Having trouble getting past Wife's affair

[Magnolia5]

First of all i will never know how a man can knowingly try and get with a married women. That being said i wish i had some words for you but I've never been in you're shoes. I can imagine how it feels though, Shit would just destroy me. Anyway hope everything works out for you brother.

 

[3clipseGT]

Cut both of their heads off and dump them in a river for the fish to eat.!!
Thats what id do , guess thats why my wife is loyal.

Seriously brother , women stray because somthing is missing in their marriage. Very few women are sexuly driven to cheat as opposed to just not getting the attention they need.

The damage is done , you can go to counseling TOGETHER and if she refuses then gjve her walking papers , but you need to make an effort to do your part not just mKe money bit be a husband.

"The biggest mistake a man can make is giving another man the opportunity to make his woman smile"
Thats a fact

Well said Guns and i agree, especially on the quote.

 

[Ehren]

Taz, you did what every man and some women need to do at some point, who cares about his family and his marriage and his life; You had to work. Hard and long for a period, in order to secure your future and your family's future. You and she talked about it, and she agreed. Doctors do it, military does it, lawyers, anyone starting any business does it. It's normal and necessary.

Men and women both need to know that while they're doing what needs doing, they have the love and support and faithfulness of their partner. Not trying to juggle a thing that's 100% demanding, and being penalized for it. Those are called "hard times" and it requires compromise and understanding from all parties. Not this.

She broke, plain and simple. All she had to do was hang and wait and try, FOR A WHILE. But she didn't. She has the support of modern society with it's paraphrased pop-psychology about "needs being fulfilled" and "filling a void", which is really just a modern-day excuse for, "I want it now and I'm not getting it, so I'm justified in anything I do, no matter how inexcusable".

Stay if you want to, but realize that all the work to be done will be yours. All the looking past it, will be yours. What's been done to her cannot be un-done.

Sorry to hear of this, Man. Really.

 

[Simpllyhuge]

You deserve a good life for your hard work and a wife who never cheated on you.

 

[Simpllyhuge]

Bad feigns in the house in probably worse for the kids than just seperating

 

[Miss Q]

Sorry to hear about this Taz, very sad indeed, and I definitely feel for you.

I say once there is some sort of sexual flirting going on then you are basically cheating and therefore the damage is done. Can therapy help you through all the feeling's you are experiencing right now?? Only YOU can decide the answer to that question, and I think a lot would depend on how your wife is currently behaving towards you, and this whole situation.

A lot of people have been cheated on, and some can move on w/ any issues, but I think the majority will always question the other person and drive themselves insane worrying if it will happen again.

Without some sort of therapy (individual or together) you will never move on, and instead you will be putting a band-aid on the situation, and unfortunately band-aids don't last very long

NO TRUST=NO RELATIONSHIP

Good luck in your situation, you will eventually figure out what's BEST FOR YOU.

 

[testocules]

I would not be with a women who betrayed me in that way. The world is full of women.

My solution would be to find a new one, who was better in every possible way.

 

[ajdos]

Remember this, women are emotional for her shes gotten her 'emotional orgasms' from that tool.
Women dont need sex to cheat like men do, she is right out of the mold of my ex wife, and she will continue to go behind your back with him and other men too.
If you dont leave she will figure that she can continue to do things like this with no consequence, I understand there are children but thats on her...shes the one responsible here, and she should take the brunt of the blame.
Trust me, I tried giving my ex-wife the trust, only to find out by the divorce she had been running around with many men, and the guy I caught her emailing back and forth with...she was IN LOVE with him, and they had been going behind my back since the point I caught her with the emails...the only thing I could think was "WHY DIDNT I LEAVE THAT LYING CUNT IN THE FIRST PLACE??!!"....someone like your wife CANNOT be trusted, she has irrevocably destroyed the trust, and Im sorry theres no coming back from what she did.
Dump her move on and find someone who respects you and you can trust.

 

[Gators]

Been divorced twice, first one was a 19 yr marriage, never imagined her being unfaithful. 2nd one was a rebound marriage, ended disastrously.

In both situations i really wanted to honor my vows, but the fact is some folks just cannot stay faithful, and it really shows a major character flaw, make that a major massive character flaw. Now of course the spouse who's been cheated on has his/her part in the relationship going bad, but cheating is NEVER justified, never, ever.

My experience tells me to give you the advice to move on. I hung in there w/ marriage one for a few years, we have 3 daughters, but it was HELL, won't do that again.

