over react for smallest thing

[alaski]

I've been married for about 7 years with two young children. My wife and I still love each other very much but we have issues that I cannot understand.

The smallest thing can make my wife go off with anger, emotional crying, which then escalates to personal attacks. If stay quiet she becomes more upset; if I tell her my point view her anger still increases. I have no idea how to deal with it other than acquiescing, which will get us no-where. Walking around on egg-shells is not in my character.

She does recognize when her behavior gets out of line after the fact, nonetheless, she wants to hold me partially responsible for the situation even if I am not directly involved with the event that started it.

She is overly emotional and don't know what I can do about it.

 

[pesty4077]

I've been married for about 7 years with two young children. My wife and I still love each other very much but we have issues that I cannot understand.

The smallest thing can make my wife go off with anger, emotional crying, which then escalates to personal attacks. If stay quiet she becomes more upset; if I tell her my point view her anger still increases. I have no idea how to deal with it other than acquiescing, which will get us no-where. Walking around on egg-shells is not in my character.

She does recognize when her behavior gets out of line after the fact, nonetheless, she wants to hold me partially responsible for the situation even if I am not directly involved with the event that started it.

She is overly emotional and don't know what I can do about it.

Is she related too my wife? On a serious note, you have to be rational. She might also have some underlying issues that have to be discussed. She could also have a hormonal imbalance. My wife had this issue and when she got treatment, she was 100% better. Remember, soft words will calm a storm.

 

[alaski]

that's what I was thinking but...

If I mention treatment she will take it as a very harsh critique, no doubt bring the response if I only did this or that things would be fine. It seems her approach is to coerce me with threats and personal attacks. I refuse to be a trained pet or her project to make me into her image. It seems when I finally had enough and act as though I have no interest in her, she suddenly changes to being almost submissive. I don't want that either. A partner that is mature and can talk without such aggressive anger would be ideal.

I must admit after constant attacks, verbal abuse, I reach a point where I get very loud, probably trying to intimidate subconsciously in my mind. There is no physical violence because I refuse to go that route.

However, I am convinced you are right about a imbalance that may need to be medicated, getting there will be a difficult task.

Is she related too my wife? On a serious note, you have to be rational. She might also have some underlying issues that have to be discussed. She could also have a hormonal imbalance. My wife had this issue and when she got treatment, she was 100% better. Remember, soft words will calm a storm.

 

[pesty4077]

If I mention treatment she will take it as a very harsh critique, no doubt bring the response if I only did this or that things would be fine. It seems her approach is to coerce me with threats and personal attacks. I refuse to be a trained pet or her project to make me into her image. It seems when I finally had enough and act as though I have no interest in her, she suddenly changes to being almost submissive. I don't want that either. A partner that is mature and can talk without such aggressive anger would be ideal.

I must admit after constant attacks, verbal abuse, I reach a point where I get very loud, probably trying to intimidate subconsciously in my mind. There is no physical violence because I refuse to go that route.

However, I am convinced you are right about a imbalance that may need to be medicated, getting there will be a difficult task.

You guys might need profesional counseling. There is always 2 sides to each story, so I don't know her point of view and what upsets her. Finances will destroy marriages, how are they? Marriage takes work and you can't look at it like she is training you or it won't work. If my wife gets mad at me, there is generally a reason why she is. Answer her like this: What can I do for you? How many times do you kissed her, held her, romance her? Woman are sensitive and want to be loved. Start putting her first and you will generally see a difference. When I put my own interests aside and my wifes first, I have a perfect relationship with her.

 

[scrapper13]

sounds like she definitely would benefit from speaking to somebody, but believe me i know first hand how women can get when you suggest something they don't want to hear. on that note my advice would be to sit her down and say you would really like it if the both of you could go to talk to somebody. say you think it would benefit the relationship. this way you seem like you are not solely blaming her. from there the therapist will be able to direct you guys on what the best course of action is. if that entails her seeing a psychiatrist or medical doctor then they should be able to recommend someone. good luck bro im sure things will work themselves out

 

[alaski]

sounds like she definitely would benefit from speaking to somebody, but believe me i know first hand how women can get when you suggest something they don't want to hear. on that note my advice would be to sit her down and say you would really like it if the both of you could go to talk to somebody. say you think it would benefit the relationship. this way you seem like you are not solely blaming her. from there the therapist will be able to direct you guys on what the best course of action is. if that entails her seeing a psychiatrist or medical doctor then they should be able to recommend someone. good luck bro im sure things will work themselves out

Believe me friends I am very slow to anger with her. Our love life is doing well with a little break from having a baby six months ago. I know what you are thinking, postpartum blues or whatever it's called. This has been an issue since we ate the wedding cake. Nevertheless, I am going to take your advise to be more attentive to her desires. We have two beautiful little girls that we need to consider especially when our situation is displayed in front of them.

