Relationship Advice Needed PLZ

[Muay Thai]

long story short, a girl I have been flirting with for over a decade online who lives about 30 min from me , both of us had crushes on eachother forever. We even talked on phone a few years ago and had magical convos but never hung out. ffwd to this year about this time i rediscovered her (she blocked me 4 years ago when we were talking and she realized she should have gone on date with me and lost me when she saw i was already in a relationship and happy with someeone else) then it dawned on her, she told me this when we were dating. She was my #1 fan and basically idolized me. when we started dating we started posting eachother all over social media and broadcasting it, even tagging eachother in our bios , something ive never done before.

we had a magical relatoinship for 1 year,, but alot of it was gym and then dinner after. we did however have some excellent novel experiences together and were/are madly in love. Deep poetry and art, philosophy she was the perfect match my dream girl literally.

The girl i was dating before her, that i used to post pics of on her, is in the same real estate industry and has been lowkey trying to sabotoge our relationship. in one way she started working with her developer friend and was telling him about mine and her (barbie) relationship and other wierd stalker shit. Both of us during this year have served as coaches to each other and got both of our businesses rolling, she wasn't doing shit and i wasn't doing shit and we both inspired each other immediately upon dating to excel. and we did. and she helped me a lot and vis versa

i have PTSD bad and taking stims before our gym workouts did not help me be peaceful, it made me rigid and stiff. both of us have codependency diagnosed and were obsessed with each other. i basically healed her inside out and got her into excellent shape and instilled some invaluable biohacks for her and her daughter. i loved her daugther and mom like my own, she was also very involved with my family so that makes this more difficult. my son included

toward the end my ex posted as my google account a bad review on her google page for real estate. immediately i tried to rectify it by explaining that all my stufff from when i was in hospital from kidney dialysis is at her house still and my pc tower etc is there she has access and never would i do somethign so juvenile! thats a deal breaker, so i called her office and tried to explain to her boss as she got called in for it - and her boss was very rude and we got into a verbal disagreement that was heated, so my altruistic attempt to rectify the situation by showing her this person responsible for the fake bad review is notorious in your industry and works for very prestigious company, and its very easy to find out about her and i even provided her employer which is a HUGE RE company

boom. we broke up, so over last 3 weeks we have been "broken up" but still were carryign on romantically almost sa if nothing happened, but without the title and same closeness. I felt betrayed after iasked her what our status was last week/ Her response was **** we broke up 3 weeks ago, i told you. so i stepped out of character and said some mean shit you cant come back from, and eventually she returned fire and said some mean hurtful shit.

my question is, i havent heard from her in 3 days. I have sent a cordial short but sweet email 1x per day SINCE then to no avail. I do have email tracker built in so i can see she keeps reading it, and im assuming she is ruminating like i am, espec after how madly in love i mean i have never felt such love, and i was ungrateful toward end. I aired out all of this already in emails all my regrets and such, my future promises and that i hope we can reconnect in future even as friends and that we should fight for the magic we had and the 10+ year crush, we were joined at hip, both openly obsessed with eachother . i am used to talking to her 24/7 as she also works from home. I am heartbroken. DO i continue to send a cordial email or do I issue no contact and totally leave ball in her court? regardless i am moving forward and excelling and making moves, healing and reflecting, and i dont want to lose her for ever i would be devestated. She is my dream girl and vis versa, and our familys were involved.

