- Joined
- Feb 24, 2010
- Messages
- 273
Got bit by a tick over a year ago, didn't think much of it. Turned out I contracted Babesiosis and lymes disease (what luck right). Anyway, it's been a pretty brutal experience for me. Spent 26 days in the hospital and then another few months of recovery from it.
Thought I was coming down with a cold, it kept getting a little worse each day. Best way I can describe it was having the flu but with really sore joint and muscle pain. Then the fever started up 101, 102, 103, ect. Tylenol brought it down, then it came back up. That went on for several days until (unaware to me) I was brought by ambulance to the ER and awoke 2 days later looking like the matrix. Thank God somebody was home or who knows what would have happened. I went to bed and just didn't wake up.
That's in the past now.
I want to get back into my routine but I can't seem to get myself motivated and it fucking sucks.
I don't wanna blame the illness, I know it's just the shape I'm in physically, hormonally and mentally that's causing my problems. I've lost too much muscle to even talk about, the doctors took me off my HRT injections 9 months ago (after my second blood transfusion) so I'm dealing with a very low T issue on top of everything else. Even with all the physical and mental damage done to my body it's not what's concerning me the most. Im just tired all the time, I'm short tempered with my wife, even distancing myself a lot from my kids. A year ago my life revolved around them and now it's like I've lost all interest in everything I loved and lived for.
I've tried countless times to get back to the gym, it seems hopeless to me. I always felt better after a good workout but now I can't even get any sort of workout in. I hit the gym, hopped up on energy drinks and motivational tapes and 10 minutes in I'm ready to leave. Muscles shaking, completely exhausted I walk out to the car even more depressed then when I walked in. I tell myself there's light on the horizon. Since my doctors being a bit of dick and tells me it's best for my recovery to keep my body clean. I've taken matters into my own hands and have a couple of vials on the way. I'm not going balls deep into anything, just 125mg wk to start. I do worry that if the T doesn't act like a magic bullet (mentally) I'm going to lose my mind and be a fat, divorced couch potato for the rest of life.
I think I just needed to vent but I'd love some motivation if you've got it.
Thought I was coming down with a cold, it kept getting a little worse each day. Best way I can describe it was having the flu but with really sore joint and muscle pain. Then the fever started up 101, 102, 103, ect. Tylenol brought it down, then it came back up. That went on for several days until (unaware to me) I was brought by ambulance to the ER and awoke 2 days later looking like the matrix. Thank God somebody was home or who knows what would have happened. I went to bed and just didn't wake up.
That's in the past now.
I want to get back into my routine but I can't seem to get myself motivated and it fucking sucks.
I don't wanna blame the illness, I know it's just the shape I'm in physically, hormonally and mentally that's causing my problems. I've lost too much muscle to even talk about, the doctors took me off my HRT injections 9 months ago (after my second blood transfusion) so I'm dealing with a very low T issue on top of everything else. Even with all the physical and mental damage done to my body it's not what's concerning me the most. Im just tired all the time, I'm short tempered with my wife, even distancing myself a lot from my kids. A year ago my life revolved around them and now it's like I've lost all interest in everything I loved and lived for.
I've tried countless times to get back to the gym, it seems hopeless to me. I always felt better after a good workout but now I can't even get any sort of workout in. I hit the gym, hopped up on energy drinks and motivational tapes and 10 minutes in I'm ready to leave. Muscles shaking, completely exhausted I walk out to the car even more depressed then when I walked in. I tell myself there's light on the horizon. Since my doctors being a bit of dick and tells me it's best for my recovery to keep my body clean. I've taken matters into my own hands and have a couple of vials on the way. I'm not going balls deep into anything, just 125mg wk to start. I do worry that if the T doesn't act like a magic bullet (mentally) I'm going to lose my mind and be a fat, divorced couch potato for the rest of life.
I think I just needed to vent but I'd love some motivation if you've got it.