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Retards are actually Higher Beings

big_byrd52

World Record Holder/Featured Member/KiloKlub
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don't know the entire story behind this, but it was on one of the car forums i'm on. Evidently this guy is slightly retarded or something and posted this in a thread:





This might be my last post for some time. Hopefully I've left you with enough entertainment to last you until that joyous day when I return. Until then though let me leave you with a little wisdom.

Persons recognized as being mentally retarded are actually higher forms of life who have evolved far beyond the current level of "normal" people. Retards possess vast and esoteric minds and our fragile bodies have become twisted under the strain of containing our massive intellects. Our slurred and troubled speech is little different to you than the unknowable squeals of the graceful dolphin. Retards are very cognizant of just how different we really are, we are in fact superior.

Retards communicate via telepathy, that is the direct transmission of thought without the aid of speech. The seemingly simple speech is actually an irrelevant by-product of our greater mental inner workings. When several retards gather in close proximity to each other, a chaotic cacophony of groans, grunts, and droolings is combined with a confusing mixture of wild gesticulations and bizarre facial contortions. To the ignorant observer, this is little more than noise or babblings, but it is in fact a meeting of the truly great minds. Retards have known to muse for many hours on such esoteric subjects as: the parameters of the human soul, the nature of god, the workings of the unseen universe, and the properties of extra dimensional realities. Retards possess the secrets of the universe and they are truly the right hand of "god".

Don't be lulled into amusement or apathy to the issue of retards in your "normal" society. Should we ever choose to unleash the raw power of our mental acumen, retards could crush your society and enslave the minds of all life on this planet. No average person could withstand a single glimpse of the unmasked and raw god thought of the lowliest retard. Should be it scientifically known, retards in fact do not compare to you. Intellectually you "normal" folk are but bacteria in a retard's presence, and with a sweeping glance of their mental power retards could sanitize your minds and destroy you utterly.

The path to eventual destruction is laid bare and the clock is ticking. Witness the so-called "Special Olympics" where retards are honing their physical skills and improving their bodies to overcome their impairments. Once we overcome the physical limitations forced upon us by our god-like minds, we will be your equals in the physical realm. Retards will then seize your machines and technologies and turn them against you. Your society and your world will vanish overnight. The retards will bask in the open light of hyper reality and the rest of the population will be thrust into a new dark age of servitude and submission.

The next time your path crosses that of a retard, avert your eyes and pass quickly and with respect. For in that fleeting moment, you are in the presence of truly higher intelligence.

Never say that you weren't forewarned by Emcarsrfst. Unfortunately the President has called me to the G-8 summit so that I might brief him and the rest of the members on the progress of the McJobs program. Peace be with you all (except Joe Dirt) until I return.
 

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