Oh I know totally. The thing is Im a personal trainer, I make my LIVING based on how I look. Clients come and go.... So unless someone is a pro and makes their money off their body and that is there only source of income they can't relate to me. When I shrink up I get anxiety...what happens if I lose a couple clients and need to pay my bills how will I get new ones? People move, lose jobs, get married, etc...
Im not trying to to get any bigger, Im just trying to run as little gear as possible to where I can still be marketable and pick up clients any time that I want to. Not to say your physique is the only thing that matters as a trainer but when you don't have a huge online following it matters.
On the bright side had a guy in the market yesterday I picked up a client yesterday, he asked me if I was a football player. You know you've gotten smaller when people start asking you that haha.... NEVER have I been mistaken for a football player. It was always a wrestler or bodybuilder. But if I can still get clients at this weight Im fine.
I don't judge anyone but I would never take high doses of shit if I wasn't making money in some way off my physique. I like beautiful women, spending times with my friends and family, and I wanna be around a long time. I probably didn't need to stay on as long as I did to get to the size I am but you live and learn.