Nothing left for me in this world

[brutus69]

i been where you are now. religion wont help. look into some buddhist ways of life philosophy, meditation. it'll calm you down.
and then, dont think. just do. just say fuck it, and go out, interract.
the hardest part is the first step. you gotta force yourself. and once you're out and about, you'll realize its not as hard as you made it out to be.
other people have problems too. know you're not alone in life!
i feel bad for you, cuz i know exactly what you're going thru.
you have to get outside of your own head. its become a habit for you, thinking negative. break the habit, start healing.

 

[Redz]

RLara85, I am absolutely dumbfounded and glad!

[QU
OTE=RLara85;844745]I don't post here often but there seems to be some smart folks around here so I figured it was a good place to vent. My story is a bit long, I'll try to keep it as short as possible:

Back in 2005 I witnessed my step-dad nearly die in a really gruesome accident, the day after I started having horrible panic attacks which have continued five years later. This isn't your regular anxiety.... this is full-blown vertigo/passing out/vomiting/derealization to the point where it makes me almost unable to function at times.

Been in therapy for most of the five years (everytime from CBT to hypnosis to the more occult stuff), I've had every SSRI and MAOI thrown at me, I've had seizure meds, benzodiazapenes (which work as a nice band-aid, but thats it).... you name it, I've taken it, and they have zero effect on me. Doctors are baffled and basically say they have no idea where to turn.

Long story short, I'm screwed. I've been in three relationships since I had this and ruined them all, since I can barely ever leave the house to social events which is obviously a big problem for most people. For this same reason I alienated most of my friends. You have to understand, I can't just be popping Xanax daily, the tolerance ruins it quickly so I have to save it for one a week or so.

Let's cut to the chase, I'm serving no purpose to society.... I can't work, or can't find anyone that would let me work from home (I do have a college degree and am bi-lingual, but working from home seems to be a no-no), I certainly am draining society by living off SSI and such. Every relationship I come near I eventually destroy and leave the other person in a lot of pain. I have no close family here.

I'm fed up, sometimes I wonder what my options are. Death? Becoming a monk (not joking)? Loading myself up on gear and seeing how far I can take bodybuilding just for the sake of doing it... at least live out one crazy dream in my life? Become a vagabond and just roam around?

I'm very serious, when things go wrong the usual advice is "well just go hang out with your friends or go to a club and you'll feel better"..... but what do you do when you are too disabled to participate in that or too maintain close relationships? Seems like my only road is to walk alone and just do something for myself without regard for anyone.

You guys are wiser than me so I'm open ears

P.S. before anyone asks how I get to the gym, I don't, I managed to build a great one at home over the years so I can work out at my own schedule when I'm feeling ok.... if I feel sick, I can just go lie down for a few min[/QUOTE]


First of all, I am in no way trying to take away from your story. Honestly, it sounded as if I wrote it because I can relate to absolutely every detail you mentioned except the part about witnesing the accident. Your story is NOT too long. I would like to hear more if you ever feel so inclined. I am saying this because at this second I am in the exact state of affairs and I too will try to keep this abbreviated. Prior to 2003 I was busy creating an immaculately bright future working for a reputable pharmaceutical company, attending college, met the love of my life, making exceptional bodybuilding progress and being "that guy" that loved life and his friends. 2003. I would make the most sickening decision in my life due to greed and weakness by attempting to steal thousands of dollars in a brand name American made human growth hormone. Born and raised with an overly guilty conscience and lack of a properly geared criminal mind, I was caught red handed. From that moment panic attacks instantly became a virtual daily event. A insiduous case of PTSD. Needless to say I quickly began to lose all I had procured in life, especially my self confidence and will to live. Alcohol and oxycontin became my coping mechanism. Agoraphobia was high on my new vocabulary skills along with felony. To this day, panic attacks have not gotten easieras they leave me crippled, drained and depressed. I too have taken every SSRI with 0 results. Xanax is great until your tollerance kicks in. Miraculously I wiened off the booze and oxycontin to be placed on a prescription of Suboxone, also an opiate to relieve withdrawl symptoms. Funny, turns out it is harder to kick than OC'. That habit lasted exactly 4 years, not by choice but the glorious purchase of my 3rd dui since the "event". I wanted to die. It still crosses my mind from time to time with each panic attack. Every relationship I have had ends in disaster. I am my own worst enemy. If I gather the balls to attend ANY social event, it takes everything out of me mentally and physically. I am a complete wreck. Real sleep is a distant memory. I honestly do not know what keeps me going. Like you, I still train hard because it is my escape. I am sober for now. One slip back and I will die. I suppose the fact that 2 of my closest friends have commited suicide rescently and have seen the aftermath of eternal pain they have caused to their families might be a deterant. Yet I cannot make myself understand why it sounds like the best answer at times. Like you I am not a religious man yet there is something that is keeping me alive. When I figure it out I might have just concured this terrible affliction. I can go on for days. My point is I know your pain. Nothing I can say will sugar coat shit. Unless you have had one, panick attacks are like being possesed by a demon. Absolutely no control. I miss my friends. I miss the love of my life. I miss havingan endless supply of enthusiasm for life. Maybe cliche but without slammin iron, i'd be lost. This group of guys in this thread are indispensable friends. Most people don't wanna hear it. Please hit me up man if you need to vent. There is SO much more good I have to share because honestly, I am sick as hell of feeling like this. Consider the next part of your life round 2 homey! We might of been knocked down in round 1 but we sure as shit didn't get knocked out. Thank you for your words brotha as now you know your struggles are exactly mine. I don't feel all alone anymore. Redz

