OT Question: To Those That Are Happily Married/LTR

[MatsSundin]

I know this is going to be a bit random, but I'm doing some research and figured that this forum would be a great place to survey as I've seen plenty of very intelligent/wise posters with lots of experience. I think this can be of great use for the younger members or those interested in the key to long term success within a relationship.

The questions will be for all of those who are either married or in some sort of Long Term Relationship where BOTH parties are very happy with it, so here goes.

How long have you and your partner been together? Are you married? Any Kids/pets?

If you have kids/pets, how have they affected your relationship (for the better/worse)? If not, are you planning on having any why or why not?

What was your intuitive feeling about your partner when you first met them? Were they true?

How often do you two have sex? How much importance do you place it on and how much importance does your partner place on it?

Does your partner go to the gym? If so do they train with you?

How important is communication within the relationship? How often do you two discuss things?

How many common interests do you two have? What importance do you and your partner place on this? Have they picked up any of your interests or vice versa?

What is your Good:Bad ratio? I.e for how many good things can you name something bad

What are 5 reasons you think most couples fail? If you could expand a bit on each point and how it can be fixed.

What are your 5 keys to success? If you could expand a bit on each point and why it holds importance to you and your partner.

I really appreciate anybody that takes the time to fill this out as I think EVERYONE can learn a lot from it. I think bodybuilding and relationships have a lot in common in that they both require tons of dedication, it's a marathon not a sprint, it's a 24/7 thing...a lifestyle and they can both be used for learning a lot about yourself/others. Thanks again, I know I don't have many posts, but I've learned A LOT just from lurking this forum, so all of it is appreciated!

 

[thehazzle]

How long have you and your partner been together? Are you married? Any Kids/pets?
10 months, no, no

If you have kids/pets, how have they affected your relationship (for the better/worse)? If not, are you planning on having any why or why not?

What was your intuitive feeling about your partner when you first met them? Were they true?
Knew from the day I met her she was the one/best match. Perfect chemistry, literally like two halves

How often do you two have sex? How much importance do you place it on and how much importance does your partner place on it?
Near enough every day, important to both of us as its nice to feel close and same time she pretty hot and I'm always on so I'm always ready to go lol

Does your partner go to the gym? If so do they train with you?
Yeah she works out and could put most guys to shame with her intensity. Trains with me few times a week.

How important is communication within the relationship? How often do you two discuss things?
Prob the most important thing as most arguments come from misunderstanding/misinterpretation and assumptions. If you have any issues do not be afraid to discuss them in an adult manner. We're not perfect but can always tell when something's up and more so its the fact that we know something's wrong yet the other wont discuss it that makes the issue 10x worse.

How many common interests do you two have? What importance do you and your partner place on this? Have they picked up any of your interests or vice versa?
We are both PTs, both love gym, food, sex and movies. Don't think there's ever been a time either of us have suggested something and the other not into it at all.

What is your Good:Bad ratio? I.e for how many good things can you name something bad
90%good 10% bad we are only human and no one is perfect

What are 5 reasons you think most couples fail? If you could expand a bit on each point and how it can be fixed.
Lack of trust, lack of communication. Not being clear with your wants and needs. Not being honest about how you feel and that hot chick at the gym that seems to want to just throw her self at you haha

What are your 5 keys to success? If you could expand a bit on each point and why it holds importance to you and your partner.
Good sex life, we are programmed to fuck and to fight. No need to fight much anymore so best get that energy out your system with sex. Can't tell you how many arguments have been pretty much solved/forgotten about after some make up sex

Trust each other- she is with you for a reason. If she is even remotely hot chances are there are 10s If not 100s of guys she could probably get with that she sees daily. And out of all those dudes out there she is with you. If things are meant to be then they will so don't stress and trust her.

Communicate - how the hell is anything going to work if you have a problem but won't discuss it because of your ego or if you have a concern and you don't talk about it and clear the air it will just sit in the back of your mind and get worse. If you are choosing someone for a serious relationship don't be afraid to discuss things you like or would like her to do. She can't read your mind.

Honesty - apart from little white lies the more honest you are the better. Be honest about your feelings and expectancy from the relationship. Hell my girl knows I check girls out in real life or on the Internet but because I'm open and honest about it she doesn't feel suspicious about my intentions.

