Wife wants a divorce, need advice :/.

[juggy38]

To be fair I love that little shit

Man…..I feel like you are where I was 3 years ago.

Hot ass younger woman, a 2 year old boy that I loved. (Biological father completely out of the picture)

She became very very mean and hateful. Put her hands on me a few times. The last time, (which I’m truly regretful for) she hit me and I shoved her damn near across a parking lot. She fell down. She called 911, luckily my lifelong friend threw me into an Uber and threw the guy $200 cash and said drive.

I lost 1/2 of my retirement fund and had to sell my truck to get enough money to start over.

What is annoying is I paid for that hookers college while she worked 16-24h a week

 

[juggy38]

I hope it works out. A life partner is rare, there isn’t much out there worth dating.

But love blinds is. And we are scared if the devil we don’t know, more than the devil we do

 

[Virtuous]

I hope it works out. A life partner is rare, there isn’t much out there worth dating.

But love blinds is. And we are scared if the devil we don’t know, more than the devil we do

Man…..I feel like you are where I was 3 years ago.

Hot ass younger woman, a 2 year old boy that I loved. (Biological father completely out of the picture)

She became very very mean and hateful. Put her hands on me a few times. The last time, (which I’m truly regretful for) she hit me and I shoved her damn near across a parking lot. She fell down. She called 911, luckily my lifelong friend threw me into an Uber and threw the guy $200 cash and said drive.

I lost 1/2 of my retirement fund and had to sell my truck to get enough money to start over.

What is annoying is I paid for that hookers college while she worked 16-24h a week

Damn man that’s rough. I get that. I wonder what caused her to turn hateful… that’s awful man.

Yeah, I can see a chance of it going that way.

I’m not scared of being alone, given how sloppy and lazy most dudes are, it’s fish in a barrel to land women. But yeah, deep connection is hard as hell to find.

 

[juggy38]

Damn man that’s rough. I get that. I wonder what caused her to turn hateful… that’s awful man.

Yeah, I can see a chance of it going that way.

I’m not scared of being alone, given how sloppy and lazy most dudes are, it’s fish in a barrel to land women. But yeah, deep connection is hard as hell to find.

You seem like a good guy. Don’t stay too long, it just gets worse. But If you can save it, that’s awesome

 

[Hammer4]

"If He Only Knew" is a book that was recommended by a well known WOMAN on this board. It's worth the read whether it helps this relationship or the next.

 

[Othello]

I watch this thread and the incel energy is so palpable it's hilarious. Yeah, you be big man, take no shit, dump woman, get replacement!

By a bunch of guys whose masturbation is the closest to intimacy they'll ever get.

a fascinating take..


OP has said that 'his' wife has cheated on him with multiple men - with whom she is still in contact

he has detailed her verbal and emotional abuse in this thread

all while he sacrifices his time, energy, and money to raise her and some other man's child



i guess where we decide to 'draw the line' is a highly individual thing

 

[Virtuous]

"If He Only Knew" is a book that was recommended by a well known WOMAN on this board. It's worth the read whether it helps this relationship or the next.

Ty bro. I’ll grab it.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

a fascinating take.

Look it, don't you worry. One will come along for you eventually.

 

[pesty4077]

At the end of the day it doesn't matter what others think. It is your life, your decision. One time in my 10 year relationship, my wife did something real stupid. I was packing her bags, she was very remorseful and did make a big change. If she was cocky after that, I would have moved on and not look back.

I don't care how long I been with someone, I won't let them screw with me or disrespect me. I don't do it to them. I have a good relationship built on respect. I expect that. I don't need anyone in my life to make me happy either. I am happy by myself.

You need to be happy with yourself first and secure by yourself. This way, you can clearly see the tunnel and it won't be as dark when you make life's decisions.

 

[plane]

a fascinating take..


OP has said that 'his' wife has cheated on him with multiple men - with whom she is still in contact

he has detailed her verbal and emotional abuse in this thread

all while he sacrifices his time, energy, and money to raise her and some other man's child



i guess where we decide to 'draw the line' is a highly individual thing

I also found correlating self respect and boundaries with incel behaviour quite hilarous to say the least.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

I also found correlating self respect and boundaries with incel behaviour quite hilarous to say the least.

Incels aren't incels because of self-respect or boundaries.

 

[SL1CED]

At the end of the day it doesn't matter what others think. It is your life, your decision. One time in my 10 year relationship, my wife did something real stupid. I was packing her bags, she was very remorseful and did make a big change. If she was cocky after that, I would have moved on and not look back.

I don't care how long I been with someone, I won't let them screw with me or disrespect me. I don't do it to them. I have a good relationship built on respect. I expect that. I don't need anyone in my life to make me happy either. I am happy by myself.

