Wife wants a divorce, need advice :/.

[Virtuous]

So my wife wants a divorce out of nowhere and I don’t know what to do. We’ve had an amazing marriage. Her family and son love me but more than that she’s my best friend and we are that sickly adorable couple together. We were honestly doing great.

She invited me to come visit her work trip in New Orleans, and we were super cute and happy and having an amazing time, but she got super drunk downtown and got into a fight with a coworker.

I tried calming her down and she lashed out and said a lot of cruel things, kicked me out of the hotel (she let me back in a couple hours later but made me sleep away from her), told me (this is word for word, I’m not being vulgar for fun) that she’d find a lot of other dudes to fuck as soon as she could, and threw her rings at me while making a comment about how they were too small - it was a full 1 carat princess cut ring, It’s all I could afford without taking out a loan at the time, and said not to skimp out on that with my next wife.

No idea what happened. Something HAD to be festering, something she was mad about but didn’t tell me, but I have no clue what. I worked so hard to give her everything, I never cheated, and I just feel empty, man. My best friend and love of my life turned ice cold over the space of an hour and is very firm that she and I are done.

 

[Golden]

Is this all in the period of being super drunk?

 

[plane]

Okay, obviously I don't know for sure (how could i) but I feel like she has already cheated on you; probably alot - she likely resents the fuck out of you from knowing she has wronged you and yet you are still so 'nice'. This isn't a YOU thing, its a her thing. Unfortunately females are hypergamus by nature, its very easy to trick them for a night that you are BETTER than their man/long term partner, and the grass is usually always greener for them. This is a horrible situation but i would 100% immediately cut contact, ignore her; act cold yourself lol. I don't see any redemption by continuing to show ANY affection. I know this all sounds like game, but unfortunately life is not sunshine and rainbows like we want to believe. I'm really sorry, this is a painful situation. She is NOT your best friend, bullet dodged. You cannot confide in a woman as if she is your male friend, we aren't the same lol. Very few women will go through thick and thin with you, or most males.

 

[Heath82]

All I can say is I’m sorry dude. Nobody deserves to have someone say those kind of things. They say sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me…. But I’m the opposite, someone I care deeply about says that kind of stuff, I can never forget it. Drunk words are sober thoughts. Hope whatever happens you end up happy bro

 

[taz]

unfortunately you are looking at things through pain covered lenses so you are of course seeing the perfection and sweet lovey dovey world you are scared to lose. In reality, and with some time, you will see the cracks and breaks that you truly have existing. No relationship is perfect. None, especially not a marriage. Marriage is by its very nature, hard work and compromise. It is supposed to be a challenge. And that is ok. It builds better love and depth. If you haven't been experiencing those challenges then I would suggest that neither of you has been truly open and vulnerable to each other. No 2 strangers meet and get along 100%.
That being said, she was obviously festering an anger towards you for something that she never admitted. And when you tried to calm her down you probably seemed to be against her causing her to lash out.
Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. Either way, unless or until you both start being very honest about your lives and your frustrations together, things will never work.

 

[Shadow Project]

Have her do a pregnancy test. Me and my wife never had a fight and she basically did something similar in a drunk rage while unknowingly being pregnant, a buddy of mine's wife did, a friend of my wife did this and the list goes on.

 

[3BILLS]

Sorry to hear bro. Everything will work out for you. Time heals all.

Im sure shes felt a certain way for a while and it all came out at that moment. If thats the case better off without her

 

[OuchThatHurts]

I'm more concerned with the suddenness and ferocity that all this seemed to occur. Generally people don't just snap unless there are, as you mentioned, drugs or alcohol involved or some other form of personality disorder.

Are things any better today? Did she sleep it off? There is some good advice here in this thread already. I'll only add that sometimes the anger we are unable to manifest toward others (e.g. this coworker), she spilled right into your lap. People do have a horrible way of hurting their loved ones the most. Everybody projects and transfers to some degree but this is pretty extreme. Was this a male or female coworker? Peer, superior, or subordinate?

Many questions and I'm not so concerned about her but rather how you are dealing with this. For example, if she's imploding, don't let her drag you down too. That's not to say you should not give her all the help in your heart, after all she is your wife. But someone has to stay strong for the both of you first and foremost or this is already doomed to a tragic fate.

