LOSING MY SISTER

[wedge]

BEEN TIGHT SINCE WE WERE KIDS, A TOUGH DIVORCE AND 3 YEARS LATER SHE HAS STARVED HERSELF TO 95 LBS @ 5'2. SHE LOOKED FINE AT 130 BUT HER EX SAID SHE WAS FAT. ( NO SELF ESTEEM ) WILL NOT LISTEN TO ANYONE WHO LOVES HER. SHE IS PALE AND HER EYES HAVE NO COLOR. SHE IS SO SWEET AND I CAN'T STAND TO SEE HER THIS WAY. EVERYONE IS CALLING ME SAYING IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME. SHE IS A RN TO BOOT! 12 YRS IN THE E.R. I KNOW THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP BUT SHE IS PUSHING ALL OF US AWAY. SHE SAYS SHE IS FINE AND DOES NOT NEED HELP, I KNOW IF YALL SAW HER YOU WOULD TELL TO GET HELP ASAP...
SHE LOOKS WORSE THAN THE HOMELESS PEOPLE I SEE. I NEED SOME REAL ADVICE MY FRIENDS.

P.S. I LOVE MY BIG SISTER

wedge

 

[Sigmund Roid]

Wedge, that is awful. I feel for you.

I just had a death in my own family. The pain is incredible for all involved. Would it be okay if I told you what I know about anorexia? (other than the obvious fact that your sister isn't eating). We have five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. What an anorexic does is gives up survival for power. I know that sounds like a shitty thing to say, but, bear with me, Wedge and see if what I am saying has the ring of truth. Here is what happens: We all have picture ourselves in our 'ideal' or 'quality world'. Anorexics put a picture of themselves in their quality worlds as being thinner than WHATEVER image they see in the mirror. If these women hold rigidly to this unsatisfiable , changing image, they will starve themselves to death. This is true, regardless of how much they are cared for, they are not satisfied. What they will tell you is, I want to be thin. The truthis they want to control those around them. Since we all see the world not as it is, but as we WANT to see it, the anorexic might INTERPRET care as CONTROL. Some where along the way they discover that starving themselves gives them an unexpected feeling of POWER over the people they believe are not treating them the way they want to be treated. When a powerless young woman or girl suddenly has control over her entire family, it feels so good that she can't start eating. She becomes addicted to endorphins and fails to feel the pain of hunger. If she ate, she would lose all this power and the pleasure that goes with it. Anorexia is a graphic example of the strength of the 'quality world'. The wrong pictures can ruin lives. Wedge, it's a powerful thing. How hard would it be for someone to try to tell you the things you visualize as being perfect are all screwed up? Real hard, I'd bet. The thing is, no loved one, parent or sibling can or should support that crazy picture your sister has in her head.
My advice: Tell her the truth: I love you, I care what happens to you, but I can't support all you want to do. The treatment of anorexia is a tough one even if you know what is going on. Just love her and explain what is going on in a supportive way, Wedge. Just chose actions that bring you closer together.

Sigmund Roid

 

[wedge]

Thank You

No one will treat her or admit her until she agrees that she is sick and has a problem. Mean time she is slowly dying & I don't see her holding on to much longer. I understand fully what you have stated and I totally agree. What can I do personally ? This is a crazy situation and I see and read stories like this all the time and not to many make it back to the norm.

She is overdosing on antidepression meds and maybe hitting the bottle as well. Not quite sure what all the demons are. This is the last place I ever thought I would ask for advice but I am glad you started this forum. I will keep you posted on her condition.

wedge

 

[Steak Helmet]

I know IABADMAN lost his sister about 8 months ago.

they too were tight...I would try chatting with him.

 

[MR.BICEPS]

BEEN TIGHT SINCE WE WERE KIDS, A TOUGH DIVORCE AND 3 YEARS LATER SHE HAS STARVED HERSELF TO 95 LBS @ 5'2. SHE LOOKED FINE AT 130 BUT HER EX SAID SHE WAS FAT. ( NO SELF ESTEEM ) WILL NOT LISTEN TO ANYONE WHO LOVES HER. SHE IS PALE AND HER EYES HAVE NO COLOR. SHE IS SO SWEET AND I CAN'T STAND TO SEE HER THIS WAY. EVERYONE IS CALLING ME SAYING IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME. SHE IS A RN TO BOOT! 12 YRS IN THE E.R. I KNOW THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP BUT SHE IS PUSHING ALL OF US AWAY. SHE SAYS SHE IS FINE AND DOES NOT NEED HELP, I KNOW IF YALL SAW HER YOU WOULD TELL TO GET HELP ASAP...
SHE LOOKS WORSE THAN THE HOMELESS PEOPLE I SEE. I NEED SOME REAL ADVICE MY FRIENDS.

P.S. I LOVE MY BIG SISTER

wedge

Have her admitted. Its the only way to get her straightened out...

 

[wedge]

Thanks Steak & Biceps

I appreciate the posts. wedge

 

[JETHRO TULL]

MY SISTER TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE A COUPLE TIMES.

IT REALLY CAUSED OUR FAMILY A BUNCH OF HEART ACHE. I CAN IMAGINE WHAT YOU ARE FEELING, WEDGE.

 

[wedge]

Hard on Everyone that cares

Jethro,

It has brought a great deal of heartache for the family. My parents are in their 70's and I know it really breaks them to see her this way. They have their own health issues so I try to absorb and inhale this horrible situation. I stay on the road so I can't always be there to help with her. I really am frustrated but I will not give up.

thanks again, wedge

 

[Sigmund Roid]

Wedge,

I am just checking in to see if anything in your situation has changed. Please give us an update.

 

[zephyr22]

I have worked in a Psychiatric unit before....

You need to bring her in to the ER. She needs to be certed. This means that she is a danger to herself or somone else. A doc in the ER has the right to do this. It appears that she is a threat to her own well being. I cant believe someone in the ER she works in has not said anything. Im very sorry to hear of these type of problems. It sounds like there is some psychological underlying issues of maybe spousal abuse?? Im not sure obviously, but have seen many cases like this. What ever you do, do not give up on her. If she gets treatment she will be much better off. Ill pray for you and your family.

 

[bigbaldbulldog]

Have her admitted. Its the only way to get her straightened out...

I agree.. do anything you can to safe your sister and our family from this terrible situation..best of luck and Gods speed to you stay strong

 

[Johnny Bravo]

Sad dude I feel your pain

my ex, lost about 40 lbs in 3 months. Always saying she was fat. Always awake, never eating. thought it was anorexia too, but guess what?! It was straight up crack cocaine! I basically gave her a choice. Death or rehab. Well she did the rehab, and now is 6 months clean..Woman will go to great extremes to lose weight or whatever the hell it is there trying to do. Good luck to you

JB

 

[Sigmund Roid]

Wedge?

Can you give us an update? Let me know what's been going on.

 

[luckyone]

Bump

our prayers are with you bro

 

[wedge]

Getting Better

Sigmund,

Today is 01/16/05 and she has out of rehab for 2 weeks. She seems like her old self somewhat but is still worried about gaining weight. I guess I will have to understand this is natural for most women. I feel she is on the right path for now but we have a long road ahead still. Thanks to all on this thread!

wedge

 

[Got Juice]

wedge,

thats great to hear brotha. you are a great man for sticking by her side and doing whatever is necessary to get her the help she needed. thats what family is all about bro.

later,

GJ

 

[Sigmund Roid]

Wedge, that is great news!

I am really glad she is doing better! Did she get rid of that dude who was contributing negatively to the situation?