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Did I screw up?

Ehren

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Thanks
 
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thebrick

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Its not about who's right and who's a bad driver. If you truly care for her, yeah you did kinda fuck up. Women want a strong guy that cares and to be at their side, even if she is a terrible driver… (over and over)… "through thick and thin, for better or for worse"… something like that. I would recommend a very nice apology. Something that cost enough to show you care all wrapped in a nice little box or some killer flowers or both. Leave the military and LE thinking at the door :)
 

RBB

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Hey Guys,
I rarely come here for guidance, but I need some.

My GF of about a year crashed her car today. This was the third time in 5 months. That's right.

I've raced bikes and been involved in pursuits in my life, and driving with her scares me more than either of those. Last one was a rollover total of her car which she escaped with cuts and bruises. Not this time, this time, she ended up with a fractured wrist. Her total lack of instinct for self-preservation aside, I need advice.

Well, her wreck today caused her to get pins in her wrist, an hour surgery. She lives about 3 hours from me and is in hospital overnight. I can't get there as visiting hours are over and her family is with her, plus I can't miss work tomorrow. I'm a contractor and University Prof., so I'm needed tomorrow and all week there. I plan to get up to her place Wednedsay, come back Thursday night or Friday and stay the weekend.

Well, she thinks I'm a shithead now.

My thing is, ok she had a wreck...again. She doesn't change her behavior despite the damage it does and she wants me there to console her every time. I'll be there when I can, as I love her. But she's fine and nothing I can do ATM. I'm can't just drop shit every time there's a dilemma. I've got a job and I need to keep the roof up here.

Am I wrong? Should I come running every time she has a problem? I never have for anyone and never expected it from anyone. I just don't know if I'm way off. Military and LE, and a host of other experience made me a different person. Maybe I'm out of touch. I really don't know.

Any advice is appreciated, guys and gals.
I'm going to offer a different opinion than Brick. I don't think you screwed up at all. Irregardless of the fact that she needs to get her driving under control (it is hard for me, as well, to feel sympathy for people who continuously make the same mistakes), it doesn't really sound like it was even a possibility for you to take off work. Surely she should be able to understand this, it's not like she was undergoing some life threatening procedure....i'm sure you would be there if it was necessary. You will not always be able to drop everything, spur of the moment, for every problem that someone else has.

I do agree, however, that you should do something nice for her this weekend. A gift, take her out to do something special....something along those lines. Not because what you did was wrong, but just to show her that yes, you really do care about her. Women need that.
 

Amazon Doll

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I wouldn't have gone and I would tell her why. I tend to stand my ground on these sort of things.

Getting in a car with her at the wheel would be a deal breaker with me.
 

bighurt

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poor planner on her part does not constitute an emergency on yours. at least thats what we say in construction.

My last GF wan a hypochrondriac. Not sure if i spelled that right, but the ones thats always go to the hospital and thing something is seriously wrong.

Yours isnt the same, but the pattern isnt that far off.

I didnt know she was until the 5th hospital visit in 6 months. after a while you just stop caring.

Further more, much like your GF, mine just wasnt self aware.

Its a pattern. A terrible one. same mistakes, or similar mistakes for the same reason, just plain disregard for their situation. lack of common sense or self awarness.

It doesnt get better. I was with mine for 5 years and had been ring shopping, then i finally had enough. Plus if we had kids i didnt want that shitty DNA passed to my child.
 

Pekkerwood

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At the end of the day the time and effort we afford to our loved ones will far outweigh: Its about priorities and, in my opinion, this isn't even a close call. This is your girl and all that goes with that. Her driving should be a minor, minor part of your relationship, but regarless, when someone is in the hospital or a jail cell, the time to talk to them about the lesson is when they are out.

1. Any work missed
2. Money unearned
3. Petty pride battles
4. "Teaching a lesson" as some posters seem to imply

Its about priorities and, in my opinion, this isn't even a close call. This is your girl and all that goes with that. Her driving should be a minor, minor part of your relationship, but regarless, when someone is in the hospital or a jail cell, the time to talk to them about the lesson is when they are out.

I would be willing to wager that the current two opinions that this may have been a poorly chosen course of action are the two oldest posters in this thread. Coincidence or knowledge gained through living?
 

bighurt

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Her driving should be a minor, minor part of your relationship, but regarless, when someone is in the hospital or a jail cell, the time to talk to them about the lesson is when they are out.
Her driving is indicative of a terrible pattern in her life and is not just incidental.

Same reason when mine went to the hospital for 5 times for what ever weird illness she had at the time, eventually i became numb to it. It was a big deal the first 4 or 5 times. the 6th or 7th was just retarded. call me when the doctor releases you for being a moron.