 

[Virtuous]

I'm more concerned with the suddenness and ferocity that all this seemed to occur. Generally people don't just snap unless there are, as you mentioned, drugs or alcohol involved or some other form of personality disorder.

Are things any better today? Did she sleep it off? There is some good advice here in this thread already. I'll only add that sometimes the anger we are unable to manifest toward others (e.g. this coworker), she spilled right into your lap. People do have a horrible way of hurting their loved ones the most. Everybody projects and transfers to some degree but this is pretty extreme. Was this a male or female coworker? Peer, superior, or subordinate?

Many questions and I'm not so concerned about her but rather how you are dealing with this. For example, if she's imploding, don't let her drag you down too. That's not to say you should not give her all the help in your heart, after all she is your wife. But someone has to stay strong for the both of you first and foremost or this is already doomed to a tragic fate.

It’s a female coworker that had constantly been at odds with her, and alcohol was very much involved - this was the last night of a week long conference and they ended up on bourbon street pounding drinks, I was attempting to be the sober babysitter and defuse the situation.

She didn’t calm down this morning much, probably pissed that I didn’t jump in and shit on her coworker with her. I was trying to defuse, I’ve seen WAY too many people get fired over shit like this at work conferences.

I appreciate everyone’s advice. It’s gonna be a very awkward flight and drive home together today, we’ll see.

 

[SuperBane]

Give her some space.
As much as you wish to talk to her and patch things out. Stop talking.
Let her live with the words she spoke to you.
Don’t argue. Don’t plead.
“Just say ok. I don’t understand but If that what makes you happy.”
Don’t show that you are weak or broken.

The reason I am saying this is because if she really did / does love you and care about you, Whatever perceived slight she feels you did to her will blow over and her words will resonate in her mind.

If this was just an excuse for a breakup I.e she doesn’t come to her senses then there are other things at play. There are other things going on.

The fact that she said she will find a lot of other dudes to fuck soon makes me think either she is playing to a insecurity she thinks you have or she has been wanting a bit of “freedom” for a while now.
Could be the result of just simply one guy flirting with her.

Again I would advise not to say much if she doesn’t come around.
Nor would I advise to lash out or be hurtful towards her yourself.
If she decides to recognize the mistake then have the conversations.
If she doesn’t - don’t say shit.
Let her leave and live with those last hurtful words. Don’t plead don’t shit talk don’t help her through the breakup.

Because when the fun is over when she learns the grass really isn’t greener, well she will have to live forever with those words she spoke to you.
You don’t want your hurt or anger to lash out as words and give her comfort. (That she was right for what she has done)
No.
You want her thinking about the truth when she is all alone by herself with her thoughts right before she goes to sleep.

Just my .02
Good luck man.

 

[dantes]

It’s a female coworker that had constantly been at odds with her, and alcohol was very much involved - this was the last night of a week long conference and they ended up on bourbon street pounding drinks, I was attempting to be the sober babysitter and defuse the situation.

She didn’t calm down this morning much, probably pissed that I didn’t jump in and shit on her coworker with her. I was trying to defuse, I’ve seen WAY too many people get fired over shit like this at work conferences.

I appreciate everyone’s advice. It’s gonna be a very awkward flight and drive home together today, we’ll see.

Honestly, this appears to all be extremely recent I would just let stuff calm down a bit. Go buy her some flowers and tell her that her co-worker is a big cunt but you didn’t want to see her lose her job (whether true or not). She seems to feel betrayed that you didn’t side with her so make her feel you do support her and you are on her side.
I do think her behavior is concerning although I am not shocked as I think just about all women can be a bit crazy when drunk.