You need to be happy with yourself first and secure by yourself. This way, you can clearly see the tunnel and it won't be as dark when you make life's decisions.

And that's what it all boils down to. Respect.

For the mod that's calling people incels, and what not. There's a simple philosophy in life that if something or someone doesn't treat you right, you don't go there or be with them anymore. It's better to be alone than in an abusive relationship, or one like this is. So if it means from having a partner to not having one, and that's the cost--so be it. At least have your dignity, it's not "incel" thinking. It's just about how much you really respect yourself in this. Everyone's different, lots of dudes don't mind and infact crave their women being with other guys. That's to them, not sure OP is like that. He's taking care of another man's child, getting cheated on, kicked out of the place, and being talked down to. These remarks youre dismissing as incel behavior is pretty much why guys think it's okay to accept this treatment. It's not, from your girl or anyone. Get your respect and carry on. If it means being alone, if it means being in dark time that's fine. Find the strength to come out of it, there's other girls. It may take a week or a year, but don't sacrifice your dignity and mental health for this. It's not worth it.

 

[Hammer4]

And that's what it all boils down to. Respect.

For the mod that's calling people incels, and what not. There's a simple philosophy in life that if something or someone doesn't treat you right, you don't go there or be with them anymore. It's better to be alone than in an abusive relationship, or one like this is. So if it means from having a partner to not having one, and that's the cost--so be it. At least have your dignity, it's not "incel" thinking. It's just about how much you really respect yourself in this. Everyone's different, lots of dudes don't mind and infact crave their women being with other guys. That's to them, not sure OP is like that. He's taking care of another man's child, getting cheated on, kicked out of the place, and being talked down to. These remarks youre dismissing as incel behavior is pretty much why guys think it's okay to accept this treatment. It's not, from your girl or anyone. Get your respect and carry on. If it means being alone, if it means being in dark time that's fine. Find the strength to come out of it, there's other girls. It may take a week or a year, but don't sacrifice your dignity and mental health for this. It's not worth it.

I think @OuchThatHurts point is that bailing on a relationship everytime someone "disrepects" you is not the strong position some are making it out to be. Some will say that this is simp mentality, but one could argue that there is more strength in staying and fighting.

 

[SL1CED]

I think @OuchThatHurts point is that bailing on a relationship everytime someone "disrepects" you is not the strong position some are making it out to be. Some will say that this is simp mentality, but one could argue that there is more strength in staying and fighting.

If you do it everytime, you'll lose the value of what disrespect actually is standing for. There's certain hard lines you do not tolerate. Most of what the OP stated has already crossed them.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Look, this is not complicated. It's a simple concept. Relationships take work. People screw up. They say and do shitty things all the time. We all do. Walking away is ALWAYS his prerogative as is staying in it to keep his family together.

But it's true, I am biased in favor of keeping families together. Personally, I like to have sex everyday. So there's that. Then there is the intimacy.

I don't necessarily need all the sensitive shit (but she does). Nevertheless, I'm always, as I've said repeatedly on here, going to push for families to stay together (except in cases of outright abuse). People in families even live longer fer christsakes .

But yelling drunk at your husband in NOLA doesn't = "leave your wife". Ridiculous. Only @Virtuous will know if and when that time comes. He's obviously got a good head on his shoulders.

 

[Virtuous]

Look, this is not complicated. It's a simple concept. Relationships take work. People screw up. They say and do shitty things all the time. We all do. Walking away is ALWAYS his prerogative as is staying in it to keep his family together.

But it's true, I am biased in favor of keeping families together. Personally, I like to have sex everyday. So there's that. Then there is the intimacy.

I don't necessarily need all the sensitive shit (but she does). Nevertheless, I'm always, as I've said repeatedly on here, going to push for families to stay together (except in cases of outright abuse). People in families even live longer fer christsakes .

But yelling drunk at your husband in NOLA doesn't = "leave your wife". Ridiculous. Only @Virtuous will know if and when that time comes. He's obviously got a good head on his shoulders.

This is exactly where my head is at right now.

We went hiking at Joshua tree and took a weekend together. It was really good.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

This is exactly where my head is at right now.

We went hiking at Joshua tree and took a weekend together. It was really good.

 

[headtrainer]

Quick update:

Doing counseling, seeing if getting back into religion helps. This is for her, she’s very religious and I didn’t realize I had been pulling her away. I shit on organized church and am very logical to the point where i had debated her on religion and argued it was illogical to assume that one religion in particular could have all the answers and that due to fallibility of man, even if the Bible had the correct message, it had to have translation errors. Turns out that was a major point of resentment we never uncovered. I’m going to walk that back and be more accepting and open minded for her.

