O/T need advice from mature guys about marriage.

[bbxtreme]

Going to be a bit contrarian here.

A majority of this forum are most likely introverts, myself included. I have my tribe though, online interaction does not replicate in person connection and having a healthy social life. You need to focus on yourself a little bit and develop some hobbies and a healthy social life. It takes time, its' painful, and its' one of the greatest things on this planet.

You are 39 and not married. You need to settle down. Be bloody honest with yourself. Here is the question, if you had a daughter with her would you be happy if she turned out like this woman? I can without hesitation say I would be proud to have a daughter that turns out like my wife. Not having someone there as your rock, someone to help you grow and go through the chaos that is life by your side only makes things harder. Your a man now brother. Do manly shit. Find an awesome woman, get married, have fucking kids, travel the world, talk to everyone, eat everything.

Prenups are mandatory, no matter your financial level.

Of course shes giving you an ultimatum, 39 and you aren't trying to settle down and start a family? She has a biological clock brother. She wants a family. If you can't give it to her it isn't fair that you deprive her of it.

The bold part. I love my wife and loved my first one, but there is nothing tighter than my pre-nups.

I don’t care how much anyone says they love you. Money and kids change people.

Any for anyone who has an issue signing a “fair” one… what does that say about you and what you’re looking for. just my .02.

 

[bbxtreme]

Cage,

I love your posts, as I feel your wisdom shines through in them. Often when I read them, I tell myself this man has live life and is not just your typical meat head. But jail? How did you end up in jail. Damn

bbxtreme.

I post under a different username usually, however a few people know me off boards and given the personal level of this topic, I wanted to be anonymous.

I did get myself into online therapy last week. I was severely depressed for 3 months straight but still had to work 82+ hour weeks so wasn’t able to get to therapy or too down to even seek out therapy.

I wish I had done it sooner.

Yeah don’t take it as me hating by suggesting a good therapist. It’s the first thing I did after my divorce. I wanted to figure out why I married the wrong damn woman.

Sounds like you know what needs to be done… and no it will not be easy and suck like hell. But the other side is so much better.

 

[275bills]

Going to be a bit contrarian here.

A majority of this forum are most likely introverts, myself included. I have my tribe though, online interaction does not replicate in person connection and having a healthy social life. You need to focus on yourself a little bit and develop some hobbies and a healthy social life. It takes time, its' painful, and its' one of the greatest things on this planet.

You are 39 and not married. You need to settle down. Be bloody honest with yourself. Here is the question, if you had a daughter with her would you be happy if she turned out like this woman? I can without hesitation say I would be proud to have a daughter that turns out like my wife. Not having someone there as your rock, someone to help you grow and go through the chaos that is life by your side only makes things harder. Your a man now brother. Do manly shit. Find an awesome woman, get married, have fucking kids, travel the world, talk to everyone, eat everything.

Prenups are mandatory, no matter your financial level.

Of course shes giving you an ultimatum, 39 and you aren't trying to settle down and start a family? She has a biological clock brother. She wants a family. If you can't give it to her it isn't fair that you deprive her of it.

 

[cage99]

Oh shit by the way - @cage99 I just learned that in Louisiana you have to legally separate for a year before you can even legally file for divorce. My boy is going through this right now. Another one who should have never gotten married to that cunt.

Yep! I went through all that shit too… I got a good 10 years of my asshole getting fucked HARD by the legal system here in LA…. Fuckers ain’t used no lube either ya heard me!

Tell ya boy to hold on! Only advice I give is take detailed notes! I ONLY communicate via text w/ my busted f’n cunt X. Used an app (SMS Export) to pull and track all messages in an Excell spreadsheet. It’s has helped me MANY MANY times!!!!! No phone calls…

Cage

 

[mexicanhombre]

Going to be a bit contrarian here.

A majority of this forum are most likely introverts, myself included. I have my tribe though, online interaction does not replicate in person connection and having a healthy social life. You need to focus on yourself a little bit and develop some hobbies and a healthy social life. It takes time, its' painful, and its' one of the greatest things on this planet.

You are 39 and not married. You need to settle down. Be bloody honest with yourself. Here is the question, if you had a daughter with her would you be happy if she turned out like this woman? I can without hesitation say I would be proud to have a daughter that turns out like my wife. Not having someone there as your rock, someone to help you grow and go through the chaos that is life by your side only makes things harder. Your a man now brother. Do manly shit. Find an awesome woman, get married, have fucking kids, travel the world, talk to everyone, eat everything.

Prenups are mandatory, no matter your financial level.

Of course shes giving you an ultimatum, 39 and you aren't trying to settle down and start a family? She has a biological clock brother. She wants a family. If you can't give it to her it isn't fair that you deprive her of it.

