Trying to talk some sense into my idiot brothers head

[abolish the weak]

This kid is a moron, he's 18 yrs old and just graduated high school(barely). He hangs out with little junkies, WTF is wrong with kids? I go up there for his graduation and him and his friends all have these nasty burn marks on their arms. The dumbasses got drunk and high and I guess it was some test of manhood or something, they were putting cigarettes out in their arms!! The kid has no ambitions, no discipline, has never had a job even a p/t job. So my parents move away and come down to my town, he says he's not going with them. so he is living with some friend in a house with 6 other people. I told my mom not to send him shit, if he cant get his shit together and work he must not want to stay that bad. He had a nice car and totalled it because he was too fucking stupid to defog the windshield b4 driving it and hit a parked Cadillac. (thats what he says, he was probably stoned) I cant talk any sense into him, its useless. I hate to say it but he is a perfect candidate for killing himself. The only thing he does thats ever been somewhat productive is photography, and he's a good skateboarder. Nothing that is making him any money, nor probably will. Take a look at these photos, granted they are some cool photos, but what a fucking moron!!! These pics of him seriously scared the shit out of me. any advice?

 

[Gunsmith]

I hate to say it bro but some times it takes a very bad experiance to snap some kids to attention , either realy fucking him self up or sombody else , I've seen it alot while working with law enforcement , a kid like your brother driving around high or drunk with his buddies slams into a car killing 3 of the four people in it (the mother and two kids , dad made it) none of the kids realy had to much remorse for it , the drunk driver did. When he found out that the father of the two dead childeren and wife had lost his mind and washed his mouth out with a bullet thats when the reality set in , and the young man still sees a shrink for it today (8yrs later)

I have a younger cousin who is going to end up loosing his lower leg because he was a dumb ass on his bike and spilled it a little over 100 mp trying to be cool for his friends , I asked him how cool a prosthetic leg and a bad limp was and all he could do was cry.

As much as I hate to say it , short of going to prison , killing sombody or himself his best education may be some realy tough love from his big bro.
My parents adopted another cousin of mine after hurricane Katrina , he was 18yrs old senior in high school , his parens raised him with the whole "timeout" line of thought and he grew into a total punk with zero respect for anybody , my parents tried the same ideas with him but he relized that he could "bully" them cause he was a big boy and they were much past their prime. One evening everybody is at their house for a crawfish boil and I hear him say "just shut the f*** up" so I spin around to see who is talking like that and its him talking to my mom !! so I walk over and beat him into the hospital for a few days the whole while explaining how that if he lives though this that he will never dissrespect my/his mom like that again. It worked sad to say it had to go that far but think about it you probably got your butt wore out a few times comming up , did he?

I was raised by a third generation US Marine , I can't count the times I got smacked in the back of the head for not saying yes mam or yes sir to a total stranger , walking through a door before sombody else , or not acknowledging another person on the street with at least a head nod or "afternoon" especialy if you made eye contact and to this day is pisses me off to no end to see the youger generation not have any manners

 

[abolish the weak]

I hate to say it bro but some times it takes a very bad experiance to snap some kids to attention , either realy fucking him self up or sombody else , I've seen it alot while working with law enforcement , a kid like your brother driving around high or drunk with his buddies slams into a car killing 3 of the four people in it (the mother and two kids , dad made it) none of the kids realy had to much remorse for it , the drunk driver did. When he found out that the father of the two dead childeren and wife had lost his mind and washed his mouth out with a bullet thats when the reality set in , and the young man still sees a shrink for it today (8yrs later)

I have a younger cousin who is going to end up loosing his lower leg because he was a dumb ass on his bike and spilled it a little over 100 mp trying to be cool for his friends , I asked him how cool a prosthetic leg and a bad limp was and all he could do was cry.

As much as I hate to say it , short of going to prison , killing sombody or himself his best education may be some realy tough love from his big bro.
My parents adopted another cousin of mine after hurricane Katrina , he was 18yrs old senior in high school , his parens raised him with the whole "timeout" line of thought and he grew into a total punk with zero respect for anybody , my parents tried the same ideas with him but he relized that he could "bully" them cause he was a big boy and they were much past their prime. One evening everybody is at their house for a crawfish boil and I hear him say "just shut the f*** up" so I spin around to see who is talking like that and its him talking to my mom !! so I walk over and beat him into the hospital for a few days the whole while explaining how that if he lives though this that he will never dissrespect my/his mom like that again. It worked sad to say it had to go that far but think about it you probably got your butt wore out a few times comming up , did he?

I was raised by a third generation US Marine , I can't count the times I got smacked in the back of the head for not saying yes mam or yes sir to a total stranger , walking through a door before sombody else , or not acknowledging another person on the street with at least a head nod or "afternoon" especialy if you made eye contact and to this day is pisses me off to no end to see the youger generation not have any manners

part of the whole root of the problem is my father has not been there much of the time. When my parents first moved from NY my father had moved first and then my mother about 2 yrs afterwards. He was working down here and sending money back home until she got the house sold. Then after they moved here, he lived there for a few yrs but then they did the same thing. He moved to my city and my mom stayed up there a year. They wanted to move to be closer to us and their new grandson. So much of the time he had not had my father around to shut him up or take anything to do with him. My dad has been in the car business his whole life, often working from 9am and coming home after we were asleep. We didn't see him that much, we never ate dinner together as a family or took family trips. If there is one thing I've learned growing up its that money isnt shit without time spent with your family. I promised myself I'd never make the same mistake, because a little fuckup like my brother is what happens. Hell, I was a little fuck up myself, but not to that degree. We got caught drinking a few times, and I think I got in trouble for breaking a window once, but never anything like this shit

