This is destroying me

Johan · Jun 7, 2005

I have a problem. I can hardly show any emotions at all. Its like my entire life I have been forced more or less to keep everything inside never showing everything.
Now when I dont have to anymore I still do it. Its not only negative emotions I can hardly show any positive emotions either. I can laugh and have a good time but I can never express happiness, sadness or any stronger kind of emotion. I guess most people think of me as a coldhearted bastard because of this.

It has gone so far now that I sometimes dont even know I feel something until I try to talk about it. Things from my childhood. When I only remember it I dont feel anything. But if I even try to talk about it I become a wreck and start to cry imidietly. I have become so sensitive to it now that I can get tears in my eyes from just talking about things related to the bad memories. Its a pain in the ass cause It can come over me anytime totaly unexpected.

This is a huge problem for me. Since I cant express all those emotions I realy cant "feel" them either. Its like Im getting more and more distanced each day and it scares me and other day it feels like I have so much shut inside that Im gonna blow(not like in a agressive way more like a total nervous breakdown).

This might sound odd but the only moment I have been truly happy for the last 2 years is the day I broke 450 in the deadlift. Much bigger things has happened the last 2 years that should have made me alot happier but all those things happened when I had people around and then I couldnt express my joy.

How do I get out of this down spiral before it destroys me??

Sigmund Roid · Jun 25, 2005

Interesting situation, Johan.

I have a few questions and some suggestions.

What was going on in your life that prohibited you from expressing your feelings and thoughts to the degree that you now feel unable to do so?

Having asked that question I will now tell you that one danger of repressing your feelings, be it anger, annoyance, love or whatever, is that those feelings will come out somewhere.

For example: Suppose you have stressful work situation with a boss who is a real asshole. You put up with it all day long and don't say or do anything about the way you feel. Then when you get home you kick the dog, yell at your kids and get into an argument with your wife. Thats what repressing your thoughts and feelings gets you.

That is what you are now expiriencing. Those repressed feelings are like a volcano ready to erupt. My advice to you is that you find someone safe to share with. Someone you don't mind shedding a few tears in front of or talking with. Sometimes men don't feel comfortable doing that. In your case I'd get busy and find someone. If you don't have a friend you feel like sharing with, go to a counselor. I'd check with a rational emotive behavioral therapy counselor or a Reality Therapist. All therapists choose a theoretical background, so they are all different.

Keep in mind these things: You can only control YOUR thoughts and behavior, no one elses. Check your close personal relationships, husband/wife, father/son, boss/employee, teacher/student and do what is necessary to fix any problems in those areas.

Practice sharing your thoughts.

Let us know what happens, Johan.

Johan · Jun 25, 2005

Sigmund Roid said:
I have a few questions and some suggestions.

What was going on in your life that prohibited you from expressing your feelings and thoughts to the degree that you now feel unable to do so?

My father has been a alcoholic during my entire life. Beating and arguing with my mom constantly.
I started repressing my feelings cause I was ashamed. In school I always had a happy face and at home I had no one to show them to so I just closed myself off completely and it has been like that my entire life more or less.

Sigmund Roid said:
Having asked that question I will now tell you that one danger of repressing your feelings, be it anger, annoyance, love or whatever, is that those feelings will come out somewhere.

For example: Suppose you have stressful work situation with a boss who is a real asshole. You put up with it all day long and don't say or do anything about the way you feel. Then when you get home you kick the dog, yell at your kids and get into an argument with your wife. Thats what repressing your thoughts and feelings gets you.

That is what you are now expiriencing. Those repressed feelings are like a volcano ready to erupt. My advice to you is that you find someone safe to share with. Someone you don't mind shedding a few tears in front of or talking with. Sometimes men don't feel comfortable doing that. In your case I'd get busy and find someone. If you don't have a friend you feel like sharing with, go to a counselor. I'd check with a rational emotive behavioral therapy counselor or a Reality Therapist. All therapists choose a theoretical background, so they are all different.

I have my girlfriend but its hard even to open upp to her even though I trust her completely. I am trying real hard but its very difficult. But I have noticed that if I talk about and let go of some of the bad emotions I inturn get "acess" to more of my happy emotions/feelings. Is that how it works? get rid of the bad and the good becomes stronger?

