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Frustrated!!

supertrucker212

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Registered
Joined
Sep 20, 2007
Messages
150
OK I need to let off some steam. Yeah this is going to be long, but I don't like stress. I have a friend of mine who I met through work last summer. When I first met her I expressed interest in her, but she was in a relationship at the time, however, we have remained friends. If you wanna call it that. Since then the relationship she was in ended. More on that later. I have always been a selfish person since I was a little kid. Hey I don't bullshit. This "life-style" that we live doesn't help. Over the past year or so I've begun to realize that even though this life-style requires that you be a little self-absorbed, I need to help others. I need to have another cause besides myself. Although I'm selfish, introverted, and hard to get to know, I am also a very genuine and loyal person. This woman I became friends with needs help. When I look at this person I see someone that beyond the bar-fly and social butterfly is someone that deep down inside wants to be loved and not be just a booty-call, (we never had sex with each other or even talked about it). However, after 7 months of "friendship" I'm frustrated and my instinct is telling me to cut ties with this person. A little background on her. She grew up without a father and her mom was a bar-fly and druggie. She's never had much family support. She is a high school drop-out, and a single mother of an 11 year-old daughter. The relationship she was in when I met her was with a married guy. He broke it off with her because he decided to go back with his wife for the sake of his children. I told her you're seeing a guy that is cheating on his wife with you, even if he leaves her for you who's to say he wouldn't end up cheating on you anyway! They still talk on occasion and she tells me how she misses him. I've told her you need to accept it. She has a reputation as a "pin-cushion." When she's not working she's in a bar. She claims it's because she's bored and has nothing else to do. I told her spend time with your daughter and find a passion in life, (something you enjoy doing). She always claiming how she needs a Xanacs. She's always behind on her bills and never has 2 dimes to rub together, (well quit smoking and hitting the bars so much and maybe you'd have more). Her friends are low-life druggies. Over the time I have known her I have told her she needs to clean up her act and get her shit together. She gets pissed and says; "no one pays my bills but me" and I'm too judgemental. After the dust settles she's also told me the truth hurts. Back at Christmas she came to me and wanted to borrow $100 to get her daughter a new bike, (I had to go with her to get it since I have a full size truck and this bike wouldn't fit in her car so I know what the money went for). I had no problem doing this. Shit it felt good helping someone out for Christmas, especially with a child involved. Prior to this we would talk or text almost daily. However, shortly after I did this favor we began talking less and less. My calls and text went un-answered. So a week or so ago I texted her saying I guess I'm just a friend when you need something and keep your hundred dollars! Well she got pissed we went round and round but ended smoothing things over. We went for lunch the other day, got along great and when we left I told her don't be afraid to ask me for anything and gave her some other words of encouragement. However, it's back to unreturned phone calls and texts. I'm not in any relationship, I have several females that I talk to and hangout with as friends. IF something more comes out them great if not oh well. I'm just frustrated. I do believe in common courtesy. I might not be able to answer all of my calls and texts right away, but do my best to respond within 24 hrs. It's too much of a coincidence that 2 months ago I always got a quick response but now I don't, (I'm no fool I can observe shit pretty quickly). I've tried to be a friend and offer encouragement so many times over the past 7 months. The problem is I don't get the same level of respect in return. Do you blame it all on someone's upbringing? The sad part is that this girl has the potential to be better than what she is. She just doesn't get it. She has horrific judgement and in many ways hasn't grown-up yet. What's really sad, is that her 11 year-old daughter is probably going to turn out the same way. I was taught growing up that actions speak louder than words. I've also learned that nothing changes if nothing changes, but unless someone wants to change you can't make them. What really iced the cake was the fact that at lunch the other day she told me she was sick last weekend because she did ecstasy Friday night. I knew about the drinking and the fact she smoked weed, (I've smoked weed so I can't really throw her under the bus for that), but it's evident she has a problem. IMO doing drugs like ecstasy and being a parent is a recipe for major problems. It's just frustrating to want to help someone but that someone doesn't want to help themselves. It's frustrating to be a friend but not recieve the same in return. I've made my mind up to no longer associate with this person, whether I come out and tell her or just do it quietly and ignore the phone calls or texts is still undecided. I know this was long, but I needed to vent!
 

Quad-smack

New member
Kilo Klub Member
Joined
Nov 27, 2006
Messages
1,481
It took me a while to understand that "you are to people what they need you to be at that moment and nothing more".
You have gone above and beyond to help this woman. It appears her life is a train wreck in slow motion. You have only experienced the fringes of the havoc. Unless you enjoy pain and disappointment, you might consider finding another "cause".
Peace
 

supertrucker212

Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 20, 2007
Messages
150
Thanks Quad-smack. I don't know about finding another cause, but I know one thing is for sure, I am washing my hands of this individual. Just because her life is a train wreck doesn't mean I have to go along for the ride!
 
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