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I still can't believe this is happening

Bigmactruck44

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Whatsup fellas havent been on a forum in years but figured I would come back.

About six months ago I decided to leave the busy city of los angeles to find a more quality chick that was less superficial and experience the southern life and southern people. After a brief fling with a stripper in dallas ended, I found myself lost and told myself I think it was a sign to hang up the player days and settle down. A few weeks later after my fling with the stripper ended, I decided to step out and was at an outdoor event with my cousin and he points out this beautiful exotic chick checking me out. Fellas this girl was perfection to me. Looks like a hotter version of Gina from scarface. I looked at her, told myself that's the girl I am going to get... I went to take a piss and said a little prayer, told the man in the sky just pull me this one chick one last time and I promise I'll do my best to turn my life around. Sure enough my prayers were answered, I got her number told her to wait for me untill I get back from Miami. We started dating and we fell in love. Not many guys can say they actually got to snag the woman of their dreams My life was surreal. Business was doing well, I had found love, this chick was pushing for a family with me and we had plans to get married. Now obviously I am not some naive dumbass that gets feelings for a 21 year old. I screened her well, was close with her parents they knew what she wanted. I made her prove herself with her actions. Hot 21 year olds dont usually commit they are too busy partying and riding the cock carousel.

Things couldn't get any more perfect until some shit started happening. Things got weird...Out of nowhere I started having some problems in the sack. Now I had abused gear in my early to mid 20's and was self medicating TRT. Came off anti estrogens a while ago and noticed my sex drive dropped. .she came over 3 times and I got soft every time. Started sensing that she was getting sexually frustrated and began popping cialis and viagra left and right. I noticed she became more uptight too. After that things were never the same. This is about 3 weeks before we broke up.

I took her on a trip for valentines day, we are at dinner and I ask her why she drinks so much. She goes on to say it makes her feel good and thats the reason why I am able to bang her better when shes drunk because she is naturally an uptight person. she brings up to me not geting hard the last few times. Told me she spoke to her mom and grandma about it because she didn't know who to talk to. "Are you sure hes attracted to you" they asked her. "Maybe its the red wine he drinks" her mother said. "does he have blood pressure issues?" My ex replied to her "the man is 28 mom he doesnt have blood pressure issues of course he is attracted to me"

Of course as shes telling me this I'm thinking about coming clean with her but I cant...I mean what was I supposed to say "honey you know those needles you found 2 months ago and asked me about steroids and I lied and told you it was vitamin b12? I used to abuse the shit out of anabolics and Im on trt and my estro is fucked up. Come to the doc with me?" LOL looking back she probably would of but I didnt say anything. My ego was too big. I was popping cialis and viagras like crazy before our dates and the anxiety was just making me up tight.

Anyways things seemed like they were turning around when she tells me " listen I brought sexy underwear and your gonna fuck me"

A weight was lifted off me. She still wanted to have sex. I felt like things actually had a shot to get back to normal. Things were great...until she got sick on valentines at dinner and started puking everywhere. Yeah I dropped 3 grand on a valentines day trip with her and we didnt even fuck. she apologized for getting sick I could tell she felt bad.

3 days later after the trip, she gets her hair done and sends me a picture of her. "Does this get you hard". Im thinking to myself shit she is a ride or die she is still in the game. We go out to dinner, we are talking about life. She sees a pregnant chick walk by, "you better want to fuck me when I'm pregnant" She says. We are joking around and I can tell the attraction for eachother was coming back. She comes home gets in the bath, gets out and comes to me but things are just off. The energy between us wasn't the same. She ends up going to bed and we start talking. I start being an asshole to her, she starts saying shes worried if she doesnt satisfy me soon Im going to cheat on her, yet shes sexually frustrated. I tell her no shit your sexually frustrated but I'm here hard ready to go and your not doing shit.

Key note- the chick did tell me that she was raped 4 months prior to us dating. And throughout the relationship, she did tell me that the less I wanted to bang her the more she wanted to bang me. Weird or not, I went along with it and she was comfortable enough to give herself to me. When I began getting worried about losing her, and popping viagra and cialis more I started forcing the sex more and I believe it triggered feelings of trauma from when she was raped. She goes on to tell me she wants to be lovey dovey but she cant. I truly believe that had I dated her before the trauma, she might of been willing to give more effort in the bedroom to get our sex life back to normal.


Anyways fellas.. The chick had issues and was selfish in bed yes but she was a good girl none the less. My massive ego cost me the woman of my dreams. You see I believed that I had to bang the shit out of her in order to get her to not leave me but looking back on it, if I had went full on beta...told her listen come to the doctor lets have him write me a script for viagra until I get my shit balanced out, with me lets get my shit balanced ou...... I truly believe that she would still be here.

if I had come clean with her and told her listen, I love you and I want to work this out with you. I used to use anabolics, the problems in the sack have nothing to do with me not being attracted to you. have a hot 21 year old that wants a family and a life with me. Despite all the women I fucked over, all the fucked up shit in my life I've done, I get the girl of my dreams anyways. And she leaves you because of your problems in the sack. It's funny I was always worried about gear coming back to haunt me in life in the form of a kidney issue liver issue heart etc but never saw this coming. Life is a trip. My health is actually perfect.