Be self less. Do things to make her happy. Go out of your way to do things for her. Show her how much you love her and when a woman feels loved she is a lot more likely to do things to make you happy too

 

[GetYucked]

How long have you and your partner been together? Are you married? Any Kids/pets?

18 months. Not married, will be Apr 12. One dog

If you have kids/pets, how have they affected your relationship (for the better/worse)? If not, are you planning on having any why or why not?

Better, we both love animals. We will be having kids within 5 years and will get another dog within 2.

What was your intuitive feeling about your partner when you first met them? Were they true?

I met her YEARS ago. We were both very different back then and we went through a 4-5 period where we didn't see/hear of each other. Then I randomly asked her to hangout and shit you not, the moment she walked through the door I knew. She was a new person, for better.

How often do you two have sex? How much importance do you place it on and how much importance does your partner place on it?

3-4x a week on avg, sometimes more. It's one of the top two things we made sure we could agree on. I believe the two biggest reasons for relationship problems are sexual things and money.

Does your partner go to the gym? If so do they train with you?

Yes, yes.

How important is communication within the relationship? How often do you two discuss things?

We discuss things daily, whether it be wedding planning or moving arrangements, things we are feeling about the relationship, etc.

How many common interests do you two have? What importance do you and your partner place on this? Have they picked up any of your interests or vice versa?

We both enjoy lifting, bb in general, and being active. We have our own interests in music, movies, foods.... some of it overlaps.

What is your Good:Bad ratio? I.e for how many good things can you name something bad

Define bad? There is nothing I resent about her.

What are 5 reasons you think most couples fail? If you could expand a bit on each point and how it can be fixed.

Money, no one can work if one person makes all the money and the other moron goes and spends it all.
Sex, if you're not getting what you want, you will find it somewhere else.
Trust, I don't feel like I have to second guess anything she says or does, but I see other couples always thinking the other is cheating.
Communication, some people say they go 1-2 days without talking to their SO. Blows my damn mind.

What are your 5 keys to success? If you could expand a bit on each point and why it holds importance to you and your partner.

Same answer as previous question, but with positive vibes

Also, I'm sure some of the people with 5, 10, 15+ yr relationships will be able to shed some real advice. 18 months is cakewalk

 

[Capin]

How long have you and your partner been together? Are you married? Any Kids/pets?

We have known each other for over twenty years we were friends but married to other people. We finally decided to tell our spouses and that was that We each divorced and we married about a year later its been 4 years now.
She has a daughter from her first marriage she is 23 and on her own.
Pets oh my we both are animal lovers 4 dogs 4 cats 2 horses

If you have kids/pets, how have they affected your relationship (for the better/worse)? If not, are you planning on having any why or why not?

I have never wanted kids as I mentioned her daughter whom I like is grown and on her own doing quite well.

What was your intuitive feeling about your partner when you first met them? Were they true?

It was love at first sight!

How often do you two have sex? How much importance do you place it on and how much importance does your partner place on it?

She is very sexy lady sex with her is beyond description so its 3 or 4 times per week

Does your partner go to the gym? If so do they train with you?

Yes she goes to the gym with me

How important is communication within the relationship? How often do you two discuss things?

It is of the utmost importance to have good communication you cant have a relationship with out it. We always talk things through

How many common interests do you two have? What importance do you and your partner place on this? Have they picked up any of your interests or vice versa?

We think so much alike we could be brother sister (but we are not)

What is your Good:Bad ratio? I.e for how many good things can you name something bad

100 to 1 we get along unusually well

What are 5 reasons you think most couples fail? If you could expand a bit on each point and how it can be fixed.

Only one reason life is tough work, family, bills ect... it creates problems between couples and for many it drives them apart

What are your 5 keys to success? If you could expand a bit on each point and why it holds importance to you and your partner.

Again only one reason I found "the one" my soul mate the one I am supposed to be with it wasn't easy but we made it happen.

 

[Has beens]

Mine...

I know this is going to be a bit random, but I'm doing some research and figured that this forum would be a great place to survey as I've seen plenty of very intelligent/wise posters with lots of experience. I think this can be of great use for the younger members or those interested in the key to long term success within a relationship.

