- Joined
- Oct 4, 2013
- Messages
- 132
I admittingly am ging thru midlife crisis. married 30 years to a sweet, pure, virgin when we met, Christian who can do no wrong. we have a great set of kids. 2 are gainfully employed well mannered and contribute to society. one has 2 grandkids that we love but they are 19 hours away. I have an 18 year old still home junior in high school. however I feel I am done with this part of my life. it was such a struggle to be a dad. I was embarrassed when they called me one. I never knew what a dad was. all I knew was to keep my kids safe and be there for them. I was mostly a stay home dad working odd jobs so I could be close to them and not allow what happened to me , happen to them. but I was and am still emotionally distant as I dint want my crazy lifestyle and shame and guilt to rub off on them.
you see, my dad died when I was one. my mom went crazy and married and slept with everything that walked in the door. I had 4 or five step dads. I was pretty much emotionally abandoned at 12 and dropped out of school as a junior. joined the navy and got out early to meet this fabulous life- saving creature. she grounded me somewhat. I have cheated on her numerous times and my family knows. its bad behavior but certainly brought on by that shytty childhood. It doesn't help that my best friend looks down on what I have done against her and says I am actually in heaven now and he believes when I die I will experience hell.
so my question is this. I have asked her if she would be happier with a Christian man that shares most of her values as it would make her happier. she vehemently desires to stay with me. She "gets" me. I just hate all this guilt and shame and wonder how I deserved her. she always joked as many dangerous situations I found myself in that the mayhem guy from allstate commercials is what she thinks my guardian angel looks like!! lol sorry so long but I need a balance, a direction, some peace. thanks
you see, my dad died when I was one. my mom went crazy and married and slept with everything that walked in the door. I had 4 or five step dads. I was pretty much emotionally abandoned at 12 and dropped out of school as a junior. joined the navy and got out early to meet this fabulous life- saving creature. she grounded me somewhat. I have cheated on her numerous times and my family knows. its bad behavior but certainly brought on by that shytty childhood. It doesn't help that my best friend looks down on what I have done against her and says I am actually in heaven now and he believes when I die I will experience hell.
so my question is this. I have asked her if she would be happier with a Christian man that shares most of her values as it would make her happier. she vehemently desires to stay with me. She "gets" me. I just hate all this guilt and shame and wonder how I deserved her. she always joked as many dangerous situations I found myself in that the mayhem guy from allstate commercials is what she thinks my guardian angel looks like!! lol sorry so long but I need a balance, a direction, some peace. thanks