Having trouble getting past Wife's affair

[taz]

not only does his wife know, but I am quite sure he is losing his job as well. See, it turns out he was on his work shift when he was sending all these texts and he was actually in a work vehicle taking pictures of his own cock and sending them. you can actually see the car in the picture as well. without saying what he does for a living, lets just say he has a very official type position and it would be impossible for him to say it wasnt his dick or his car. certain things make it obvious. and the type of work he does strictly forbids this type of behavior. altogether in the 3 months they talked they sent each other 1100 total text messages and dozens of pictures. a formal inquiry was made about his conduct and needless to say he will be losing his job, pension, benefits, career, reputation, and any future employment in his field.

BUT, to be fair here everyone, HE KNEW THE RULES BEFORE HE BROKE THEM!!! He freely admitted he knew what he was doing was wrong. I have him on tape saying that (i taped our call). He admitted in writing as well that what he did was unforgivable but that he just couldnt bring himself to stop.

Lets just say that during the course of this whole thing he put several mens lives in serious jeopardy with what he was telling my wife. And I mean very seriously as in these men could have been killed in their line of work. He knew very clearly what he was doing but he chose to do it anyway. He told her about things that were supposed to be very very very secret about his work.

I have to agree with that, from personal experience if shes sending that many messages and pictures you don't even need to ask if they have touched, shes already proven to be dishonest so don't take her word for it. Don't beat yourself up about it either, the company/lack of intimacy is a reach that people confronted use to explain their horrible behavior and months of deception, don't fall for it even though it may feel good to take the blame off her and place it elsewhere. Does his wife know? If not maybe she should.

 

[ballennonstop]

So he's a cop. Or maybe an EMT. Probably a cop though. Good luck with this situation bro.

Did they actually meet up? You should know if you read all the correspondence. I would think anyway. Follow your heart..and if she did cheat then let her go. If not then give her another chance. That's what I would do in your shoes.

 

[LATS]

taz.. i mean no offense.. but whatever neglect you may or maynot have put into the marriage because of the business ect is still no excuse for her infidelity.. none.. if she had issues she should have addressed themn more with you.. but to go and have a affair is inexcuseable.. she may have told you that their was no physical contatct buit i think you know the truth.. just sending pornographic pics constitutes a affair.. but to assume she did nothing else might be a bit gulliable.. (not saying you assume that but if she wats you to believe that .. well she is being silly and hopeing your gulliable)..

i truly believe that if she has done this once before or will again.. what people have to realize is that no flirting is harmless.. it is usually meant with some sort of intention.. plus it is just plain insulting to the spouse..

i personally know i could never get over this or trust her again.. counseling is usually a joke.. i have seen my sister cheat on her husbands.. she goes to consuling and the chumps buy her excuses and that she wont do it again.. but three marriages later here they are... she always has a excuse.. "you work too much".. or "he made me feel pretty".. all complete b.s. she just cheats.. all the while the consulor tries to put some of the blame on her husbands.. silly circle just keeps going..

regardless of what you decide.. you did not deserve to be cheated on.. irregardless of what you did or did not do..

 

[taz]

You're right LATS.
And thank you by the way to everyone who has responded to my thread. I really really appreciate all the support.

I believe that infidelity begins with flirting. I understand there is so called innocent flirting which when done in a non sexual way is a part of sometimes talking to people. But when you start saying things like "well why cant I just take you to lunch? What does your Husband not expect you to eat during the day?" Or "well you were so helpful with that whole thing. Let me at least take you for coffee. What your husband doesnt know wont hurt him. Just dont tell him and I promise Ill have you back to work in less than 20 minutes". That shit is over the line!!

Yes, he was a cop. I dont know why i even bothered to try to hide it. Fuck him. He deserves to have his shit turned out. Fucking weasel loser didnt even have the balls to stand in front of me like a man. Probably better that he didnt anyway. I am a trained professional fighter and he would not have come out of it in a good way. But, I have chosen to not do anything violent or drastic in this situation.

 

[taz]

oh yeah, and I almost forgot this part. And this also makes me very angry at my wife for allowing it. But the dude's wife is on PERMANENT DISABILITY from her job due to a very serious medical condition. She has to undergo surgeries every 5-10 years to repair brain tissue. So she cannot work. She is relatively normal and a very beautiful woman. But she cannot work ever again and she relies on him 100% for everything!

BUT, that isnt the worst of it!! He has a daughter who has been DIAGNOSED WITH TERMINAL DISEASE! They have to take her to the childrens hospital every few weeks for tests and procedures and the disease has been diagnosed as terminal. She will have a few more years but they are not very hopeful for much more!!

So this fucking asswipe has a Wife that cannot work or support herself due to a brain issue and who NEEDS his paycheck and his INSURANCE to afford the treatments. And then to make it worse his daughter is going to pass away at a very young age due to a terminal illness and she absolutely needs the insurance to get the very expensive procedures to extend her years.