The questions will be for all of those who are either married or in some sort of Long Term Relationship where BOTH parties are very happy with it, so here goes.

How long have you and your partner been together? Are you married? Any Kids/pets?
21 years, married, 2 kids

If you have kids/pets, how have they affected your relationship (for the better/worse)? If not, are you planning on having any why or why not?
For the better !

What was your intuitive feeling about your partner when you first met them? Were they true?
I was spot on with her, she is amazing !

How often do you two have sex? How much importance do you place it on and how much importance does your partner place on it?
2-3 X weekly... very important to both of us.

Does your partner go to the gym? If so do they train with you?
yes, no

How important is communication within the relationship? How often do you two discuss things?
VERY..as the years go on we are much better at it....it is the key.

How many common interests do you two have? What importance do you and your partner place on this? Have they picked up any of your interests or vice versa?
Besides the gym and our kids we love the S.F. Giants !

What is your Good:Bad ratio? I.e for how many good things can you name something bad
25-1 if I had to guess

What are 5 reasons you think most couples fail? If you could expand a bit on each point and how it can be fixed.
Infidelity, trust issues, lack of communication.

What are your 5 keys to success? If you could expand a bit on each point and why it holds importance to you and your partner.
Understanding what makes her tick, makes her happy, makes her sad... it is a full time job !

I really appreciate anybody that takes the time to fill this out as I think EVERYONE can learn a lot from it. I think bodybuilding and relationships have a lot in common in that they both require tons of dedication, it's a marathon not a sprint, it's a 24/7 thing...a lifestyle and they can both be used for learning a lot about yourself/others. Thanks again, I know I don't have many posts, but I've learned A LOT just from lurking this forum, so all of it is appreciated!

 

[NOSUPERMODEL]

I know this is going to be a bit random, but I'm doing some research and figured that this forum would be a great place to survey as I've seen plenty of very intelligent/wise posters with lots of experience. I think this can be of great use for the younger members or those interested in the key to long term success within a relationship.

The questions will be for all of those who are either married or in some sort of Long Term Relationship where BOTH parties are very happy with it, so here goes.

How long have you and your partner been together? Are you married? Any Kids/pets?
We have known each other for over 25 years(went to same elementary school together) We have been together for 18 years in June. Been married for 15 years in April. We have two kids(Boy-13 and a Girl-9). We have two labradors.

If you have kids/pets, how have they affected your relationship (for the better/worse)? If not, are you planning on having any why or why not?
Pets-Of course they cause you to adjust your schedule due to having to feed them, get home from work to let them out, finding a kennel to board them while you go on vacation.
Kids-There are good and bad times with kids, but I believe we both want to see them grow up and succeed and know we had a little part in helping them.

What was your intuitive feeling about your partner when you first met them? Were they true?
My wife always chased me, but I would never give her the time of day because she was 3 years younger than me. After my first year of college I came back and we started talking and dating and I just knew. It just felt right. Plus she is smokin and who doesn't like having a hot woman on your arms.

How often do you two have sex? How much importance do you place it on and how much importance does your partner place on it?
We have sex 2-3 times a week. I place a high importance on it just because I am a man. Now that she is getting into her mid 30's she is wanting it more. I found that when the kids were younger it was harder, because she was being more motherly with them because they were younger. But she knows that after about 3 days its time to give me some. She was also always told by her mother..."if he is not getting it at home, he is getting it somewhere" So there are times she will just take care of me because she knows its been a few days.

Does your partner go to the gym? If so do they train with you?
Yes she does and she works out with a trainer at another gym. We have worked out in the past, but she prefers to do different types of workouts than what mine consist of.
How important is communication within the relationship? How often do you two discuss things?
Communication is a big one. We always discuss things. Especcially major decisions. I feel this is going to be a very big problem for the youth now. With all the text messaging that goes on, these youth are not going to know how to communicate.