I have already experienced mega grief and forgave myself and forgave her. I have started chatting with another girl from gym ive known in person though and actually hung out with back in day, and now she is romantically interested in me and wants to hang out. I feel sick to my stomach talking to her and fillign a void but it also feels GOOD to be wanted. She is stunning and cool af, but the magic is not there like it was with my last x "M" . M and i also were looking at places to move until about 3 weeks ago and i feel i screwed up by not pulling trigger and that being a catalyst. Can we come back from the ugly things said? I have a therapist and psychiatrist, she is very smart and has high emotional intelligence but she is also living with her ex (not kids father) but they were not romantically involved for a long time. he is a DND nerd lol old guy. I was her knight in shining armor she said, and i feel like i failed. She was my world and its been tough this entire month to eat and sleep. to add on to it , my sons moms roomates friends ended up jumping me. She has been holdingall of my belonging hostage al week and today finally isgoing to meet a family member to drop off. unbelieveably tough year. even my best friends in the beginning of the disagreements offered counsel to her which she was receptive to, her and my mom were also close and my mom was alsos in same industry previously

@OuchThatHurts @Virtuous @A50# @Bio all of my brothers and sisters your advice is welcome.

 

[Fleezy]

TL:dr lol

 

[Muay Thai]

TL:dr lol

I figured that much but am willing to take my chances at least one of the vet bros I tagged will come through hopefully espec OTH since has vast background in psychology. with that said here I am

 

[danieltx]

Alright man, I've never seen anybody post this in reply to your threads so I'll do it.

You need a complete lifestyle change. Every few months you come on here and post a long story about a fight, getting jumped, troubles with a girl, legal problems, etc. You're not 21. It's not cool to constantly have drama in your life, particularly when you have kids to look after.

I say you cut the women, bodybuilding, gang behavior, past associates, all that stuff out of your life for an extended period. Focus on your business and taking care of your kids, nothing else. Get all the bullshit out of your life. The constant turmoil is a constant negative and you need to start racking up positives.

 

[goback2013]

Alright man, I've never seen anybody post this in reply to your threads so I'll do it.

You need a complete lifestyle change. Every few months you come on here and post a long story about a fight, getting jumped, troubles with a girl, legal problems, etc. You're not 21. It's not cool to constantly have drama in your life, particularly when you have kids to look after.

I say you cut the women, bodybuilding, gang behavior, past associates, all that stuff out of your life for an extended period. Focus on your business and taking care of your kids, nothing else. Get all the bullshit out of your life. The constant turmoil is a constant negative and you need to start racking up positives.

facts.. i was going to post the same, but got caught up on a work call.
well basically i was going to say cut the females and bad associations.. focus on yourself and your kids.
i say that with respect and love.

 

[pesty4077]

Alright man, I've never seen anybody post this in reply to your threads so I'll do it.

You need a complete lifestyle change. Every few months you come on here and post a long story about a fight, getting jumped, troubles with a girl, legal problems, etc. You're not 21. It's not cool to constantly have drama in your life, particularly when you have kids to look after.

I say you cut the women, bodybuilding, gang behavior, past associates, all that stuff out of your life for an extended period. Focus on your business and taking care of your kids, nothing else. Get all the bullshit out of your life. The constant turmoil is a constant negative and you need to start racking up positives.

This, I couldn't have said it better.

Your life is what you make of it. It seems you thrive on turmoil.

 

[goback2013]

This, I couldn't have said it better.

Your life is what you make of it. It seems you thrive on turmoil.

I'm just as guilty as MT. I had to realize all the drama and stress wasn't worth it.
I've found a few things that I focus on and focus on that.
Now there is peace surrounding me and many close to me have noticed I'm much more relaxed. This is why I continue to box and run and why those things are sooo important to me. They both keep me calm and quiet those thoughts that have me going crazy.
I'd also say refusing to eat junk food seems to also calm things even more. It's a whole process and requires daily work.
But id rather do this work as opposed to using meds. Nothing wrong with meds, but I have to find th will and strengthen that will.

 

[Virtuous]

Oh man. A lot to unpack here. I’ll do my best to do this concisely, but totally happy to chat privately too:

- first, if you want her, don’t talk to other girls. That shit gets around. She’ll find out, and it’ll kill your chances.

- I’d give her space. Daily emails lets her know she can take as much time as she wants/do whatever she wants, and you’ll be there waiting. Cut that out. Let her mull this over and don’t present yourself as desperate. She needs time to think, and needs to understand she needs to take action if she wants you back.

