Small conflict...

Huge_C2 · Apr 23, 2010

So i have a small conflict in my life... My GF and I are very close and also geting pretty close to her family.. They seem to love me and its nice to be supported in that way.. The thing is that her parents are rather religious and want US to be also.. The other day we were served with an altimatum of sorts, either you two start going to church or we are not going to support this relationship!! I would be willing to go in support of her but i really dont know what to think about this.. Supposedly its going to make our relationship stronger!! This really makes me sick.. I dont know what it is but im very uncomfortable with the whole situation.. Im not so much a religious guy but would say im very spiritual.. I dont see how going to church is going to make me a better person.. This whole situation is makiing me sick.. ITs very awkward to say the least..

Ness · Apr 23, 2010

Huge_C2 said:
So i have a small conflict in my life... My GF and I are very close and also geting pretty close to her family.. They seem to love me and its nice to be supported in that way.. The thing is that her parents are rather religious and want US to be also.. The other day we were served with an altimatum of sorts, either you two start going to church or we are not going to support this relationship!! I would be willing to go in support of her but i really dont know what to think about this.. Supposedly its going to make our relationship stronger!! This really makes me sick.. I dont know what it is but im very uncomfortable with the whole situation.. Im not so much a religious guy but would say im very spiritual.. I dont see how going to church is going to make me a better person.. This whole situation is makiing me sick.. ITs very awkward to say the least..

Spirituality / religion or belief system is highly individual and extremely personal. It makes me sick to hear that her parents are doing this and I think its flat out wrong. Stand your ground on this and only proceed on a level that youre comfortable with. If you give them control on this, I can promise you a lifetime of agony and regret. Ive been through this exact situation before and I had to terminate my relationship. Im actually pissed off for you and Im going to end it here before I really get started, lol. Im sorry, and good luck.

Yohimbe33 · Apr 23, 2010

Ness said:
Spirituality / religion or belief system is highly individual and extremely personal. It makes me sick to hear that her parents are doing this and I think its flat out wrong. Stand your ground on this and only proceed on a level that youre comfortable with. If you give them control on this, I can promise you a lifetime of agony and regret. Ive been through this exact situation before and I had to terminate my relationship. Im actually pissed off for you and Im going to end it here before I really get started, lol. Im sorry, and good luck.

Bump this-thats the biggest problem with overly religious types, they have to force it down your throat. Theres no live and let live, you either go to their Church or you're going to hell.
I agree you must stand your ground, but it is tricky as I've never seen an overly religious type agree to let it go.
What does the GF say about it?

Huge_C2 · Apr 23, 2010

Yohimbe33 said:
Bump this-thats the biggest problem with overly religious types, they have to force it down your throat. Theres no live and let live, you either go to their Church or you're going to hell.
I agree you must stand your ground, but it is tricky as I've never seen an overly religious type agree to let it go.
What does the GF say about it?

She dissagrees but is scared to death of her parents.. Its crap.. She grew up spending a crazy amount of time at a church that i dont agree with whatso ever... She see's that its wrong to force it but i think she feels obligated to go..

Yohimbe33 · Apr 23, 2010

Huge_C2 said:
She dissagrees but is scared to death of her parents.. Its crap.. She grew up spending a crazy amount of time at a church that i dont agree with whatso ever... She see's that its wrong to force it but i think she feels obligated to go..

Well at least she's not also trying to force it on you.
Well you can either go along with it just to keep them happy for now-and phase it out over time, so long as the gf is with you on it.
Stand your ground and tell them it's not your church and you feel equally offended by them trying to force you into their church
or have a family movie night and pop in Zeitgeist

BOOMSHAKER · Apr 23, 2010

Huge_C2 said:
So i have a small conflict in my life... My GF and I are very close and also geting pretty close to her family.. They seem to love me and its nice to be supported in that way.. The thing is that her parents are rather religious and want US to be also.. The other day we were served with an altimatum of sorts, either you two start going to church or we are not going to support this relationship!! I would be willing to go in support of her but i really dont know what to think about this.. Supposedly its going to make our relationship stronger!! This really makes me sick.. I dont know what it is but im very uncomfortable with the whole situation.. Im not so much a religious guy but would say im very spiritual.. I dont see how going to church is going to make me a better person.. This whole situation is makiing me sick.. ITs very awkward to say the least..

#1 dont be a p@ssy and give in to strong arm tactics.

#2 tell her parents if they are this controlling and you guys are just at the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship then what other subjects do they plan on running your life with your new wife on???