We agreed to work on our marriage and this problem as a team until after the holidays (unless it blows up again).

If we can’t beat this problem as a team, we’ll accept we don’t fit.

If we can work through it and counseling helps, we won’t promise the world but we’ll take it from there.

In the interim, I made my finances secure from damage by playing a shell game with cash and hidden physical liquidity so I’ll have a very healthy buffer if things go sideways. I wanted to get more into gold and foreign currency anyhow due to our economy, so i just had to convert my precious metal holdings into physical metal and put them in a trusted space that no lawyer or accountant could find. It’ll look like I just broke down with a gambling problem due to stress if anyone looks.

I still risk short term spousal support since I make loads of bank, but it’s a very short marriage and she makes excellent income as well so it won’t hurt too bad. That is worth the risk to me.

I think we may actually make it, though, she’s made a huge effort to apologize and reconcile. To the point of the earlier post above me, her whole family is like this. She’s the first one to go to college and have a good career, the rest all have been effectively societal scavengers and always think they’re being fucked over so that probably added to it.

The Bible says not to be unequally yoked. So I see your wife’s point of view on that. Also, you can’t be a true believer in Christ and believe the Bible is full of errors. You have to have faith God gave us the inspired words He wanted us to hear. I will warn you that there are different dispensations in the Bible. You have to study it diligently. Much was written or spoken to the Jews or Israel. Today we are under grace, not law. This means you don’t become a Christian by joining a denominational church, being a good person, getting baptized in water or following God’s law. We become a member of the Lords “spiritual church” by believing the Gospel/calling on the name of the Lord to get rid of our sins—forever. No one can merit their salvation.

Ephesians 2:8-9
King James Version:
8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:​

9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.

Romans 10
King James Version:

10 Brethren, my heart's desire and prayer to God for Israel is, that they might be saved.​

2 For I bear them record that they have a zeal of God, but not according to knowledge.
3 For they being ignorant of God's righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God.
4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth.
5 For Moses describeth the righteousness which is of the law, That the man which doeth those things shall live by them.
6 But the righteousness which is of faith speaketh on this wise, Say not in thine heart, Who shall ascend into heaven? (that is, to bring Christ down from above
7 Or, Who shall descend into the deep? (that is, to bring up Christ again from the dead.)
8 But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach;
9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.
12 For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him.
13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

 

[Virtuous]

The Bible says not to be unequally yoked. So I see your wife’s point of view on that. Also, you can’t be a true believer in Christ and believe the Bible is full of errors. You have to have faith God gave us the inspired words He wanted us to hear. I will warn you that there are different dispensations in the Bible. You have to study it diligently. Much was written or spoken to the Jews or Israel. Today we are under grace, not law. This means you don’t become a Christian by joining a denominational church, being a good person, getting baptized in water or following God’s law. We become a member of the Lords “spiritual church” by believing the Gospel/calling on the name of the Lord to get rid of our sins—forever. No one can merit their salvation.

Ephesians 2:8-9​

King James Version:​

8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:​

9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.

Romans 10​

King James Version:​

​

10 Brethren, my heart's desire and prayer to God for Israel is, that they might be saved.​

2 For I bear them record that they have a zeal of God, but not according to knowledge.
3 For they being ignorant of God's righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God.
4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth.
5 For Moses describeth the righteousness which is of the law, That the man which doeth those things shall live by them.
6 But the righteousness which is of faith speaketh on this wise, Say not in thine heart, Who shall ascend into heaven? (that is, to bring Christ down from above
7 Or, Who shall descend into the deep? (that is, to bring up Christ again from the dead.)
8 But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach;
9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.
12 For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him.
13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

Hey man.

Just want you to know I really, really appreciate you typing this out. Sincerely.

You’ll understand that I can’t just snap my fingers and change my religious beliefs with any measure of authenticity, but I’m willing to give it a shot to attend church and read scripture again.

I was raised (a bit forcibly, we attended 3 services a week) in church and maybe I reject it for reasons tied to that.

 

[headtrainer]

Hey man.

Just want you to know I really, really appreciate you typing this out. Sincerely.

You’ll understand that I can’t just snap my fingers and change my religious beliefs with any measure of authenticity, but I’m willing to give it a shot to attend church and read scripture again.

I was raised (a bit forcibly, we attended 3 services a week) in church and maybe I reject it for reasons tied to that.

I understand completely. If you ever have any questions feel free to private message me. I’ve been studying the Bible for 27 years. I’ve also had some highly intelligent Bible scholars teach me some important concepts. Romans, Ephesians, Galatians and the book of John are good places to start.