How many common interests do you two have? What importance do you and your partner place on this? Have they picked up any of your interests or vice versa?
We have a lot in common. But there are also times when you have to sacrifice. For example, she might go watch football with me, and I might spend the day at the mall with her.
What is your Good:Bad ratio? I.e for how many good things can you name something bad
I would say its 95% good and 5% bad, but I would not change a thing about her.
What are 5 reasons you think most couples fail? If you could expand a bit on each point and how it can be fixed.
Sex-If yours or her desires are not getting met it will lead to temptation.
Money-I personally believe in combining money in marriage. But you must have a common agreement on what you are going to do with it. For example, how much to save, spend etc...
Communication-You must be able to talk to each other. Whether its settiling an argument or just finding out how each others day was.
Trust-You have to be able to trust each other. Whether its when she goes out with the girls or your hanging with the guys. I know she could get any guy she wants, and yes she has been hit on multiple times, but she is quick to show the ring and end the situation.
Goals-Discuss and agree on what your goals are, where you are going. Whether it be planning out your retirement home, where the kids are going to school, where your going to live. You want to be working to achieve the same goals.
What are your 5 keys to success? If you could expand a bit on each point and why it holds importance to you and your partner.
Communication-Like above, if you don't have it you will have problems.
Sex-Without sex and the bond it creates, you might as well be living with your best friend
Trust-if you cannot trust each other you do not have a relationship and it will cause problems.
Being yourself-Start the relationship this way and be true.
Compromise-Learn to compromise. There are two of you together now. Sometime she will want something you don't and sometime you will want something she does not.
Here is an extra one---Don't sweat the small stuff. If its something petty don't start an argument over it. I will give you an example that happened just yesterday. I get home from the gym and I am ready to take a shower and eat. But she ask me to plant this flower in the pot on the front porch. I could have easily said.." babe I am tired, I want to take a shower and I need to eat." (Which I did) But I just walked right back outside took the 20 minutes to plant the flower and then I came in and showered and ate. But she was happy that I did and did not say anything about it.


I really appreciate anybody that takes the time to fill this out as I think EVERYONE can learn a lot from it. I think bodybuilding and relationships have a lot in common in that they both require tons of dedication, it's a marathon not a sprint, it's a 24/7 thing...a lifestyle and they can both be used for learning a lot about yourself/others. Thanks again, I know I don't have many posts, but I've learned A LOT just from lurking this forum, so all of it is appreciated!

Hope I helped you in your research

 

[wtw11171]

I know this is going to be a bit random, but I'm doing some research and figured that this forum would be a great place to survey as I've seen plenty of very intelligent/wise posters with lots of experience. I think this can be of great use for the younger members or those interested in the key to long term success within a relationship.

The questions will be for all of those who are either married or in some sort of Long Term Relationship where BOTH parties are very happy with it, so here goes.

How long have you and your partner been together? Are you married? Any Kids/pets?
My wife and I have been together for 23 years. We have four children together. We dated for six years prior to being married.
If you have kids/pets, how have they affected your relationship (for the better/worse)? If not, are you planning on having any why or why not?
We do not have any pets and our children have been the blessing in our life. We lost four children which has caused much sorrow in our life. Four miscarriages is alot.
What was your intuitive feeling about your partner when you first met them? Were they true? my wife saved me and is the inspiration in my life to make we wanna change more to better myself.

How often do you two have sex? How much importance do you place it on and how much importance does your partner place on it?
Not enough lol prob because I understand the deeper meaning behind sex as it just isn't to get off. Lol I will have to elaborate more on these questions later when I have more time
Does your partner go to the gym? If so do they train with you?
My wife just started training with me as she finally decided to get healthy.
How important is communication within the relationship? How often do you two discuss things?we communicate daily but the most important thing is praying together. Every night we pray together hold each other and apologize for anything we did or said to hurt one another.

How many common interests do you two have? What importance do you and your partner place on this? Have they picked up any of your interests or vice versa? we do everything together as a family

What is your Good:Bad ratio? I.e for how many good things can you name something bad
N/A
What are 5 reasons you think most couples fail? If you could expand a bit on each point and how it can be fixed. communication and prayer it is about living for each other not for self

What are your 5 keys to success? If you could expand a bit on each point and why it holds importance to you and your partner.

