O/T need advice from mature guys about marriage.

[Fleezy]

i have always been a loner. i like relationships but i like to go back to my own place and be alone. even when i visit the closest of family like parents or sibling, i prefer to stay at a hotel instead of their guest room. i dont know been alone for so long it feels hard living with someone.

The worst part of being alone..


Is how addicting it is


I think Tom Hardy said that

 

[btails]

I mean this with all due respect but I'm going to tell you the same thing I tell all my friends.

If YOU need to ask me for advice on YOUR girl... she ain't your girl bro.. move on

 

[danieltx]

I was forced to live at my parents for months. We tried cohabitating but she punched me and my attorney said I had to get the fuck out of there. She wasn’t entitled to much - all the money was mine before we got married but she still fought me tooth and nail - even lied to the mediator about her contributions. It’s a good thing I had a paper trail of every single dollar.

We talked about kids. On our first date she said she didn’t want them like me. But after the wedding she would make subtle comments that concerned me.

I don't know that this is something we can 100% get around with women.

@slesh knows my current situation very well but for the rest of the board me and my girlfriend of five years broke up in December. One of the things that became an issue over time was my bodybuilding. Initially she was very supportive but over time, particularly after her dad in early 2023 died out of nowhere, she turned against it.

The frustrating thing here is within the first month or two we were together I told her very clearly that I'm a bodybuilder, I take drugs, I spend time at the gym, I did it all before you and if you leave I'll still do it all. And she said ok, she was fine with it. Fast forward to last summer and she told me that she thought when I said that I wasn't serious. She said, word for word quoting here, she 'thought it was a phase I'd grow out of in a year or two'. Even though I said super clearly this is who I am and what I do.

Women love to assume and live in their fantasy worlds no matter what's going on around them. I don't know how men get around that.

 

[TrippplePPP]

i have always been a loner. i like relationships but i like to go back to my own place and be alone. even when i visit the closest of family like parents or sibling, i prefer to stay at a hotel instead of their guest room. i dont know been alone for so long it feels hard living with someone.

I'm very similar to you. I have a ball being alone. I have related to Slesh about this as well. I think a lot of similar minded dudes are on this site.

In my mind a relationship should go: Hang out, hang out more, stay over, stay over more...to the point where you enjoy each others company and want to have the other person gradually become more at your place then not. It makes the transition of living together happen gradually and more natural. Then you eventually decide to get married when you again want the person more and more in your life or you then look at it like a formality as you have already chosen to be together.

I find it un-natural to have an ultimatum with a quick change of plans and expectations with the importance of compatibility as a lesser concern.

 

[slesh]

I don't know that this is something we can 100% get around with women.

@slesh knows my current situation very well but for the rest of the board me and my girlfriend of five years broke up in December. One of the things that became an issue over time was my bodybuilding. Initially she was very supportive but over time, particularly after her dad in early 2023 died out of nowhere, she turned against it.

The frustrating thing here is within the first month or two we were together I told her very clearly that I'm a bodybuilder, I take drugs, I spend time at the gym, I did it all before you and if you leave I'll still do it all. And she said ok, she was fine with it. Fast forward to last summer and she told me that she thought when I said that I wasn't serious. She said, word for word quoting here, she 'thought it was a phase I'd grow out of in a year or two'. Even though I said super clearly this is who I am and what I do.

Women love to assume and live in their fantasy worlds no matter what's going on around them. I don't know how men get around that.

Let me know when you find the answer/solution lol

 

[LK3]

really its never a good idea to invite the law into your life.
as other has pointed out it just complicates things.
i have all types of fucked up stories on the subject. lol
that legal paper gives them some serious control over you and your life.
if you guys were really super in love and it was for shits and giggles or some of the detaily stuff that goes with it.... well ppl do it.

i dont think breeding is a very good idea either. we have enough ppl on the planet.

if you feel the need to hide just cialis that also probably says a lot about the relationship or lack there of.
3 years really isnt that long to be with someone either.
many reasons why marriage is probably not the best idea.

 

[buck]

If a couple is head over heels in love and want to get married and have kids see things exactly the same they still have a big chance of getting divorced. The farther people are from wanting the same thing the higher the chance of divorce i have to think.

 

[LK3]

I'm very similar to you. I have a ball being alone. I have related to Slesh about this as well. I think a lot of similar minded dudes are on this site.

In my mind a relationship should go: Hang out, hang out more, stay over, stay over more...to the point where you enjoy each others company and want to have the other person gradually become more at your place then not. It makes the transition of living together happen gradually and more natural. Then you eventually decide to get married when you again want the person more and more in your life or you then look at it like a formality as you have already chosen to be together.

I find it un-natural to have an ultimatum with a quick change of plans and expectations with the importance of compatibility as a lesser concern.

best you live together for YEARS before marriage.
sex often goes downhill fast after you are together all the time.
women are often lazy in that dpt. especially if kids are in the picture.

