"I Just See Us As Friends"

halflife · Oct 29, 2008

Hey ladies and gents!

I'm going to try to keep this short and try not to bore yall, I've never came to a forum for help but there seems to be some intelligent conversation in this forum.

Pretty much this girl had a crush on me for a year, she flirted with me all the time and her friends told me. But I resisted cause my life wasn't ready for her - didn't want to hurt her and lose her cause of my busy schedule - so I just avoided her and talked every once in a while (in same college courses) - so I wouldn't become attached and all.

So a year goes by, we are in same class again, she flirts with me more, she asks to work with a project with her and to sit with her. When we did the project I found out I wanted her so bad... so I came out and said for the past year I'd been avoiding her and all cause I didn't want to hurt her, she said she thought I didn't like her but she like me. She was REALLY happy. We went on a kinda date (she had just recently - 1 month ago- been off/on with boyfriend of 2 years), so we weren't even going out, but I held her and all a kiss or two on the cheek... I asked her "So if I don't ask you out in the next week would you be surprised"... and she said yes.

So we start hanging out a good amount the next few days - pretty much just talking, and I stupidly opened up about all my feelings, ambitions, emotions, blah blah, she did a little too... I was being a 100% beta male.

I did this because I thought I had already won her over, since she had been chasing me for a year. And honestly, I make over 60 grand a year as college student, have good body, all the materialistic things a giurl could ask for... I'm also not cocky or any obvious personality problems... we were honestly equals.

But I think I smothered her so quick with my emotions, making me weak when really I know she wants protection... she used to date a guy that literally thought he was a cowboy...

So a week after admitting I did like her and wanted her... she said "It's awkward that we were friends for so long"... "I just see us as friends"

I played it cool, told her I really like her, and if she REALLY wants me to be friends with her I will try but it will be slow... But I told her it may never work.

My question is, since I'm in the same class as her three times a week (I can sit in other parts of the 200 person class room)... Do I:
a) give in and try to stay sane and be friends
b) still sit by her she doesn't know what she wants give her time - but take a different social approach
c) sit with my other friends ignore her, hope she sees what it's like without me
d) sit with my other friends ignore her, don't hope to get back with her
e) pull her aside and make out with her like a raging animal
f) OR WHAT

Thanks for reading this!

pesty4077 · Oct 29, 2008

halflife said:
Hey ladies and gents!

I'm going to try to keep this short and try not to bore yall, I've never came to a forum for help but there seems to be some intelligent conversation in this forum.

Pretty much this girl had a crush on me for a year, she flirted with me all the time and her friends told me. But I resisted cause my life wasn't ready for her - didn't want to hurt her and lose her cause of my busy schedule - so I just avoided her and talked every once in a while (in same college courses) - so I wouldn't become attached and all.

So a year goes by, we are in same class again, she flirts with me more, she asks to work with a project with her and to sit with her. When we did the project I found out I wanted her so bad... so I came out and said for the past year I'd been avoiding her and all cause I didn't want to hurt her, she said she thought I didn't like her but she like me. She was REALLY happy. We went on a kinda date (she had just recently - 1 month ago- been off/on with boyfriend of 2 years), so we weren't even going out, but I held her and all a kiss or two on the cheek... I asked her "So if I don't ask you out in the next week would you be surprised"... and she said yes.

So we start hanging out a good amount the next few days - pretty much just talking, and I stupidly opened up about all my feelings, ambitions, emotions, blah blah, she did a little too... I was being a 100% beta male.

I did this because I thought I had already won her over, since she had been chasing me for a year. And honestly, I make over 60 grand a year as college student, have good body, all the materialistic things a giurl could ask for... I'm also not cocky or any obvious personality problems... we were honestly equals.

But I think I smothered her so quick with my emotions, making me weak when really I know she wants protection... she used to date a guy that literally thought he was a cowboy...

So a week after admitting I did like her and wanted her... she said "It's awkward that we were friends for so long"... "I just see us as friends"

I played it cool, told her I really like her, and if she REALLY wants me to be friends with her I will try but it will be slow... But I told her it may never work.

My question is, since I'm in the same class as her three times a week (I can sit in other parts of the 200 person class room)... Do I:
a) give in and try to stay sane and be friends
b) still sit by her she doesn't know what she wants give her time - but take a different social approach
c) sit with my other friends ignore her, hope she sees what it's like without me
d) sit with my other friends ignore her, don't hope to get back with her
e) pull her aside and make out with her like a raging animal
f) OR WHAT

Thanks for reading this!

a) only if you can handle it
b) you would have to play that by ear
c) she could be one of those persons, that wants something that she can not have
d) if you can't live without her and she does not want to be with you
e)

f) don't think to much, or you will get confused

She been on and off with her boyfriend for 2 years? What does that tell you, now that she is giving you a little resistance? You are probally the friend she needs to vent, so be a friend.

halflife · Oct 29, 2008

dlth said:
g) Try to get her drunk and fuck her.