I flew down to Miami and hooked up with some different women. Felt myself getting over it until I came back into town and noticed I can't get her out of my head. Unfortunately, everywhere I go I am reminded of her. IF I was in the big city I don't think this would be as hard for me. The fact that she literally took all of her shit out of my apartment and left without ever giving me any closure makes me sick to my stomach sometimes. Didn't ever meet up for cofee...nothing. I just come home to my apartment one day and all her shit is gone.


I'm thinking about dipping out of this small town and heading down to miami where at least I will get away from this shit even though I have 5 months left on this lease. There is a fine line between running from your problems, and knowing when it's time to move on. My heart is telling me it's time to go. I feel like in alot of ways, this taught me alot about myself. I just don't see what staying here is going to do for me. It's bad energy, every coffee shop or restaurant I go to she went to with me at one time. I've been with a shitload of women and have never had anything like this happen to me.

Oh yeah did I mention that I think she was pregnant when she left? And I'll never know for sure either and that is going to haunt me forever. Having a family someday is important to me and when you have used as much shit as I have you get worried if you will be able to have that someday. She was throwing up like crazy the last few days before we broke up and showing all the signs...she thought she was...but if she was she wouldn't tell me because she just doesn't want to be with a guy shes not interested in sexually anymore.


I am trying to keep the faith. Here I clean out try to get healthy with TRT, build up my business, turn my life around and want to start a family, the man in the sky rewards me with giving me the dream life and its literally taken away from me. Not financial problems, not temper problems fellas....simply for problems in the sack. Karma perhaps for all the times I felt 10 feet tall when I would bang the crap out of women until they couldnt walk and cheat on them? Maybe...who knows...I always prided myself on my sexual prowess. Ironic the one girl I flopped with was the one I wanted to settle down with. And I don't think she gives a fuck about me for the record.

.
I don't want any sympathy from anyone here but life is a trip fellas. I'm going to try and bury this, but I think it's time to get the fuck out of here.
 

Luv2test

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I agree. Get the fuck out and go reinvent yourself somewhere else.
I do suggest that you figure out if she’s carrying your kid first though. The woman of your dreams and her awesome family could come back and become the woman of your nightmares in a heartbeat. If that’s your kid, I suggest staying put and figuring out how to be a father.
I’m probably not saying anything you don’t already know, but stay away from strippers, girls around 21 years old and crazy chicks.

Sorry this one didn’t work out, but I hope you move onto greater things.
 

Bigmactruck44

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Thankyou brother. Some days are harder than others...I remember after we had really good sex before the relationship fell apart she wrote me a note. It said

"Babe, I love how you make me a better person and I love how you treat me.
I love how you make me look towards the future. You make me a better person and I can't wait to build a life with you"

Shit fell apart in literally two weeks after that. She turned on me. I don't see myself getting into a serious relationship for a while. Just gonna keep things casual and date multiple women really get to know the person. I can't go through this again.
I agree. Get the fuck out and go reinvent yourself somewhere else.
I do suggest that you figure out if she’s carrying your kid first though. The woman of your dreams and her awesome family could come back and become the woman of your nightmares in a heartbeat. If that’s your kid, I suggest staying put and figuring out how to be a father.
I’m probably not saying anything you don’t already know, but stay away from strippers, girls around 21 years old and crazy chicks.

Sorry this one didn’t work out, but I hope you move onto greater things.
 

Kimba

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It sounds like she has something else going on. I am not saying cheating.

Old trauma without working through it. Being pregnant but not being ready. Being pregnant and losing the 'baby' soon is common but takes an emotional toll.

She could have connected the dots with Steroids if she talked to a Doctor and lost trust.

I married young and can tell you, my wife just 'decides' when to cut off and stop trying. It can be her fault.

You need to decide what you want out of life man. Closure can be chased by asking her parents if she is pregnant and reach out for coffee. You wont like the answers but if you want a kid, it may not include her.

Is it your fault?

It takes two people to fuck up a relationship. One can be more at fault. In hindsight you would do things different and see warning signs, but so would she. The outcome could be the same.

Don't stress about what you can't change.

The truth is you will never find another woman exactly like her. But that can be a good thing. 21 is young. Mistakes happen. Life experience changes you and teaches you how to deal with new problems. She wouldn't be who you fell for if she didn't have trauma. But she maybe wasnt right for you because of it.

When you planned a hail mary on V Day and she admitted you two had issues and decided to drink so much is telling. She could have every intention in the world to respark the flame but subconsciously sabotaged it. Nothing you did could change that.

My motto is do what you will regret least in life.

Starting over in a new city, meeting new woman, and getting over her may be best. It leaves questions unanswered.

Trying to dig and check on a potential kid will consume you. At least for a time. If it doesnt work out, you will need to get over it down the road.