 

[cage99]

If you have this many doubts then you’re not ready for marriage!!! There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with that either. My first wife basically gave me one of those ultimatums at 3 years. She knew I was on the fence about having children. So I told her if it was that important to her then she needs to go.

Ultimately she stayed with me. We ended up married and had children several years down the road. But after 13-14 years we ended up divorced due to parenting differences.

Thought things would be amicable during the divorce but she went ape shit and has made my life a living hell ever since. I got 3 more years of her bullshit left. I go to bed every night and wish for her to die in some horrible way!!!! So far no luck on that wish!!! Running total for that divorce, jail, trials, furniture, courts, etc, etc, easy ~$175K for me….

So if you’re unsure do not do it!!!!! When you marry someone it’s because you sincerely want to be with them all the time. My current wife is phenomenal btw and I have no regrets even 11 years later. Doesn’t even feel like we’ve been together that long. That’s what it’s supposed to be like.

Cage

 

[bananas007]

delete

 

[bananas007]

delete

 

[slesh]

If you have this many doubts then you’re not ready for marriage!!! There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with that either. My first wife basically gave me one of those ultimatums at 3 years. She knew I was on the fence about having children. So I told her if it was that important to her then she needs to go.

Ultimately she stayed with me. We ended up married and had children several years down the road. But after 13-14 years we ended up divorced due to parenting differences.

Thought things would be amicable during the divorce but she went ape shit and has made my life a living hell ever since. I got 3 more years of her bullshit left. I go to bed every night and wish for her to die in some horrible way!!!! So far no luck on that wish!!! Running total for that divorce, jail, trials, furniture, courts, etc, etc, easy ~$175K for me….

So if you’re unsure do not do it!!!!! When you marry someone it’s because you sincerely want to be with them all the time. My current wife is phenomenal btw and I have no regrets even 11 years later. Doesn’t even feel like we’ve been together that long. That’s what it’s supposed to be like.

Cage

I promise I’m not laughing at your pain but this is too good lol

 

[LK3]

I don't know that this is something we can 100% get around with women.

@slesh knows my current situation very well but for the rest of the board me and my girlfriend of five years broke up in December. One of the things that became an issue over time was my bodybuilding. Initially she was very supportive but over time, particularly after her dad in early 2023 died out of nowhere, she turned against it.

The frustrating thing here is within the first month or two we were together I told her very clearly that I'm a bodybuilder, I take drugs, I spend time at the gym, I did it all before you and if you leave I'll still do it all. And she said ok, she was fine with it. Fast forward to last summer and she told me that she thought when I said that I wasn't serious. She said, word for word quoting here, she 'thought it was a phase I'd grow out of in a year or two'. Even though I said super clearly this is who I am and what I do.

Women love to assume and live in their fantasy worlds no matter what's going on around them. I don't know how men get around that.

this seems super common.
had a relationship of similar length end due mostly to my details too.
i was honest about not liking kids and i became mr mom for the most part. no concessions my way, only expected that i do more and more "normal" things and less ( put it as me stuff for simplicity, lol )

just in general women have a tendency to be acountable for nothing.
she robbed in the end. really good too! lol

 

[bbxtreme]

Being an introvert I do not have a large group of friends. I rely on this forum for a lot of "guy topic" advices.


I am 39 years old. I have never been married before. I pursued a girl I met at work and we have been dating for 3 years. She is 37 years old now. She wants a family and kids and all that. I have been given an ultimatum either get married or break up. Over the last 3 months I have gone back and forth on my word so much, I feel like a coward. I feel like I am not a man. I even gave her a ring only to tell her 24 hours later, I am not sure I still need some time to decide.

On one hand the thought of getting married scares me. How will i travel the world, other woman still appeal to me. What If i want to pursue another woman. etc. Bascially everything that you cant have once married, all of a sudden start sounds appealing. I never did those things to be honest, but now that they will be off limits all of sudden I want to do them. So maybe it is just an illusion.

On the other hand, when I break up, I have the deepest grief, of missing this person. She has been a good girlfriend and very supportive. It would be very hard to find someone else similar and the thought of losing her hurts a lot too. May be this hurt is temporary? I dont know.

Last 3 months have been mental hell for me. I do not know what to do? Guys that have been married or not marreid please chime in and help me.

The other issue complicating things is my use of cialis. I have never told her about this but I take 5 mg of cialis before having sex. I dont know if it’s from previous use of AAS or just perfomance anxiety but it is like a crutch now. I am afraid and embarassed about having this discussion. I did test out my sperm count, as I know having children is important to her and that tested normal. I wish I had addressed this issue before but now I feel stuck.

I have a rule in life about this stuff- “if you have to ask the question…”

I’ve been married to the wrong girl and am now married to the right one.

But that aside, you have like no post on here yet this is where you come for your guy advice?