 

[Gunsmith]

thats why he should have thought before he got involved in such a risky situation, he took the risk now he deals with the appropriate consequences.

but i agree with you he's in a shitty situation right now (but he did get himself into it).

Please with all your wisdom explain how HE got himself into this situation?
what "risk" did he take , trying to better his life??

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

thats why he should have thought before he got involved in such a risky situation, he took the risk now he deals with the appropriate consequences.

but i agree with you he's in a shitty situation right now (but he did get himself into it).

I think you got the two dads mixed up! LOL I was referring to the OP being a bad daddy if he leaves.

 

[biggerben69]

The man has kids caught in the crossfire! Unless you have kids it's easy to tell him what to do. If he gets rid of his wife he will look like the bad daddy. If he seperates, he looks like the bad daddy. If he freaks out on her one day in front of the kids, he's a bad daddy. If he stays with her it makes him look like the weaker one. There is no win win solution here.

You're tripping taz. Taping phone calls, saying he placed others in danger etc. All that really isn't important. Let that shit be. I did all that. I contacted the wife etc.
Either you're gonna give it another shot or you're not. She's brought enough drama into your lives, don't make yourself look silly. Cheating happens everyday. It's happening to you so it's crazy, but don't feed into it brother.

 

[Cito33189]

What has she said to you lately about the situation?

Is she remorseful?

I dont know man its stories like this that make me feel like i dont want to get married.

I feel for you brother.

Its easy for other people to tell you to move on, that was my first instinct but in reality do what is best for yourself.

 

[basskiller]

It is quite simple in the terms of what needs to be done..
You need to talk this out and tell her exactly how your feeling and she needs to be honest about the situation.. If there is something lacking in your relationship.. then it either needs to be worked on .. or ........

It all comes down to weather or not you can forgive her for whatever transpired.. If you can.. refer to fixing what is wrong that made her stray .. If you don't think you can ever forgive her and I mean not just now and have it lingering and festering within you.. I mean total forgiveness.. Then you need to just cut ties and move on..
No sense in dragging this on for years , and being miserable the entire time... only to break up afterwards..

so it all boils down to .. Can you forgive her?

 

[taz]

can i forgive her? that is the million dollar question. i keep trying but i just cant help but to let the anger seep through here and there. its like we will have a great day or great couple of days. then i will be reminded of it somehow. by an outfit she is wearing or something she says or something that is on TV or something. then i get so resentful and i think, 'we laughed like this that whole time and all the while i thought we were so close and in love but she was spending entire days sending porno messages to someone else.'. So then the hate comes through and we fight.

i got a call today from his boss and the assistant to the Chief of his department. they are coming here friday to talk to me about everything that their investigation uncovered. They are going to fill me in on all the information that I dont have. So I guess I will learn the whole truth then.

Not sure if I am happy about that or scared. I already told her that if there is anything, ANYTHING at all that she has held back from me whether it was to protect me from hurting or out of fear of telling the truth, i told her she had better tell me now before they do. I told her that if she admits everything to me now we can talk to a therapist but that if she keeps insisting that i know everything and then they come and tell me things that I dont know I told her I am moving out that same day and filing for divorce.

she still swears I know everything. so i guess we will see.

and btw, yes she has begged to see a counselor but she really hasnt put much effort into finding one. She had one appt with one back in december and is supposed to see her again Jan 21st. I am pretty mad about that becuase it seems to me that she should be trying much harder to find a therapist if she really wants to fix this.

thanks again everyone. you guys and girls are a fantastic community. the support and advice and outpouring you all are giving me is something I feel very fortunate about. thank you so much

 

[ajdos]

Good luck TAZ, wish you the best bud.

 

[raw33man]

yes you can forgive her

but can you trust her again ?

from now on, your life is fucked ! it's gonna be almost impossible to earn the same trust...

Fool me once, shame on you bitch ! fool me twice, I'm a fucking idiot.

 

[Bro]

I think you got the two dads mixed up! LOL I was referring to the OP being a bad daddy if he leaves.

I thought you were talking about the other guy

 

[Incognito1]

Yeah I really feel bad for you right now buddy. I hope the upcoming meeting can give you some sort of conclusion to the whole drama and give you more clarity in what way you want to go with your relationship.

 

[Fawker]

leave her sorry ass!

Plenty of women in the world to not have to settle for a cheating whore. Shes scum.