I know what I would do. From experience I can tell you that if she is running, she can do it again. And relationships are hard. Especially with kids. Couples counseling, individual counseling, and fertility doctors / TRT Doctor and OBGYN visits together over the long haul can build trust, fix sex issues and smooth things over. Or it can be a waste of time.

Nothing will work unless you are both 100% committed.
 

Bigmactruck44

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It sounds like she has something else going on. I am not saying cheating.

Old trauma without working through it. Being pregnant but not being ready. Being pregnant and losing the 'baby' soon is common but takes an emotional toll.

She could have connected the dots with Steroids if she talked to a Doctor and lost trust.

I married young and can tell you, my wife just 'decides' when to cut off and stop trying. It can be her fault.

You need to decide what you want out of life man. Closure can be chased by asking her parents if she is pregnant and reach out for coffee. You wont like the answers but if you want a kid, it may not include her.

Is it your fault?

It takes two people to fuck up a relationship. One can be more at fault. In hindsight you would do things different and see warning signs, but so would she. The outcome could be the same.

Don't stress about what you can't change.

The truth is you will never find another woman exactly like her. But that can be a good thing. 21 is young. Mistakes happen. Life experience changes you and teaches you how to deal with new problems. She wouldn't be who you fell for if she didn't have trauma. But she maybe wasnt right for you because of it.

When you planned a hail mary on V Day and she admitted you two had issues and decided to drink so much is telling. She could have every intention in the world to respark the flame but subconsciously sabotaged it. Nothing you did could change that.

My motto is do what you will regret least in life.

Starting over in a new city, meeting new woman, and getting over her may be best. It leaves questions unanswered.

Trying to dig and check on a potential kid will consume you. At least for a time. If it doesnt work out, you will need to get over it down the road.

I know what I would do. From experience I can tell you that if she is running, she can do it again. And relationships are hard. Especially with kids. Couples counseling, individual counseling, and fertility doctors / TRT Doctor and OBGYN visits together over the long haul can build trust, fix sex issues and smooth things over. Or it can be a waste of time.

Nothing will work unless you are both 100% committed.

Can you elaborate more on this issue? I will take you through a play by play conversation. We are at a dinner in beautiful Utah, she starts drinking and I ask her

"Why do you drink so much?"

her "Because Im an uptight person it helps me relax. That's why you fuck me better when I'm drunk"

me "Well yeah I know I had some problems lately"

her "I know I even talked to my mom and grandma about it and they asked me if the man has blood pressure issues I said the man is 28 he is fine. They asked me if I was attracted to you I said I know he is. But I brought stuff this time I brought lingerie and your going to fuck me."

me "Well I'm glad we talked it out I feel better about it"

her "well I want to work it out.


Valentines day she gets food poisoning and is violently throwing up. We get home from the trip and two days later gets her hair done. Wearing the hat that chicks get after getting their hair done she sends me a text saying

"Does this get you hard?"

me "Yeah haha"

her "Well lets take one home and find out"

We went to sushi that night and things were great. I felt myself getting turned on just looking at her at dinner. She's joking around with me back and forth. For whatever reason we get back to my apartment, she takes a bath trying to relax and tells me to turn on the tv. comes out in some sexy underwear. I start kissing her and I can tell shes extremely up tight. She ends up going in the other room and goes to bed.

I came in the bed started kissing her she goes "dont force it baby" so i asked her do you ever think we will get things back to normal.

She responds "I don't know. I feel like we just need to relax"

Anyways that night after she went out on the couch to sleep I was a bit of an asshole and started a big argument with her. I said lovely the girl that is probably carrying my child wont even fuck me and she flips the fuck out.

She starts breaking down crying, telling me how shes sexually frustrated, stressed with money etc. I implied breaking up and she couldn't believe it.

"so this would be your reaction if we broke up? do you even care" she said She says she's stressed I am going to cheat on her if she doesn't satisfy me soon and she doesnt know why she is not sexually turned on anymore and constantly talking to her friends about it. Tells me she needs space. Kisses me on the lips saying I will see you later.

Next morning I shoot her a text coming clean with her. Told her the truth "listen I used anabolics, has nothing to do with me not being attracted etc. I just had a bad week but I feel myself getting back to normal. I've been hard a million times with you since that one bad week we had and you didn't do anything to fix it. I love you to death but its no big deal"

her "so you lied to me about the steroids and tried to put it on me on why you couldn't get it up"

Se my logic is this. your with a guy you used to have great sex with, he had a bad week in the sex, the next time hes hard you jump on him. But no that wasn't the case. That one bad week I had, I felt like I was punished for. She never made a move with me after that one bad week and I had been hard multiple times.

me "So your telling me that me not getting hard 3 times in our entire relationship made you legitimately not want to fuck me?" And she basically said yeah.I don't think that was cool but whatever...

Anyways 3 days later she came by when I wasnt here and took all of her shit. I was shooting up HCG the last time we slept together and I remember busting in her. I got a beautiful 21 year old to fall in love with me and I do believe she was pregnant. Would of been an absolute dream come true for me...life is just a mystery I guess. I am almost convinced she self sabatoged the relationship because of the trauma she had from being raped prior to dating me. It's a form of control and she is getting off to rejecting me.
 