Find a good therapist and find out why you have commitment issues or better yet why you keep dating the “wrong” girls because it’s easier than waiting for the right one or being alone.

But just remember- the grass isn’t “always” greener on the other side. Best of luck man.

 

[bbxtreme]

I promise I’m not laughing at your pain but this is too good lol

Me either, but damn @cage99 I just spit my water everywhere when I read the bold part. Like damn. I then had to explain to my wife why I did that which prompted “is that how you feel?”

I love how real you guys keep it here.

 

[cage99]

I promise I’m not laughing at your pain but this is too good lol

Dog I was just I chambers again with her and her fat busted f’n cunt of a lawyer… Christ, I never wanted to rip 2 bitches heads off and punt them fuckers down a hallway soooooo bad! Man I was trembling the whole time…

But things took a slight turn… bitch is a drunk and I have temporary full custody currently. She’s supposed to pay me, yes me!!!!!! Ya heard that, pay me $425/month. I won’t see a f’n dime of that shit though…. I’ll be back with those busted cunts again in late May. Ughhhhh…. Trying not to get locked up because of this worthless f’n cunt!

Cage

 

[Performance Based]

Going to be a bit contrarian here.

A majority of this forum are most likely introverts, myself included. I have my tribe though, online interaction does not replicate in person connection and having a healthy social life. You need to focus on yourself a little bit and develop some hobbies and a healthy social life. It takes time, its' painful, and its' one of the greatest things on this planet.

You are 39 and not married. You need to settle down. Be bloody honest with yourself. Here is the question, if you had a daughter with her would you be happy if she turned out like this woman? I can without hesitation say I would be proud to have a daughter that turns out like my wife. Not having someone there as your rock, someone to help you grow and go through the chaos that is life by your side only makes things harder. Your a man now brother. Do manly shit. Find an awesome woman, get married, have fucking kids, travel the world, talk to everyone, eat everything.

Prenups are mandatory, no matter your financial level.

Of course shes giving you an ultimatum, 39 and you aren't trying to settle down and start a family? She has a biological clock brother. She wants a family. If you can't give it to her it isn't fair that you deprive her of it.

 

[slesh]

Dog I was just I chambers again with her and her fat busted f’n cunt of a lawyer… Christ, I never wanted to rip 2 bitches heads off and punt them fuckers down a hallway soooooo bad! Man I was trembling the whole time…

But things took a slight turn… bitch is a drunk and I have temporary full custody currently. She’s supposed to pay me, yes me!!!!!! Ya heard that, pay me $425/month. I won’t see a f’n dime of that shit though…. I’ll be back with those busted cunts again in late May. Ughhhhh…. Trying not to get locked up because of this worthless f’n cunt!

Cage

Lol dude you’re killing me. But for real - this is exactly why I ripped the band aid off when I did. Biggest fear is that I would end up giving in, have kids, still get divorced and then have to deal with all the shit you listed above.

 

[slesh]

Oh shit by the way - @cage99 I just learned that in Louisiana you have to legally separate for a year before you can even legally file for divorce. My boy is going through this right now. Another one who should have never gotten married to that cunt.

 

[mexicanhombre]

If you have this many doubts then you’re not ready for marriage!!! There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with that either. My first wife basically gave me one of those ultimatums at 3 years. She knew I was on the fence about having children. So I told her if it was that important to her then she needs to go.

Ultimately she stayed with me. We ended up married and had children several years down the road. But after 13-14 years we ended up divorced due to parenting differences.

Thought things would be amicable during the divorce but she went ape shit and has made my life a living hell ever since. I got 3 more years of her bullshit left. I go to bed every night and wish for her to die in some horrible way!!!! So far no luck on that wish!!! Running total for that divorce, jail, trials, furniture, courts, etc, etc, easy ~$175K for me….

So if you’re unsure do not do it!!!!! When you marry someone it’s because you sincerely want to be with them all the time. My current wife is phenomenal btw and I have no regrets even 11 years later. Doesn’t even feel like we’ve been together that long. That’s what it’s supposed to be like.

Cage

Cage,

I love your posts, as I feel your wisdom shines through in them. Often when I read them, I tell myself this man has live life and is not just your typical meat head. But jail? How did you end up in jail. Damn

I have a rule in life about this stuff- “if you have to ask the question…”

I’ve been married to the wrong girl and am now married to the right one.

But that aside, you have like no post on here yet this is where you come for your guy advice?

Find a good therapist and find out why you have commitment issues or better yet why you keep dating the “wrong” girls because it’s easier than waiting for the right one or being alone.

But just remember- the grass isn’t “always” greener on the other side. Best of luck man.

bbxtreme.

I post under a different username usually, however a few people know me off boards and given the personal level of this topic, I wanted to be anonymous.

I did get myself into online therapy last week. I was severely depressed for 3 months straight but still had to work 82+ hour weeks so wasn’t able to get to therapy or too down to even seek out therapy.

I wish I had done it sooner.