Its All Changed For Me...
When I was in highschool all I did was read the mags and look at the photos and think I wanted to look like that one day. I was so naive back then. I really didn't even begin to accept that all those guys in the mags were on AAS. I didn't know any of them personally after all. This was especially true of all the bodybuilders from the 70's. So I wanted to look like a bodybuilder back then, and I always read that it takes men about 5 years to develop a bodybuilders physique. So this is what I always figured it would take before I began to resemble a bodybuilder. I followed all of the weider training principles back then and a 4 day split. Then I found out about this small company called OTS who had some guy named Phil Hernon training under them. I got really hooked on their program. 6 days a week and up to twice a day by my sophmore year in college. Once again, I was naive, and didn't know that these guys were also using AAS. My strength jumped by leaps and bounds, but I was on the verge of borderline overtraining and blew out my right shoulder on heavy behind the neck presses. I got frustrated and basically gave up for a year. I couldn't bench press for the next 3 years until I met the right doc and got good rehab. By this time, I knew all my idols and heros from my childhood were using AAS and to be honest I really frowned on them for this. (Sorry). Maybe I was more upset at having the wool pulled over my eyes. Who knows. I trained off and on for the next year or two until I met my ex-wife and got settled into married life. Trained maybe 4 months out of the year. Gave up on having ANY bodybuilding idol or aspiration b/c I knew I could never look like that without drugs. Then got into another hobby that took my mind of everything for the next 6 years. Then got a divorce. Was sick and tired of listening to my ex make fun of my physique. So I found myself training again. Just wanting to improve my physique and do something for myself for a change. Something positive. I still do not allow myself to have a bodybuilding idol or aspiration b/c I know without the drugs I will never look like that. I'm OK with that. Sure, every once in a while I look at a photo and say "WOW" but then I remind myself how much the drugs play a role. Now I say, "Wow" when I see a photo of someone like Levrone or Haney or even some of my friends who competed who are all now OFF the drugs and have shrunk. So, I find myself looking to MYSELF for aspiration. I don't even know if I can trust these so called "naturals" b/c so many of them cheat. I look at myself and say, "ok I'm looking a little thick in the waist, I need to cut back my calories" or "I need to bring up my legs they're looking small in proportion to my upper body" or "my arms are looking smaller compared to my chest and back" etc...etc...etc...
Those old idols of mine, well, I've accepted that the AAS is what they've chosen to do or had to do to get themselves where they've wanted to get in life and with their careers. I don't hold anything against them or anyone else. Its something they're more passionate about than I am I suppose. This is just a hobby for me.
I make things so difficult on myself. I know. I know. I am a complicated person. hahaha
.gif "IP Gear")
After I slapped her across the room ( joking of course
