Depression setting in again

pumpt73 · Aug 19, 2009

Hi fellas. It's safe to say I've come pretty far over the last 18 months. I beat a horrid addiction to pain meds. In the process, I had stopped training for that entire time. I was in the gym 5 times in 2008.

I also battled depression and now it's setting in again. I've taken on some more responsibility as well. My girl who basically lost her home, I took her and her two kids in. Now, Im a neat freak and only had a modest 2 bedroom apartment. I went from taking care of just me, to having to provide for 4 people in 3 months time. What's getting to me is it seems Im pushed out of my own damn home anymore.

I have a great job. But it's like, all I do is go to work to take care of them. Now, I don't want to sound like a whiner, but you have to understand, both kids have absolutely ZERO discipline. They won't pick up after themselves, the waste food (which drives me up a damn wall), they beg me constantly for money if they have to do a simple chore like take out the trash. The manners are atrocious. I'll be in the middle of eating dinner and they'll fart and laugh. It's fucking disgusting. Also, it's like there's zero respect for my things that I've worked my butt off for over the last 10 years. It just seems no matter how much I do, it's never enough. This has started to get to me in a bad way. I took her in telling her this was going to be temporary, but it's now permanent Now, Im not the father. I've only been with this girl seriously for about a year.

It seems my days are just to go to work for them without any support. I hate to sound like a selfish prick, but it just doesn't seem like Im in a partnership. I won't lie guys, I've had thoughts of putting my Glock to my temple on more than one occasion. I've tried several times to discipline them, but it goes in one ear and out the other. The only thing I have for myself is my training. I don't go to clubs, titty bars, bars in general, I go to the gym after work then come home. Im pretty dog tired by the time I come home as well, and it's still not enough. Again, I hate to sound like a selfish prick. I'm doing what Im doing because I love my girlfriend and I love her children, but Im at my wits end. I get a measly 3 hours of time when I get home to the time I go to bed, and in that time, I have kids running in and out. That's another thing, they have no clue as to how to turn lights off. They'll stand in the door with the air condition on.

Im a very nice and caring person and wouldn't want to see anything bad to happen, but I almost feel like Im being used. I don't know guys, it just seems like a sticky situation. Again, I don't mean to come off as selfish, but damn, how hard is it to teach some damn manners to your kids anymore.

scott j · Aug 19, 2009

congrats on getting clean. was hard for me too. 3 year battle. We have a lot in common, but i took on three girls with my now wife. How young are these kids? that makes all the difference. My kids were 3,5, and 7 when we met ten years ago. I was fuckin stressed!! My wife hated my methods at first, but then she got on board. The most important thing no matter if you two agree on it or not, you have to give the kids the illision that you and her mom are on the same team, and discuss away from kids. I would call my way some type of "consequence" method. i tell them they are welcome guests in MY house, and i find out what is important to each one of them. The 17 year old now fights with her mom and argues when im not around. If i hear i say there will be no warning, next time you lose text message, then your computer, then you car privelages. It works great for the 17 year old. Each kid will need a different game plan. No matter how mad they get, they still hug me, and thank me, and appreciate me. You have to demand they respect you, and your property, and it seems like you need to wake the mom up as to the sacrifice you have made and sit down with her with some new rules and tell her you give her 2 weeks to straighten the kids out on her own. If her way doesnt work, your plan goes into effect, whatever your plan may be. good luck bro. my neighbor is in the same boat, but his girlfriend argues with him in front of the kids about the discipline, and the kids sit there smiling knowing what they get away with. be strong!!!

mrs bapper · Sep 4, 2009

Whos Boss?

I fully agree with Scott it sounds to be that your partner and her kids need the law to be laid down, cause its sounds like your to nice a person to be taken for granted. So its time to let them know whos boss! Be firm and take no bull from the beginning that way if it does all go wrong then you can t blame yourself caused you ve tryed your best. I think perhaps your Mrs has got way to used to you being there financially, so if she does nt play ball and work with you as a team in bringing the kids up then maybe cut the money for a bit and they might appreciate you all the more!! If not is it really worth causing yourself ill health cause buddy we both know lifes way to short to be unhappy, grab happiness at every opportunity and any negativity in your life just get rid of it. I hope you don t think im being to harsh this is only in my opinion and what I would do in your situation if I were you! And make plenty of me time for yourself, sometimes you have to put number one first.Start going out with the guys more often or whatever other forms of relaxation you prefer!!!!

pumpt73 · Sep 4, 2009

Thanks guys. Yup, I've laid the law down. The kids know better to step out of line. The boy cursed the other day, so I conveniently made him drink a glass of water with dish soap in it. Nothing major, just a dixie cup. Needless to say, it hasn't happened since. I told both of them if you don't want to help around the house, fine, I can take privledges away.

Again, I told them before you walk out of the house, you ask your mom if she needs help. Well her oldest felt going to his friends was more important. Well he hasn't been able to play on the computer, his Xbox, PS 2 or PSP for a week.

I told them, you guys need to stop coming in and out especially past 6PM. That's when I get home from training and work and want to unwind. Well this was disregarded, so grounded for 3 days. They're slowly starting to get in order. I told them no more snacking past 9:30. If you don't get your snack in by then, tough. The one thing I had to break them of was food wasting. It happened one night, then they thought they were going to reach for a snack cake. I threw them in the trash and told them, if you're not hungry enough to eat dinner, then you don't need junk food. They now know who's in charge.

The other problem is they have no conept of saving for something they want. So finally I told their aunts and uncles to make them out a check and give it to me. I opened savings accounts in their names. So my girl's oldest comes to me and asks if he can have $20. For what??? Well I want to go get something to eat for me and my friends. NOPE!!! That money is there for something you need. Not to mention they're still learning to respect the items in my home that I've worked my butt off for. So I told them, what happens if you break something of mine???? With that money being in the bank, I can now replace what you broke.

They're slowly but surely coming around. They've tried so hard to fight me but it won't happen. Not to mention Im quite larger and with 10 years of wrestling, I know not to take any crap, especially from a kid. They're coming along.

mrs bapper · Sep 5, 2009

Good Stuff!

Thats an awesome aproach to be taking with the kids your setting a good example and all that hard work will pay off, as its already starting to show keep up the good work bro and stay focused on the end goal!