How to live with your mistakes and move on.

[gomit]

What do you guys do to get past all of the horrible decisions you have made. Ive cost myself my relationship, i'm in a huge amount of debt from student loans and poor money choices. Iv'e lost the majority of the muscle i have gained due to being so depressed and poor i can barley eat or sleep. I just lie in bed and feel sorry for myself which is honstly the most pathetic part of it all as all of this happening are the consequences of my choices noone else.
So how do you guys keep going how do you start over when your so ashamed of yourself you can't even look in the mirror? What do you do when the girl you love still loves you but can't be with you because she dosn't trust you and thinks you will lie and hurt her again. I don't even get enjoyment out of going to the gym anymore.. it has to get better at some point right?

 

[way2tense]

sorry your feelin bad.
might make you feel better to know your not alone.
im so far in debt from drug addiction its ridiculous...many thousands.
student loan debts???you have a degree???if so that's a positive.
you burned your girl???learn from it.dont fuck over the next one.
you usin drugs???if not...don't start.
its a slow day on the board but youll have some guys responding with some advice.
yeah bro.my life is pretty fucked up.im way too old to be in debt the way I am.
but I really enjoy life lately and im havin a good day so...it does get better.
its fathers day.did you call your dad???sometimes it helps to be around family.

 

[NyoxPharma]

Firstly forget about the debt trust me you can always pay that off in time.

If you cheated on your girl in the first place you never liked her that much just attachment, it took me over 80 girls to find out that I fell in love with my bestfriend and did not notice it for years.

Things get worse and worse then better then hit the drain learn how to stand up and keep moving on 5years back I was dead broke filled up with credit cards I would even have to worry about spending money on fucking mcdonalds.

I had endured a very long 6 months after long ago with an ex used tons of cocaine daily, alcohol was always drunk partying and pills. And at the end of day depressed as shit.

Hang on everything happens for a reason BUT LOOK for it nobody's gunna put shit in your lap.

 

[gogotren]

Debt is no big deal, you could always do BK, chapter 7 will wipe out all the non-secured stuff like credit cards, etc. School loans can not be discharged but can be deferred and put off for a long time.

Horrible decisions... do you feel you have learned anything, maybe enough so you will only make half those mistakes one more time? Then that is something to salute. You loved your girl? She was amazing? What kind of person would it take to attract that person? You done it once, you can do it again if you live that life, if you become that person that radiates. When you can`t look in the mirror, you MUST get up stare in that mirror for 10 minutes and chant aloud, I am better than this, I deserve better... w/e it is that YOU believe.

Everybody has a slump, pro ball players, mom & dad`s, its how you handle that slump. For me, if I`m feeling like a mountain coming down on me, I`m getting ready for a big presentation or sale, I stand up, head high, put my fucking super man cape on, some good music with lots of energy and let out a real loud BOOOOOOOMMMM! I have conditioned this is, that I do it when I`m at my best, everything is perfect in the moment. When I do this at a low it brings me right back. When you put your sad sack head down on the pillow and think about all the bad decisions, I bet it brings you right back, the same way but in the wrong direction. Break the mold, if I was there I would throw a cold glass on water right in your face if you started talking this crap, scratch the sad song record till it won`t play any more. Jump up gimme a set of 30 push up right now!!

 

[gomit]

I appreciate the support guys, and im trying to just take it day by day and learn from the stupid shit i have done, and no i didnt cheat on my girl i just did a boatload of drugs(both juice and recreatioanl behind her back than drunkly told her about it one night and basicly admited to lying to her face for a year... Like you guys said i just hope i can learn from this shit and not just be bent up on it forever making the same mistakes over and over. day by day i guess brothers

 

[oldfella]

You know I doubt there would one person on this board that has not made poor choices in many aspects of their lives. I have made some pretty stupid mistakes and then made poor choice on top of that. Yes this includes a lost marriage as well as plenty of money lost. What is most important about all of that is I did learn from those mistakes and gained more from my poor choices. Meaning I gained knowledge, I gained experience and I gained awareness. You see I think the most important thing to take from this is learning. Life is a constant school day. We learn, we grow, we fall down and scrape our knees but we do not stay down. The survivors in us all get back up, clean ourselves off and get back on with it. Don't look back, just keep your mistakes at arms length. Let them serve as a reminder of what not to do again. You will be fine bro, just look ahead. Get out of bed and go do something positive. You will recover from this. Communicate with those close to you and let them help. Above all, Don't give up!