I really appreciate anybody that takes the time to fill this out as I think EVERYONE can learn a lot from it. I think bodybuilding and relationships have a lot in common in that they both require tons of dedication, it's a marathon not a sprint, it's a 24/7 thing...a lifestyle and they can both be used for learning a lot about yourself/others. Thanks again, I know I don't have many posts, but I've learned A LOT just from lurking this forum, so all of it is appreciated!

I will try and answer all questions better when I have more time

 

[Pharm_Fed]

How long have you and your partner been together? Are you married? Any Kids/pets?

Been together total of 10 years. Dated 3, engaged 3, married 4.

If you have kids/pets, how have they affected your relationship (for the better/worse)? If not, are you planning on having any why or why not?

No pets or kids. Not home enough to care for a pet and would feel awful leaving a dog unattended for 12+ hours a day. We both leave the house for the gym before 6am and don't get home until after 6pm and we both work 45 minutes away. Not reasonable to have a dog IMHO. She wants kids, I don't but we will probably have at least one. I couldn't live with myself if I kept her from fulfilling her dream of being a mother, plus I don't want her resenting me forever.

What was your intuitive feeling about your partner when you first met them? Were they true?

Well, when we first met I was only 20 years old and she was 17. Not much intuition other than she's hot and I think we'd have fun together. She seemed genuine and caring right off the bat though. That proved to ber very true.

How often do you two have sex? How much importance do you place it on and how much importance does your partner place on it?

Sometimes we will have sex every day for a week and sometimes we will go 2 weeks without having sex, sometimes we have sex 2 or 3 times in one day. Depends on what's going on in life, schedules, etc.

Does your partner go to the gym? If so do they train with you?

We both train together in the morning. I enjoy the opportunity to spend that time with her. Sometimes it sucks not having a partner who can spot me and sometimes it's annoying to pull 4 or 5 plates off each side so she can do the movement with her weight but overall I enjoy it.

How important is communication within the relationship? How often do you two discuss things?

Paramount. If you're going to marry someone you are making the decision to share your life with them. How can you do that without talking to them? I'm a pretty reserved person about things in general but I'm very open with my wife. She's sees sides of me that no one else does, as she should IMHO. We talk about things everyday really.

How many common interests do you two have? What importance do you and your partner place on this? Have they picked up any of your interests or vice versa?

We are fortunate that the things we have in common are the most important things in a relationship. We both share a belief in God, we both share a knowledge and passion for food/health/fitness, we both enjoy being active outdoors (camping, hiking, boating, biking, etc.) and we both are like-minded about finances and purchases. We differ in taste for some things like clothes, home decor, trivial things like that. Although I will say since we've been together both of our tastes have somewhat merged and things that I disliked before, I have now come to appreciate. Same goes for her. I think that's a quantifiable representation of what a marriage should be. Two people should grow together, becoming more and more like one.

What is your Good:Bad ratio? I.e for how many good things can you name something bad

Obviously no relationship is perfect, and not to sound boastful but I think ours is closer than most. When we do argue it's always something silly and it's a calm exchange. We never have yelling matches or knock-down drag-outs. We are both laid back people which helps I'm sure. If I had to put numbers on it I'd say probably 95% good, 5% bad.

What are 5 reasons you think most couples fail? If you could expand a bit on each point and how it can be fixed.

You could name 5 but I think if we look at the big picture there are really only 2. Pride and fear. Pride makes people do stupid things, and keeps them from doing the right thing often as well. How many times do people know that they should humble themselves and apologize, but they don't? Etc. How many times does a argument arise from nothing other than fear, which can manifest itself many ways. Jealousy, insecurity, etc. React out of love, judge a person's heart, not their actions. As an example, my mother-in-law (bless her heart) is one of the most scatter-brained and cloudy people I've ever met. Sometimes she does things that leave me shaking my head but I know her heart was in the right place so it's hard to be mad.


What are your 5 keys to success? If you could expand a bit on each point and why it holds importance to you and your partner.

Love - if you truly love someone, and your actions show it, everything else kind of just falls in place. If you both know you love each other, their will be trust, there will be compromise, there won't be jealousy, pride, anger. In each situation react out of love and see what happens.

Of course anything worthwhile takes work, but I really think that if you connect with someone on a deep enough level and develop a real, honest love for them the other 'keys to success' will be effortless. They will just become second nature.