 

[DrivingForward]

I really hope you guys can work things out. I think its important to be firm, yet constructive when counseling your significant other about serious problems. Hopefully its just flare ups brought on by a stressful world (economy, etc), and not a fundamental problem in the relationship.

One thing I would do... since you're married and have kids. Get a small digital audio recorder.. even better if you can put a hidden cam w/ audio in the rooms that you tend to fight in (like a nanny-cam) . DOCUMENT her abuse, threats, and violence.... If this boils down to divorce, you want to keep your house and kids.

Im sorry to bring that part up, just the cards are stacked against men in the family courts, you want to level the playing field.

 

[Druss]

Have her get some detailed blood work and hormone check up. If she refuses to look after her health she's an idiot, especially with kids involved...

DO NOT let a shrink get near her head, you'll most likely wind up being the scape-goat, save that option for last cause it will usually blow up in your face.... Most psychologists enter psychology due to an underlining need to find out whats wrong with themselves, they never wind up fixing their problems but think they can intellectualize and solve others problems. Stay away from these nut jobs...

Its a proven fact that getting out and exercising cures depression better than any meds or therapy, also try to convince her to take some 2 to 10mg anavar ed or even 10mg a test enanth a week (get her exercising first then she might go for it ) long shot but still, better than psychobabale bullshit...

 

[Druss]

I really hope you guys can work things out. I think its important to be firm, yet constructive when counseling your significant other about serious problems. Hopefully its just flare ups brought on by a stressful world (economy, etc), and not a fundamental problem in the relationship.

One thing I would do... since you're married and have kids. Get a small digital audio recorder.. even better if you can put a hidden cam w/ audio in the rooms that you tend to fight in (like a nanny-cam) . DOCUMENT her abuse, threats, and violence.... If this boils down to divorce, you want to keep your house and kids.

Im sorry to bring that part up, just the cards are stacked against men in the family courts, you want to level the playing field.

just showing her the video when she's acting normal could be a good wake up call too...

 

[scrapper13]

Have her get some detailed blood work and hormone check up. If she refuses to look after her health she's an idiot, especially with kids involved...

DO NOT let a shrink get near her head, you'll most likely wind up being the scape-goat, save that option for last cause it will usually blow up in your face.... Most psychologists enter psychology due to an underlining need to find out whats wrong with themselves, they never wind up fixing their problems but think they can intellectualize and solve others problems. Stay away from these nut jobs...

Its a proven fact that getting out and exercising cures depression better than any meds or therapy, also try to convince her to take some 2 to 10mg anavar ed or even 10mg a test enanth a week (get her exercising first then she might go for it ) long shot but still, better than psychobabale bullshit...

i have to disagree with you on not letting a shrink get into her head because he will become a scape goat. my girl sees a therapist for some issues and about once a month her therapist asks me to go with her. we will talk about what is causing fights between us and more than half of the time he agrees with me and lets her know that she was the one acting wrong, so there are some good therapists out there you just gotta find them

 

[alaski]

exercise

It's funny you brought up the exercising and going to the gym. The last two weeks we have been going to the gym together. I have been designing her diet; I even prepared her meals for home and at work. I have noticed some real changes in her mood the last week or so. She also seems to be really impressed that I have been making her lunches before she goes to work. I don't want to be skeptic but I hope that is the answer to some the stresses that may be the underlying cause. Let's see if this is going to be a temporary fix or if something small sets her off again.

Nevertheless, I believe counseling ought to be an option that we pursue. Experience tells me any behavior modification on my part will not ultimately fix the emotional instability she seems to have.

Have her get some detailed blood work and hormone check up. If she refuses to look after her health she's an idiot, especially with kids involved...

DO NOT let a shrink get near her head, you'll most likely wind up being the scape-goat, save that option for last cause it will usually blow up in your face.... Most psychologists enter psychology due to an underlining need to find out whats wrong with themselves, they never wind up fixing their problems but think they can intellectualize and solve others problems. Stay away from these nut jobs...

Its a proven fact that getting out and exercising cures depression better than any meds or therapy, also try to convince her to take some 2 to 10mg anavar ed or even 10mg a test enanth a week (get her exercising first then she might go for it ) long shot but still, better than psychobabale bullshit...