Luv2test

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Kimba’s right. You’re right to self reflect a bit, but there’s a lot going on with her. If she was drinking a lot because she was uptight, maybe she was hiding something.
Women sometimes won’t get turned on when they’re being unfaithful. Maybe she was fucking someone else, got pregnant and was guilt ridden.
Maybe she’s an alcoholic. Maybe she was drinking to deal with having been raped. Don’t be Capt. Savaho.
Be appreciative that this happened sooner rather than later. There are probably hundreds of dudes on this board who would give their left nuts to go back in time and react to red flags.
As far as the ED/AAS issue goes, if everything worked before, and nothing changed, the problem was likely your relationship, not your endocrine system.
So I’d run for ze hills, before ze Germans make your life worse.
 

Bigmactruck44

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Kimba’s right. You’re right to self reflect a bit, but there’s a lot going on with her. If she was drinking a lot because she was uptight, maybe she was hiding something.
Women sometimes won’t get turned on when they’re being unfaithful. Maybe she was fucking someone else, got pregnant and was guilt ridden.
Maybe she’s an alcoholic. Maybe she was drinking to deal with having been raped. Don’t be Capt. Savaho.
Be appreciative that this happened sooner rather than later. There are probably hundreds of dudes on this board who would give their left nuts to go back in time and react to red flags.
As far as the ED/AAS issue goes, if everything worked before, and nothing changed, the problem was likely your relationship, not your endocrine system.
So I’d run for ze hills, before ze Germans make your life worse.

Oh she would drink like a fish before we ever even slept together my brother. She got raped 4 months prior to dating because she was black out drunk. I took her to a well known bar I was at and she was out of control drunk kissing me so aggresively the bar tenders I know were giving me looks like please babysit your kid. The red flags were right in front of me and I knew it the day she told me she was raped.

One thing I have learned in my life is you never know for sure with anyone I've seen so many women cheat on guys but my gut tells me probably not. Her actions didn't match. A girl getting dicked down by another guy isn't driving two hours to talk to her mom and grandma about her boyfriend not getting hard shes getting her needs met elsewhere.

I remember vividly the day the relationship fell apart. Her interest level was extremely high and I always let her come to me... this was when the sex was good. She came over because she "wanted some dick before savannah" and I couldn't get up. She tried the following monday to fuck me again and I cummed in two minutes and couldn't get back up again I knew she was unsatisfied. A few days later she came back over and same shit busted too quick and couldnt go round 2. "Baby I'm not in the mood anymore". I know in my heart that was the day she lost attraction to me.

Soon as I got my estrogen down my problems went away but she was gone by then. I remember when just a month prior, she came over because she was horny and I fucked her so hard she started crying and you could see the love and attachment pouring off her. She was obsessed with me. Amazing how quickly the tables can turn.

but yeah anyways The high estro was causing premature ejaculation, doc said it was from your body knowing you dont have long to stay hard so you cum quicker as a result. Mine was only 65 too not crazy high but high enough to cause issues. All I can do is not let this happen again with the next chick but yeah despite her issues I do believe she would still be here if I hadn't started bombing shit in the sack. I obviously fucked her enough to where she fell in love. I know from mutual acquaintances they would tell me she could never shut the fuck up about me. Always thought I would be the one to leave her if we split, nobody saw this coming. I just remember out of nowhere I stopped getting morning wood and my libido just dropped. Couldnt figure out what was wrong...
 

Kimba

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Can you elaborate more on this issue? I will take you through a play by play conversation. We are at a dinner in beautiful Utah, she starts drinking and I ask her

"Why do you drink so much?"

her "Because Im an uptight person it helps me relax. That's why you fuck me better when I'm drunk"

me "Well yeah I know I had some problems lately"

her "I know I even talked to my mom and grandma about it and they asked me if the man has blood pressure issues I said the man is 28 he is fine. They asked me if I was attracted to you I said I know he is. But I brought stuff this time I brought lingerie and your going to fuck me."

me "Well I'm glad we talked it out I feel better about it"

her "well I want to work it out.


Valentines day she gets food poisoning and is violently throwing up. We get home from the trip and two days later gets her hair done. Wearing the hat that chicks get after getting their hair done she sends me a text saying

"Does this get you hard?"

me "Yeah haha"

her "Well lets take one home and find out"

We went to sushi that night and things were great. I felt myself getting turned on just looking at her at dinner. She's joking around with me back and forth. For whatever reason we get back to my apartment, she takes a bath trying to relax and tells me to turn on the tv. comes out in some sexy underwear. I start kissing her and I can tell shes extremely up tight. She ends up going in the other room and goes to bed.

I came in the bed started kissing her she goes "dont force it baby" so i asked her do you ever think we will get things back to normal.

She responds "I don't know. I feel like we just need to relax"

Anyways that night after she went out on the couch to sleep I was a bit of an asshole and started a big argument with her. I said lovely the girl that is probably carrying my child wont even fuck me and she flips the fuck out.

She starts breaking down crying, telling me how shes sexually frustrated, stressed with money etc. I implied breaking up and she couldn't believe it.