 

[ldog40]

It may seem very simplistic, but one thing I learned at a very young age from much older wiser men, that applies to just about everything. If your problems can be solved with time or money, they aren't really problems. Debt can be solved with time and money. The situation with your girl? That will work itself out over time, one way or the other. It may not work out the way that you hoped, but as long as you learn and grow from it, you'll be a better person than you were before. And you need to stop dwelling in the past. You can't change it. It's done. You can spend that energy moving forward instead of wasting it thinking about "what ifs" and "I should haves". Dwelling on the past keeps you from living in the moment and moving on to your future. A situation always seems worse when you're going through it, but once you're out the other side, you wonder why you freaked out as much as you did.

 

[renewlyf]

There isn't a member on this site that hasn't been where you are bro at some point in their life. Me included!!

The solution to feel better is simple. Get off your ass, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get into action. I spent a long time wallowing in self-pity thinking the world was out to get me. Not until I started looking (and moving) forward instead of backwards did anything change.

Start by assessing your situation and what needs to be done to improve it. Then make some forward movement toward making those life changes. Accomplishments works wonders for self-esteem!!!

One suggestion would be to stay away from the drugs and alcohol until you're back to a more emotionally stable place.

Time and action are the answer. The girl may or may not come back. But there is a better chance she'll come around if she sees you've got your shit together rather than you crying over the past.

Get up right now and go do something constructive and you'll feel better! Today can be the beginning of a new life!

 

[aminoman74]

I sent you a p.m.

 

[gomit]

All of your words mean alot to me guys, its nice to see i'm not alone and im sure most of you have had it way worse than me, but seem to have really turned your lives around. I'm going to give it my best to do the same, and like you all said hopefully one way or another it will help me figure my situation out. I actually ended up moving 1500 miles away from my ex to boulder CO, not to run away from her but so i really could prove to myself and her that i can fix myself on my own. I hope that was the right choice, we still talk.. a decent amount actually and she just wants me to be okay and get my shit togther.. and we both have said we don't know if its over for ever or if it will ever work again we just have to live our lives and i have some things to prove to myself and her. So that is what i am going to do.. thanks again brothers (amino i will respond to your pm when i get home from work im just out the door as we speak).

 

[SlimyToodleTot]

Sometimes you have to lose everything to see what's important. I too did all the stuff you did. I too moved and broke up with my chick. During that time I found myself. I HAD to lose it. Then you get to take an honest assessment of yourself and the person you've become. I didn't like that person so I started over. Today I'm back with that girl. She's now my wife and we have a child. I realized that I really did love her and the drugs always came first. You cant love drugs and your mate. the drugs will always come first. Now, I don't do hard drugs. Sure, we're still on this site but I've never chosen gear over her like I did coke, X, or heroin. To this day, I have to start over. Lately it's been porn. I find it takes away from being with my wife. So I'm trying to stop. This is probably the 100th time but if I fail, I try not to beat myself up and just try again. We all make mistakes. Only through pain do we really change. I wish it were easier or softer, but its not. If there wasn't a certain amount of pain, we would just forget and do it all over. Luckily, we can get over shit and grow. It's good you've identified the characteristics and person you don't want to be. Now write down the characteristics you want in your partner. Now, make those characteristics your own. You can't be with an honest, trustworthy, good looking, positive mate unless you yourself are these things. These are just some of the things on my list but you see how it goes. This also helps you identify what you're looking for in a girl so you don't waste your time on some really hot crazy chick who's nothing but drama. I hope everything gets better and it will. Just don't mess with the hard stuff. It only brings misery and depression to all lives it engulfs. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. We've all been there.

 

[gomit]

Turning the day around

Well bros i got out of bed today and hit it full cylnders, i had my evaluation at work to see if i get to start serving( i got a high end serving job where the servers pull down 100-300+ a night in tips) Passed it!!, Came home hit the gym with that regained sense of this is where i should be and ontop of that my ex called me on skype to say she missed me, loves me and hopes i am turning my life around. Day 1 in the books 10000000+ to go thanks to your support i know i can do this as some of you have had it way worse than me and seem to be turning it around and becoming happy.. thanks again guys i will keep you all updated!