#3 (IMHO) everyone needs some sort of religon in their life to help balance them out. BUT, no one should hold that over you as a means of a barganing chip with someones daughter. Religon is a personal thing. You come to it if and when you are ready for it. If someone
(her parents) are insisting that you join a religon then I would seriously take a hard look at your girlfriend and ask is this relationship really gonna be worth it. Because there is no doubt, this religon stuff with her folks is just going to be the tip of the iceberge when it comes to your new in laws. Good luck brother.

Huge_C2 · Apr 23, 2010

She wouldnt do that to me... But i do feel a bit obligated to go.. It scares me of things to come.. I dont see how love is amplified through going to a building and singing songs.. They think im good enough to marry her but this will make it bettr?? Hmmmm.....

BOOMSHAKER · Apr 23, 2010

Huge_C2 said:
She dissagrees but is scared to death of her parents.. Its crap.. She grew up spending a crazy amount of time at a church that i dont agree with whatso ever... She see's that its wrong to force it but i think she feels obligated to go..

You're starting off with trouble, no doubt its not gonna end well if your girlfriend is so scared of her parents. It's fine that she SHOULD BE respectful of her parents. BUT to be scared of them is another thing. AND THERE IS NO DOUBT SHE WILL SIDE WITH HER PARENTS OVER YOU ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. Not good brother.

Ehren · Apr 23, 2010

Don't Go. Draw a line in the sand and don't cross it. Your GF has to make a choice.

If the relationship progresses, she will eventually be your wife. Will she support you or not? Do you want to make all future choices ONLY with her parents consent? Fuck That, Brother.

Let her do as she wants, but don't cave in. It will be the beginning of a long road downhill for you if you do. And it's YOUR life to decide.

They will never stop there; what they really want is to see if they can MAKE you do things and retain control control of her and you, through her. Tell them that you will not go and your girlfriend can do as she wishes. You're not stopping her.

I had this situation or similar when I was a young and dumb assed kid and had been dating one girl a while. Her mother to be told me we needed to be in church and also told me we needed to get married by such-and-such a date, because we'd been dating too long.

I told her my GF (now-ex wife) could do as she wanted, go to church or leave me if chose to. But that if she (future mom in law) caused any trouble, Id let her daughter choose who to be with...and I felt confident about her choice...ME.

After that, I had her respect. And no problems from her, ever.

richiec · Apr 23, 2010

Huge_C2 said:
So i have a small conflict in my life... My GF and I are very close and also geting pretty close to her family.. They seem to love me and its nice to be supported in that way.. The thing is that her parents are rather religious and want US to be also.. The other day we were served with an altimatum of sorts, either you two start going to church or we are not going to support this relationship!! I would be willing to go in support of her but i really dont know what to think about this.. Supposedly its going to make our relationship stronger!! This really makes me sick.. I dont know what it is but im very uncomfortable with the whole situation.. Im not so much a religious guy but would say im very spiritual.. I dont see how going to church is going to make me a better person.. This whole situation is makiing me sick.. ITs very awkward to say the least..

What religion are they, or what denomination do they lean towards? That is one of the biggest problems today, people are caught up in "religion". I am a Christian, but if someone else has differing beliefs, that is fine, I am not going to Bible thump someone. Going to church doesn't make you a better person, diving into the Word of God will! Are you guys living together? That could be a concern of her parents. I would not go to her parents and tell them to back off, but I would sit down with them and tell them what you said here. How is going to church going to make your relationship stronger? A relationship built around God will be stronger, I agree, as my wife and mine is, but it isn't because we "go to church", it's because we have a relationship with God. Express your feelings to them in that context, if that's how you feel.

BOOMSHAKER said:
#1 dont be a p@ssy and give in to strong arm tactics.

#2 tell her parents if they are this controlling and you guys are just at the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship then what other subjects do they plan on running your life with your new wife on???

#3 (IMHO) everyone needs some sort of religon in their life to help balance them out. BUT, no one should hold that over you as a means of a barganing chip with someones daughter. Religon is a personal thing. You come to it if and when you are ready for it. If someone
(her parents) are insisting that you join a religon then I would seriously take a hard look at your girlfriend and ask is this relationship really gonna be worth it. Because there is no doubt, this religon stuff with her folks is just going to be the tip of the iceberge when it comes to your new in laws. Good luck brother.

I disagree 100%

People don't need religion, religion needs people. God does not ask that you be a "religious" person, but that you follow His teaching and trust in His son as your savior. Doing that doesn't make you religious, it makes you more spiritual