I don't know how I would deal with it, never been in that situation. If she really cared about me, I'd probably try to forget about what she did. After all, it was before you were with her.

I caught my ex wife cheating on me. That was unforgivable, but even that I attempted to move on from. If you really care about her, I think you may regret not at least giving it a try.

She's offered to pay for EMDR sessions so I'd forgive those images and videos and trauma
It's like 200 bucks a session and needs 5

 

[OuchThatHurts]

She's offered to pay for EMDR sessions so I'd forgive those images and videos and trauma
It's like 200 bucks a session and needs 5

Are you going to accept her offer?

 

[maldorf]

She's offered to pay for EMDR sessions so I'd forgive those images and videos and trauma
It's like 200 bucks a session and needs 5

Ive never heard of this treatment. Has anyone here ever had it done? Does it work? Sounds a bit like the Ludovico technique in the book A clockwork Orange!

What is EMDR? - EMDR Institute - EYE MOVEMENT DESENSITIZATION AND REPROCESSING THERAPY

www.emdr.com

 

[Zarati]

Are you going to accept her offer?

If it'll eass the trauma

You can't turn a ho into a housewife. This was painful to read and I would've been extremely disappointed and bummed out bc I know I have too much respect for myself to be with someone who would do all of that stuff for strangers.. her audience was more than likely locals (especially if she had a small time following). I would be embarrassed if I was out in public, on a date with her and some guy came up to me and told me he seen her on Onlyfans.

Honestly man, she has an amazing heart, a heart bettet than some of these church going women. I truly believe this isn't her and she just made a bad decision due to loneliness and losing her kids

 

[OuchThatHurts]

If it'll eass the trauma

You won't know until you've completed treatment. I'm totally rooting for you both. Personally, I don't think you need the treatment. In time, you'll get past these indiscretions naturally and you can use the couple thousand $ and take a vacation together.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

You can't turn a ho into a housewife. This was painful to read and I would've been extremely disappointed and bummed out bc I know I have too much respect for myself to be with someone who would do all of that stuff for strangers.. her audience was more than likely locals (especially if she had a small time following). I would be embarrassed if I was out in public, on a date with her and some guy came up to me and told me he seen her on Onlyfans.

My wife has many nudes out there. Some are pretty graphic. It doesn't have to be a dealbreaker. Today she's devoted, faithful, and a good mother. I consider my total lifelong whore self very fortunate to have her by my side.

 

[Skins]

Honestly man, she has an amazing heart, a heart bettet than some of these church going women. I truly believe this isn't her and she just made a bad decision due to loneliness and losing her kids

I'm actually glad to read this. Give her a shot.

 

[Luv2test]

She lost her kids? How did that happen? It may seem irrelevant, but divorces don’t typically end in one half straight up losing custody.

 

[pimpman]

If it'll eass the trauma

Honestly man, she has an amazing heart, a heart bettet than some of these church going women. I truly believe this isn't her and she just made a bad decision due to loneliness and losing her kids

She sounds like she regrets what she did.but is the reason she lost her kids?that's a bit concerning. Drug use? Or ?

 

[pickapeck]

Virtue has value but everybody sins.