"so this would be your reaction if we broke up? do you even care" she said She says she's stressed I am going to cheat on her if she doesn't satisfy me soon and she doesnt know why she is not sexually turned on anymore and constantly talking to her friends about it. Tells me she needs space. Kisses me on the lips saying I will see you later.

Next morning I shoot her a text coming clean with her. Told her the truth "listen I used anabolics, has nothing to do with me not being attracted etc. I just had a bad week but I feel myself getting back to normal. I've been hard a million times with you since that one bad week we had and you didn't do anything to fix it. I love you to death but its no big deal"

her "so you lied to me about the steroids and tried to put it on me on why you couldn't get it up"

Se my logic is this. your with a guy you used to have great sex with, he had a bad week in the sex, the next time hes hard you jump on him. But no that wasn't the case. That one bad week I had, I felt like I was punished for. She never made a move with me after that one bad week and I had been hard multiple times.

me "So your telling me that me not getting hard 3 times in our entire relationship made you legitimately not want to fuck me?" And she basically said yeah.I don't think that was cool but whatever...

Anyways 3 days later she came by when I wasnt here and took all of her shit. I was shooting up HCG the last time we slept together and I remember busting in her. I got a beautiful 21 year old to fall in love with me and I do believe she was pregnant. Would of been an absolute dream come true for me...life is just a mystery I guess. I am almost convinced she self sabatoged the relationship because of the trauma she had from being raped prior to dating me. It's a form of control and she is getting off to rejecting me.

My opinion is she is used to using sex to control men. She is 21. She parties too much and likely has a drinking problem.

Your mistake was telling her over text you used Steroids. That is a one on one conversation when things are not going bad.

Put yourself in her shoes. She attaches her worth as a person to her sexuality. She is pretty, but 21. She uses sex to keep you and fears you leaving because she cant get you hard. She most likely has been stressing over this.

Then you drop on her you used steroids. She found needles before so it is true you lied. She is now angry and blames you for how she felt and the sexual issues.

What else does she offer you? She spends her money on lingerie and cosmetics and is stressed about money. That was her hail mary to save the relationship. It was stupid, but that was all she had.

You rewarded her by being a psycho. Lets be real here. Every guy has fought over sex. To her, you just added to how she felt. It was a bad time to flip out. You thought the issue was sex and felt she was refusing to fix it. But sex was a symptom of the issue.

She is sexually fridged when not drinking and has to work through it. It could be you. It could be the rape. It could be a million things. She wasnt ready to deal with that and bought lingerie.

If she were a guy, and he could only get it up when drinking, he would sleep with a dozen women until he started losing relationships because he couldnt get hard. Maybe an intervention would happen. It isnt the same for a 21 year old female who will get drunk, run through guys and may just settle at 30 with an 'okay' guy she isnt attracted to.

The question is, despite being physically perfect to you, is she mentally right. Running to mom and grandma rather than talking to you is a flag. Her knowing she drinks to get aroused is a flag. Her drinking to excess when you met is a flag.

I would recommend you think long and hard about the rape situation. Were they both drunk and she regretted it. Does she often get drunk and make out with guys. Where did she meet the guy. Does she know him personally.

It sounds like she put herself right back into the same situation and met you. That tells me as a guy more is going on. Unless I am an alcoholic (I was previously, recovered and 'normal' now) I am not going back to drinking if I got raped, a DUI, punched in the face, etc.

Dealing with an alcoholic sucks. Personality shifts. Mania. Irritability. Mood swings. An alcoholic needs to hit rock bottom on there own and decide to change.

To you it is all about sex. To her, it isnt. She may say it is. But she has a reason to only be turned on when drunk. She is financially unstable. She goes to her mom and grandma to discuss your relationship and not you. Four months after a rape she was at a bar getting wasted again and staff noticed. She has a lot of growing up to do and trauma to work out.

You made her face some issues she has. She couldnt just seduce her way to keep you. You called her drinking out. You had money for getaways and dinner but she didn't. I know I have left relationships because I was a POS and knew it was going no where. What do you tell the other person? As a guy, "Hey babe, I am broke because I am uneducated / bad with money / young, an alcoholic, have sexual disfunction from when my priest touched me at bible camp and I went to my dad for advice and my grandpa told me to dick you down good but that didn't work. I think I need time to work on me and I dont think I am ready to do that. It is too hard."

No, you are going to say, "I am sexually frustrated. You cant make me hard so I drink. I am broke because we need to go out so much. I asked my dad and grandpa for some advise and I tried to initiate sex more but it isnt working. I cant keep doing this. We are over."

Swap genders and I think you see simmularities. The problem is, you cant fix that person. They may not realize consciously everything. At 21, I may just run rather than even have the conversation.

What I am trying to get you to realize is you could be the right person at the wrong time. Being along for the ride to deal with trauma rarely means it will work out. It often means once she is better you become a reminder of the bad, and she will likely think she can do better. True or not.