AND INSTEAD OF THINKING EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY ABOUT TAKING CARE OF HIS WIFE, HIS DAUGHTER, HIS FAMILY - he was out risking everything to send my wife pornographic text messages begging her to come blow him at the dunkin donuts parking lot!

 

[matt1164]

Well what's done is done. He has done a lot of damage to his family and yours.

The guy is a total asswipe.

If my tax dollars are paying his salary then I'm glad he lost his job.

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

Thanks Jello. I hear what you are saying and I sort of have leaned that way myself. I know that a marriage is two sided and I suppose I should shoulder some of the blame for any issues we had. I know I put in a ton of effort at building the business. Maybe I should have focused that much effort on maintaining my marriage as well? But I also feel like after 10 years together and children and the life we both agreed we wanted to pursue that maybe she should have been more of a "stand by your man in support" type Wife.

I dont know. thats why I am so damn confused with this whole thing. part of me wants to walk because the trust is destroyed. But the other part of me is wondering if maybe I am also to blame for it all?

NO!


The fact is you were doing this for YOUR FAMILY! Not some other chic or babe! If she felt neglected or had any reason to think she was going to be on her own for a while. Then she should have opened her mouth a long time ago. You were focused on making your family more financially sound. There is nothing to think about here. There is nothing to feel bad about here.

Some of the things that would haunt me would be:

what is that prick going to do with the pics he now has of your wife?
what kind of bullshit did he spread at his job about he and your wife?
how many other guys now know about it and saw your wife naked?

For me it's a no brainer, I would seperate from my wife for a while. And SHE WOULD HAVE TO build up the trust again in you. Sending naked pics IS CHEATING. Send ing dirty text messages IS CHEATING. Even if they really didn't have sex. All that means is they never sealed the deal. But the fact still remains she cheated on you.

I wish you luck on this one brother, for the sake of your kids. (I wish you would have knocked that mother fucker out at work, but you did the right thing by letting him know you know who and what he is now)

just my .02

 

[raw33man]

Your wifes a whore... well not fully, semi whore but has potential to be a fully loaded whore with boobroof and heatedbutt, multiple penisplayer

 

[raw33man]

First of all, you must find the dudes wife and contact her and tell her what kind of a douche bag be is.

Second, if you dont have kids, scream for a divorce or spend more time paying attention to your wife....

Women do these type of shit when they dont get attention enough, but flirting with another guy, sexting is no excuse, fucking women these days man. They look for small things to try other mens tootsie rolls

 

[Muscleaddict69]

First of all, you must find the dudes wife and contact her and tell her what kind of a douche bag be is.

I couldn't agree more. That beats breaking his kneecaps any day.

 

[tenny]

shes totally sleeping with him.....or she did....

ive been all through this same shit....more than once
not fun.....and its ALL LIES!!!......you can never trust her again
and you will never believe another word from her mouth...

 

[cal]

Not to be trusted ever again. Sorry man. Zero loyalty ...

 

[cal]

Also do not blame him so much...he's got nothing to do with. Blame her

 

[cal]

sounds very serious and im sorry to hear this but I would seek professional counseling . I can say that the people who I know who have been thru this always tell everyone and I don't think anyone really cares and it ruins the persons reputation and can ruin your children. its between you two and I wouldn't tell anyone . people fuck up sometimes and you either forgive her and try to resolve why it happened at its core or make some very tough decisions .. please try to control yourself and don't make it worse than it is . good luck bro

Counseling? for what? horrible advice. Yes she can learn to be faithful or loyal. Either you got it or not. Can't teach it.

 

[cal]

Can't believe some if the advice on this thread.

Some saying it's not OK then saying oh well he was working alot or she had unfulfilled needs.

 

[raw33man]

Also do not blame him so much...he's got nothing to do with. Blame her

You are 100% right

SHE IS A FUCKIIng useless whore... and this guy needs to end it with her,

This is like murder, no excuses, you do it once, the trust goes away FOREVER !

It is not his fault hitting on the women, but it is his fault that he is married and his wife needs to know

 

[RickGrimes]

There are 2,999,999,999 reasons out there to move on and find a good one.

 

[Bro]

and i bet he will still take her back (hope he doesn't, but I think he will)

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

The man has kids caught in the crossfire! Unless you have kids it's easy to tell him what to do. If he gets rid of his wife he will look like the bad daddy. If he seperates, he looks like the bad daddy. If he freaks out on her one day in front of the kids, he's a bad daddy. If he stays with her it makes him look like the weaker one. There is no win win solution here.

 

[Bro]

The man has kids caught in the crossfire! Unless you have kids it's easy to tell him what to do. If he gets rid of his wife he will look like the bad daddy. If he seperates, he looks like the bad daddy. If he freaks out on her one day in front of the kids, he's a bad daddy. If he stays with her it makes him look like the weaker one. There is no win win solution here.

thats why he should have thought before he got involved in such a risky situation, he took the risk now he deals with the appropriate consequences.

but i agree with you he's in a shitty situation right now (but he did get himself into it).