HAHA, that would be an option, but I could careless about nailering her.

Ness · Oct 29, 2008

BE CONFIDENT. YOURE THE MAN. NEVER FORGET THAT.

halflife · Oct 30, 2008

pesty4077 said:
a) only if you can handle it
b) you would have to play that by ear
c) she could be one of those persons, that wants something that she can not have
d) if you can't live without her and she does not want to be with you
e)
f) don't think to much, or you will get confused

She been on and off with her boyfriend for 2 years? What does that tell you, now that she is giving you a little resistance? You are probally the friend she needs to vent, so be a friend.

I agree.

She told me when I first came out and said I like her and was avoiding her and all... she was happy, yet talked about how she was still dealing with her ex and all. - they still had little to no communication - said she was totally over him.

"a) only if you can handle it"
"b) you would have to play that by ear"
I can try. But I would have to take a different social tactic to keep from being attached.

"c) she could be one of those persons, that wants something that she can not have"
I've heard first person unbiased stories about her ex, he's a dick - one of those guys that treats her like gold then like shit the next day. She backed it up too. So this could be very right.

"d) if you can't live without her and she does not want to be with you"
I can live without her -- not to sound heartless, even though this girl has all the qualities I like, I know there will be others eventually - but I think she is wishy washy...

Since she 100% wanted me for a whole year then I told her my feelings, and how I get sooo emotionally attatched, I was falling for her, and it was hurting to not be in a relationship with her yet kiss her, I was losing sleep etc... I'm thinking either:
a) she felt she was hurting me and she wants us to be friends right now
b) or I smothered her/scared her or as you mentioned Pesty, she likes the ones she can't get

Or atleast that's what I'm hoping, a) I'll stick around, b) I'll ignore her to an extent

but if she wants to be friends and that's is all EVER (which makes no since when she wanted me for a year and was letting me make out with her the day before) then it's not worth the pain to be just friends...

//

So Pesty, I think I will take some of your advice and sit with her - feel things out if I can take it, I will stay. But If things (relationship wise) don't start sparking back up for HER in the next few weeks of being with her, I might just play the hard to get card... and kinda forget about her

Or maybe reverse the order, play hard to get then come back if that doesn't work. :action-s:

halflife · Oct 30, 2008

Ness said:
BE CONFIDENT. YOURE THE MAN. NEVER FORGET THAT.

All in all that's where I fucked up. I wasn't the Alpha male... I've done it right in the past, I've had many great catches and successful long relationships with the alpha strategy... I just let this one slip.

But I think since I once had her so recently, I'm not in that true 'friends zone' - and think there's a way to get out of it... one is being more of the alpha

Liphted · Oct 30, 2008

So much concentration on what you should be. Alpha, beta, fucking gamma, who cares. If you just want to bone her and you think you need to portray yourself in a certain way to achieve that then do it. If you are looking for a serious relationship then be yourself and let go. All anyone wants ideally is someone who loves them for exactly the person they are, whatever greek letter that may be.

halflife · Oct 30, 2008

Liphted said:
So much concentration on what you should be. Alpha, beta, fucking gamma, who cares. If you just want to bone her and you think you need to portray yourself in a certain way to achieve that then do it. If you are looking for a serious relationship then be yourself and let go. All anyone wants ideally is someone who loves them for exactly the person they are, whatever greek letter that may be.

I absolutely agree, and that's why I was myself this time. Because my previous ones I was doing strategies and shit - it didn't last more than a year - but they sure as hell worked.

I was just way too open way too quick, I thought I had won her... I'll let yall guys know what I do, in a few days. This could be interesting thread if I get off that friends list, but we'll see.

Thanks for all the input.

tomuchgear · Oct 30, 2008

halflife said:
All in all that's where I fucked up. I wasn't the Alpha male... I've done it right in the past, I've had many great catches and successful long relationships with the alpha strategy... I just let this one slip.

But I think since I once had her so recently, I'm not in that true 'friends zone' - and think there's a way to get out of it... one is being more of the alpha

bro once your in the zone your pretty much there. i have been in a similar situation. granted that was a long freaking time ago. lets just say that chick aint my freaking wife. be a friend and move along. always a downside when you let your feelings out to a chick. some times they just dont like what they get. especialy if she thought you were alpha as you put it. i say just move along be her friend if you cant do that then take the other road and find some one else in your class to sit by.

csuperman · Oct 30, 2008

It is hard to get out of the friend zone, you will have to show her some disintrest even though you are you need to portray that you are a challange to her again. i dont know maybe make plans a week out or something and then call and cancel a day before saying you forgot you had previous plans with.. some make up somefemale name. i dont know i am not a date expert just my opinion

halflife · Oct 30, 2008

csuperman said:
It is hard to get out of the friend zone, you will have to show her some disintrest even though you are you need to portray that you are a challange to her again. i dont know maybe make plans a week out or something and then call and cancel a day before saying you forgot you had previous plans with.. some make up somefemale name. i dont know i am not a date expert just my opinion

Hehe... that was actually her number one pet peeve, someone that plans something and doesn't follow through :X

halflife · Oct 30, 2008

csuperman said:
It is hard to get out of the friend zone, you will have to show her some disintrest even though you are you need to portray that you are a challange to her again.