When I stopped drinking I knew I could do better. I was in the gym again. Better than the old me. My wife became jaded from dealing with me. I stuck it out because I wanted to make it right. And it took a lot of work. I had dogs, a house, and family I wanted to keep. She has you, a great guy, but that may not be enough.

You only have one life. You need to decide if its worth it.
 

Bigmactruck44

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My opinion is she is used to using sex to control men. She is 21. She parties too much and likely has a drinking problem.

Your mistake was telling her over text you used Steroids. That is a one on one conversation when things are not going bad.

Put yourself in her shoes. She attaches her worth as a person to her sexuality. She is pretty, but 21. She uses sex to keep you and fears you leaving because she cant get you hard. She most likely has been stressing over this.

Then you drop on her you used steroids. She found needles before so it is true you lied. She is now angry and blames you for how she felt and the sexual issues.

What else does she offer you? She spends her money on lingerie and cosmetics and is stressed about money. That was her hail mary to save the relationship. It was stupid, but that was all she had.

You rewarded her by being a psycho. Lets be real here. Every guy has fought over sex. To her, you just added to how she felt. It was a bad time to flip out. You thought the issue was sex and felt she was refusing to fix it. But sex was a symptom of the issue.

She is sexually fridged when not drinking and has to work through it. It could be you. It could be the rape. It could be a million things. She wasnt ready to deal with that and bought lingerie.

If she were a guy, and he could only get it up when drinking, he would sleep with a dozen women until he started losing relationships because he couldnt get hard. Maybe an intervention would happen. It isnt the same for a 21 year old female who will get drunk, run through guys and may just settle at 30 with an 'okay' guy she isnt attracted to.

The question is, despite being physically perfect to you, is she mentally right. Running to mom and grandma rather than talking to you is a flag. Her knowing she drinks to get aroused is a flag. Her drinking to excess when you met is a flag.

I would recommend you think long and hard about the rape situation. Were they both drunk and she regretted it. Does she often get drunk and make out with guys. Where did she meet the guy. Does she know him personally.

It sounds like she put herself right back into the same situation and met you. That tells me as a guy more is going on. Unless I am an alcoholic (I was previously, recovered and 'normal' now) I am not going back to drinking if I got raped, a DUI, punched in the face, etc.

Dealing with an alcoholic sucks. Personality shifts. Mania. Irritability. Mood swings. An alcoholic needs to hit rock bottom on there own and decide to change.

To you it is all about sex. To her, it isnt. She may say it is. But she has a reason to only be turned on when drunk. She is financially unstable. She goes to her mom and grandma to discuss your relationship and not you. Four months after a rape she was at a bar getting wasted again and staff noticed. She has a lot of growing up to do and trauma to work out.

You made her face some issues she has. She couldnt just seduce her way to keep you. You called her drinking out. You had money for getaways and dinner but she didn't. I know I have left relationships because I was a POS and knew it was going no where. What do you tell the other person? As a guy, "Hey babe, I am broke because I am uneducated / bad with money / young, an alcoholic, have sexual disfunction from when my priest touched me at bible camp and I went to my dad for advice and my grandpa told me to dick you down good but that didn't work. I think I need time to work on me and I dont think I am ready to do that. It is too hard."

No, you are going to say, "I am sexually frustrated. You cant make me hard so I drink. I am broke because we need to go out so much. I asked my dad and grandpa for some advise and I tried to initiate sex more but it isnt working. I cant keep doing this. We are over."

Swap genders and I think you see simmularities. The problem is, you cant fix that person. They may not realize consciously everything. At 21, I may just run rather than even have the conversation.

What I am trying to get you to realize is you could be the right person at the wrong time. Being along for the ride to deal with trauma rarely means it will work out. It often means once she is better you become a reminder of the bad, and she will likely think she can do better. True or not.

When I stopped drinking I knew I could do better. I was in the gym again. Better than the old me. My wife became jaded from dealing with me. I stuck it out because I wanted to make it right. And it took a lot of work. I had dogs, a house, and family I wanted to keep. She has you, a great guy, but that may not be enough.

You only have one life. You need to decide if its worth it.

Excellent post brother. A few details I want to add that I want your response on. Today was interesting...I met with her coworkers husband today who I did some business with and he asked me what happened with her. I told him about the situation and asked if he knew about her past....he knew about her being raped...I asked if he knew who the guy was and he said he did. I asked him if she egged it on or provoked it and he said no way it was unnatractive guy who knew he had no shot with her and that's why he did it. She was black out drunk apparently. So I guess that made me feel better knowing that she wasn't lying to me about the rape. He told me it really fucked her up. His wife is very close with her.

He did agree with me that it was fucked up how she didn't give me any closure. But I also am sympathetic to the fact that I am not dealing with a normal girl here given what she went through so in my heart I do forgive her. She literally kissed me that night we got into it, said she needed space...I didn't text her at all. Called her two days later and she sounded like a lifeless person on the phone absolutely no emotion towards me at all. She said the fact that I didn't call her for a day told her that I didn't care, when all I was trying to do was give her space. 3 days later gets her shit from my apartment and leaves. I've been with so many fucked up borderline and NPD women but even we always had some form of closure. A girl is telling you about the size of the wedding she wants and talking about having a baby with you. 72 hours later shes gone and you never see her again. That will fuck you up.