- living with her ex is a major red flag. I don’t care how innocuous they are, if they’ve been physical in the past, they’re physical now. A woman has needs too, and getting some from your ex while you’re sleeping in the same place is a guaranteed thing that’s happening. If that’s a deal breaker for you, you can walk away now.

My gut here is to focus on being the best version of yourself. Don’t chase her, chase personal improvement. Make yourself so damn valuable and attractive that you can attract the quality of woman that doesn’t cause this level of drama. I’m not blaming her here - but if she sees you doing the same shit you were doing 5 years ago, what enticement is there to chase you? She needs to see the 2.0 version of you, and if she doesn’t, other high quality women will.

All in all, no clear cut answer, man.

But you’re a fucking great dude, kind, ambitious, and I think your biggest flaw is always caring too much about other people (and what they think, to an extent).

Stop setting yourself on fire for other people who wouldn’t do the same for you. You’re ending up a burn victim. Take all that energy you pour into other people and pour it into yourself, so you can give a better version of yourself to them.

 

[slesh]

I have nothing to add to the above - listen to yo boys

 

[fisther69]

2 things…

1) it’s over..move on and learn your lessons

2) a man should never say “I forgave myself” that’s something women say when they do not want to accept responsibility..I’ve been here for a while brother and I think your a good dude..don’t go down that path

 

[cage99]

@Muay Thai, you really really need to be alone for a long while! You come off as the type of guy who meets a chick and is immediately boyfriend/girlfriend. Basically instantly in love and your world revolves around the other person.

In reality you need to be comfortable and at peace just being by yourself. A relationship will never last if you can’t be content with yourself. It’s also a turn off to women. No grown woman worth a shit wants to fix a grown ass man.

Once you’ve established a STABLE living, STABLE home life, you can start to live a normal life. You have a young boy growing up thinking this life is normal. This constant toxic drama, with dad being booted out of his life, seeing his father physically assaulted, constant fighting, is terrible so break the cycle!!!!!!!!

Also, you come across as someone who reaches out for advice but never actually follows through with said advice. Eventually people get tired of hearing the same story over and over and stop caring.

I wish you the best, and hope you do get your life back on track.

Cage

 

[165StateChamp]

1. Stop reaching out to women who say they don’t want you to contact them. Let them contact you first. Based on your posting style, there is no way your emails are actually short. Besides that, that comes across really desperate and obsessive.

2. Stop seeing girls that live with other men as ‘roommates’.

3. Everything @danieltx said.

 

[pimpman]

long story short, a girl I have been flirting with for over a decade online who lives about 30 min from me , both of us had crushes on eachother forever. We even talked on phone a few years ago and had magical convos but never hung out. ffwd to this year about this time i rediscovered her (she blocked me 4 years ago when we were talking and she realized she should have gone on date with me and lost me when she saw i was already in a relationship and happy with someeone else) then it dawned on her, she told me this when we were dating. She was my #1 fan and basically idolized me. when we started dating we started posting eachother all over social media and broadcasting it, even tagging eachother in our bios , something ive never done before.

we had a magical relatoinship for 1 year,, but alot of it was gym and then dinner after. we did however have some excellent novel experiences together and were/are madly in love. Deep poetry and art, philosophy she was the perfect match my dream girl literally.