Obviously his isnt the same, but really, there is a reason for the accidents and its not dumb luck. maybe its time to cut bait and run. you only get one shot at life.
 

thebrick

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Her driving is indicative of a terrible pattern in her life and is not just incidental.
Not true. My wife happens to be a not so great driver but in every other aspect, she is just awesome in my life. Some people are just bad drivers. Some people just can't do math. It's not part of some master sinister scheme on their part.
 

bighurt

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My thing is, ok she had a wreck...again. She doesn't change her behavior despite the damage it does
I am just going by his initial statement. He didnt make it seem she was just a bad driver, seems to be an ongoing theme. Just my interpretation.

If it is just bad driving as you said, then you are correct and my statement isnt really valid. there is however, cause to look a little deeper into some situations to find out the "why". Then decided if she is just bad at math or a bad driver.
 

Ehren

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Guys (and Amazon Doll), thanks for the responses, really, I appreciate all of them.

Just reading the above responses and yes, she is a habitually BAD driver. WAAAAY too fast, all the time, regardless of weather or traffic. Im an aggressive driver too, but had one accident in my life at 16y/o. She's crashed 1 bikes and 3 cars in the last two years. I mean totaled them!! And yes, aside from that, she's a smart, vibrant girl...she's my sunshine and a great asset in my life.

Well, it looks like the upshot is that I made a call that some would have made. But on the practical side, it doesn't work for her.

Someone talked about age, and this is a function of her age and mine. She's 21 and I'm 37. This is not what I usually do, dating much younger women, but it just happens to be her age. At 21, this may have felt like a legitimate emergency to her. At 37, to me, she's crying wolf. So, she and I disagree. In the end, I'm not her father and I don't need to teach her anything. She'll learn in time what "emergency" means.

But I'm gonna take your advice and do something nice with her this weekend (we were already planning something). I wont apologize, because I feel she is blame shifting. But I'm not going to let it spin out of control over pride or right and wrong. I have flaws too and I'd hope for a little leeway as they arise and I endeavor to correct them in myself.

But, this has opened my eyes. Ill give her a chance to change her habits and Ill try to be more compassionate on my end. If she cares enough about herself and me, she'll change how she drives. But I love her and I can't get that call one day that she's gone. Ive had three calls in 6 months...she can't be lucky forever. And I can't be around for the one that is almost inevitable as things stand.

Thanks again, everyone.
 
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bighurt

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i take back all i said, congrats on the 21 year old. do something nice for her.
:love:
 

knucklehed

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At the end of the day the time and effort we afford to our loved ones will far outweigh: Its about priorities and, in my opinion, this isn't even a close call. This is your girl and all that goes with that. Her driving should be a minor, minor part of your relationship, but regarless, when someone is in the hospital or a jail cell, the time to talk to them about the lesson is when they are out.

1. Any work missed
2. Money unearned
3. Petty pride battles
4. "Teaching a lesson" as some posters seem to imply

Its about priorities and, in my opinion, this isn't even a close call. This is your girl and all that goes with that. Her driving should be a minor, minor part of your relationship, but regarless, when someone is in the hospital or a jail cell, the time to talk to them about the lesson is when they are out.

I would be willing to wager that the current two opinions that this may have been a poorly chosen course of action are the two oldest posters in this thread. Coincidence or knowledge gained through living?
I have to agree with Peckerwood on this. If it were my wife, I'd be there regardless.
I suppose she is not your wife, and you are not really that committed to her, or are you? Just like Pecker said, "At the end of the day the time and effort we afford to our loved ones will far outweigh....
But you can fix this
best of luck...
 

Ehren

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I have to agree with Peckerwood on this. If it were my wife, I'd be there regardless.
I suppose she is not your wife, and you are not really that committed to her, or are you? Just like Pecker said, "At the end of the day the time and effort we afford to our loved ones will far outweigh....
But you can fix this
best of luck...
I agree with the loyalty aspect. And yes, I'm into committed to her, wife or not. Honestly, (and this may be even worse) it didn't even occur to me to drop everything and go there. Ironically, I didn't want to make it a bigger deal than it was, so I made sure she was ok, asked if everyone had been called and calmed her down. The shit hit the fan later:(.

Thanks for the encouragement, Gent's. I'll will fix it for sure.
 

Ehren

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i take back all i said, congrats on the 21 year old. do something nice for her.
:love:
Yes, Sir! Sometimes exceptions must be made :D. Besides being a great GF and the kindest person walking, she's beautiful. It's my kryptonite...Actually the only way I can be mad at her is on the phone. Face to face, I just smile like a f'kin kid.
 

DrS

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Well

I think in her head no matter what you did , you are screwed. Most women , when it comes to emotional incidents , they have all this misplaced anger. The outlet is whatever comes out first , and you not coming is that outlet. The background is what you did in the mean time, did you call and console her etc???????

As far as her driving , don't let her , enough is enough, call DMV on the low.....
 

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