Stay or go dad is real sick

[tonka2]

As some of you know my dad it real sick with cancer.He has a new tumor .5" from his spine,so they dont want to operate and treatment has done nothing for him.I dont know how much time he has.they gave him two years it has been five.I just found out about 18months ago.Some of you also know i left home at fifteen because of abuse.I am now 30,well this is the problem I live in FL i am a bartender,i also have my real estate lic.My best friend lives in vegas he wants me to move out there.He also is a bartender and will make well over six figures this year.I wont make that here!My parents dont have much my mom makes 10$ an hour my dad is on disab.Insurance is almost used up.I know they say you cant throw money at a problem that it wont go away,but it can sure help.He is going to die if i stay or if i go.But if i leave at least i can help them threw it all.But i will lose time that i cant get back.i am not sure what is going to hurt more staying and doing nothing to help them or losing time. i know you guys cant give me an answer.But i will take some advice.thanks

 

[buffbabeca]

Tonka you KNOW i am going to chime in on this as I have in the past. My situation with my mom was MUCH different. I was very close to her so when I heard of her diagnosis it wasnt a question I would move to NC to be with her. I know its hard to think that you will lose him either way. If you move will you be sending money home to help them to pay for meds and things? If you stay there yes you will have that valuable time that you cant get back with him , and I understand that more then you can ever know. Its a very tough choice and honestly only YOU can decide what you can handle. If you need a friend please PM me. I have been down this road too many times. God Bless you sweetie

 

[oldfella]

Well tonka it is a tough situation. As you said either way your father does not have long to live. I know you left home because of abuse, but will you carry that with you for the rest of your life or will you possibly give your father the chance to say sorry and goodbye? Even if he does not say sorry, if you can help he is still your father, your flesh and blood. You are correct money can't fix things. money can help ease the burden on your mother and perhaps see that your father passes comfortably. You can not carry thr hate and anger all of the rest of your life. It's funny when we are close to death how we regret some of the things we have done in our past, we look for forgiveness even though all of those years we were not willing to give it. But death is......well....final, no more chances so I guess we try to make up for a lifetime of mistakes in the final minutes of our lives. We are usually compassionate beings, we humans. It is in our emotions, deep down you must still harbour love for your dad because this post tells me you do. I say do what your heart tells you to do, not your past. No more chances, no time left. Go with your heart not your hate!!

 

[tonka2]

Thanks buff and fella,How did i know you two would reply.Some of you guys are freinds and mentors to people you dont even know thanks!Oldfella i dont know if i should listen to my heart that would be emotion not logic,but i do thank you both for the support.I guess the answer is in me i just have to face it or find it,not sure which one fits.

 

[Sigmund Roid]

Tonka,

There is no wrong answer. Either way you are doing something positive. That is a tough situation. Talk it out with your parents. Let them know what you're thinking. I am sure they will be proud that you are thinking of them and are agonizing over which decision will be the in their best interest.

 

[oldfella]

Thanks buff and fella,How did i know you two would reply.Some of you guys are freinds and mentors to people you dont even know thanks!Oldfella i dont know if i should listen to my heart that would be emotion not logic,but i do thank you both for the support.I guess the answer is in me i just have to face it or find it,not sure which one fits.

There comes a time when logic is not always the way. We often do illogical things throughout our time here. There are many times where i wished I had not done the logical thing and listened to my heart! But we can't change history. Gone is gone for all time. Logic or love! I'm not trying to tell you what to do at all. Just giving you an outsiders perspective on things. I agree with you that 99% of the time logic is the right way. But there is still that 1% hanging out there. You don't want to live with regret. This is a really bad feeling. Change the things in your life that you have the power to change, roll with the things in your life that are out of your control. I never got the chance to tell my father how much he meant to me or how much I loved him before he died. This was, unfortunately out of my control and you know I don't have any regrets but I do wish so badly that I could have said goodbye besides throwing a handful of earth on his coffin! Tough choice bro but you will do the right thing when the time comes!

 

[LEX]

if you come to Vegas and need help with finding a bartending job pm me.

 

[buffbabeca]

Hey tonk... glad i could shed some light... like Old said.. sometimes logic vs love is hard... but if u need a friend.. let me know... and i would talk it over with your family... it might shed some light

 

[Amazon Doll]

I grew up in a bad home. When my dad is going to die, he will do it without my love and support...he lost a chance for that by his behavior when I was young.

If I was a parent, I might wish my child was close in my time of need, but I would not want them to sacrafice thier future for me. Just come and visit when possible or call once a week.

 

[tonka2]

Lex thanks! just wanted to to see if you new my bros in vegas james(aka franchise) or chris rye (aka animal)they work at the rehabe and reo.WE are all from fl and thanks to all for your support

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

Tonka2, I would vote you go and be with your dad and mom. No matter what they are stil family. And if you don't go you will probably hate yourself for the rest of your life. You'll always be second guessing yourself. I have never been that close to my mom and dad either. But my father has now been in the hospital for 3 weeks, and in rehab now for alomst 4 weeks. (long story) it really wasn't until he landed in the hospital at 76yrs old that I finally realised no matter what I was gonna be there for him. If and when he passes I want to know I can rest easy knowing I did everything I could for him. Even if it was later in my years. I am still there for him.

Let the past be the past bro. You'll find so much more happiness in your soul when you can move on and start off new in your spirit! God Bless you and your family brother!

 

[tonka2]

I feel like this is what came first the chicken or the egg? maybe i should flip a coin to see what to do.I am so fing angry i even have to make this choice.I feel like i am still being beat up on.I know i should not live in the past.But the past is all i have or all i have had.Gotta go to work see you all later

 

[buffbabeca]

tonka... im so sorry u are going through this.... im praying for ya sweetie

 

[littlemack]

Not even going to attempt to give you advice with this one Tonk, but did want to say how sorry I am to hear you and your family are all going through this. Personally, I would go with a lot of prayer and turn to God for the answer if you are a christian.

Best of luck.

 

[JustWannaBeHuge]

dude, my dad passed away on Jan 2, 2005 from conditions with lung cancer. He was in a coma for 3 weeks, woke up, my mom called me at work and told me, I was going to go see him the next day as the Dr said he was headed for a full recovery. at 7 am, he bled internally and lost 70% of his blood, they then found fungi growing inside him and it was moving towards his brain, he passed away exactly 3 days later.

At the hospital, I said my peace to him, even though he wasn't conscience I would like to think he heard me. As soon as I left the room (my fiance stayed in there with 2 cousins) his BP dropped and he died.

I won't tell you what to do, but I'll say this, I would do just about anything to be able to see him again. go fishing with him again, shit, even to argue politics with him.

I hope you find it in yourself to make the right decision for all of you. Good luck dude.

Rob

 

[cavemuscle]

Go see your dad. Mine was a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic, but when I learned how sick he was I dropped everything and spent one last weekend with him 12 years ago. I got to make peace and spend time with him that I'll never have again. 5 days later he was gone.

Vegas and your friend will be there. Your dad won't.

peace

Brock

 

[tattoojr]

When my father was put in hospice and was in and out of the hospital during his last months, I was offered the chance to come and visit with him. He was in full blown dementia and didn't recognuze anyone and was someone that I'd never met. I told my mother that I would rather remember him like I did than have memories of a stranger. That was 5 years ago and I don't regret the decision that I made. I loved my father and still do , but me seeing him in the last days I feel would have done nothing for either of us. J.R.