The girl i was dating before her, that i used to post pics of on her, is in the same real estate industry and has been lowkey trying to sabotoge our relationship. in one way she started working with her developer friend and was telling him about mine and her (barbie) relationship and other wierd stalker shit. Both of us during this year have served as coaches to each other and got both of our businesses rolling, she wasn't doing shit and i wasn't doing shit and we both inspired each other immediately upon dating to excel. and we did. and she helped me a lot and vis versa

i have PTSD bad and taking stims before our gym workouts did not help me be peaceful, it made me rigid and stiff. both of us have codependency diagnosed and were obsessed with each other. i basically healed her inside out and got her into excellent shape and instilled some invaluable biohacks for her and her daughter. i loved her daugther and mom like my own, she was also very involved with my family so that makes this more difficult. my son included

toward the end my ex posted as my google account a bad review on her google page for real estate. immediately i tried to rectify it by explaining that all my stufff from when i was in hospital from kidney dialysis is at her house still and my pc tower etc is there she has access and never would i do somethign so juvenile! thats a deal breaker, so i called her office and tried to explain to her boss as she got called in for it - and her boss was very rude and we got into a verbal disagreement that was heated, so my altruistic attempt to rectify the situation by showing her this person responsible for the fake bad review is notorious in your industry and works for very prestigious company, and its very easy to find out about her and i even provided her employer which is a HUGE RE company

boom. we broke up, so over last 3 weeks we have been "broken up" but still were carryign on romantically almost sa if nothing happened, but without the title and same closeness. I felt betrayed after iasked her what our status was last week/ Her response was **** we broke up 3 weeks ago, i told you. so i stepped out of character and said some mean shit you cant come back from, and eventually she returned fire and said some mean hurtful shit.

my question is, i havent heard from her in 3 days. I have sent a cordial short but sweet email 1x per day SINCE then to no avail. I do have email tracker built in so i can see she keeps reading it, and im assuming she is ruminating like i am, espec after how madly in love i mean i have never felt such love, and i was ungrateful toward end. I aired out all of this already in emails all my regrets and such, my future promises and that i hope we can reconnect in future even as friends and that we should fight for the magic we had and the 10+ year crush, we were joined at hip, both openly obsessed with eachother . i am used to talking to her 24/7 as she also works from home. I am heartbroken. DO i continue to send a cordial email or do I issue no contact and totally leave ball in her court? regardless i am moving forward and excelling and making moves, healing and reflecting, and i dont want to lose her for ever i would be devestated. She is my dream girl and vis versa, and our familys were involved.

I have already experienced mega grief and forgave myself and forgave her. I have started chatting with another girl from gym ive known in person though and actually hung out with back in day, and now she is romantically interested in me and wants to hang out. I feel sick to my stomach talking to her and fillign a void but it also feels GOOD to be wanted. She is stunning and cool af, but the magic is not there like it was with my last x "M" . M and i also were looking at places to move until about 3 weeks ago and i feel i screwed up by not pulling trigger and that being a catalyst. Can we come back from the ugly things said? I have a therapist and psychiatrist, she is very smart and has high emotional intelligence but she is also living with her ex (not kids father) but they were not romantically involved for a long time. he is a DND nerd lol old guy. I was her knight in shining armor she said, and i feel like i failed. She was my world and its been tough this entire month to eat and sleep. to add on to it , my sons moms roomates friends ended up jumping me. She has been holdingall of my belonging hostage al week and today finally isgoing to meet a family member to drop off. unbelieveably tough year. even my best friends in the beginning of the disagreements offered counsel to her which she was receptive to, her and my mom were also close and my mom was alsos in same industry previously

@OuchThatHurts @Virtuous @A50# @Bio all of my brothers and sisters your advice is welcome.

My brother you know me and you go for qui6a while.im put it in my way of seeing g things and not asking you to do the same. I know it's extremely hard to let go.BUT your are an alpha.if she really loved you like you say. She woul give a rats ass what her jobs thinks about you. Her job could let her go tomorrow and not only did she loose her job but a life good as hell partner.

My advice as hard as it is.let it go stop sending her anything or contacting her in any way.if she really loves you and feels that Connection she will come back to you. If you continue to do what you doing she feels she's in control and you don't want a female to feel that.

It's tough at the beginning but if you meet someone else at first you will think and wish it was the other girl. But time will make you forget and fall in love for someone else. Perhaps even more
Carnal I don't know if your a believer but God closes doors to open better one trust me on that. No matter how difficult it may seem to understand at first it true.

