I think my mom is bi-polar

[RLara85]

I myself have severe panic disorder and in my 20's still staying at home because it's interfering with my ability to work. Unfortunately, my mother is.... well to be blunt she is a total nut-job. My dad agreed, he now second ex-husband agreed, I certainly agree..... she is just not stable at all, and for someone like me with panic disorder it's very difficult because even little stressors hurt any progress I make..

This morning she told me that if she drops dead it will be my fault because I have panic disorder and she shouldn't have to deal with that stress.... ok? And I should? Life's not fair, I'm rolling with the punches and hanging in there.. she, who doesn't even have it, is going psycho over it.

She then claimed that medication was not the answer, that alcohol was! Can you believe that??? She actually told me to go out and get some strong alcohol and takee that instead (she's super conservative and never drinks, so this was just goofy). I don't like to drink, but I said what the hell if it will shut her up i will buy some bottles of jim beam and leave me in the fridge, maybe empty them out the drain slowly so it looks like i'm drinking them, and that will shut her up.
Not even an hour later, she sees the alcohol and flips out, she's like "OMG, who the hell brought alcohol into my house?!? is this the road you want to go down?!?" then she stormed off screaming and crying.
I'm like... "HELLO, just an hour ago you sent me off to get these things I don't event want! it was your idea lady!"

She also went into some rage about michael jackson and how like it or not he killed himself and then she got all emotional about him.... this was totally random???

She goes from extremely happy and jumping for joy to just psychotic the next minute. She has now gotten my family involved, making them believe I'm some sort of psycho.... this pisses me off greatly b/c my dad, grandpa etc. are not in good health and she is worrying them sick for no reason. She's basically giving me a bad name everywhere she can.

What to do? I'm stuck here for a while until I can get at least a part time job while on medication, sleep in a homeless shelter if I must at nights. Everyday she fills me with more and more rage, the irrational part of me wants to just get her back.... I can air her dirty laundry and the whole family will know, I can literally ruin her reputation if I want. But my rational side says, just let it go and focus on getting the hell out.
Anyone lived with a very toxic, unstable person? How do you stay sane? I'm not going to lie, a little part of me just wants to take a bat and destroy her car or something.... not that I would, but she's threated me like sh*t my whole life, everytime I've been down she's just kicked sand in my face, and I have no love at all for her. I don't care if she gave birth to me, that's not what makes someone a mother, the emotional abuse she put me through my whole life sealed the deal that I have NO mother.

 

[sadie]

does she go on shopping sprees or do any kind of risky behavior? imply she is above and beyond everyone and consequences etc? or just nuts.. which she clearly is.. how old is she?

 

[RLara85]

she is 55, she was just plain angry before all her life... but after menopause, holy mood swings batman!
no risky behavior, she literally thinks she is "pure and clean" and above everyone else morally

 

[7_Deadly_Sins]

When people like her get off meds, or never get on them..it's hard to get them started on them(if that makes sense)
Have you asked her to see someone, and that she's hurting you?
A guy I know use to live with someone that is bi polar..he'd stop taking meds because he thought he was ok..and he'd end up flipping out about nothing..really strange.
I know another person, and I'm guility of this too, is treating the ones I love the worst..I've gotten a load better..but I still need some help.
But anyway, the person above I was talking about just plain snaps about nothing on her family! She sounds just like your mother, and I know for a fact she's bi polar...she's on meds though and is acting normal before she started acting weird..so there is hope.
Hope it works out for you..just stay strong..and remember..karma.

 

[RLara85]

I've asked if she'd like to go to therapy but she just laughs in my face. I have been to therapy myself for my panic attacks/GAD and every therapist has agreed she seems like a huge aggravation to my problem and needs help, i've tried sitting her down and explaining this to her.. her exact words were "I don't care what any stupid therapist says about me, I'm ok, I know who I am!"

Basically it's like beating a dead horse, she ain't changing and has no plans to. Guess it's best for me to just ignore her? I don't want to piss her off too much, after all I'm having bad problems myself and for now am relying on her to provide my roof over my head... but I could sure do without all her insults, I just mind my own business all day and she comes over looking to start things with me.

I got my father, her first husband, to sit down and talk to her yesterday. He agreed with me that she seems really "off" and also noticed that her health seems to be declining big time, her skin has lost color, she's not only thin but looks frail and her jaw is like clenched all the time, not to mention she goes from happy to angry to crying in an instant. I'm glad my father saw right through her and didn't fall for her act (she's an expert at putting on an act and making others seem like the bad guy), he noticed right away that she was bluffing and basically just called me and told me to hang in there and try to give her space as much as possible, just stay out of the house etc. and have an escape plan for when I'm ready to move out I can do it swiftly, because no doubt she will throw a huge fit when that happens. He also straightened things out with my grandfather and let him know that she was greatly exaggerating and not to believe much of what she says, which was a big relief b/c my grandpa is very old and I don't want him worrying to death for no reason.