 

[warrenpeace]

Well bros i got out of bed today and hit it full cylnders, i had my evaluation at work to see if i get to start serving( i got a high end serving job where the servers pull down 100-300+ a night in tips) Passed it!!, Came home hit the gym with that regained sense of this is where i should be and ontop of that my ex called me on skype to say she missed me, loves me and hopes i am turning my life around. Day 1 in the books 10000000+ to go thanks to your support i know i can do this as some of you have had it way worse than me and seem to be turning it around and becoming happy.. thanks again guys i will keep you all updated!

Amazing what a change in perspective spurred by positive energy can accomplish. The battle is in your mind, as iabadman (Jason) would say! You control your destiny. Good luck my man - plenty of ebbs and flows to come, remember that, but keep your head above water and success will follow.

 

[renewlyf]

Well bros i got out of bed today and hit it full cylnders, i had my evaluation at work to see if i get to start serving( i got a high end serving job where the servers pull down 100-300+ a night in tips) Passed it!!, Came home hit the gym with that regained sense of this is where i should be and ontop of that my ex called me on skype to say she missed me, loves me and hopes i am turning my life around. Day 1 in the books 10000000+ to go thanks to your support i know i can do this as some of you have had it way worse than me and seem to be turning it around and becoming happy.. thanks again guys i will keep you all updated!

Isn't amazing?!?!?! Nothing changed with your situation except your attitude and approach on dealing with it!

Good for you gomit! Keep us posted as things go along.

 

[PeterBobJohn]

Look forward while tending to any loose ends left due to your poor decisions.
Its a balance of looking forward but remembering your mistakes and not beating yourself up for making them but using them as guidance as you continue to move forward

 

[Dangkolo]

The past is the past, nothing can change that today and the days to come is what matters....

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk 2

 

[r1raven]

I was where you are at now man, its tough . I use to be very destructive to my friends , family and relationships. All I can say is it gets better, I'm not the same person I was, nether are you.

 

[Cerberus777]

Glad to see your doing better! It may come and go in waives. First thing forgive yourself. Guilt wont change anything now. Second on the days you dont feel like pressing on are the days that are more rewarding if you do. Some of the best advise I've ever gotten was " you can act your way into a feeling...but cant feel you're way into action"

a lot of us here(self included) have made some really stupid mistakes. .they can e the best learning tools if you let them be.

 

[Jamez45]

Bro I used to deal with depression in all the wrong ways..I turned to drugs and booze for the better part of ten years of my life, it made everything that I couldn't deal with even worse..
I finally stopped the dope and alcohol 7 years ago and have basically regained everything that lost and wanted back in my life, the same girl I thought would NEVER talk to me again became my wife, I have a kid on the way, money in the bank, successful career and most of all faith in myself!
Just like you just witnessed, things change in an instant..keep your faith in yourself no matter what. For me I think the climb back into the saddle was much more fulfilling..enjoy regaining yourself bro, head up good luck

 

[gomit]

Some advice

I have a quick question for you guys, pertaining to my situation with my ex. Me and her have been talking a good amount about our future mainly how we can't just say its over beacuse there is obviously alot still there and we don't know what the future holds(she really needs to see ive changed and even than there is a chance she might not be able to get past what has happend) Anyway something that has come up alot is about what is going to happen inbetween that time, she feels that beacuse i have hurt her if the opportunity presents itself for her to date other people she should do that as she feels it may help her figure out what she really wants. Obviously i don't like this but as we are not togther i have no say in it and i understand, but on the flipside becasue i have hurt her and she knows i want to be with her she dosn't think i should be able to date anyone at least untill she does(due to the fact i fucked her over so on and so forth)

So what i'm asking is am i just setting myself up for a fucking disaster, don't get me wrong at this point in time i couldn't be with anyone else anyway im to hung up on her and i have to much to focus on myself, i wouldn't drag someone else into this mess. But by shutting out the idea off letting anyone else in tell she does am i basicly just waiting for karama to fuck me over. I have done this before with her as we have broken up a few times and she dated someone for about 3 months than came back to me right away, but those times i was also living in the same state as her and not 1500 miles away. So by elimanting that thought am i just asking basicly to be misrable i mean don't get me wrong i want to spend my life with her and i would wait 50000 years if it would forsure work, but what if she dates someoone and falls in love with them and i'm just screwd over shut out all other options and than have to start over while she is already happy(and odds are i won't be in a very good place) I know there is no easy answer to this and i know my grammer is awful(i'm a very emotional typer) but any advice would really help guys as like i said i wan't to be happy in the end but i also don't want to destroy this if there is a chance it could work out.