 

[Alzadosghost]

Any woman that bitched about the ring you got her being too small…..and threatening to fuck other guys…that’s childish immature and disgustingly cruel brother. You can’t let people treat you that way. that’s all I’d need to hear to be done and over her straight away. Iv left girls in the dust for much less. Drunk or not I wouldn’t accept that as an excuse. Grown adults make their own choices without excuse and they should own them. But then again I wouldn’t be hanging out with a girl that concerned about monetary things in the first place. Eventually she would leave you and take everything you own my man. Been there done that. Go find a girl that has no issues with signing a pre nuptial stating that if it ever ends she would walk away with nothing but the things she brought into the relationship and had no interest cleaning you out in the end. That’s the kind of girl you want. If they refuse the pre nup then just assume she has plans to destroy you in the event f a breakup. Ultimately it’s your choice to stay in a shit show but I highly advise against it. If you need a woman find a kind hearted one that won’t hurt you. There’s plenty of them out there bud. That’s the kind you deserve. I wish you the best of luck. Take care of yourself and protect your heart the best you can. All we can really do is remove the things from our lives that hurt us as best we can. And live happy for you and be good to yourself.

 

[headtrainer]

So my wife wants a divorce out of nowhere and I don’t know what to do. We’ve had an amazing marriage. Her family and son love me but more than that she’s my best friend and we are that sickly adorable couple together. We were honestly doing great.

She invited me to come visit her work trip in New Orleans, and we were super cute and happy and having an amazing time, but she got super drunk downtown and got into a fight with a coworker.

I tried calming her down and she lashed out and said a lot of cruel things, kicked me out of the hotel (she let me back in a couple hours later but made me sleep away from her), told me (this is word for word, I’m not being vulgar for fun) that she’d find a lot of other dudes to fuck as soon as she could, and threw her rings at me while making a comment about how they were too small - it was a full 1 carat princess cut ring, It’s all I could afford without taking out a loan at the time, and said not to skimp out on that with my next wife.

No idea what happened. Something HAD to be festering, something she was mad about but didn’t tell me, but I have no clue what. I worked so hard to give her everything, I never cheated, and I just feel empty, man. My best friend and love of my life turned ice cold over the space of an hour and is very firm that she and I are done.

A few things come to kind.
1) She’s been cheating on you with another man.
2) Your being too nice to her and perhaps even chasing after her which causes women to lose disrespect for you.
3) She has a drug and/or drinking problem.
4) She going through the change and her hormone levels are tanked.
5) you’re not really listening to what she’s telling you.

 

[lntense]

I’ll save you a lot of stress, worry, overthinking and trying to make sense of it.


Just GET OUT now. She has 0 respect for you and she’s not worth your time. Respect yourself and move on.


Sorry that happened man but time to move forward.

 

[plane]

Honestly, this appears to all be extremely recent I would just let stuff calm down a bit. Go buy her some flowers and tell her that her co-worker is a big cunt but you didn’t want to see her lose her job (whether true or not). She seems to feel betrayed that you didn’t side with her so make her feel you do support her and you are on her side.
I do think her behavior is concerning although I am not shocked as I think just about all women can be a bit crazy when drunk.

Buy her flowers? Yes, totally reward bad behaviour. . I bet you’re easy to fuck over

 

[plane]

I’ll save you a lot of stress, worry, overthinking and trying to make sense of it.


Just GET OUT now. She has 0 respect for you and she’s not worth your time. Respect yourself and move on.


Sorry that happened man but time to move forward.

This is pretty much it. No respect = no love, no amount of sweet nothings whispered into your ear and pillow talk will mean anything. It’s all just words without respect. (Lies)

 

[pistonpump]

Just ask her what's really going on. Listen and try to understand. If she's not open about it then she's not in it anymore. Nothing u can do once a woman decides to move on esp if there's another guy involved.
Do u suspect she could have cheated on you?
It could just be a drunken night that forced all those words out.
I think you should behave the way u feel is right so you stay true to who u are. If that's kissing ass w gifts and gaining her "love" back then do that if u feel u need to he strong n silent do that.
How long have u been together?
I wish u luck man I hope you can get to the bottom of the problems you guys might have.

 

[hevi-head]

Sorry to hear this, sounds rough man.
You travel a lot for work don’t you, does that have anything to be do with it?

 

[Skins]

A few questions:

First, what are both your ages?

Second, how long have you both been married?

Third, are there children between you two?

 

[Skins]

Besides the questions above, which are necessary to gauge her reaction and yours, this happened so recently that there's no additional points of behavior to give better judgement. Let us know how the trip back and home life is in a week or so

(...ran out of time for edit)