We have talked in pm before so you will know my other screename.

That is true I don’t have hobbies and a non existent social circle.

Ever since I read a book “so good they can’t ignore you…” by Cal Newport being at the top of my craft has been my obsession and became my “hobby.”

When I was in my 20s having a social life hindered my professional or personal growth, so now o justify that as a reason for not making any deep “friendship” bonds and staying an introvert. But maybe it’s false and a self defense mechanism.

 

[Drax]

Forget marriage if you and your partner are NOT wired for it. Honestly, most people are not wired for marriage.

Soap box: Marriage is a SCAM perpetrated by an agreement between the Catholic Church and Bodies of Government, originally to control population, demonize human sexuality, and to ensure that they can account for that new family unit as a taxable paying entity, forever accounted for.

DON'T fall for it! It has been programmed into us since birth, especially young girls, to believe it as a sociological "norm". Its just another form of societal slavery and to make man duty bound to government with church influence.

Do NOT role the dice unless you understand that you'll be duty bound and financially bound to this other person.

Not telling anyone what to do, but it would be wise to understand what you're willing to sacrifice and for what types of gains of value in return?

How many men lose their sex lives, as well as the girl they married, when childeren come along? Most often, men are no longer viewed the same as a wanted, revered, and viable sexual partner when childeren come along.. they just become a sperm donor. And then they no longer remember why they married this woman to begin with. Statistics are scary bad.

A man and a woman need to be 100% on the same page with wants and needs. No wavering, or it will end badly.

 

[275bills]

Cage,

I love your posts, as I feel your wisdom shines through in them. Often when I read them, I tell myself this man has live life and is not just your typical meat head. But jail? How did you end up in jail. Damn

bbxtreme.

I post under a different username usually, however a few people know me off boards and given the personal level of this topic, I wanted to be anonymous.

I did get myself into online therapy last week. I was severely depressed for 3 months straight but still had to work 82+ hour weeks so wasn’t able to get to therapy or too down to even seek out therapy.

I wish I had done it sooner.

Different username? Now I want to guess who this is...

skylarr this you Mr?

Just having fun bro... good luck with the marriage or not

 

[Performance Based]

We have talked in pm before so you will know my other screename.

That is true I don’t have hobbies and a non existent social circle.

Ever since I read a book “so good they can’t ignore you…” by Cal Newport being at the top of my craft has been my obsession and became my “hobby.”

When I was in my 20s having a social life hindered my professional or personal growth, so now o justify that as a reason for not making any deep “friendship” bonds and staying an introvert. But maybe it’s false and a self defense mechanism.

You are ProM spy hombre? haha

In my previous life, any distractions at all could end your career so I did the same. I completely ostracized myself. Different place now though man. Close circle of friends from work/my previous "life", various gyms, adventure sports/travel, and cooking. Everyone gets along across the various groups too which is great man.

Sign up for some cooking classes, rock climbing work shops, anything that interests you. I think there is this desperation right now amongst young physically active teenagers/men. I can honestly say I have never had so many people try to befriend me as the last two years. Get out there slugger

 

[Bleed]

The ultimatum...Ditch her. Dont look back.

If you're getting one now and cave, you can bet your ass theres a whole lot more where that came from and you'll be rolling over the rest of your life or until you realize youve made a huge mistake.

 

[Bleed]

"all men are just large boys and can be changed". Thats the mentality in action here. Thats where this shit comes from.

Absolutely you did the right thing.

I don't know that this is something we can 100% get around with women.

@slesh knows my current situation very well but for the rest of the board me and my girlfriend of five years broke up in December. One of the things that became an issue over time was my bodybuilding. Initially she was very supportive but over time, particularly after her dad in early 2023 died out of nowhere, she turned against it.

The frustrating thing here is within the first month or two we were together I told her very clearly that I'm a bodybuilder, I take drugs, I spend time at the gym, I did it all before you and if you leave I'll still do it all. And she said ok, she was fine with it. Fast forward to last summer and she told me that she thought when I said that I wasn't serious. She said, word for word quoting here, she 'thought it was a phase I'd grow out of in a year or two'. Even though I said super clearly this is who I am and what I do.

Women love to assume and live in their fantasy worlds no matter what's going on around them. I don't know how men get around that.

 

[AllOkJumpmaster]

pull chocks

 

[cage99]

Cage,

I love your posts, as I feel your wisdom shines through in them. Often when I read them, I tell myself this man has live life and is not just your typical meat head. But jail? How did you end up in jail. Damn

bbxtreme.

I post under a different username usually, however a few people know me off boards and given the personal level of this topic, I wanted to be anonymous.

