- Joined
- May 9, 2011
- Messages
- 539
Pretty much what it says. Yes on one hand I should feel like a success. I have been on my own since I was 18. Been working for the same company for almost 22 years. So I'm stable. I make $50,000 a year. Not really much money but decent for the South and being a single person. I own my own place. So all that is good. But here is the bad. I'm almost 42. Never had a girlfriend. Well I thought I had one but from the first day I met her she was lying and cheating. So to me she was never my girlfriend. Still only one "supposed" girlfriend in 42 years. I can't get a date. I think women basically vomit when they see me. Sucks to say it but I am just ugly.
Then on top of all that my training is just not what I want. I weigh 285-290lbs roughly. But it just seems I look in the mirror and nothing ever changes. I swear I'm the same size I was at 240lbs with the exception of my gigantic head, neck and gut. I'm tired of people saying "do you workout"? And now I am going to need a surgery. I had an injection of kenalog put in my right bicep tendon a couple weeks ago. Pain had just gotten so bad I basically could not do much at all for my upper body. Waited a week before doing any thing heavy like the doc said. After the third heavy workout this week the pain is basically just as before. He said the only alternative after that is surgery. Which means unattaching the tendon and then reattaching it somewhere else to remove the stress that lifting puts on it. I really do not want to have another surgery. But its either that or quit lifting. No other option.
I just really look at the future and see absolutely nothing in it for me. I have no wife or kids. Too late for kids anyway at my age. No girlfriend or hell anyone that gives a damn. Yes I have family. But that's different. I mean someone who loves you not because of familial ties. I just look at myself and see a real failure. I mean its pathetic I can't even get a date. I have all the qualities that they say a woman wants in a man but nothing. That is the qualities a woman wants in a man who she also thinks is hot that is. You know I just wish I was dumb, had no personality, no sense of humor, was unemployed, broke and a scumbag. Being a great guy but being ugly just makes you feel worse actually. If I was a complete loser it would match the bad looks so much better. I go to sleep every night and I just ask God to not let me wake up. I just don't want to bother anymore with life. Sorry this is so long. I am venting I guess.
Then on top of all that my training is just not what I want. I weigh 285-290lbs roughly. But it just seems I look in the mirror and nothing ever changes. I swear I'm the same size I was at 240lbs with the exception of my gigantic head, neck and gut. I'm tired of people saying "do you workout"? And now I am going to need a surgery. I had an injection of kenalog put in my right bicep tendon a couple weeks ago. Pain had just gotten so bad I basically could not do much at all for my upper body. Waited a week before doing any thing heavy like the doc said. After the third heavy workout this week the pain is basically just as before. He said the only alternative after that is surgery. Which means unattaching the tendon and then reattaching it somewhere else to remove the stress that lifting puts on it. I really do not want to have another surgery. But its either that or quit lifting. No other option.
I just really look at the future and see absolutely nothing in it for me. I have no wife or kids. Too late for kids anyway at my age. No girlfriend or hell anyone that gives a damn. Yes I have family. But that's different. I mean someone who loves you not because of familial ties. I just look at myself and see a real failure. I mean its pathetic I can't even get a date. I have all the qualities that they say a woman wants in a man but nothing. That is the qualities a woman wants in a man who she also thinks is hot that is. You know I just wish I was dumb, had no personality, no sense of humor, was unemployed, broke and a scumbag. Being a great guy but being ugly just makes you feel worse actually. If I was a complete loser it would match the bad looks so much better. I go to sleep every night and I just ask God to not let me wake up. I just don't want to bother anymore with life. Sorry this is so long. I am venting I guess.