Is she a keeper?

[brazil]

How do they act when it counts?

I was talking to an old friend of mine earlier tonight about the dramas and unforseen, often quite surreal or seemingly petty problems that arise when you're in a relationship. It seems that those problems and arguments can cause more hurt and anguish on a personal level than almost anything else in the world.

I think an important thing to ask yourself when in a relationship is "how does he/she argue, or, react in the moment to a situation they regard as unpleasant concerning me?"....Those are the moments that count, in my honest opinion. If you make an honest mistake that causes no harm, can you rest assured that you are safe and accepted by him/her? Or, is there automatic repercussions such as "you know it can make me feel badly when you accidentally do that, so either don't make mistakes, ever, or suffer the consequences,"....is there automatic eye for an eye, or do you get the benefit of the doubt?

To me, those are the times that count. Did he/she react with understanding and patience to find out that, "oh ok, it really was just a mistake that you were late"....or does Newton's Law instantly kick in? It's kinda black and white when it comes to that...Patience and understanding, or fear and suspicion. That, to me is when a person shows their true colors; how fairly, thoughtfully, logically and understandingly they treat the person they are with.

The ability to see things from the other side is a beautiful thing. In order to love, respect, and understand someone, we have to utilize our best patience and actually walk the walk. Jumping to conclusions, saying "screw it" for no viable reason in the moment, and reacting through fear will only act to aid in the destruction of a relationship, not punish him/her, and it certainly wont make anyone feel any better. There's no doubt about it, relationships are work, but if we actually consider the other person a little more, I think there would be a lot more happy couples out there.

 

[maldorf]

Another thing that I think is important is that both of the people in the relationship are willing to make personal sacrifices for the other and not hold it over them, dont expect to get paid back in some way during the future. Another thing is you have to be willing to forget about your ego and admit when you have been wrong and apologize ASAP, dont let things fester. It is a bad thing when one cannot admit to their significant other that they were wrong about something.

 

[lntense]

I agree, but it takes two to have that mindset.

 

[triathloncoach]

Kinda painting with a broad brush here. Good points, but I like a little passion, and it usually comes with a price. I don't mind being held accountable by a woman with a strong point of view. Even if she isn't always right.

You should get a dog. I have 3 of them. They think I am always perfect. (shhhhhhhh, I am not)

 

[ronbentall]

relationships

realationships are hard work thats why their are so many de
ivorces,,,,

 

[Gators]

They say date a min of 2 years, or 8 seasons, to get a really good idea of the character of the person. It's all about character.

 

[TheSyndicate]

We are goal striving creatures. If we have no personal goals to strive after all we will do is live life looking in the rear view mirror at all the mistakes and poor choices we made, beat ourselves up and eventually crash into others who are living the same life and create problems/drama. When both parties in a relationship have goals and governing principles that they will not sacrifice for anyone, you get a great team and a lasting relationship.

When we have our own personal goals we do not become obsessed or absorbed in the relationship. Where if something small goes wrong with the relationship one day, it's not blown out of proportion, it's mutually agreed upon and discussed and both parties learn from it and put it in the past BECAUSE THERE ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE THAN A PETTY DISAGREEMENT. We're the hardest working country in the world and we do a great job at our jobs and think that our relationships at home can just take care of themselves. Well, they take work too. I don't like to call it sacrifice because it's really not, it's synergy. If we can come up with a solution that makes both parties happy, I see that as synergy, not sacrifice.

The problem is the cost of living is rising so rapidly that couples feel pressure to move in together quicker than usual to save on bills in order to live a higher quality of life. This urgency leads to irrational decisions and we move in with a person not out of love but lust or necessity. If you do live together, the most important thing is to remember to always give the other the gift of missing you.

All you can do is do the best that you can and love what you get, whatever it is, because that's all you're getting. As long as you are communicating with the woman and she's communicating back in an honest, straightforward manner, then the relationship is in your hands. Women want a man who is accountable. Call it security or comfort or whatever else you want, but ultimately it's accountability. If you say you're going to do something, do it when you said you'd do it and better than you said you would do it.

And yes, like Gordon Gekko says "If you need a friend, get a dog. It's trench warfare out there, pal."

 

[cavdude]

after much trial/error (mostly error...lol) my current theory on relationships is that it would be a lot easier on both parties if one has a mate who is on the same page as oneself?

or in other words-has similiar interests-likes/dislikes-similiar beliefs in ethical/moral behavior etc.--these things all have to be sorted out before the relationship begins so that there is an element of predictability regarding expectations each party has of the other?

i will go out on a limb and say this would form the basis for that elusive feeling for ones mate-known as 'trust'?

 

[GGGGGGG-UNIT]

Nope, shes not. NEXT! lol

 

[CeilingStar]

Learned this recently, Kind of the hard way. But ill make it short

Started dating new girl and everything was great for about 5 months then all the sudden everything changed. She was getting an attitude and snapping at me often, seemed almost over night. I admit I would do and say stupid things but never anything bad or to hurt her or our relationship. It was weird because of how quick it changed from great to horrible.

I tried to stick it out because we still had good times but it seemed like we were fighting more than laughing. I knew i had to end it sooner or later but didn't know how and was hoping maybe it would go back. It got so bad I honestly thought she had mental issues and was bipolar or something, but I guess she just becamse a bitch and the first few months were just an act.

Anyway SHE decided that SHE couldnt do it anymore because her and her mom decided that she has become a bithc lately and has changed, which is true, but hears the best part. They come to the conclusion that its MY fault!! Somehow me and the things I do, or didnt do, i refused to move in after only 6 months together!! So I guess its my fault that she became a bitch, guess its better off it happnened now and I didnt get stuck with her.

Still boggles my mind that her and her mom say that im the one who made her change and made her become a bitch. I never cheated, lied or yelled at this girl, was always there for her. Worst thing I did was not move in with her because it was only 6 months in and once I cancelled a breakfast with a family member, GUess im a horrible person and made her a bitch!! haha

 

[CeilingStar]

She was fun and had same interests but we just didnt have the same values or outlook. Thought It would be different because she was older than me but guess I was wrong.

Ended up going back to my ex an it was the best decision I made. Shes very easy to deal with and respects me and what I want to do and doesnt argue over little things.

I'd rather be with someone who loves and respects me and be happy and not a difficult life than with someone who disrespects me and is always arguing making my life more difficult.

Im still trying to forget and get over the last girl but its helping because I could see how difficult my future would be with her, and all the arguments and bitchiness

 

[CeilingStar]

And like you said. Make sure they can handle bad times

This girl would turn on me and argue and get mad exertions something happened.

You need a girl who the same when it's good as when it's bad

Sorry for ranting. Just had to get it off my chest

 

[infinitifxs]

Kinda painting with a broad brush here. Good points, but I like a little passion, and it usually comes with a price. I don't mind being held accountable by a woman with a strong point of view. Even if she isn't always right.

You should get a dog. I have 3 of them. They think I am always perfect. (shhhhhhhh, I am not)

I just fed my dog leftover steak and brown rice with some A1 sauce he couldn't like me anymore anything I say or do right now he acts excited wags his tail and runs around like a pshyco path

 

[sammy555]

I just fed my dog leftover steak and brown rice with some A1 sauce he couldn't like me anymore anything I say or do right now he acts excited wags his tail and runs around like a pshyco path

Haha, dogs are fucking awesome
Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

 

[Gators]

Relationships work when both parties want a relationship, not need one (for a variety of reasons). Big, big difference.