If I could go back in time, that day on the bed a few weeks into dating when she told me the reason she was rejecting me was because she was raped 4 months ago I think I wouldn't of pursued the relationship. I probably would of just remained friends. The part that is messing with me is the no closure and how cold she is. Kind of scary this was the person I was considering spending my life with I feel like I don't know her at all. She did show some traits of NPD throughout the relationship but I ignored it.
 

Kimba

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Excellent post brother. A few details I want to add that I want your response on. Today was interesting...I met with her coworkers husband today who I did some business with and he asked me what happened with her. I told him about the situation and asked if he knew about her past....he knew about her being raped...I asked if he knew who the guy was and he said he did. I asked him if she egged it on or provoked it and he said no way it was unnatractive guy who knew he had no shot with her and that's why he did it. She was black out drunk apparently. So I guess that made me feel better knowing that she wasn't lying to me about the rape. He told me it really fucked her up. His wife is very close with her.

He did agree with me that it was fucked up how she didn't give me any closure. But I also am sympathetic to the fact that I am not dealing with a normal girl here given what she went through so in my heart I do forgive her. She literally kissed me that night we got into it, said she needed space...I didn't text her at all. Called her two days later and she sounded like a lifeless person on the phone absolutely no emotion towards me at all. She said the fact that I didn't call her for a day told her that I didn't care, when all I was trying to do was give her space. 3 days later gets her shit from my apartment and leaves. I've been with so many fucked up borderline and NPD women but even we always had some form of closure. A girl is telling you about the size of the wedding she wants and talking about having a baby with you. 72 hours later shes gone and you never see her again. That will fuck you up.


If I could go back in time, that day on the bed a few weeks into dating when she told me the reason she was rejecting me was because she was raped 4 months ago I think I wouldn't of pursued the relationship. I probably would of just remained friends. The part that is messing with me is the no closure and how cold she is. Kind of scary this was the person I was considering spending my life with I feel like I don't know her at all. She did show some traits of NPD throughout the relationship but I ignored it.

That does give some perspective but a creepy unattractive guy should be no where near her when drinking to black out. That is life experience she should have. I did at 21.

I am a former drunk. I was a to black out drinker. The only time I ever got that messed up not at home or with very close friends was when I full on needed medical intervention or a wake up call.

Because of that, I have little sympathy for the I got drunk excuse. It isn't about the rape. It is what she did after.

She was raped. The guy should be hung in public. But she shouldn't have gone out drinking again. She shouldnt have met you four months after. The choice to go out again is what concerns me. The ignoring what happened and not dealing with it is. Rape is awful and requires therapy, time, and finding someone to trust to build intimacy after. She knew the guy. Her friends did. It is sad and awful. She doesn't want to deal with it and you cant make her.

If she is still open to communicating, I would tell her / text her and let her know that you take her silence as a break up, and if she wants you are willing to be friends.

Thats it. That is your closure. Make your own closure. No 'I love you' or 'What the fuck are you doing'. You need to stop investing emotional energy into her.

It leaves the door open, that one day, if she gets her shit together and you are not in a relationship, maybe you two can reconnect.

Some people run from difficult situations. It says nothing about you. If you wait she might come back. But if you are panicking now, you dont want a life like this.

She gave you a gift. If she doesnt grow up (21 year olds run) and also deal with her trauma and drinking you would be fourty something with her kid, she would be 30 something and out drinking or run away after one fight. You dont want that.
 

Bigmactruck44

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That does give some perspective but a creepy unattractive guy should be no where near her when drinking to black out. That is life experience she should have. I did at 21.

I am a former drunk. I was a to black out drinker. The only time I ever got that messed up not at home or with very close friends was when I full on needed medical intervention or a wake up call.

Because of that, I have little sympathy for the I got drunk excuse. It isn't about the rape. It is what she did after.

She was raped. The guy should be hung in public. But she shouldn't have gone out drinking again. She shouldnt have met you four months after. The choice to go out again is what concerns me. The ignoring what happened and not dealing with it is. Rape is awful and requires therapy, time, and finding someone to trust to build intimacy after. She knew the guy. Her friends did. It is sad and awful. She doesn't want to deal with it and you cant make her.

If she is still open to communicating, I would tell her / text her and let her know that you take her silence as a break up, and if she wants you are willing to be friends.

Thats it. That is your closure. Make your own closure. No 'I love you' or 'What the fuck are you doing'. You need to stop investing emotional energy into her.

It leaves the door open, that one day, if she gets her shit together and you are not in a relationship, maybe you two can reconnect.

Some people run from difficult situations. It says nothing about you. If you wait she might come back. But if you are panicking now, you dont want a life like this.

She gave you a gift. If she doesnt grow up (21 year olds run) and also deal with her trauma and drinking you would be fourty something with her kid, she would be 30 something and out drinking or run away after one fight. You dont want that.