 

[RLara85]

another worry

Worth mentioning: these past few years since she's gotten worse, she's become more religious... nothing wrong with that, however she claims she can talk to angels and spirits and that they communicate back with her. A few months back she told me that an "angel named Michael" told her that the cure for my anxiety was to get on low dose prozac and start eating celery every day (???????).

I'm not a very religious person so I'm not one to judge, but is that a common practice among the religious (I believe she is catholic)? It seems odd to me, but again I'm not religious so I don't want to judge if this is something actually normal among religious folks.

My big worry is, is she actually doing this through prayer/imagination, or is she having hallucinations? If she is just a strong believer I don't see much of a problem with it, but if she's actually hallucinating and seeing/hearing things, that's an issue. I don't dare bring it up though, she's unstable enough as it is and I don't want to add fuel to the fire.

 

[powerox]

Worth mentioning: these past few years since she's gotten worse, she's become more religious... nothing wrong with that, however she claims she can talk to angels and spirits and that they communicate back with her. A few months back she told me that an "angel named Michael" told her that the cure for my anxiety was to get on low dose prozac and start eating celery every day (???????).

I'm not a very religious person so I'm not one to judge, but is that a common practice among the religious (I believe she is catholic)? It seems odd to me, but again I'm not religious so I don't want to judge if this is something actually normal among religious folks.

My big worry is, is she actually doing this through prayer/imagination, or is she having hallucinations? If she is just a strong believer I don't see much of a problem with it, but if she's actually hallucinating and seeing/hearing things, that's an issue. I don't dare bring it up though, she's unstable enough as it is and I don't want to add fuel to the fire.

I feel your pain. My mother is the same way! Only diff. is, I had to deal with it for 4 decades now. She lives with me and my wife and kids. We lost my dad a couple of years ago, she moved in. Anyway, all I can say is be the best man that you can be.

Regarding the talking to spirits/angles. If this is real, which it could be, those are not "good" spirits. They would be the demons. The bible is clear on this matter. The "good" spirits/angels do not do this. Michale is the archangel mentioned in the scriptures, however, demons have and will impersonate him. So, it's hard to say if she really is having these interactions with them (demons).

I wish you the best, and hope it works out. But keep in mind, if she does have a problelm, it's not her fault, such as your case. She is your mother, so do your best to respect her as such. Peace!

 

[RLara85]

I talked to someone knowledgeable about the issue of her "communicating with angels and spirits, and them communicating back"... and they claim that this is not a common practice in the catholic church and could be a sign of schizophrenia. The person I ask is pretty knowledgeable about religion so I tend to trust them.

Nevertheless, I'm not sure how to tackle that issue.... I mean as long as she is hearing voices but leaving it at that, is there any danger? She believes the voices are from god, so apparently they don't tell her anything violent etc.

 

[SecondAct]

1)Schizophrenia or some type of 2)brain injury or 3)tumor are likely culprits in that order. Barring an accident where she struck her head, I would go with 1 being likely.

 

[RLara85]

Anyone have advice on what to do? I can't think of a way to get her treatment, she gets very aggressive and it's a pointless effort. If I try to be there for her she has terrible moodswings and the damage is two-fold: she stresses herself out to the point where she it's scary for her own health, it also really messed with my panic disorder, I'm sick myself and not the best person to take care of her.

Best bet to just stay away as much as possible?

 

[617ricky]

Have you tried benzos for your anxiety? I'm talking xanax, valium, klonopin, ativan, etc... If not, they would definitely help you, I'm sure..

 

[therecanonlybe1]

and who's isn't

 

[slimyy]

get out asap

I think this is your answer.

 

[optgrowth]

What about going to live with your father?

You have to be persistent, you cannot just sit down once and expect for her to get help. You need to talk to her friends/family and have them bring up these issues. She's hurting you and herself. She is verbally abusing you, and it's only going to get worse. You yourself need to be in a healthy enviroment to help out your health issues.

Does she go to church? Talk to her priest if you have too.

Keep us updated and don't be afraid to voice your thoughts..

 

[blacklog9]

take care of yourself

I grew up with a bi-polar single mother, my father passed away when I was young. You are right on the money regarding the emotional abuse in this environment. It may not be her fault, but believe me she will not admit she has a problem and agree to get help. In either case, you are never going to be truly happy until you live elsewhere.

Bro, you need to take care of yourself and get out of this unhealthy space asap. Find a way to treat your anxiety and move out of her house.