Agreed, think I will sit with her and others feel things out like you and Pesty said... give her some and nothing sparks leave for a few weeks... then come back see if anything has changed, etc... without getting attached.

tomuchgear · Oct 30, 2008

halflife said:
Hehe... that was actually her number one pet peeve, someone that plans something and doesn't follow through :X

why play the games though man? if this chick isnt that important to you then why screw around. some one will end up getting hurt. odds are if you put alot of effort into getting her then it doesnt work out it will be you just a thought. good luck wich ever way you go with it.

halflife · Oct 30, 2008

tomuchgear said:
why play the games though man? if this chick isnt that important to you then why screw around. some one will end up getting hurt. odds are if you put alot of effort into getting her then it doesnt work out it will be you just a thought. good luck wich ever way you go with it.

Thanks for caring and responfing it really means a lot to me.

I Don't plan on doing the date thing at all (that's what I was kinda hinting with the pet peeve thing, but I know I didn't make it clear :\ )... but the whole conversation/sitting thing with her and then not, isn't really a game. I want to see if there is still something, I mean I know there is she was 100% for me for a whole year, then literally the next day 'lets be friends' I smothered her... So I fucked up by throwing too much of myself at her, I might need to be strategic to make up for it the... I don't see it playing games to be holding back sometimes to keep your emotions safe.

But I agree the calling off the date would be a 'game'... a bad one.

If she wants me to be something I'm not I won't bite, but if it takes me to take a break from her... for her to realize 'i miss him' then I will. Don't see it as a game.

tomuchgear · Oct 30, 2008

taking a break is fine. that gives you both time to think. nothing wrong with that. ignoring her to be a dick on the other hand lol. hopefuly it works out one way or another bro. finding a good person is always a pain in the ass. sucks that you put your self out there and she didnt respond. it happens honestly the first time i told my wife i loved her it didnt end well at all. bad timing i guess. with out going into detail i picked the wrong time. she didnt respond well at all. i thought i would never see her again. couple days later she showed up at my door. life is funny that way. six years well six years next month and were still together.

halflife · Oct 30, 2008

tomuchgear said:
taking a break is fine. that gives you both time to think. nothing wrong with that. ignoring her to be a dick on the other hand lol. hopefuly it works out one way or another bro. finding a good person is always a pain in the ass. sucks that you put your self out there and she didnt respond. it happens honestly the first time i told my wife i loved her it didnt end well at all. bad timing i guess. with out going into detail i picked the wrong time. she didnt respond well at all. i thought i would never see her again. couple days later she showed up at my door. life is funny that way. six years well six years next month and were still together.

If it doesn't workout, I have a lot of other options - I feel blessed with my looks, money, personality, etc. - never really been rejected thats why this one I was like... wtf.. I can literally give you the world and you won't even date me even when you were head over heels yesterday. HA

Your story is definitely motivating for anyone that feels like they found 'the one' and get rejected. There is definitely a light at the end of those tunnels whether the light is that original person or not. Motivating for me... Thanks for your advice!

tomuchgear · Oct 30, 2008

hey bro not a problem hope my advice was at least some one helpful. best advice i can give you though is no matter what be true to your heart. that sounds a little gay but its true. guess its that whole nothing ventured nothing gained thing.

confuzed_guy2000 · Oct 30, 2008

halflife said:
Thanks for caring and responfing it really means a lot to me.

I Don't plan on doing the date thing at all (that's what I was kinda hinting with the pet peeve thing, but I know I didn't make it clear :\ )... but the whole conversation/sitting thing with her and then not, isn't really a game. I want to see if there is still something, I mean I know there is she was 100% for me for a whole year, then literally the next day 'lets be friends' I smothered her... So I fucked up by throwing too much of myself at her, I might need to be strategic to make up for it the... I don't see it playing games to be holding back sometimes to keep your emotions safe.

But I agree the calling off the date would be a 'game'... a bad one.

If she wants me to be something I'm not I won't bite, but if it takes me to take a break from her... for her to realize 'i miss him' then I will. Don't see it as a game.

I'm sorry, maybe I just missed it... How old are the both of you?

oldfella · Oct 30, 2008

I say if you really want to know what the deal is go out on a date, wear your best alpha male shirt, take control of the night and at some stage take a firm hold of her pull her in close and give her a long slow passionate kiss. You will find out quick enough if she wants you as more than a friend. DO NOT force yourself on her but pick the opportunity and take command.