Based on what I have mentioned do you see her coming back in a few years? My gut like we have unfinished business. I don't see it being for a long time though
 

Bigmactruck44

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I will say that despite all of this, I am excited to go out again and meet other women. I tried the first week after the breakup and immediately hooked up...felt good for a few days but relapsed hard when I got back into town and missed having her there. For the first time I feel excited about meeting new women after her where I am not forcing it.
 

Kimba

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Based on what I have mentioned do you see her coming back in a few years? My gut like we have unfinished business. I don't see it being for a long time though
If you draw the line like I suggested and put the ball in her court she might. It depends how much she really cared about you.

Devils advocate, you are the post rape rebound - for the lack of better terms. I am trying to say you are better off without her. If she comes back she may attach you to how she feels now.

But, sure, she may come back. Cut ties, but let her know she can reach out. Move on. If she comes back she better have healed and improved as a person. You deserve something normal to start a family.
 

tri-terror

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Oh man... OK here goes. It sounds like you both had some faults in the relationship but honestly I think it comes down to 2 things. Her age, and her trauma. She will likely be struggling with the rape for the rest of her life and it will effect all of her relationships. Couple that with her age and it's a recipe for disaster. She probably needs to get in and stay in therapy. Stop drinking. Stop chasing men etc. You can only worry about you though. Chances are low that she was pregnant and wouldn't tell you, especially with her folk involved. She may have been and gotten an abortion, but who knows. Just take care of yourself man. I totally get it and believe you love her but you just can't make someone come back to you. Focus on staying in shape. Trust me man you are getting to the age when it starts getting harder and if you keep that under control it helps keep everything else going. Focus on your money. Keep making it, increasing it, saving it etc. Moving to a new town sounds like a great idea. After my divorce I ended up moving 1000 miles away and it did me a WORLD of good.
 

Bigmactruck44

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Oh man... OK here goes. It sounds like you both had some faults in the relationship but honestly I think it comes down to 2 things. Her age, and her trauma. She will likely be struggling with the rape for the rest of her life and it will effect all of her relationships. Couple that with her age and it's a recipe for disaster. She probably needs to get in and stay in therapy. Stop drinking. Stop chasing men etc. You can only worry about you though. Chances are low that she was pregnant and wouldn't tell you, especially with her folk involved. She may have been and gotten an abortion, but who knows. Just take care of yourself man. I totally get it and believe you love her but you just can't make someone come back to you. Focus on staying in shape. Trust me man you are getting to the age when it starts getting harder and if you keep that under control it helps keep everything else going. Focus on your money. Keep making it, increasing it, saving it etc. Moving to a new town sounds like a great idea. After my divorce I ended up moving 1000 miles away and it d
 

Bigmactruck44

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It's the fact that not knowing is always going to haunt me. I've used alot of shit man, a kid would be a blessing...she was gorgeous too. Despite all her fucked up issues, things were working out until I started having problems in the sack. If it weren't for that one bad week I think she would still be here.
 

Bigmactruck44

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If you draw the line like I suggested and put the ball in her court she might. It depends how much she really cared about you.

Devils advocate, you are the post rape rebound - for the lack of better terms. I am trying to say you are better off without her. If she comes back she may attach you to how she feels now.

But, sure, she may come back. Cut ties, but let her know she can reach out. Move on. If she comes back she better have healed and improved as a person. You deserve something normal to start a family.

She was posting a ton of quotes and things on instagram talking shit about falling for the wrong people etc. Sent her a text saying pretty much to shut up with the qhotes because if they were about me I didn't do anything wrong to you..and if they are about another guy shes a pos for moving on that fast. Again I haven't asked for her back, this is one of those things where she has to do. I would like to think that a girl talking to me about spending her life with me wanting my child "really cared" but who knows. I remember just two weeks before we broke upwhen I was balls deep in her before the sex went south she was moaning "I love you sooo much"...fucking women I swear. They are good as long as you fuck them right.

I keep try telling to tell myself that those days of amazing sex would OUTWEIGH the one week where I couldn't perform but apparently not.
 

Bigmactruck44

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Also let me say this. The night of the horrible fight I told her "Well maybe we should just breakup then" and she looks at me "so this would be your reaction if we broke up? Do you even care?". She had never mentioned splitting up to me ever so I was just shocked that was the last time I ever saw her...called me on my bluff I guess. She said she needed space kissed me said I'll see you later. Last time I ever laid eyes on her
 

Godlike

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Lord who's the woman in that relationship. Get back on an AI...SOON
 

Mute

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I will say that despite all of this, I am excited to go out again and meet other women. I tried the first week after the breakup and immediately hooked up...felt good for a few days but relapsed hard when I got back into town and missed having her there. For the first time I feel excited about meeting new women after her where I am not forcing it.
Very interesting read. I’m 31 and my sex drive is through the roof all the time because of the gear. My wife doesn’t mind that I take it but she often worries that she won’t be able to keep up with it and worries that I will cheat. I tell her not to worry at all, granted I do get sexually frustrated at times but I would NEVER cheat. All I can say is keep your head up brother. We ALL have that one got away.
 

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