 

[wtw11171]

Hard love bro. is the only way to go. You may need to do the family intervention. I was F***ed most of my younger years. I ran with a gang and did some pretty bad shit. I was a garbage head and did anything I could to just stay high. I lived with friends and even slept on the streets. Thank God I had a conversion. My wife was very instrumental in this and I put her through hell from the time I was 18 until I was 20. We are together a very long time. I found myself at a cross road. I was either going to change my life, end up in prison or death. Best thing I can offer now is prayer. Prayer is powerfull. I have seen miracles. PAX.

 

[Newman]

I was raised by a third generation US Marine , I can't count the times I got smacked in the back of the head for not saying yes mam or yes sir to a total stranger , walking through a door before sombody else , or not acknowledging another person on the street with at least a head nod or "afternoon" especialy if you made eye contact and to this day is pisses me off to no end to see the youger generation not have any manners

I'm not into controlling people or power tripping, but I do expect a basic civil decency out of people & I'm trying to put that value into my young son.

I'd say you were raised right. Assuming your dad is still alive, you should thank him.

 

[thedonker]

I get where he's at it sounds a lot like my misguided moments and I have had several of them in my life. Initially I would say that he is deeply wanting direction, or acceptance or attention, and probably feels trapped by his current circumstances and sitations. For me finding a creative outlet was a big help and pursuing my dreams, although I never quite got there it gave me the direction to get through those tough late teenage years. You could try talking to him out of his normal situation, like taking a weekend break doing something he enjoys or used to etc and getting him to open up without any predjudice, and seeing if you can help.

best of luck

 

[Phidias]

Sounds like he's desperately seeking for an existence a tad bit more "exciting" than the one experienced by people around him... clearly YOUR way of life is not appealing to him. "Normal" people having to get up everyday at the same hour to go to work, sheeps abiding by the rules are awfully boring in his mind... the world he lives in makes him depressed.

Really not a lot you can do for him... since he just thinks you're a sheep among many whose opinion doesn't matter, odds are high he won't listen to you.

Either he reacts on his own in time, or a special person will come his way one day and make him realize "something else" is possible. Or yes, he'll just keep on self-destructing... the human psyche is such a complex thing.

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

ATW, did your brother jump from up there down????? If he did how far down is that drop??? holy crap!


(all good adivce so far)

 

[Muay Thai]

skaters go down hill quick out here too

 

[Chuckblonde]

Sounds like he's desperately seeking for an existence a tad bit more "exciting" than the one experienced by people around him... clearly YOUR way of life is not appealing to him. "Normal" people having to get up everyday at the same hour to go to work, sheeps abiding by the rules are awfully boring in his mind... the world he lives in makes him depressed.

Really not a lot you can do for him... since he just thinks you're a sheep among many whose opinion doesn't matter, odds are high he won't listen to you.

Either he reacts on his own in time, or a special person will come his way one day and make him realize "something else" is possible. Or yes, he'll just keep on self-destructing... the human psyche is such a complex thing.

great advice, i know a guy that feels that way

 

[Gunsmith]

I'm not into controlling people or power tripping, but I do expect a basic civil decency out of people & I'm trying to put that value into my young son.

I'd say you were raised right. Assuming your dad is still alive, you should thank him.

I thank my parents everyday for the things they have given me , and yes i call them everyday to at least tell them hello and that i love them.

I'm not controling with my son , I just demand that he shows respect to everyone that needs it , and in my oppinion EVERYBODY should be shown respect until you do somthing to loose it.

Its sad to see the up comming generations loosing so many of the qualitys of life due to the poor choices that they are making and alot of that I think is caused from modern ways of thinking

tough love is certainly effective

 

[Beregond]

If your parents are sending him money, that has to end. He needs to know that he has a good option, like moving in with them or you or someone who cares, and following the rules, and getting a job or going to school; whatever. But under no circumstances should anyone enable his self-destruction. And if he does accept the "good" option, then the rules have to be enforced.

What I'm saying is, you should never give up on a family member; but you have to be tough, too. They may hate you for it for a while, but they'll be grateful in the long run.

 

[abolish the weak]

If your parents are sending him money, that has to end. He needs to know that he has a good option, like moving in with them or you or someone who cares, and following the rules, and getting a job or going to school; whatever. But under no circumstances should anyone enable his self-destruction. And if he does accept the "good" option, then the rules have to be enforced.

What I'm saying is, you should never give up on a family member; but you have to be tough, too. They may hate you for it for a while, but they'll be grateful in the long run.

thats what I'm afraid of. I called my parents and told them about the photos and basically told them not to send him shit, zilch!! They are sort of struggling with money right now too, and to see them send what little money they made off selling the house to his dumb ass is just going to piss me off

 

[kid1dakota]

Can you spend more time with him? Be a role model.Take him to the gym,introduce him to your friends ,talk about life,goals girls etc...It may trigger something in him.

 

[mrmike75209]

Been there before. Took me a good run in with the law (no jail-time or anything) to get my life straighten out but I'm a changed person now because of it. It was good living back then until something goes seriously wrong for you to realize how real life is a pretty serious deal.