I did get myself into online therapy last week. I was severely depressed for 3 months straight but still had to work 82+ hour weeks so wasn’t able to get to therapy or too down to even seek out therapy.

I wish I had done it sooner.

During my divorce the X told the judge about my AAS usage, and claimed I was manufacturing and selling. (I was using them but not selling them) I was probably 275-280lbs back then. Not anywhere lean, but obviously very large and it showed. She also had friends on the force…. Led me into a whole bunch of shit with a small stent behind bars… Can’t go into too many details for obvious issues.

Another time was due to my f’n X yet again… she showed up at my house and attacked me. I restrained her and left small bruises on her arms, next thing I know I’m jammed up on a domestic violence charge… mug shots, prints, inside a cage…. again she had her police buddies involved… took a year and a f’n trial to clear my name on that shit.

Needless to say there is no love lost with her… I always hope that one day I’ll get a phone call that she died in a horrendous accident. My fingers are crossed!!!!! Literally every night when I lay down I toss out my death hopes for anyone that’s listening! Lol

I never once thought in a million years when we first separated that she’d turn out this way. NEVER EVER! Once I started seeing someone else is when she did a 180 and went scorched earth on me.

Cage

 

[Reno911]

It's Ying and Yang for most men.

When you fall asleep in front of the fire with a girl you care about all you can think of is having a 3 way with 2 hotties.

After you wake up from a 3 way with 2 hotties, all you wish for is that you had fallen asleep on the davenport in front of the fire with a girl you care about.

 

[st114]

I just read the OP but,

I’ve been married for almost ten years. I was given an ultimatum too. I still see tons of other women I want to fuck, but as a man I made a choice and chose to marry my wife and we both put effort into growing our marriage. I make a conscious choice to be a husband every day. Seems like you’re afraid you’ll miss out on opportunities or options, but at a certain point, and this is with everything in life, you have to commit or don’t. If you’re in grief without her maybe that’s a sign. Also know marriage is the beginning, not the end

 

[st114]

It's Ying and Yang for most men.

When you fall asleep in front of the fire with a girl you care about all you can think of is having a 3 way with 2 hotties.

After you wake up from a 3 way with 2 hotties, all you wish for is that you had fallen asleep on the davenport in front of the fire with a girl you care about.

This is one of the truest things I’ve read as well though haha

 

[mexicanhombre]

It's Ying and Yang for most men.

When you fall asleep in front of the fire with a girl you care about all you can think of is having a 3 way with 2 hotties.

After you wake up from a 3 way with 2 hotties, all you wish for is that you had fallen asleep on the davenport in front of the fire with a girl you care about.

Brooooooo you hit the nail on the head. Lol. You want what you can’t have. Which is why I am thinking if my mind is playing tricks.

 

[bbxtreme]

It's Ying and Yang for most men.

When you fall asleep in front of the fire with a girl you care about all you can think of is having a 3 way with 2 hotties.

After you wake up from a 3 way with 2 hotties, all you wish for is that you had fallen asleep on the davenport in front of the fire with a girl you care about.

This was an oddly specific example. There has to be an epic story in there somewhere.

 

[Fleezy]

No matter what ends up happening, the person (my gf) is not a malicious person.

yet


hell hath no fury

 

[mexicanhombre]

I just read the OP but,

I’ve been married for almost ten years. I was given an ultimatum too. I still see tons of other women I want to fuck, but as a man I made a choice and chose to marry my wife and we both put effort into growing our marriage. I make a conscious choice to be a husband every day. Seems like you’re afraid you’ll miss out on opportunities or options, but at a certain point, and this is with everything in life, you have to commit or don’t. If you’re in grief without her maybe that’s a sign. Also know marriage is the beginning, not the end

Thanks for your input. Do you guys have kids?

 

[stackdizzy]

Dude it sounds like you might have some.commitment issue. Good thing you're here because a lot of us do too. If you really care about the girl and don't want.to break up. I.suggest couples counselling. I would just tell your woman everything you've said.except leave.out I just want to bang more bitches part. Tell her your.willing to work on this(if you are) but its been going to take.time. Also tell her that you can't make promises now nor that this will end up with you two married.with kids. Offer her.this if.that's something your willing.to try. I had.a.girl that did the marry or I am leaving crap.as.well. I offered.counseling but she said no and.that was the end of that. If you truly don't want kids.ever or don't want to get married at all then i.would just move on. So what, what you told her before but if its.just getting cold feet hit up counseling

Be for warned though chicks out there have kids and they are going to ask you to go to their kids games and shit. Their children will always come before you and you'll spend a.significant amount of time with them. Its really like dating a family. I say this because dating blows. You can always hit.up hookers in Vegas if you something more. Not.something Id do personally in a relationship but whatever!