Sigmund Roid said:
Keep in mind these things: You can only control YOUR thoughts and behavior, no one elses. Check your close personal relationships, husband/wife, father/son, boss/employee, teacher/student and do what is necessary to fix any problems in those areas.

Practice sharing your thoughts.

Let us know what happens, Johan.

right now I kind of dont have any relationships except with my girl. Everyone I know lives so far away(including my girl)and I havent made any friends or so in this town yet. So Im pretty much alone here.

maxsupplements · Jun 27, 2005

johan, good times ahead

hey man, i recently have gone through some really crazy emotions myself and i must say, that until i sat down with myself and realized the pain i was going through was not going to let up, i decided to make some changes. Now that i have decided to make some personal changes and to explore why i feel the way i do, i am feeling much better and more in touch with my emotions. I just recently got divorced and my grandfather (basically my best friend) passed away all in the past 4 months. so imagine the emotional rlooercoaster ride i have been on.
I would really think about seeeing a counselor, i know you might think this is out of line, but it has helped me TREMENDOUSLY!!! i have been seeing a coulselor for the past 3 months now and i am really getting in touch with my emotions and am able to look back at the things that have happened in my past and not be scared to talk about them and even feel them
you might not be there yet,
but when the pain gets so bad you are ready to make some changes, there are some great books out there and some really good professional help.
and as far as opening up to your GF, that would really help you man, you would find that as you open up to her, you are more able to be your true self, not that fake smiling face you put on because of the pain. If she loves you, she wont care about what it is that has happened in your past, she will accept you for who you are and try and help you get through these tough times.
good book- "Changes that Heal" by McCloud

bigbaldbulldog · Jun 28, 2005

a good place to start is knowing your not alone and alot of us have gone through stuff just like you...

Find someone to talk to that you feel comfortable with...no one is going to judge you so you should feel good knowing that...

a school councilor is another good source and you may find that all you need is a good ear to listen to you at first and maybe a suggestion can come later if you want...

key is not to keep it bottled up and maybe just keeping a log of how you feel and what you did that day may help you more then any person right now...a journel for yourself to write and read whenyou need it along with a book or two that was suggested..

Your on the right track and never ever give up, there are so many of us out there for you to talk to...keep your head high and feel good knowing your not going be like those people you feel so bad for and about...your a winner and remind yourself of that ever moment of your waking days....

best to you...BBB

Johan · Jul 1, 2005

thanks alot for the replys. I cant afford a shrink otherwise I would se one. In sweden we can get one for free but it takes 12-14 months to get a appointment. Tried to get help through my university fall 2003. But couldnt get any real help just some quick chats with a councelor that didnt realy help.

I will try the suggestions you guys have given and that book I will check out.

Thanks again means alot.

maxsupplements · Jul 1, 2005

hang in there man, things will get better,

you can make it through this man, stay strong and focus on the positive things in your life, i know you might think to yourself, there are no positive things, but you have to look at the smaller things and then you can look at the bigger things, ask yourself, "What can i control, who can i control?" then remind yourself that you can only control yourself and your own emotions, that you can be as strong as you wantyourself to be.
i know you may feel isolated and such, but look at the bright side, you have a woman that loves you unconditionally and will accept you for who you are and not what you COULD be. this is very hard to find and could possibly be the one thing that matters to you.
another book that is good, "Hurt people, Hurt People"
i will have to get the author for you later, but its a great book to talk about how people whom that have been hurt in the past have a tendancy to hurt the people they love and not even know it. Its a vicious cycle, but if you can put a stop to this, and begin to learn about yourself and the reasons you feel the way you do, then you have already started the recovery process. Remember admitting the problem at hand is the first step to recovery. you can make it man!

Sigmund Roid · Jul 2, 2005

Johan, many have alcholic parents.

There are great programs for children of alcholics. Places to meet and share. Talk it out, you've nothing to be ashamed of. If you are a spiritual person, as I am, you might try a church. I pray and talk with God and there are many good people who are more than willing to lend a willing ear at church. It's free.