I am going on 30 days clean now. i have been in and out of the program since 2001. i had almost 2 years once. i always seem to relapse lately. been thru 3 rehabs in the last two years. i dont tell anyone in the program that i juice as i am afraid of being judged as not being serious about my recovery, but i am. for some reason i feel guilty about gear sometimes like maybe its not a good idea since i am an addict. i have had every organ in my body checked along with bloodwork and everything is fine. i know as long as i am healthy its ok. i am confused about how my relationship with god, who is my higher power, thinking he may view me as taking my own will and doing gear as it is illegal. what do you other addicts think about this. any insight would be appreciated. i do low enough doses so it doesnt effect my mood or serenity, and if i feel shitty i lower the dose or come off. i just feel like i have a secret from the rest of the people in the rooms and it sometimes messes with my head. i know, i know, keep it simple right. dont drink or drug, go to meetings, and help another addict. peace be with you.
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