I am a strong believer if I'm into a girl that much and love her that much. I dont care what my jobs thinks about me or the person I love.if they want to ket me go so be it.but .y love for that person won't change. My hob doesn't feel what I feel for her so I be damn if I'm let my job predict my future with someone I love. Look at it in a positive way everything happens for a reason and as good as it may seem that the feeling are like no other. It's not meant to be part of your future.


You know you can pm me anytime you want and rant brother I'm here to listen and give you an outside look.any job can pay me for the good work I perform but I be damn if I'm let a job dictate a person I should be with I don't care how much money they pay me

 

[Ziath11]

Buy a book on codependency… Also I think your therapist/psychiatrist would be a better person to talk about these issues with than a steroid forum.

 

[LATS]

I'll chime in.. im 55 years old.. I, like many others, have seen this kinda drama throughout our lives with friends and family.. your in no position in your life to be in a relationship.. if your constantly attracting drama my friend you will also date those with drama..

no one needs to be in a relationship.. they happen and last when you find that person that " evens you out".. that smooths your rough edges.. if they also have the same rough edges your both gonna get cut..

Stop the relationships.. work on you.. get your life.. job.. everything g on track.. the more complete a human being you are the more complete a human you will attract.. and you'll also be more self aware of the faults of that person if your more in tuned .. then you won't want that drama.. you'll want harmony..

But like I stated if your life is drama you attract drama.. who the hell wants that ??

 

[kastro]

Brother the hardest part is letting go.Been there 9 year relationship that was toxic at.My ex had a gambling addiction and would blow all our money on machines.I was enabling her because I was holding on because of two children.I finally said I'm out I will take care of my boys and even told her I would take custody if she didn't get her shit straight.

I can't tell you how much better my life is being alone with my dog and my kids.I just remember every pay day the stress because I knew she would beg to go play just 100 which turned out to thousands.I was miserable but always hanging on because love would conquer all.Make the move as everyone has said everything passes.

 

[Alzadosghost]

Alright man, I've never seen anybody post this in reply to your threads so I'll do it.

You need a complete lifestyle change. Every few months you come on here and post a long story about a fight, getting jumped, troubles with a girl, legal problems, etc. You're not 21. It's not cool to constantly have drama in your life, particularly when you have kids to look after.

I say you cut the women, bodybuilding, gang behavior, past associates, all that stuff out of your life for an extended period. Focus on your business and taking care of your kids, nothing else. Get all the bullshit out of your life. The constant turmoil is a constant negative and you need to start racking up positives.

Exactly. You always seem to have a lot of never ending drama in your life. Ill
Put it to you straight. It’s time to grow up. You’re old enough you should have figured out along time ago you need to remove all the juvenile crap from your life if you ever want to amount to anything. Figure yourself out and get yourself straight before bringing any girls into your life. They seem to be a big part of your problem. Not trying to be a total dick but bro you have drama like a high school girl.

 

[Samson250]

Buy a book on codependency… Also I think your therapist/psychiatrist would be a better person to talk about these issues with than a steroid forum.

He is our brother. If he reaches out to us we gather around him.

 

[slesh]

Buy a book on codependency… Also I think your therapist/psychiatrist would be a better person to talk about these issues with than a steroid forum.

He is our brother. If he reaches out to us we gather around him.

Lol yeah who the fuck are you with your 10 posts? Some of us have been here 10-20 years “coaching” each other up. Not saying a shrink wouldn’t be a solid addition - but I think collectively we all have had enough of the same type experiences where we can give advice.

 

[hulkboy]

Lol yeah who the fuck are you with your 10 posts? Some of us have been here 10-20 years “coaching” each other up. Not saying a shrink wouldn’t be a solid addition - but I think collectively we all have had enough of the same type experiences where we can give advice.

Advice is one thing, addressing underlying issues is another. I’m not, nor do I think most of us here are able to dig in deep this sort of thing.