 

[christy_xa365]

have you seen this

just curious if you have seen this, and what you think of it:
seattle payday loans

 

[drietindadelo]

yeast infection treatment

Hi everyone

SymptomsOfYeastInfection.Biz

Are you searching for information on learn how to eliminate a yeast infection? If that's the case, you are both affected by a feminine, male or oral (thrush) candida yeast infection. One symptom that each one of those situations have in frequent are sores and blisters both in the vagina, the penis or the mouth. Within the case of penile candida infections or vaginal candida infections, further signs are burning and itching from rashes within the genitals.
This text will describe the way to treat a yeast infection from candida yeast.

Get Rid Of a Yeast Infection With Prescription Or Over The Counter Cures
If that is your first candida infection, you may find some success with over-the-counter remedies or treatments that had been prescribed by your doctor. These remedies
would probably embody ointments, creams and antibiotics that have antifungal substances that help to kill yeast. Examples of some products could be Miconazole, Clotrimazole, Tioconazole or Butoconazole. Miconazole vaginal cream is the generic title for the brand names Monistat three, Femizole-M and Monistat 7.
Miconazole or Monistat or Miconazole are antifungals which are used as a suppository or vaginal cream. They are used to deal with the most typical forms of yeast infection due to the Candida fungus. These merchandise all relieve the burning and itching symptoms which can be frequent with yeast infections of the vagina or the penis.
The products are usually given in therapy courses of 1 (prescription solely), 3 or 7 days.

Get Rid Of a Yeast Infection With Natural Cures

Not everybody's physique responds effectively to exterior medications for candida. Or - perhaps the remedy short-term solves the itching and burning downside, solely to have the yeast reoccur with signs worse than before. If so for you, maybe it is time to take into account some pure treatments which your body may reply to in a more optimistic way.
One very common pure cure to make use of to eliminate your candida is yogurt.
Not just any yogurt, nonetheless - plain, unpasteurized, unflavored, non-sugar yogurt. You possibly can eat this in as giant quantities as you may stand. The acidophilus that is likely one of the major yogurt components works to combat yeast with some 'good bacteria' that is efficient at neutralizing the Ph imbalance of candida cells in your body. Other natural cures to contemplate are tea tree oil and apple cider vinegar which may be applied internally (as a douche) for vaginal yeast infections, topically for each penile and female sores and lesions. Apple cider vinegar may also be used in a gargling answer as a treatment for oral thrush.




Symptoms Of Yeast Infection In Males | SymptomsOfYeastInfection.Biz
Symptoms Of Yeast Infection In Men | SymptomsOfYeastInfection.Biz




Bye to everyone !

 

[brutale]

Go to animal shelter. Visit a hospice. Meals on wheels. You are a bi lingual college graduate. Do some volunteer tutoring. Start slow with the number of hours. Before you know it you'll be adding more to society than the vast majority of folks. Give your time and energy to people who need your help. I'd wager it would help your state of mind as well.

"and in the end, the love we take, is equal to the love we make"

Suicide - a long term solution to a short-term problem

Good comments. I would cultivate
- cultivate a new spirit of giving to others. Helps one feel relevant, needed, and less "in one's head"
- focus on spirituality ... doesn't matter which tradition, choose something (Christianity, Buddhism, etc.) that suits you. Try to "let go and let God"
- get the book the art of living by Epictetus
- find a doc you like and trust to help you optimize your meds

Good luck.